Chapter 6

Escape

X

For the next week Clarke and Lexa made love, had sex, and fucked every chance they got. The first few days were filled with gentle lovemaking and the closer to the end of the week before Lexa had to leave with Clarke the more vigorous and desperate their lovemaking became. It was usually quick and rough now with intermittent bouts of tender, gentle, loving caresses and many rounds of it. Clarke had never felt so sore in her life in certain places but the delicious ache was always worth it if she got to fall asleep in Lexa's arms every night. Today was the day, tonight they were leaving and Clarke couldn't bring herself to face Lexa at all. She had locked herself in the bathroom when she got up to get ready for work.

Lexa knocked on the door. "Clarke? I know how difficult this is for you … it's just as difficult for me but … you can't lock yourself in there all day. You have to come out eventually." Lexa sighed when she received silence. "If I could … I would stay with you, I would never leave. But … my people need me I … need you but my people need me as well Clarke. I need you more than anything but I have a duty to my people and I can't just stop leading them. Please … come out? We still have your week long vacation. You should make the most of it instead of pushing me away. We need to cherish what little time we still have with each other Clarke."

Several long moments of silence passed and Lexa almost left until she heard the door click and open. When she met Clarke's face Lexa's heart broke. There were obvious tear stains despite Clarke wiping them away and her eyes were bloodshot, nose running somehow still adorably to Lexa. Normally if she saw someone crying the way Clarke was she would be completely unmoved and further disgusted by Clarke's pain made her heart ache in ways she never would have thought possible. "I don't want you to leave … I won't want to leave after I go with you but … I have to, we have to …" Clarke stopped, unable to finish her sentence, too emotional.

"Clarke, you know that I would love to have you stay with me but then … you would be in the middle of war against your own people. How would you be able to watch me kill your people and still love me?"

"I wouldn't care Lexa! I know that your daggers aren't just there for decoration! My people have done you wrong! Our leader has done you wrong Lexa. If it weren't for his egomaniac and preying on people's fears there wouldn't be a war at all! He would have every council member killed if they went against him, executed for 'mutiny' he'd say so people would believe his reasons for justifying senseless death of our own people, other leaders. He would have my own mother killed and I know it."

Brushing away a few stray tears tenderly, Lexa leaned in and kissed Clarke's temple gently and lovingly. Despite how upset Clarke still was, she felt comforted in that intimate moment. "You know that I love you dearly and I would never be able to live with myself if you … if something were to happen to you Clarke. Please promise me you'll stay safe." Clarke remained silent in response and Lexa knew that the other girl had been thinking dangerous thoughts lately. She might not have said anything but Lexa could see the look in her eyes every time she became lost in those thoughts. Lexa had noticed lately that sometimes Clarke would become so lost in her thoughts she would forget everything in her surroundings. "I might not know what you're planning but I can see that you are planning something in your eyes Clarke."

"Why do you have to know me so well?" Then another thought struck Clarke and Lexa wasn't sure if she'd like whatever was going to come out of the blonde's mouth next. "What if I help your people? What if I … gather some people I know and trust and tell them about this situation and if they agree to help?"

A thoughtful look passed over Lexa's face. "But you haven't really spoken to anyone since I've been here. Do you have friends who would be willing to help you?"

"Yes … I have been distant the last few years … after my father died they were all there for me and I loved their support. But then … something happened about four years ago and I … well, a few of them are on my side about it but I didn't want to them to feel torn with having to choose so I told them that they could be free to be friends with the other person in the incident."

"Please explain Clarke, you're being too vague."

Sighing, Clarke elaborated. "I was part of a group of friends and friends of friends. The Blake siblings, Bellamy and Octavia, Wells Jaha, Finn Collins, Monty Green, Jasper Jordan, and Raven Reyes joined us later. At first I was just friends with Wells for the longest time and then Bellamy and Octavia became my friends when we were in high school. Octavia is a year younger than me and her brother was in college when I first met them, being a few years older than both of us. I met Monty and Jasper a year later and we became pretty close friends. Sometime during my senior year I met Finn. I thought he was single and he never told me he wasn't. His girlfriend was from another state and he had moved here first before her by a few weeks. I didn't know and I liked him so we went on a few dates when I found out different. His girlfriend Raven moved to the same state as him about a month or two later and I realized what had happened after she kissed him."

Lexa's face and tone were both angry when she spoke up, "he led you on? If I was in your life at the time I would have killed him for such a thing."

