Disclaimer: I own nothing...
A/N: I am so sorry about my lack of updates! I was struck down with a massive migraine that has literally only just really gone… So since Saturday I've done a lot of sleeping and barely been on a laptop! But here I am! So excuse major mistakes… I'm still slow and ill! LOL
If you haven't, please check out of my Facebook page – Author Kirsty-Anne Still – If you love my writing and am interested in my original work then you'll find it on there in tadbits! Also, I now have a new Twitter for my writing KirstyAnneStill for my writing as well =)
Thank you, sorry for the wait but, enjoy!
Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Twenty- Nine
"John said you're doing much better," Grace commented pleasantly. She put her hands on her hips and kept an eye on her patient.
Ana knew Grace was talking mentally but, she could tell she was also meaning physically.
"I wouldn't say better but, I know how I want this to pan out," Ana admitted and for once didn't feel guilty for wanting to do this how she felt right for her. "I'm just tired after everything."
"That's understandable," Grace acknowledged understanding that Ana's emotional onslaught combined with what her body was recovering from would just wipe her entire system. "Do you want to sleep or are you up for something?"
"Up for what exactly?" Ana fretted. She had no clue what could possibly be asked of her right now and she was scared of what it could possibly be.
"I want to try something," Grace commented suddenly and she looked directly to Ana, holding her attention. "It's a longshot but, I want you to go outside." She saw Ana's face glaze over with shock and fear all meddling together in hot fury. "Only sticking to the hospital grounds of course. I think it'll do you good," Grace tried to add her input to see if Ana would grasp at the idea.
"Go outside?" Ana asked, her voice quietening in volume until it was minimalist and shrouded with fright. "Now?"
Grace gave a curt head nod, "John and I have been talking on and off since you were admitted," Grace began to say. "In cases like yours, Ana, there are so many dark spots that can occur. We won't to give you preventative measures."
"Dark spots?" Ana asked, her tone becoming tight with confusion and laced with worry.
Grace sighed, worried at how this would affect Ana, "You're already signs of becoming heavily depressed but, with the behaviour you've exhibited we really need to be careful that you do not begin to show signs of becoming agoraphobic."
"Is that even possible?" Christian asked, jumping the moment he could. "It's been days."
"There's not a limit on how fast or how bad any mental disorder can become," Grace spoke with such a light tone that she hoped it would lessen the blow. "Ana, when we moved you from the ICU you panicked at being a joint room which is why we have you on your own. You've had the same nurses, doctors, the same people coming in and out of here for days. We need to slowly reintroduce you to the world outside of this room."
"I don't think I'm ready," Ana admitted and even though she saw some semblance of light piercing through she didn't know if she was ready to confront a situation that could end badly for her.
"I know, sweetheart," Grace replied honestly, "But the sooner you do this, the sooner we can deal with your reaction to being among the general public because you will have to do that." Grace could see how diffident Ana was to step up to the moment. "Like I said we won't rush you."
By the silence in the room, apparently everyone agreed and Ana was giving a few moments of bliss to just think.
Ana gave herself the moment to just take a few deep breaths, calm herself and try to find a rational thread in the mess that was her mind. There were so many things flying around, colliding with one another in her head that she wondered if she would ever have a cleared mind again.
Ana pondered on this. Her life had felt stuck in a time warp and she felt like the devil himself was playing puppet master with her. Morphing her and changing her into someone she wasn't. He was playing with her mind and mentally twisting her into a stranger. Did she give more of herself to the darkness or did she attempt to alleviate the black cloud that lived so vividly around her?
Apparently she was able to pull on a conscious filament of thought and find rationality in what felt like an insanely irrational world.
"Okay," she took a lungful of air as if to pump her chest out and give her courage an uplift, "I will go outside." As she looked up she caught the look on everyone's faces. Seeing them all look at her proudly like they used to with her accomplishments, Ana felt the hole in her heart begin to heal itself. "But," she added in, hoping not to destroy these expressions, "The moment I want to, can we come back in?"
