Like Father Like Son
Baird managed to talk his way out of work for a while. He had a family now and he was gonna spend quality time with them. It was six o'clock in the morning when Domovoi woke up crying. "I'll go feed the baby." Sam said annoyed at being woken up. "No. You can stay in bed, I want to do it." Baird interjected quietly. "Well hon' its six AM. If you wanna get up then be my guest." With that Baird got up and went to Domovoi's room. "Hey there bugger." He said lifting Domovoi out of the crib. "You hungry?" He asked the chubby blonde baby. Domovoi nodded. "Hmm… I've never actually fed you before." He thought to himself. "What the hell do you even like to eat?" He asked. Domovoi seemed confused at the question and just looked up at his father with his big brown cheeks and gapped teeth. "You don't even know do you?" Baird took Domovoi into the kitchen to look for food. "What the hell have you guys been eating while I was gone? The fridge is empty." Domovoi grabbed a jar of baby food and showed it to his dad. "No, No, No, the wars over there's no need for people to be eating slop from a jar." Baird didn't realize that's what babies eat. (Which is pretty strange considering he's a genius.) "Alright, we're finding some food! Come on."
Baird and Domovoi went to the garage and got in the car. "Okay son, today is a big day for you. You're gonna have your first burger." "Burger." Domovoi repeated innocently. They drove to "The Jacinto Grill". "Alright bugger, here we are. Best damn burger joint in Jacinto!" Baird picked Domovoi up with one arm and walked into the restaurant. He stepped through the door and approached the counter, son still on his arm. "Table for two please." Baird said in a friendly tone. Then suddenly a loud sound filled the restaurant. "Oh yeah!" Every man in the room recognized that voice. "Baird, Little Dom! Get over here!" It was Cole in signature super star get up, fedora hat, big blue digital watch, jeans, grey shirt, and his COG tags around his neck. "Cole?" Baird and little Domovoi said at the same time. "What are you doing here?" Baird continued to ask. "Never mind that, hey waiter! Get these two over to my table, their meals are on me.
The three sat at their table. "Alright little guy, this is what it means to eat like a man. Waiter! Three plateau burgers." Cole demanded. "Cole a plateau burger!? Domovoi can't eat that, it ways as much as him!" Baird said. "Domovoi needs to eat like a man so he can grow up big and strong like his godfather." Cole said with a chuckle. "He's one and a half Cole jeez." "Well if he learns to eat like you he'll be a scrawny nerd, but you know what they say. Like father like son." Baird frowned. "I'm not scrawny, and you're just a natural monster. If anyone else ate as much as you they'd end up with a belly like Hoffman." They both laughed. "Here you are gentlemen." A waitress said kindly as she brought them their food. The burgers each stood a foot high with an eight inch diameter. "No way Domovoi is gonna finish this." Baird said "They look delicious though. Wooh I'm bout to chow down!" Cole exclaimed. To everyone's surprise Domovoi had already eaten away half the burger. "How's that even possible?" Baird thought. "Kid eats like a champ huh? Cole said proudly. "He'll probably puke his guts out later but at least he's not hungry anymore." Baird said. After the meal Baird thanked Cole and went back home with Domovoi.
"Hey honey, we're back." Baird called throughout the flat. "Damon! Where have you been? All the jars of baby food are still full, How'd you feed Domovoi!?" Sam asked tensely. "I took him to the Jacinto Grill for a plateau burger." Baird said casually. "What! That's too heavy for breakfast, and a plateau burger!? Jeez Damon he's hardly two years old! Are you a moron!?" Sam sounded furious, and the whole house went silent for a moment. "…Moron mommy!" Domovoi said in a loud joyful tone breaking the silence. Baird and Sam couldn't help but burst into laughter at the cute moment. Sam sighed "Like father like son."