Disclaimer: I own nothing...

A/N: Another update! I hope to update tomorrow but, my brother's home tomorrow so either I can nick his laptop or mine will get fixed =)

Thanks for the reviews and enjoy!

Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Twenty-One

"You know yesterday," Ana began to ask, "When I tried to you know?" She didn't want to verbal say 'I tried to commit suicide' because it only riled the guilt up in the pit of her stomach.

Christian gave a quizzical look, "Yeah?"

"It felt like I was running for ages," Ana admitted softly. She remembered seeing Taylor look at her, their eyes meeting but, she just ran as fast as she could until she saw a window of opportunity.

"You weren't," Christian countered with pain as he remembered her running. "Taylor doesn't understand how you got away so fast but, mom said it was probably the adrenaline and you then crashed and burned afterwards." He tried to keep strong by giving a small smile, "You know how much I love you right?" He asked, his eyes meeting hers.

"Yes," Ana whispered and she did know, she just didn't feel she deserved it any longer. Now in accordance to how she looked. She felt loved and worthless all at once and it scared her that the latter may well win.

"Good," he replied and allowed the silence to slip between them. He wouldn't press her to talk when she looked peaceful enough just sitting here silent and still.

Knocking on the door, Grace stepped in, "Not interrupting am I?" She asked and Christian shook his head and she came into the room fully, going for Ana. "Hey Sweetie," Grace said as she came to sit on the bed. "How you doing?"

"I'm okay," Ana smiled a little, trying to make her sentence believable. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Grace replied sweetly.

"Then why do you look so worried?" Ana asked and could feel herself getting worked up.

Grace sighed before she began, "I've been asked to come and discuss the surgery that you were listed for today, Ana," Grace said as she came into the room. She saw the alertness fire up in Ana's eyes and she just pushed through the moment with a smile, "Want Christian here?" She asked and Ana quickly nodded. "Well Doctor Marsden wants you down just after midday if you want to go ahead with it. He wants to reduce the thickness of the scar on your neck."

The first thing Ana thought was the first thing Ana asked. "Will it get rid of them all together?" Ana asked and failed at showing the inflection of hope that layered her tone and doused her soul.

Grace gave a sad smile and reached out for Ana's hand, "No amount of surgery is going to remove the scars completely, Sweetheart but, there are measures we can commit to that will enable us to reduce the amount of scaring and fade them from being as severe as they can be."

"What's this for then? If it doesn't get rid of them what is the point?" Ana asked as fear pricked across her in icy jabs, all of her hope was gone now, "What does it mean for me?"

Grace could see how lost Ana was with knowing what to do and what not to do and it pained her that she was so confused over what would, no doubt, benefit her in years to come.

"I'm not entirely sure what the procedure is but, the cosmetic surgeon of this hospital has brought in a colleague who works on scar reduction. He's looked over your file and is feeling optimistic that he had reduced the scar width on your neck and let it all heal together instead of cutting into healed skin on a later day."

Ana felt herself shake, "I don't want it," she immediately snapped. "I don't want more surgery." She had finally made the decision based upon the fact that whether she went through this or not she would be left with scars. She was forever going to live with damage to her body and she knew it would always rule her.

"Ana, have you thought about this?" Christian asked, unwittingly pushing her to think he wanted her to go ahead with the surgery.

"I don't need to think about it. I will be just going through this for nothing," Ana replied sadly, not seeing a need to subject herself to this when she would still wake up feeling like she did.

"That's not true," Christian tried to be the rational being between them.

"I don't want the surgery," she snapped and felt the tight of her words near enough feel like it were strangulating her. She could feel them begging to know why, "He'll see what I did to myself. I don't deserve to be helped to hide my scars!" Ana began to cry, placing the base of her palms to her forehead in growing irritation. "I don't want it! I just don't want it!"

"Okay, Ana, okay we won't force you," Grace stepped in, adding cold water to the fire that was firing up around Ana. "But please remember that no one will ever judge you for what you did the other day. You hit a rough patch. If anyone then the doctors and nurses here understand that the most."

"I just don't care anymore," she muttered and knew she had to protect herself from any more hurt if she could. She closed up then. She didn't look away from staring at her lap and when Christian and Grace left to be with the others she curled herself up and just lay silently still.

Ana lay there listening to them all discussing the surgery and she closed her eyes. In her heart she wanted them all to just love her for her – scars and all – but, in a rational part of her mind she knew that they would only ever see her as a victim if she didn't even give this ago. She didn't want to see that look in their eyes forever.

That was how she knew she would give anything to just give anything to have a normal day back in her life.

