Disclaimer: I own nothing...
A/N: I am so sorry for the wait on this AGAIN! I seem to be picking up every illness as last week wiped me out and had me literally laid up in bed! =( However, here is a chapter and I hope you forgive me =)
Enjoyyy!
Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Thirty-Four
Hearing everyone arrive, Ana finally pulled herself up off of the floor and approached her work desk. She knew Kate had offered her space in the study but, Ana wanted her design table close for those nights when inspiration struck. Most of those times those nights were with Christian sound asleep in the bed behind her.
Her eyes watered as she opened her design book and she snapped. A part of her that had been pulling like elastic band snapped and gave into the tension. The one part that revolved around her dreams and aspiration came at her full throttle. She thought she had dealt with it at the hospital but, clearly being confront with her drawings she felt how overzealous she was with her recovery. Ana saw all of her drawings and designs. The one that she hated the most was of the wedding dress she was designing. In a fit of rage she pulled at all of her designs, crumpling them, tearing them, scarring them like she was.
And then, as if a barrage of anger ripped through her, Ana grabbed the table by its tilted top and threw it to the side. It slammed down onto the polished hard wood with a shattering sound, the overhead light falling with it and smashing with impact. Ana then slide down the wall until her ass met the hard floor and she hugged onto her legs.
"Ana?" Ray said coming into the room, he was closest, he wasn't going to wait on anyone else.
She didn't even look up, she just sat on the floor, back to the wall, her knees drawn up still and cried. "I'm just going to be the scarred girl," Ana said, releasing her legs only to begin threading her fingers into her hair and pulling at her roots. "How is anyone going to take me seriously?" She took in a wobbly breath as she asked her father a question that scared her, "How do people expect me to make beautiful things when I look like me?"
"Beauty is only skin deep, baby girl," Ray said as he came to kneel front of Ana. He gave a clichéd remark but, he needed to start somewhere. "You have a talent and that will always shine through. If you let those scars dictate your life then you lose. Annie, do you understand that? I didn't raise a loser, I helped bring up a smart, intelligent, courageous, beautiful girl and you seem to have lost sight of everything."
"I was so horrible to you," Ana whispered at her father and her eyes began to lace with a watery onslaught. "Why are you being so nice to me after everything I have done to you?"
Ana now saw this moment to build bridges with her father and hopefully rekindled one of her favourite relationships she had and start to heal herself emotionally that way. She didn't want to live with the errors of losing her way but, she wanted to make sure every relationship she cherished was tight knit and perfect because she knew she needed them more than ever.
"Because whatever you say you are my daughter. Blood related or not. I helped raise you and I loved you like no other man could have from a father's point of view. We all reacted on what happened to you and I regret ever leaving that room." Ray reached in to push some of Ana's hair out of her face. "You're lost right now, Annie, but please let me help you find yourself." He watched Ana's eyes raise to meet his, "You might not be my daughter but, you are the best accomplishment in my life, Annie," Ray said as he went and sat beside her, backs against wall, hips connected. "I don't care what anyone says I raised you right and I protected you when you needed me and I will do that until I die. I will be your father regardless of you say. Do you understand?"
"Yes," Ana rasped out, her voice barely there under her mounting feelings. "I love you, daddy." Ana looked to her father, everyone had admitted to her being lost but, her father was the first to reach out and offer to help find her. He went above and beyond just words. Everyone was supporting her and loving her and helping her with the words they relayed at her but, only Ray verbally offered to help her find herself.
"And I'll always love you, baby girl," Ray said and put his arm around Ana and pulled against his chest. He kissed the crown of her head as she lay her cheek against his body and just allowed her body to sag against him. "Now I think we need to pick this mess up and we get you resting. Will you let Christian help you into bed while I tidy this all up?"
"Yeah," Ana said and just like that Christian felt like he was granted entrance into the room and was by her helping her up. "I'm sorry I shut you out," was all she said as he stood before her, his grey eyes trailing over her. "That was wrong of me."
"You don't have to apologise for wanting a little time alone," Christian rewarded her apology so soothingly. "What happened back at the hospital was my worst nightmare coming true. I dread to think what it was for you. I knew it was risky but, I thought we had it in the bag. I thought we had managed it."
"I did too," Ana said as she remembered seeing the car door loom closer as if it were a golden gate to heaven. "I just didn't expect to be yank away from you."
"I will be making sure those pictures make it no wear near a printing process," Christian told her sternly, not word of a lie in his tone. He was messing with no one. "I am no compromising your recovery anymore. Those going nationwide will not do you any good so until your ready we aren't letting them have the satisfaction."
"I'm sure they're on a blog already," Ana tried to joke as she slumped onto her bed. "Perez Hilton is probably having a field day." She gave a mirthless burst of laughter and just shrugged her shoulder, "We are never going to be granted a private life now, Christian."
Crouching down, Christian feared she was cutting this relationship off, "Please don't make this sound an end to us." He looked at her, his big grey eyes sweltering with impending tears, "Please don't end this, Ana, because even if you do I will be fighting for you every day. I won't leave you, I won't love anyone else. I won't even be able to survive knowing that we were driven apart from imbeciles. We are not going to let them win especially not when I can see in your eyes that you love me. You are only working on in the moment impulses and don't really want this to end."