"We do it on your say so and at your pace," Grace spoke with excitement. "If you want to sit outside for a long time, we'll do that. If not, then making it to the doors will be enough for me to say you tried. Giving it a go cannot and will not hurt, Ana." She then gave Ana a fresher, more optimistic look. "We'll use this as an excuse to get you out of that hospital gown as well," Grace gave Ana a playful grin and turned to leave.
"Apparently that means that Taylor bringing by a bag two days ago was worth it," Christian spoke up excitedly, finding the idea of Ana out of a hospital gown to be something worth celebrating. It was like it was a milestone set for them to enjoy.
"I get my own clothes?" Ana asked, her question coming out like a child asking a question in wonderment. She looked up at him, her bright blue eyes, for once not filled with tears, but gratified with awe.
"Yeah, baby, you do," Christian told her with a bright smile. "Now do you want help?"
"Can you help me?" She asked and then looked to her parents, "Do you mind?"
"Of course not, Annie!" Ray exclaimed, more than happy for Ana to let Christian take a stand here.
Carla agreed immediately, "We'll be outside waiting for when you're ready." Carla gave her daughter a kiss, "Take your time."
Listening, Ana pushed the sheets off of her the moment that the door was closed and slowly manoeuvred herself to the edge of the bed where Christian was grabbing her bag to set down ready to be emptied. This was the first time he was going to see her naked since the attack and even though she was covered in bandages, she still felt vulnerable under the scope of his gaze.
However, from the moment he untied the gown to the moment he helped her into her favourite patterned pyjama bottoms to helping her put a simple tank top on, she didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. Actually, she felt like she always had in Christian's presence – secrecy aside – she felt loved.
"I'm so proud of you," Christian praised her heavily as he wrapped the gown up ready to discharge of wherever he could. For now, he dumped it on the chair and went back to her, placing his hands on the mattress either side of her, he kissed her chastely. "God, you're amazing."
In the face of her own changing diversity, Ana did feel better about herself. She couldn't deny that accepting such a medial task like going outside – a part of everyday life – gave her a sense of empowerment. If she could do this, surely she could right her wrongs and find her life get back on track again?
She blushed, the first piece of colour to pierce through on her paled face and looked away. It felt like she was relearning the ways of love again right now. She was trying to fit it all together in accordance of her newer, scarred appearance. It was the hardest thing and yet the easiest thing for her to do. As she dropped her gaze, she caught a glimpse of a sleeve of something hanging out of the bag of things Christian had appeared with.
"Is that the hoody of yours I love?" Ana asked hopeful that her eyes were not deceiving her.
"Sure is," Christian said and pulled out the grey material that Ana wore more than anything in the comfort of Escala or her apartment. "I asked Taylor to pack it days ago."
Ana smiled, reaching out for the garment, "Can I wear this?" She asked and looked at him, "I want to wear it and it offers me with more cover. You know, just in case," she became unable to finish her sentence.
"You can wear whatever you want," Christian supported her decision. He would let her wear whatever she wanted if it meant getting her to take back the controls of her life.
Accepting the hoody in her grasp, Ana put it on with Christian's help allowed him to help her with some slippers he had in the bag and he helped her off of the bed completely, keeping her up. She found her limbs to be a little weaker than she could have imagined and she just held onto him as they finally walked from her room and made a descent down to the outside world that awaited her.
The closer the moment got, the more Ana's heart began to race and she panicked that she would cowardly change her mind and that thought was more apparent the moment the doors, with the world just behind them, came into view and drew closer and closer.
She took a staccato breath. She couldn't go any further just yet. She saw Grace's hand on the door, readying to push it open and allow them to go outside but, she couldn't react, she couldn't welcome this. So she just stood there, waiting, wishing, praying for strength to hit her.
"Baby?" Christian stopped with Ana, he didn't drag her out, he didn't force her. He waited. "Ana, baby, are you going to go out?"