She would put every single ounce of self aside to just have them look at her like she was Ana again.

"I want the surgery," Ana called out and saw everyone look at her. "I want to go ahead with the surgery."

"Ana," Christian ran straight back it. "Is that what you want?"

"I can see it helping with all of this," she told her quietly and she sniffled on the thoughts in her head. Ones that were screeching at her this was a bad move, the ones fighting back that it was a brilliant idea. "I can see it helping with how I feel."

"You didn't want it done a few moments ago, sweetheart," Carla said as she came to her daughter's side. She could contain how elated she was right now. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I can only see working," she replied submissively and just wanted them to accept this change of plea, to make it happen and allow it to be over with. "I want to go through with it."

Everyone looked at Grace, seemingly willing this surgery to happen.

"I'll go and get the ball rolling," Grace commented and excused herself.

Even though no one verbally forced her, Ana was only doing this for everyone. She was grasping at the idealism of her past life, praying it was still hers to have but, she knew this wouldn't happen but, she had to give it a try. She had to try this to for their sake and hopefully hers.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Beauty and the Beast -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

When it came to taking her down, she only wanted Christian with her and, of course, Grace who followed down with them. She didn't say anything as she was pulled from her room, watched the lights above her move past her one by one and then felt the movement of her bed slowing.

"This is as far as you can go," one of the orderlies stopped Christian as they reached a set of wide doors with frosted panes of glass clearly illustrating that the operating room was on the other side.

She looked around, suddenly bursting with life. "Christian," Ana grasped for his hand, praying that her anxiety would keep him here. "Don't leave me." Hell, she wasn't just scared, she just wanted Christian to make a stand and realise she was now only doing this for everyone else and not herself.

Knowing his money wouldn't work here, Christian turned his anger towards comforting Ana, "Baby, be brave for me okay?" He asked her and hated seeing her crying all over again. "I will be right there waiting when you to wake up. We all will be. Then we can look at getting you home. You and I, we gotta start that life we set up. Can you be brave for me?"

"Yeah," Ana admitted and tried to calm herself.

"We have to go," the nurse beside Ana's bedside cut in.

"I love you, Baby," Christian managed to get a kiss before Ana was taken from him completely. He watched the doors closed, his Ana gone with the people who were going to make right of her injuries and hopefully alleviate the restraints on Ana's near enough non-existent self-esteem. He stood for a few moments unable to walk away. It was so different to the one the other day and only just down the corridor. Christian felt bemused how a hospital could look so different a mere few feet apart.

"C'mon," Grace suddenly spoke as her hand came to his shoulder. "Let's go and grab a drink. She's in good hands."

Looking at his mother, Christian allowed her to take him away but, not before he looked over his shoulder at the doors, hoping he would be somehow granted access to be with her.

However, he could never even imagine the turmoil Ana was feeling now she was alone with strangers. She knew they were helping her but, they were strangers and she was terrified of being mocked – verbally or mentally.

She just prayed this would be over and done with soon so she could be alone.

Ana hated being moved from her bed to the one in the operating room and she felt her chest constrict. She had been here days before and she had tried to kill herself. Sure it wasn't the same room but, she could only just feel herself being consumed with the memories. They swam and bit at her skin, trying to get her to cave to their power. Closing her eyes as she found herself being connected to a heart monitor again and a sheet was placed over her, Ana tried in vain to escape.

But it seemed she didn't have to worry as the surgeon spoke up first and made all the voices become forgotten for the moment. "I promise you, Ana, you are going to benefit from this," Doctor Marsden said as he came into view, scrubs on and a mask on his face but, Ana could see the optimism in his eyes. "Believe me you will see the benefits immediately."

Ana didn't say anything. She was frozen in this place – literally and mentally. How did she get herself here all terrified and alone? Oh yes, by being a martyr and doing things to suit everyone else! Just like you did with your relationship to Christian. You kept it a secret so he lived a pristine live. Now the whole world is going to know the most handsome, most richest and probably one of the most prestigious men in Seattle is dating nothing more than a scarred, depressed, suicidal loser.

It was then that she felt ready to fight back. Ready to say she didn't want this surgery but, it was too late. The ball was rolling and she had spent too long procrastinating to declare what she wanted. As she watched the anaesthesiologist bring the mask down to her face and tell her to count backwards from ten, Ana could only think between each new count about what life was going to be like when she finally made it home and this surgery was just a fail.

None of the thoughts were happy and the darkness that consumed her terrified her even more than ever.

She didn't want to live in that cloud forever but, at this rate it didn't seem to matter.

She was a victim for life.