Ana's lip trembled, "I do love you." She gave a weak smile, her voice being torn to shreds by the onslaught of tears as they clawed and wrapped around her throat, "You saved me back there and I know you won't believe me but, you were my hero. I know you won't believe that because I can tell you blame yourself for this happening but, if Kaitlyn wanted to she would have gotten me wherever. Regardless of our stupid, stupid argument. I don't blame you okay?"
"Okay," Christian choked out on the four letter word and thanked any higher deity for granting him this type of consuming love. "I won't ever let you feel like you did that night and I won't ever let you think I don't love you when I can see us growing old together." He watched her smile at him, giggling a little with the mental image her mind had just concocted, "Now will you let me put you to bed so you can rest up?"
Nodding her head, she allowed Christian to untie the laces of her Converse and take them off for her. She then slid onto the bed and didn't let go of his hand. "Stay with me."
Looking over his shoulder, he saw Ray look at him and urge him to do so and he listened and kicked his own shoes off and climbed onto the mattress with Ana. It felt weird to be in this bed and have so many people ready to barge into the room. Usually he was so ready to drop to the floor and hide but, now there was no stress or worry and Christian felt the liberation of the moment. He felt the freedom of this new turn in their life.
"I'll be outside," Ray told them gently as he went and shut the curtains to Ana's room and then he took the broke lamp with him as he went to exit the room. "Get some rest, Annie, and we'll come and get you when it's time for dinner."
"Sounds good," Ana spoke up as she snuggled under the duvet and in turn snuggled into Christian's chest. Hearing the door softly shut she closed her eyes. "It's going to sound crazy but, in a way I am thankful for the attack." She felt Christian's chest stop for a moment in shock but, she perceived and carried on, "We don't have to hide any more, baby, and that's all we ever really wanted isn't it?"
"I suppose so," Christian said softly. He did agree but, he hated the lengths that their deceit had to end at.
"I know there are things I hate about it. The doubt of everything, the concern of how people in the fashion industry will act, how people will be to me in general but, I won't say it's all bad. I know how much you love me and I know how much your family and mine care about us. We don't have to hide and sneak around and if anything I have Kaitlyn to thank for that. She thought she was making me unlovable and repulsive in your eyes but, really she forced us even closer together."
"She didn't know me," Christian said as he ran his hand up and down her arm. "She thought she did but, she didn't realise how deep driven my love for you is, Ana, and that makes her the fool. The fucking tainted bitch lost big time."
"She really did," Ana agreed and snuggled in tighter and closed her eyes. "She didn't count how much we love one another."
"No, she didn't," Christian spoke back lightly, kissing Ana's forehead. "Now sleep, baby."
Laying there, Christian refused to move. He kept Ana close and listened to her rhythmic breathing as she remained sleeping calmly and peacefully. He didn't even think much about anything. His thoughts were consumed with how one day he would see the woman in his arms walking down the aisle towards him on their wedding day and he would make a family with her and one day in a few years from now, he would look at her and admire just as much as he did now if not more. He was dragged unwillingly from his mental world by the soft rap on the door.
"Come in," Christian called out as he ran a hand over his face to wake up some. He watched the door open and his mother appear in the gap between door and frame.
"How are things?" Grace asked as she stepped in and offered a smile that told Christian that she had heard about Ana's break down earlier.
Christian looked down at Ana before daring himself to speak, "Better now she's asleep." He hated to admit that but, Ana only seemed to be at peace when she was asleep and even then she had moments of haunted dreams from time to time. "How are we going to get through this if little things trigger her to just break?" He asked, assuming his mother had been told about Ana's mini breakdown.
"With baby steps and support," Grace came into the room, leaving the door slightly ajar. She came and sat on the edge of Ana's bedroom and just looked to Ana as she lay curled up against Christian's body. "Things we think are going to be insignificant are going to trigger her to revert to a darker moment in her life. We can't stop it and to be honest, she needs to confront it or she never will."
"Baby steps I can definitely do," Christian countered with a warm smile. Baby steps made it seem more doable than ever. It made the treacherous journey for them appear to be less strenuous.
"We all can," Grace smiled back in agreement and looked around a little. "It's a lovely apartment she has here," Grace commented as she looked around the rest of Ana's room and it was eloquent and perfect to the pieces of Ana's pure personality she had witnessed.
"I like it here," Christian mused as she looked back at Ana. "I've hidden so many times in this place when Kate's come in or Elliot's turned up. It's cause for a lot of funnier memories." He gave a smaller smile, "I think I'm gonna miss hearing her trying to cover up or her acting like she wasn't just laying in my arms. I love hearing her get flustered," he gave a mirthful burst of laughter. "As grateful as I am that our relationship is out in the open with our families, I still miss aspects of it."
"That's very honest," Grace laughed a little, "and I'd say very normal of you too."
Christian gave a cheeky smirk, "I will never let this be a normal relationship." He grinned harder, "I want a relationship that keeps us both on our toes and means we have more laughter than sour moments. I want to make every day of her life the best. I will never just give her normal, mom."
"I'd expect nothing less of you," Grace smirked and knew she was excited for this relationship to blossom before their eyes. "Just for now we need to get Ana through this and I'm pretty sure she'll be rooting for a less than normal relationship."
"Oh she will," Christian told his mother with certainty. He was going to make this life perfect and he didn't care how he got there. He just knew he would get there with Ana.
There was nothing that was ever going to make him forget that new goal in life.