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A/N: Right, minor- MAJOR – issues… My laptop seems to be dying a slow and torturous death for me… Luckily I haven't lost any chapters thanks to an awesome first reader and a trusty pen drive! And my brother lent me his laptop… But if updates become sparse please know it's no fault of my own!
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Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Nineteen
Kate cleared her throat as she came to stand at Ana's new hospital room. She hated to see her best friend in this state. It wasn't right to see Ana so fragile and small when she was usually one of the biggest personalities once set free.
Gazing over Ana came face to face with Kate and at long last, Ana felt anger bubble in her body, souring her stomach with its torturous nature. She had been in this hospital now for four days and she hadn't seen or heard her best friend even in passing and the truth of the matter was it hurt.
Giving a smile, Kate spoke up, "I asked Sawyer if he could just give us a couple of minutes alone," Kate spoke nervously, pointing over her shoulder at the now vacant spot outside the room.
"Is that what you really want?" Ana asked feeling like her friend was only here because of being guilt tripped.
"Yes," Kate replied meekly, timid beyond belief. "I'm so sorry, Ana. I didn't mean to just disappear."
"Then why did you?" Ana asked her best friend. "I've been waiting for you to demand access into my room but, every time you just didn't turn up."
"Yeah," Kate laughed nervously. "I should have been doing that." She nervously pushed some hair behind her ear and tried to be okay with this. "Where's Christian?" She asked, wondering why Mr Egotistical wasn't occupying the room like he had every opportunity he could.
"Grace got him to go home. They're both coming back but, I wanted him to have a shower and get proper food. Grace was the only way to get him to do that," Ana told her and shrugged. "Plus I wanted some silence. I mean, I know Luke's outside but, I don't want him sat beside me just staring at me all the time. I just needed some-"
"Space?" Kate ended Ana's sentence and saw she got it right.
"Right," Ana commented and gave a small grin to her best friend. "I just feel like I should be feeling better or I should be able to feel like me," she dropped her gaze a little as she admitted this. "I don't feel like me anymore, Kate. I don't feel like I'm worth anything. I don't even know how long Christian's going to stick by me if I don't just stop acting this way."
"You think he'd run?" Kate asked, her tone dubious and she was just shocked. "That man would wait a lifetime for you, Ana. Even a blind man could see that."
Ana's bottom lip began to tremble, "I always had self image issues, Kate. You knew that but, with Christian, he attends big events. You've been to a few with him and Elliot but, what type of show is that going to be if he takes me with him?" She looked at Kate and it was as she raised her gaze the tears fell, "He says I'll always be beautiful to him but, how do I know he'll think that when I make him a mockery? I don't want to embarrass him, Kate. I don't want him to be laughed at."
"Oh Ana," Kate shuffled up the bed a little more. "He loves you and I'm pretty sure anyone who said other, even if they said one thing, he would bury them. People aren't going to talk," Kate tried to make light of the situation but, she knew how people's minds worked.
"The nurses here did it already," Kate whispered miserably.
"They did what now?" Kate asked in utter disgust. "I swear to God I will rip their faces off!"
Ana grabbed her hand harshly, "Don't. Grace said she had sorted it but, it hurt to know people are already discussing me." She then laughed a little at Kate being feisty with the nature of the matter. She knew this didn't emancipate Kate of her actions but, Ana was in no fit state to bare grudges and keep people at arm's length. "I'm so happy you're finally here," Ana admitted to Kate not ready for Kate to leave any time soon.
"You shouldn't be happy I'm here," Kate spoke with misery. "I've been an awful friend to you."
"Shut up," Ana tired quickly. Not sure how she was going to drum some sense into Kate and remain awake. She'd barely been awake but, apparently her body loved to conspire.
"I was jealous of you," Kate admitted ignoring Ana's plea for her to shut up, her voice lowering with how ashamed she was of her admittance. "I am still jealous of you. I just got swallowed whole by everything and I only knew to run."
That woke Ana up! Ana just stared at her friend, "You're jealous of me?" Ana asked with sardonic mirth, "You're jealous of the scarred girl. Sounds legit, Kate!"
"You were always prettier, more liked, more successful. I was always, always Ana's best friend. It's a title I love but, I have been jealous of you since we started college. You never understood how loved and liked you are and it never went to your head. You were just perfect."
"That isn't true," Ana fought back. It certainly wasn't any longer.
"Why didn't you just tell us about you and Christian? If it was the publicity thing we would have kept it a secret. We would have kept it quiet but, there wouldn't have been so many lies!" Kate exclaimed, begging for answers from her friend. It wasn't good enough coming from Christian. She needed Ana to tell her the reasons for why the secrecy.
Ana had thought over the reasons why they had kept the relationship so top secret. It was like it was some world ending news that would wipe out everyone's existent. In the grand scheme of things, Ana had come to realise that their reasons for hiding their relationships were pointless and not even as major as they had felt.
She could have proven her worth regardless of Christian's money and she would have dealt with the publicity by keeping Christian's head in the game. She proved that he could have a love life and a business life, making it public was just one more step forward for them. She wished they had caved long before that night.
"It felt right at the time," Ana admitted softly and she shrugged. "We were protecting one another and we fell into a comfortable way of life. We just never got the right opportunity."
"Didn't get the right opportunity?" Kate asked incredulously confused. "He came to enough galas and events alone. You could have gone public there!"
"It's not that easy!" Ana exclaimed forcefully and she felt the tension on her throat and she immediately placed her hand flat to it in order to self soothe. "We got comfortable and we never had a right time. I reached breaking point and left him when he didn't seem to want to out me. I was going to come home to you and down a bottle of wine and just fess up."