This caused Clarke to chuckle. "Is it weird of me to find this strangely romantic and a bit of turn on despite you threatening to kill someone Lexa? That was the Commander talking and not Lexa."

"I would do so much more if it meant keeping anyone from harming you physically or emotionally Clarke."

Clarke leaned in kiss Lexa so gently, ever so softly. "That's why I love you so much, Lexa." They shared a tender, affectionate smile before Clarke pressed another kiss to Lexa's lips and continued with her story, as much as she would be okay with spending the rest of her time before work staring at Lexa she still needed to finish getting ready. "Anyways. It was in that moment that I started backing off, stayed away from Finn. I was under a lot of stress my senior year when I knew that something was probably going to happen to my father because Wells' father was shot and murdered our junior year as the Chancellor and Pike had taken over. Jaha, at least he had some morals and wouldn't kill his friend for anything he might know but with the change of power came a lot of unknowns and that got my father killed. Pike wasn't my father's friend and he didn't care about the politics of killing him. Everything went to hell after that because I told Raven what Finn and I had done when I couldn't handle the guilt anymore a few years later. She didn't blame me but Finn went a little crazy afterwards and I left without a word and moved out to this area for college. He went on a rampage trying to find me, interrogating our friends. When he found me I was hanging out with some friends I had made here and he flipped out and started a fight with a bunch of them and he had a gun on him for whatever reason and he accidentally shot Raven when she moved to stop him. She … became partially paralyzed in one leg and lost some use of that leg."

For a moment they just looked at each other, Lexa's face was stoic but her eyes were thoughtful. When Clarke looked away from her gaze she just knew. "You know this isn't your fault Clarke right?" Clarke didn't answer and that cemented what Lexa already knew. "I'm telling you now that it isn't your fault Clarke. Look at me Clarke, look at me please." Taking a shuddering breath Clarke looked up into those piercing eyes. "You aren't at fault for Finn's actions. He is. He chose to do those things, he chose to fire his weapon without regard to other's safety so he is at fault. Not you."

"Even if that's true … I feel like I pushed him by ignoring him and if it hadn't been for me … he might not have."

"No!" Lexa said vehemently. "Raven getting shot was Finn's fault and he has to live with the consequences."

"Actually he doesn't because he shot himself a few days later when it came out that Raven would never get full use of her leg back because of where he shot her in the spine. He killed himself to escape that pain."

"But none of this is your fault Clarke." When Clarke opened her mouth to say something Lexa cut her off. "Why do you blame yourself for the actions of someone else? He chose to become involved with you when he knew that this girl still loved him. It was his choice, not yours Clarke."

"Lexa, it's not just that." Clarke said desperately.

"Then tell me what I'm missing here, please. I don't understand what it is that I'm missing Clarke."

Holding back tears, Clarke took a deep, shuddering breath and Lexa immediately took Clarke into her arms. Clarke was holding back the urge to sob and it hurt to do so. "I was there … when he killed himself Lexa. I should have stopped him, should have done more to prevent it." That was the moment Lexa realized why Clarke was so torn up about this boy's death. She merely held Clarke as she cried almost violently against her, finally giving in to the urge to sob, to cry her eyes out. At first she had thought that Clarke still had residual feelings for the boy but now she could see that his death haunted her, deeply so.

"You can't blame yourself for that Clarke. That was also his choice, a selfish choice he made but his alone. Not yours. You didn't hold the gun to his head, you didn't pull the trigger, and you didn't do anything to kill him. He did that all on his own and you can't blame yourself for any of it." Lexa pressed a soft kiss to Clarke's temple and felt more than heard her deep shuddering breaths shaking her entire body. "I am an unbiased party and I can see clearly that none of this was your fault Clarke. Not a single thing is on you or for you to take the blame for. Does this girl, Raven, blame you for his death?"

"Kind of? I don't know anymore. At first … when it happened we were all a bit broken. I tried to … I tried wrestling the gun for him when he first ran for it but he was faster and stronger than me. I called 119, the emergency number in our country, before he shot himself. I was on the phone when they heard the gunshot while I was explaining what happened and I broke then. There was nothing I could do because he had locked himself in another room and I couldn't break the door. No matter what I did, I would not have made it in time and when they came … they found me on the floor in front of the door but I don't even remember what happened after. I was asked question after question by the police but the officer, Lieutenant Burns, told them to go easy on me considering I just basically witnessed a friend's death." Clarke breathed a little bit easier after that revelation and Lexa continued to hold her and rub her back soothingly.

