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A/N: Thank you for the response and the birthday messages! You lot are really amazing!
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Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Twenty- Eight
Today was a new day, Ana decided. After seeing her parents at the doorway she felt a restoration in her faith. It amazed her how the simple act of them returning like they had thrust belief and hope back into her.
She had apologised to them, taken back as much of the hurt as possible and from the way her mother held her, and Ray, she felt forgiven and liberated. It was in their arms that she knew she could be whatever she wanted and still be their daughter. She now saw that and she now believed that.
Opening her eyes, she could hear Christian's breathing and could decipher he was reading a newspaper from the sounding of him shaking it straight. Taking a deep breath, she moved her head to the side and saw him concentrating on the printed words. She then saw just him was a new display.
One she couldn't be silent about.
"What have you done?" She asked and made him jump. She giggled at his reaction but, she had to know what the hell he had gotten up to whilst she left.
Christian looked over his shoulder and turned back to her, "I thought you might need a little more than me as a reminder of how much I love you." He gave her a cheeky wink and set his newspaper down on the bed, "That wall is staying like that until such a time you are capable to say freely 'Christian Grey loves me' and even then the pictures remain." He smirked at her, "Testament of true love."
Feeling her eyes beginning to swim, Ana looked each photograph over and she felt her heart shudder with a new swirl of emotions. They had really lived a perfect year together and she couldn't fault that. The only issue was the secrecy and now that cat was well and truly out of the bag. How could she give up a life she had come to fall in love with as much as she had Christian Grey? Simple, she couldn't and wouldn't give it up.
Even with her doubts remaining.
"Everything's so perfect in those pictures," Ana commented sadly, remembering how beautiful she used to feel to Christian.
"Don't doubt we won't be there again," Christian stood stubborn with his claim. "You and I will be going on dates and taking walks and I will show the world the best prize ever.
"What if I don't want that?" Ana asked back, trying to keep at bay the monster that loved to take hold of her and drag her back down to hell.
"Then I know you are lying," Christian spoke back and narrowed his gaze on her. "I know that regardless of your scars, you are begging to be accepted and not just by the people that have been living in this room. You will take the world by storm."
"Not a good storm," Ana mumbled, and she couldn't stop the insecurities from bubbling up on her.
"No," Christian remarked, stood up and leaned in towards her, hand to her chin. "You will be the brightest, most spectacular storm anyone has ever seen before. People will pay to say your name soon. People will not forget what the Anastasia Rose Steele has to offer the world and anyone that thinks otherwise will regret it."
"Is this you going protective on me?" She asked with a weak smile.
"Best believe it," Christian grinned at her, the glint in his eyes only securing the seriousness in his words. "Now you need to realise that I am going to be your best and biggest supporter, Ana, and ain't nothing going to change that."
"God, I love you," Ana breathed at Christian and loved how much she meant those words. They weren't just straight from her heart, they were driven from the depths of her soul and meant with such conviction she wanted them to echo around in Christian's mind forever.
"We've brought breakfast so cut the lovey dovey mushy stuff," Ray commented as he came in and put the food down on the table before going to Ana's side. "How you doing, Annie?" He asked her as he pulled back and went back to sorting the food out.
"I'm good," she grinned at him, ready for food. "What did you bring us?"
"Chocolate pancakes," he said and shot her an all knowing smile he had given her many a times over the year. "Your favourite."
Ana put a hand to her stomach as it rumbled and she was grateful when her mother handed her
"No problems, honey," Carla smiled and took a seat beside Ana's bed. "You seem better today." Carla's approach was a little hesitant but, she saw that Ana reacted well.
"I'm feeling better today," Ana commented back as she opened up the polystyrene container with the steaming food in and she looked to her parents. "It's still a little shaky but, I am finally starting to feel a bit like me."
"That's what we like to hear," Ray commented happily and passed Christian one of the containers. "We just got you the same, is that okay?"
Christian grinned, "Living with Ana had got me quite accustomed to these pancakes so thank you." He took the container and immediately opened it and took a sniff of the smell that permitted out. "They smell delicious."
"They taste it too," Ana commented with a mouthful and she loved how good her spirits were feeling. She knew she was rocky and she was acting a little bi-polar with her reactions and feelings but, right now she was going to eat her pancakes and enjoy this moment.
"Someone was hungry," Carla quipped as Ana finished her batch and handed the empty box back to Ray who quickly put it away in the empty carrier he had brought the food in. "Feel better for that?" She asked and Ana nodded merrily.
Everyone was praying that this up rise in Ana's mood was long lasting. None of them wanted to see how low she was the day before. None of them wanted to watch her suffer to that extent.
"Morning you lot," Grace said as she stepped into the room and came to stand at the end of Ana's bed. She smiled as the pair greeted her and she could see the difference in the air around her already. "How you doing this morning, Sweetie? Feeling any better?"
Ana nodded, "I am, thank you. I really am."