"I-" she froze for a moment, "I don't know if I can." God, she wanted to walk out of those doors, head held high but, there was a glass block on it. She couldn't break through it. She was too weak to do so and she didn't know if she was prepared for what she would be met with outside.
"We're all here," Christian comforted her, knowing she knew full well they were all here for her. "We won't let anything happen. We're all here," he coached her, hoping it would work but, he just saw the apology lace into her eyes furthermore.
"I don't know," Ana whispered and bit her lip.
"C'mon, Steele," Kate's voice almost sang the words as she came to stand beside Ana. She saw Ana look up at her and she gave a bright smile even as Ana began to crumble into tears. "Hey, no tears, it's a gorgeous day outside and I think we need to take it in our stride."
"You're here?" Ana asked, her nostrils flaring as she looked all over Kate's presence before her. "You came back?" She saw Kate's smile fall into a modest grin, "I was horrible to you, Kate, you shouldn't be here."
Kate used Ana's hand in hers to turn her to face her, "You're my best friend and I knew you were in a bad place. You weren't thinking right and I reacted badly by leaving. I love you, Ana, You're my sister. How could I not come back?"
"Because I'm a horribly, ungrateful bitch," Ana felt the tear escape and roll down her cheek. "I-I," she stuttered for a moment and froze, "I regret everything that I said. I understand I hurt you when you found out about Christian and I and all I've done is continuing to hurt you."
"Hey what's a bond like ours with some hate," Kate winked at Ana. "Are you done with your bitch fit because I'll have you know I'll slap you right back to your room if you're not."
Ana gave a tearful laugh, "I'm done with that. Honestly, I've hit rock bottom. I don't want to stay here."
"Then let's go outside," Kate commented enthusiastically, taking her hand. "You are not going to hide away from the whole world and his wife. I won't let you and I'm pretty sure Christian won't either," Kate shot a pointed look at Christian and saw him agree.
"Too right," Christian almost gloated at that fact. He refused to hide Ana away. Regardless, he refused to let Ana become as lost as she had lately.
"Okay," Ana exhaled that two syllable word and just waited on fate's intervention. She needed a mighty shove to go outside and it had come at the right time and in the form of Kate.
"Ready?" Grace asked, offering Ana the option to back out and go back upstairs. Getting out of the room full stop would do Ana the world of good if that was as far as they were going to get today.
She was going to say she wasn't but, the moment she felt the hands on her give a tightened grip in aid of support, Ana took a deep breath, "Ready."
Grace gave a bright, broad, teeth baring smile at that word of pure defiance and opened the door, allowing them all to leave the hospital and enter the hospital outer ground.
Going outside, Ana closed her eyes as fresh air swirled around her and held her captive. She felt a little light headed but, she could only assume that came from being cloistered into a hospital room and not leaving it. However, the moment her senses caught up with one another she realised she missed the great outdoors.
She could hear people conversing, people laughing, she could hear nearby traffic and the low whistle of the wind mixed in with the sound of birds. She really had missed everything that filled thin air. Opening her eyes she allowed her world to just transcend into this piece of normalcy but, it didn't last long as other patients and family members gave a moment's notice to Ana.
She was now the subject of one important question – what the hell happened to her?!
She admittedly felt like a car crash – you know you shouldn't look but, you just couldn't help but get one quick passing gawp before you drove away. She had people staring at her quizzically as she walked towards a bench. Even with Christian one side, Kate flanked on the other, Ana felt entirely alone in this freak show. How could she not? These two were perfect.
For once in her life, Ana hated human curiosity. It was no longer an innate feature in the workings of a person's mind but, a morbid need to know a strangers business.
Ana breathed in and out between each new step she took. She mentally chanted a mantra to keep herself propelling forward at her slow, weak paced but, she didn't want to throw the towel in completely. Not yet, not now. And she was doing brilliantly right up until she caught someone pointing at her, then shielding the mouth to whisper to the person beside them.
"I want to go back inside," it was as she spoke she was backtracking.
Her shield of courage left behind.