"Clarke, thank you for telling me something so … personal. You … you are so strong for having gone through something like that and being stronger for it." Lexa closed her eyes for a moment. "Just like I did after losing Costia."

"It was hard, really hard. My friends … they never wanted to pick sides but Raven needed them more and I told them that I didn't mind because she lost someone she loved and on top of that her leg is never going to be the same again. She went through a lot in a short amount of time." Clarke looked so forlorn that Lexa wondered if her friends ever did speak to her again after Finn's death.

"So, have you spoken to them since?"

"Well, this happened only about four years ago and only a few still talk to me by texting me. Not only that but Wells … he was my closest friend. We understood each other because we both lost our fathers but then he … died in a car accident. They were so torn when it first happened. I was in my last year of residency and only had to complete the boards, or USMLE test, and I was done and licensed. After what happened I was allowed some time off from the hospital I was currently working at because I was exhibiting some PTSD symptoms. I kept seeing his face everywhere and talking to him as if he was really there. Not only that but if I heard loud noises I would flinch and go back to the moment he shot himself. It was a terrible year for me." Clarke sighed, "and my friends … they really didn't know what to do between their own lives, grieving, and having to comfort both of us. They didn't mind going to the both of us but Raven made her distaste for them visiting me very apparent and she would refuse to let me visit every time I tried to go to the hospital she was at after Finn died."

"You are far too kind, far too selfless Clarke. You allowed your friends to go to Raven because you felt she needed them more than you did and for that … I love you even more but I wish you were more selfish too. Have you spoken to any of them recently?"

Clarke shrugged. "Like I said, we text every now and then but we haven't really met up much since and I think it's more to do with their guilt than not wanting to see me. I'm sure if I invited them all over they would come." Clarke startled then. "I'm going to be late for work!" Clarke started getting dressed as Lexa chuckled.

"Don't worry about breakfast, I'll make something quick, healthy, filling, and easy to eat on the go for you." Lexa made the fluffiest, tastiest omelets Clarke had ever eaten. She put tomatoes in them and Clarke hated tomatoes but she ate it all anyways because it was so delicious she didn't care. It also helped that when Lexa first made them and Clarke had made a comment about her dislike of tomatoes Lexa had looked so uncharacteristically crestfallen Clarke didn't have the heart to not at least try. What followed was her essentially inhaling the omelet and Lexa smiled triumphantly. Clarke made it her mission to make Lexa smile like that more often afterwards.

X

After a quiet morning and afternoon shift at the hospital Clarke decided it was time to call up her friends and finally face them. She would wait to include Lexa in her decision. Upon entering her house Clarke felt arms wrap around her, warm breath in her ear, and a soft but strong voice sincerely saying, "Mounin hou, ai hodnes (Welcome home, my love)." A large smile spread across Clarke's face in response to the affectionate mood Lexa was in.

"Mochof, ai tombom Leksa (Thank you, my heart Lexa.)" Lexa let out an adorable giggle in response, something Clarke was amazed by.

"I missed you while you were away Clarke." Lexa said, nuzzling further into Clarke's neck. It was in that moment that Clarke realized how much Lexa didn't want to leave. She had already known that Lexa really wanted to stay with her but it was then that she realized how much Lexa was repressing her feelings perhaps to comfort her.

"Lexa … I know that you've said as much and that you really meant it each time but … it didn't really register to me until now how much you don't want to leave me here. Well, how much you don't want to leave here to go back to your people only to have me come back here sooner rather than later." Clarke sighed into Lexa's embrace as she felt Lexa nod in agreeance. "Well, I might have a plan to help end this war between our people and it might even be able to broker peace between us if … well if things go according to plan."

"What is your plan Clarke? Speak true, I would like to know right away."

"Okay, okay. Don't get too excited Lexa! I haven't even started telling you the details just yet. Let's sit down first, my feet hurt." Clarke removed her shoes and put them on her organized shoe rack before walking hand in hand with Lexa over to her loveseat. Lexa immediately positioned Clarke so that she could massage her feet. "Lexa, you are so sweet. Thank you so much."

"The plan Clarke, what is the plan?" Lexa asked impatiently, which caused Clarke to chuckle in response.