"Good," Grace replied and worried that she was about to kill a good thing. She put her hand in her pocket and pulled out something as she began to speak up. "I brought this in, sweetie," Grace spoke a little wearily but, she confidently handed over a mirror. She watched as Ana took it but kept the reflective pane from showing her herself. "I need to check your wound to your neck and I brought it in just in case you wanted to take a look yourself."
Taking a deep breath, Ana spoke without looking at anyone who would influence her with this decision, "I want to see it." As the words left her mouth she looked up and gave a small smile, "I need to see it. I want to see it."
Immediately she saw everyone's eyes lighten up and Ana felt the positivity hit her this time.
"Okay then," Grace grinned and waited for Carla to move a little so she could get to Ana's side. Slowly she uncovered the wound to Ana's neck and just checked it over. "I am more than impressed with how this is healing, Ana. We'll check the others in a moment but, do you want to look?"
Ana swallowed the lump in her throat and brought the mirror up. She caught her entire appearance – the pale, gaunt skin; the reddening, sore eyes and then she saw it. Looking at her neck, even though it was red and raw still, the scar was so much thinner and so much neater that she felt a part of her esteem ignite and begin to rocket. Maybe the surgery was a success after all - physically as well as mentally.
As she looked at the scarring mark, she realised she didn't loathe it. Hell she loathed Kaitlyn and couldn't wait for her to get her comeuppance but, right now, Ana saw unadulterated hope. Something she thought she would never feel so soon after the devilish events that led to this point.
"Is that a good face?" Christian asked wearily as he watched her. She had a slight grin on her lips, but her eyes were stuck on her reflection. "Ana?"
"I didn't expect it to look that good," Ana murmured at him and she wanted to reach up and feel it but that was for another day. Today her bravery had her looking at it and that was enough. "I expected it to look worse. I don't know why. I expected to hate it but, I don't. I know it's still there but, I can deal with this. I know I can."
She then broke into a smile. She had to come back with a bang. She had to survive this now.
"Well, when I was called to come down I wasn't expecting this," Flynn commented as he stood in the doorway, a smile on his face. "I was expecting to be needed more."
"I still need you," Ana commented modestly and felt Grace cover her neck back up.
"I think we need to allow you to have a chat whilst we all go out. I'll clean your dressings up afterwards okay, Sweetie?"
"Okay," Ana replied and knew that even with a good mood going, she needed Flynn. Watching everyone leave, Christian the most tentative with his departure and watched as Flynn closed the door to the outside world.
"It's good to see you coping a lot better," Flynn spoke up first and had heard from Grace what had transcended the day before. "Anything you want to talk about?"
"I want to focus on getting over the attack, John," Ana spoke up, admitting her first step to him. "I want to get back on track first and then I want to look into my options with reducing the scarring. I don't want it all at once."
"That's a bold move to make, Ana," Flynn commented impressed. "But you know we will all be behind you 100% whatever you decide."
Ana nodded, "Well then, I want to deal with getting my life together, getting myself out of this hole I'm in and then I want to tackle everything else."
"Any particular reason you want to take a slower approach?" He asked, he knew people recovered at varying degrees but, most liked fast tracking their recovery. He didn't agree with that method but, he was a sounding board and a means of support to people and he would remain that.
Ana wrung her hands as she thought for a moment, "At the moment I feel like I am in constant battle with my thoughts and emotions. I have moments where I think about dying but, then I have moments where Christian or my parents show me how much they love me. I want to come out of this a survivor, John. I don't want to be a weakling anymore."
"It is still early days," Flynn countered slowly. "We can't make quick fixes."
"I don't want them," Ana stated. "I just want everyone to know that I know what I want to do now." She watched him remain silent and listen to her, "I want to think rationally, I want to wake up without a feeling of dread and I want to do this how I need to do this."
"We can do that," Flynn agreed with her. "Any major elements that have come to mind that you want to address immediately?"
"I don't feel that more surgery will help me feel good. I don't want to have that fear that it won't. I want to make my decisions rationally and on my own accord. Right now, I feel like I'm still doing things to suit everyone else. That's not how I want to do it," Ana continued and the more she said it, the more she admitted what she wanted, the more rock bottom drifted away. "So please, can you help me?"
Flynn gave her a bright smile, "Well then let's look at this objectively, shall we?" He asked and took a deep breath, "We can do this step by step and we can do this at whatever pace you want to do it."
"Slowly," Ana admitted with a brief laugh in her breath. She knew she could rush it and take control of her life but, she knew that in the long run that wouldn't work well for her. She knew the moment she was confronted with the outside world she would be confronted with a new battle and she wanted to feel more like the Anastasia Steele that thought it would be a perfect idea to wait for Christian Grey to leave that bar that first day they met.
She was going to make sure she would feel like that again. That was her goal because Christian was here to stay whatever.
"If I take this slowly and day to day I know I can make it out of this big black hole I've fallen into," she took a deep breath and offered Flynn her ultimate goal. "I want to be me again."
"I think you're going to do just fine," Flynn gave her a smile. Even though she was going to be subject to medication and therapy, Ana would be survivor once she found herself again.
For the first time since this happened, Ana knew that what Flynn was saying was true.
She was going to be fine.