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A/N: It's Monday so I hope the promise of two updates today will curb those frowns from facing down any more! Thanks for the reviews – now don't go killing Kate or Kaitlyn... We need them! ;)
Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Thirteen
"You're mother's still in there," Flynn said as he stepped out from the ICU. He had come down at Christian's insistence to find Ana in the state she was and because of her condition, Grace had stayed nearby just in case.
Nodding, Christian shot up from his seat. "Well what do you think?" Christian asked as he advanced towards Flynn.
"I'd say we're going to be dealing with a severe case of PTSD if we're not careful," Flynn began to say with a professional manner.
"Going to be?" Christian asked sceptically and looked at the good doctor before him.
"When I first spoke to you I just thought we were dealing with an acute stress disorder but, I'm afraid, it seems to be so much more severe than that. I mean without a doubt that is what Ana is currently suffering with and could still be seeing as the shock of such an attack doesn't just disappear. However, the most cases I've seen like this post traumatic stress is merely a future game. At this rate she will fall victim to that too."
"I should have gotten you here sooner," Christian's hands fell into his palms. He felt like so many things were going wrong on him and he hated it.
"From what your mother told me, Ana was in so fit state to talk to someone like me. Her initial response to you tells me that," Flynn tried to comfort Christian the best he could. "It wouldn't have mattered if you had gotten me here the moment Ana was admitted or whether you got me here when she was out of the ICU, Ana's mentality was slipping."
"She needs saving," was Christian's only conclusion but, he just saw the end of this dilemma drawing further and further away. "She needs saving and I don't think I can do it. What if I'm not strong enough, John? What if I'm only going to break her more?"
Flynn saw a relapse in Christian's behaviour and he couldn't see a reason to believe it was a forever way of life for Christian. "I think you underestimate your ability to look after her. She is more panicked about you and how you'll love the new her but, Christian, you aren't the same man I started giving sessions to. Ana made you into a stronger, more resilient man. You need to accept that. You need to believe in the you she made you"
Christian looked at his friend, his helper and knew that he was just living in the moment and panicking over it. "Okay," he took a deep breath, stood up and shook his body as if to limber up. "I want to know everyone. I need to know what I'm dealing with." Christian didn't care how much this would hurt to learn, he wanted to be ready for Ana. "PTSD, what is it?"
"Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder," Flynn began to say, seriousness eluding from him. "It's a severe anxiety disorder that develops in the aftermath of exposure any form of psychological trauma. Right now, the attack is overwhelming Ana's ability to cope with what's happened. Hence why she kept pushing you away and becoming mentally and physically unstable. She will be like that for however long she needs to be but, she needs persistent support. If you slack at all she will fear that you are giving up on her."
"Okay, and what about what I can't do. What do we do then?" Christian asked, allowing Flynn a sounding board to just spill every detail and expectation of what was to come.
"She'll need regular sessions which she's okayed to have with me. Apparently she can trust me the most right now rather than strangers. It's to be expected but, I wonder if she'll be up for group therapy when she's healed." He saw the look in Christian's eyes that told him it was a bad idea, but Flynn felt adamant in this decision. "She will need to acknowledge that she isn't alone and that she is probably one of the luckier ones in a situation like this."
"I'm sure telling her she's lucky will go down well right now," Christian grumbled unhappily.
Flynn let out a humourless laugh, "Not right now she won't respond well to that but, in group therapy she'll meet people disfigured beyond belief. I mean people that are leaving major physical impairments. Meeting those type of people will make her appreciate life more. Believe me, Christian, I've worked this job for many years, I wouldn't lead her astray."
"I know," Christian replied honestly, "I know you wouldn't. I understood that when you told me that she was the best therapist I had gotten myself." He let out a slight chuckle at remembering how when Ana gave him her absolute trust, he found solace. Being allowed control and love enabled Christian to be freed of some many horrible restraints. For years, Flynn had helped manage his issues but, Ana entered his life and she was therapy no amount of money could buy.
"I want to see her again, Christian. She's going to be going through a lot of transitions in and out of the hospital and she is going to need some psychological help with that. Her world view has change, that is clear, and we need to assess how she responds to the general public." Flynn hated laying this on so thickly but, he knew how much the pair loved one another and he had tried for months to understand why the pair didn't just go public.
Their reasons were much smaller than they thought they were.
"I know it's early days and there's no way to tell if they've begun but, I want you to keep an eye on her for flashbacks or reoccurring nightmares. The majority of people who go through any form of traumatic event relive the moment of trauma." He could see the horror lace upon Christian's face as he thought of Ana continually suffering, "There are so many factors we need to prepare for, Christian. I want you to be ready for them for her. It'll help Ana get better in the long run."