Kate gave a low laugh, "We would have made a right pair that night then," Kate grumbled and put her head so far down her chin was practically to her chest.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Ana asked, her curiosity spiking and she saw Kate remain hesitant. "Kate, c'mon, what is?"
"We had a," Kate paused, trying to steady herself a little. She shook her head as if to limber up and then she cleared her throat, "Erm, I thought I was pregnant." Kate's shock was palpable and her eyes watered heavily, "Elliot packed up and left the moment I questioned it. I suppose he wasn't ready for that news. Like I am!" She exclaimed with a nervous fit of laughter, rambling and she faltered suddenly, "He came back an hour later, bags and all, with three different brands of pregnancy tests in hand. He found me curled up in the bathroom." She took in a calming breath, looked to her best friend and tightened her gripped around Ana's hand, "We had barely reconciled when I got a call about you. I needed you and you needed me apparently. I let that cloud the way I acted. Which wasn't acceptable I know that but, I just lost control."
"You thought you were pregnant?" Ana asked her friend, feeling a swirl of broodiness gather in her at the thought of it.
"Seems we all have our share of secrets," Kate tried to joke and shrugged and suddenly felt the room closing in on her. "That's for another day. What I want to know is what has your parent up in arms?" Kate asked and saw Ana shatter all over again. "Oh, Ana, what is it? Talk to me, please. Ana, I'm sorry but, please, Steele, what's wrong?"
"I tried to kill myself yesterday," Ana admitted with a feebly note to her tone and she heard the take back of shocked air from Kate. "One of my reasons for justifying my decision was because my best friend hadn't come near me." Ana didn't bother moving and she didn't dare herself to look at Kate. "I put a scalpel to my neck and caused more damage and the only way I snapped out of it was seeing Christian sink to his knees. I thought I would be doing everyone a favour but, he gave me a reason to think again." Finally looking into Kate's grief stricken expression, Ana felt her hands begin to shake a little, "I can't believe I tried to kill myself."
Kate could read the shock all over Ana – from the way she was to the tone of her voice – and she could see that what Ana had done was possibly marked as the worst thing she had almost committed to. Kate could feel her heart begin to race in her chest and she knew if she didn't watch out she would soon be having palpitations at the fear racing through her.
She was an awful friend and she had more than words to attempt to make things right with Ana.
And just like that Kate began to cry. She covered her face with her hands and just caved to everything she had been feeling. There was so much going on in the past few days that it all just got too much and she toppled. She fell into a pool of misery and all she saw was mistakes falling all around her.
"Kate, there's more here. What's going on?" Ana asked and admittedly she was thankful for this distraction.
Not moving her hands away entirely, Kate shielded her face away from Ana. "Everything's going wrong. This isn't supposed to be happening. I-I th-think Elliot and I are over and then I was confronted with this relationship you've been in and I saw how much Christian was in love with you. I was jealous that I have never felt that type of love from Elliot. Now it's all ending and I don't know what to do, Ana. Life is such a mess," Kate admitted sobbing into her palms.
Reading her best friend was one of Ana's best skills and she pushed herself up gingerly and reached for her friend's wrists. Pulling Kate's hand from her face, Ana could see her usually pristine best friend drowning in tears with mascara tracks streaking her face.
"I thought you were going to die," Kate admitted and remember the moment she received the call to say Ana was in hospital and she was plunged into limbo. Even when they got to the hospital there was all the mystery of Ana's survival and then when Ana's parents and Christian were forced to leave Ana's side, Kate had only imagined the most unimaginable outcomes.
"Well I haven't," Ana told her friend, being stern with her words. "I'm still here and still needing my best friend!" Ana felt her mood break, her eyes beginning to sting, "I needed you, Kate and you just weren't here. I thought I had done something wrong but, I didn't want to admit it was because you had met Christian and found out our secret."
"That was it but, I was a coward. When it all got too much I just ran. I didn't cope and all I've done is hurt you," Kate literally sat mourning her decision. "I know sorry isn't enough and I know I can't just take it all back," she released Ana's hand and wiped her face clear of tears and toughened up. "Time to get my war paint back on and tell bitches where to go."
Ana just giggled and felt more of her body and mind relax. Her family didn't really judge her or change towards her. She knew it would be a while until they were normal but, it would be a while before Ana felt and acted normal again.
She had to give them the benefit of the doubt here or lose them.
"You really are still beautiful, Steele. I mean that," Kate commented and took Ana's hand in hers. "I know whatever happens from here on out, you will make something amazing out of it. I know it's scary but, I can see you taking the world by storm."
"No one's going to trust a depressive," Ana sighed and wondered if she would be able to free of herself the derision she had created in life. "How is anyone going to take me seriously with scars on me, Kate? No one's going to take someone that attempted suicide seriously."
"No one has to know about that," Kate optimised and shook Ana's hand to make her look at her. "No one but, the important people need to know okay?"
Ana rolled her eyes as the tears began and she just nodded her head.
"Oh, there seems to be another world exclusive for me to tally up," a new voice spoke from behind Kate. "The press is going to just eat up your entrance to the limelight Ana, aren't they?"
"Who the hell are you?" Kate asked, defensively as she stood up beside Ana's bedside and crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn't prepared for Ana to be put through more hell than she already had. Kate was here to redeem herself after all.
"Let me introduce myself," Kaitlyn commented as she stepped into the room, setting down her bouquet of flowers. "I'm Kaitlyn Brown."
Kate's eyebrows lifted up in shock, "And I think you're leaving." Elliot had told her all about Kaitlyn and why she was the reason for Christian's hesitancy to meet Ana and give love a shot.
Ana didn't know what to do. She was silenced and frozen to her spot on the bed. Hearing it fresh and in the room, Ana was thrown straight back to that darkened alleyway.
Every wound on her body now suddenly felt like it was on fire.