"So impatient." Lexa gave Clarke one of her unblinking, Commander stares and still managed to somehow show her fondness in the hard look on her face. "You're so cute and endearing Lexa. That won't work on me because I can see the softness in your gaze. Don't worry, I know it's reserved only for me, love." This caused a pout to replace her glare and Clarke caved. "Okay, okay Lexa! Just not that pout! Gosh, why did you have to be born so absolutely gorgeous and adorable? I can't handle you looking at me like that. If only your army of warriors knew that their Heda is really an adorable puppy named Lexa instead of the badass warrior she portrays in front of them."

For a moment Lexa completely froze, even the massage she had been giving Clarke halted as she slowly registered what Clarke had said. Once she had a moment to digest, she slowly turned her head and her horrified expression was enough to cause Clarke to burst out laughing maniacally because it was just too funny. Commander badass sass had turned into Commander horrified and in shock. "You wouldn't do that to me Clarke … would you?" The pout was back on her face and how could Clarke say no to that face?

"You really don't play fair Lexa. I won't tell them, I promise." Lexa's blindingly bright smile was more than worth Clarke admitting defeat. "So, anyways back to that plan I have. I have an idea about how to take Pike out of power without him figuring out what's happening and stopping me before I'm ready. My father … he had this video he made with the truth on it about what Pike has done. I don't know where my father put it but I can almost guarantee it is somewhere in my mother's house. My mother … she took his death pretty hard, blamed herself because she couldn't talk him out of trying to tell our people the truth about Pike's motives."

A thoughtful look came over Lexa's features as she listened to Clarke and when Clarke was done she seemed to be processing everything that had been said. "How will you let other people see this … video of yours Clarke? Will you enlist your friends' help?"

"I kind of have to because my friends are all experts in different areas. Monty, he's a computer genius, certified genius even. He can hack into anything and figure out how to do things that blow my mind all of the time. Jasper knows chemistry pretty well, Bellamy is good at subterfuge for his line of work. Octavia chose to go travel the world and learn about many languages and cultures and Raven … I don't know if she's still in engineering but she was the youngest person to ever get into our most prestigious engineering school in the last 52 years." Clarke sighed. She missed interacting with people in a social way rather than professionally.

"Clarke … you miss them a lot, don't you? I can see that you do so why haven't you contacted them more often? They sound like they are important to you and it seems like you've been through a lot together too."

"Guilt more than anything. I know you said it isn't my fault but I feel like it is all of the time. In my mind, I know but in my heart … it feels like I killed him with my own bare hands … like I was the one who shot him." Letting out a sigh, Clarke closed her eyes but opened them again when she felt Lexa's hands on her face.

"Let it go, let your demons go Clarke. This Finn's death has haunted you for far too long. Talk to your friends not because you need them to help me but because you deserve to know what friendship feels like again. There is no rush for me to leave tonight. I can tell my people that we must be careful during the escape because we found out there is an encampment nearby." Clarke shook her head.

"No Lexa, we must leave tonight. I can at least tell my friends about this situation quickly but … we must escape tonight before your people come knocking on my door and kill me for delaying this any further than I have."

"Don't worry about them. I am their leader, I command them. They do not have any right or power to command me." Just as Lexa opened her mouth to say more Clarke leaned in and kissed Lexa softly.

"Be that as it may, I want to go now because my vacation starts tomorrow and I'd like to see to it that we spend all of that time together where you will be safer. I don't want anyone to find you here and kill you."

"Sha, ai Prisa (Yes, my princess.)" Clarke blushed at the affectionate nickname. Coming from Lexa it was even sweeter because Lexa seemed like the kind of person who didn't like anybody else. To be loved by someone who doesn't like anyone else made Clarke feel special.

"You flatterer. Go get ready. I'll text my friends and we can bring some food for your people, though I doubt we'll have enough to feed everyone. I'm sure they'll at least appreciate the gesture and will be less likely to murder me in my sleep."

Lexa smirked at that. "You will be sleeping with me in my tent, there is no way for them to even attempt such a thing let alone succeed. If they defy me, they know they will die by my hand."

"Again, you're being oddly romantic again despite threatening to kill people Lexa. Only you would be able to do such a thing." Clarke rolled her eyes at Lexa's beaming smile. Only murder would look good when Lexa was the one committing it.

X

So, trying to keep up with that daily chapter update thing. It's not easy doing daily updates and I would really appreciate more reviews for inspiration to keep going with all of the ideas I have for this fic but reviews are really lacking so far with just two for the last two chapters. Please keep inspiring me with more reviews or I'm going to have to update a lot more slowly in the future because I'm not feeling as inspired to keep writing.

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