"She'll be better once the plastic surgeons done more surgery," Christian tried to believe that himself but, he didn't, he couldn't. He knew he was in denial and there was no way Flynn was going to let his mind set start believing false claims.
"You know that won't be a direct cure right? She will always have scars as a result of this," Flynn pointed out honestly. "You can't just reverse what happened to her."
"So the surgeon said," Christian whispered as he remembered speaking to the plastic surgeon. "He's scheduling another surgery for her in a few days but, has warned she will still have scars from them whatever."
"What about you? What do you think?" Flynn asked, knowing that Christian would have thought this out already.
"I think." Christian began and sucked in a difficult breath, "I think I will give her the option of another plastic surgeon. I'll hunt the entire world for the best damn surgeon to come here. I will pay whatever for him to take the scars away if need be."
"Is that wise for Ana?" Flynn asked, reflecting on his little talk to Ana. "She might not want to be forced into anything like that."
"I won't force her!" Christian's voice exploded harshly. "I just want her to know that she doesn't have to look exactly like she does right now forever! I just want her to see there are people who could help her. I won't lay it down and say she is getting it done. I won't force her into it."
"I got that," Flynn defended politely. "What I want you to understand is that you bringing in a plastic surgeon might open up a lot of raw emotions and insecurities." Flynn spoke with his degree and could recognise that Christian was merely a desperate man clutching at every straw possible. He could also see that this talk wasn't going to work when Christian was consumed with ways to help Ana when the matter was out of his control. "Where are her parents?" Flynn asked changing the subject swiftly.
Christian ran his hands over his face, "They're looking for an apartment close to mine and Ana's apartments. We don't know where she'll want to go when she's discharged but, they didn't want to change normal life by living with us." He looked at Flynn, "They've got Sawyer with them so he can ring me and I can for an apartment."
"They love her enough to drop life?" Flynn asked as he leaned forward, elbows to knees.
"We all love her enough to drop life," Christian stated heatedly. "She fucking deserves the love but, she doesn't see that anymore. She just thinks we all look at her differently."
"Christian, right now her mentality is not what is was. It's acting like a conspiracy theory and I'm sorry to tell you that it will only get worse then she goes out into the real world. Strangers will exacerbate her anxieties and her insecurities. Just because you and her family love her whatever, not everyone else thinks the same way," Flynn finalised and knew soon they would be going around in circles. "People will judge her just as easily as you judge others. It's a human fault we all have driven into us and we are all guilty of it. None of us are saints."
"I know that. I know I can't just make it better and I know people are going to speak about her," Christian was panicking at the thought of the ridicule Ana would have to endure. He wouldn't be able to bear it if people mocked her and hurt her in broad daylight. Christian wouldn't survive if Ana was taunted and bullied by people who knew better.
"Do you?" Flynn asked and knew he had to press onwards, "You can't hide her away and if she starts doing that herself you need to intervene. If she decides that locking herself up is right for her then she will only see that as normal in the imminent future. She will only learn to live and gain a tolerance to others by being outside living her normal life. She will need to adapt to life again."
"I'm not interrupting am I?" Grace asked as she walked over to the pair as they looked engrossed in whatever they were discussing. She saw them look to her and spoke before she could be badgered, "She's resting," Grace gave a sympathetic smile. "Which is what she really needs lots of while her body recovers. We had a little talk before we got her comfortable and then I had to fill in some paperwork and such."
Grace had actually had a lengthy chat with Ana before Ana allowed Grace to actually leave. They had discussed Christian for a while and Ana knew he loved her – she couldn't mistake that. However, Ana hated how Grace had become the only one that didn't look at her like she was damaged goods and how Grace cared for her how she couldn't ask her own mother to do so.
It was almost as if Ana was scared to ask her mother to be her mother and make the clarity settle more. Having Christian hold her had began to make her feel that. Having that one piece of comfort wrap itself around her didn't feel right anymore. It was it was forced with succour and Ana knew she was terrified that hugs would never feel the same.
Grace hugging her had felt like nothing was wrong but, that was only because Ana had nothing to place a comparison with. There were no previous hugs with Grace. They had met under the pretence of doctor and patient.
But maybe that was what made Grace Ana's saving grace.
"She'll be moved first thing tomorrow," Grace smiled positively as she continued. "Which I would say is a good sign that we're one step closer to a full recovery."
Christian wanted to believe his mother but, he wasn't stupid.
This recovery was far from over.