Disclaimer: I own nothing...
A/N: Another update =) To the guest review who ask if we were just getting Ana whining – yeah you are! Have some consideration for people who have been through this type of things. Traumatic events don't just disappear. – God I had having rants in AN! LOL
Anyway, THANK YOU and enjoy!
Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Twenty-Two
"C'mon," Ana heard muffled in her ear. "C'mon, Ana, wake up."
Opening her eyes slowly, she saw Christian beside her to the left, Grace to her right and she took in a deep breath. It was over. It was all over. She just had to wait and see if it had been a complete success for her or if she was due a life so full of scarred tissues and damaged emotions. She took a few moments to gather her bearings she found it increasingly difficult to do so.
However the more she began to feel the fog lift from her mind she realised that everyone was around her bed but, it felt like judgement day as their eyes all bore into her. She tried to bring her hand up to massage her forehead but, found herself bound down.
Looking down in a panic, she saw padded cuffs on her wrist, tying her to the bed. She quickly looked to the other side and panic ensured for a rapid release. "Wh-what is this?"
"This is for your own safety," Christian spoke up first and looked at everyone before sighing. "This is to keep you safe from yourself."
"Keep me safe from myself?" Ana questioned confused, trying to rack her mind for answers but, all she could remember was seeing the mask come down onto her face and being asked to count backwards. That was it. She had slipped into a blissful oblivion and loved it. "Why are you doing this to me?"
She felt like she had been lulled into a trap. She had made the decision to go through with surgery just to alleviate how they looked at her and now she had woken up to find herself practically chained down and everyone looking ready to break around her. The tension was rife in the room it was almost suffocating. She felt so confused over what had happened and she didn't know what to do or say. Had they made her think she was having surgery but, really they just wanted her to be detained properly. They wanted her to feel like a cage animal and they and they had succeeded.
Grace cleared her throat, looked to everyone before turning her attention to Ana. "You went hysterical in the operating room as they were putting you under," Grace informed Ana and could see that Ana was having a hard time accepting her guilty actions.
"No," Ana shook her head disbelievingly. "No, I didn't. They put me under fine."
"No," Grace replied, covering Ana's hand with her own, "You had a panic attack just as they went to put you to sleep and you attacked a few of the people. You were sedated and brought in here." Grace could see the tears swimming in Ana's words and she hated the words that slipped from her lips, "You took a scalpel, Ana, and slashed a couple of the nurses across the face and arms."
"I didn't," Ana denied those claims and couldn't accept them as truths. She had literally become a beast in all sense of the word. "I would never do that. Why would I do that?"
"You had a panic attack, that's all," Grace let her know the truths of her reactions. "You did some pretty bad damage."
That caused Ana to literally explode. The mere thought of hurting someone like she had been hurt didn't even bear thinking about. "I don't want anyone to look like me!" Ana beseeched trying to get them to understand. "I wouldn't wish this upon anyone. I didn't do it. They're lying. I didn't do what they're saying I am!" She looked around as everyone remained silent on her and she just felt her chest restrict more with the uproar of dread. "Grace take these off of me, please. You're my doctor; you know I'm not dangerous. Please," Ana started pleading with the only person she knew to and she could see it wasn't working as Grace remained unmoved. "Why won't you help me?"
"I'm not your doctor anymore. You're too high risk for my training," Grace bailed on being Ana's lead doctor. "I'm sorry but, I've got to get back to my paediatric rota." She offered a sad smile and she could see Ana breaking down even more. "Listen to the doctors and let them help you. The medication that Flynn has prescribed will help you with what you're struggling with, Ana."
"You're leaving?" Ana asked, taking the abandonment heavily.
Grace looked at her watch, and nodded, "I have to go start my shift." She got up, trying to be supportive and then left the room hastily before she, herself, broke down.
What the hell was happening? Ana couldn't grasp onto sense right now and sensibility was becoming too intense for her. She wanted nothing more than to apologise to the people she had hurt but, right now the people she loved were seemingly giving up on her for something she couldn't categorise as her actions.
Carla, who had been a mess since finding out what Ana had done, just broke into a sob at seeing her daughter unable to contend with her mistakes. "I'm sorry, I need some air. I'm going to go home."
"Mom," Ana called out, one more person leaving her. "Mom, please don't go!"
Watching Carla leave, Ray broke his peace. "I'm done," Ray suddenly burst out. "I am so done with all of this. No amount of help is going to change what she's become." He had tried to stick it out. Hell he had kept Carla here but, he was a hypocrite and he couldn't do it any longer. He needed his daughter to get help but, he knew soon he would feel like he was forcing her to get the right help.
"Dad?" Ana tried to reach out to him but, her arms snapped back with the restraints. What was going on here? She was being accused of things she had apparently done and she couldn't remember one of them. She couldn't admit to something she had no recollection to doing. "I didn't do this! Why won't you believe me?" Ana asked, crying out in anguish so that someone would hopefully see she was screaming out the truth. "Why won't any of you believe me?"
"Because we've seen the damage," Christian admitted softly and practically with shame. "We saw what you did, Ana. No one else did that but, you."
"I didn't do it," Ana whimpered painfully and couldn't, for the life of her, see herself doing such a callous and evil action as attacking people so viciously. "Why won't you just hear me out?"
"Because we saw the proof!" Kate shouted, making her presence known and it seemed that she was back to leave again. "I didn't come back for this," Kate put her hands up to admit defeat. "I thought I was being selfish but, you're just cannot accept help from anyone. What happened to you?"
"I didn't do it," Ana still continued to proclaim her innocence profusely but, she could see the more she did so the more people were just willing to leave her as Kate ran without another word.
"I'll come back in a few days," Elliot bailed as well, unable to look at Ana. "I never thought you would do something like this, Ana, and I can't accept it right now." He scratched his head, trying to gather some sense and finally looked at Ana. "I'm sorry, Ana. I know you and this is messed up. You need to face up to what you did."
So this was abandonment in its freshest forms? This what was it felt like to have a support network collapse before you very own eyes. God, Ana wished she had just bled out in that cold, dark alleyway. At least when she was laying there she could see directly at Christian and think about him, not about losing him.
And now with only Christian was left and Ana felt herself fight more and more with her restraints. She wanted freedom and she wanted an escape.
"Stop that," Christian told her off. He stood up and calmed her by covering the cuff with his hand, "Don't try and get free. You'll only damage yourself."
"What's happening with me?" Ana asked and she didn't mean with the attacks, she meant with her rapidly declining mental state. She had gone from being loveable Ana to a ghost of herself and she hated every single minute of it. She was never meant to be like this and she didn't want to be like it forever.
"You're being put on anti-depressives straight away and you're being kept like this until you're not a risk to yourself or others," he spoke lowly, not really placing much emotional response into his tone. It was like he was programmed with his words. Like it was all so well rehearsed before she woke up and she couldn't blame him for getting like this.
"I don't deserve this," Ana cried out woefully. She just wanted this hell to stop dead in its tracks.
"So those people deserve what you did to them?" Christian retorted and immediately regretted how sharp his tone came out. "God, I know you're hurting and this is difficult for you, Ana but, this is getting too far! I've gotten Flynn in, that's not working. I've gotten surgeons in to help you and that never happened because you went fucking ballistic and lashed out. Now you're in denial over your actions when there were enough witnesses in that fucking room to get you restrained and admitted to the psych ward."
"No," Ana sobbed, shaking her head harshly at the idea of that. "Don't let that happen. Please, don't let them do that. Don't make me go there. I won't survive in there. I won't cope."
"You're not coping now," Christian stated, pointing out the obvious fact here. "So maybe it will be best for you to get admitted and then we can get you some direct, focused professional help."
"I don't want that," she input her needs and wants and it only made Christian sink into his seat and become quiet. "Christian?" Ana asked, her tears falling but, no one caught them – not even herself. "Christian?" She questioned again and watched him look at her, the silence becoming deafening and crushing all at once.
"I thought I could do this as well," he started to say and bowed his head.
"No," Ana whispered as she knew where this was going. "Not you as well. Please, not you."
"I can't do this anymore," Christian told her and his head lifted enough to look directly at her. "I can't be what you want anymore, Ana, and I can't force you to be what I need."
"I can be what you need," Ana tried and pulled at her restraints. "I can be anything you need me to be if you just tell me, Christian. Tell me, and I'll be it. I will. For you I will." She was fighting strong but, she could see that in a very Christian Grey manner, his mind was made up. "Please, don't leave me. Don't make me go through this alone. Please, Christian, I will do anything."
"You've done everything to show you aren't willing to accept our help so it's best we just leave this here," he told her and even her tears didn't make his decision become questionable. "You need help and that isn't something I can give you. I'm sorry I wasn't enough to be the one to save you."
She watched him get up and begin to leave his spot in the room. "Please, don't do this. This isn't right."
"No, what isn't right is me waiting around. I can't wait for you to tell me to leave. I'm cutting my ties here now, Ana," he told her then continued to walk. Christian stalled in the doorway, the last remaining one to fully leave. He turned to look at her with cold set eyes, "God, if you just woke up to what's going on around you, you could make all our lives better!"
As she watched him disappear, Ana felt her heart breaking all over again. How many more times could her heart shatter like this and it still beat? Looking around in hope that everyone had miraculously came back to her eyes caught a sight of a strip of metal. Looking closer, she heard herself gasp. There on the table beside her was a scalpel, just lying in wait and in arms reach. This had to be a joke. This couldn't be really happening. The sight of the scalpel forced the scream from her lungs. The sight of it sent her screaming in a mad frenzy to find her family and she fought her restraints.
She was a trapped beast. All alone and tortured and she couldn't submit to that. She couldn't submit to losing everyone like this. However, no one came back when her screams became unbearable. No one came in to soothe her and no one came to free her.
It was when air ran out that everything went black for her.
That was her only escape.