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A/N: Right, I'm sorry for the neglect! I've been so busy with my book getting published and life that I got lost! However, enjoy and thank you for the patience and love you guys have! On another note, please like my author page on Facebook – Author Kirsty-Anne Still – I'm trying to gain a wider web presence for my original work and would love the support! Thanks!
Please mind my mistakes. It's late and I wanted to give you all an update considering the wait!
Beauty and the Beast– Chapter Thirty-Five
"The scared harlot?"Ana asked in disbelief as she read the headline, "Ladies, this is the woman that has successfully stolen Christian Grey from the world for the past ten days. Meet the lady that has the billionaire turning aggressive towards photographers as they tried to fool the nation again with a decoy just to get the mystery brunette out of the hospital undetected. As you can see from this lucky photographer, Christian Grey's secret lady was well shot and well injured – for reasons we will find out – and was clearly shaken by the lifestyle that Grey has come to thrive in." Finishing the article Ana just stared in disbelief, "Wow, and as if this wasn't bad enough."
"I didn't want you to see that," Christian's voice rose from over her shoulder. He had just came in from work to find her sitting in the kitchen, her mother and Kate with her. "I tried everything and even have my lawyers going over to the editor of the magazine as we speak."
"We're just hiding all over again," Ana whispered softly and just shook her head. "This isn't how we should be living."
Christian ran a hand over his brow, "No, you have no right to feel like you're the hunted one when really you're just the woman I love. I will willingly give up every dollar I have to prove that. I am not a matter to be brought and my life is very much mine. It is private and it is important to me. I will not let that change for anyone.
Ana watched her man and she heart clenched so painfully in her chest she knew she had to do something soon. Christian had been wrestling off press releases and work deals. He had been there for her every single step of the way and now he was due some of the weight taken off of him.
"I want to go public," she suddenly said out loud and the words she had been scared about saying had never felt more right. "I want to go and give the paparazzi what they want instead of having to read stupid things like this!" She picked the magazine up that had her scared, animalistic demeanour printed across it. "They want to know who I am, then I'll let them know who I am. They want to know what happened, then I will let them know."
"Ana," Carla covered her daughter's hand in hers, "Are you sure you're ready for that?"
"I currently feel like my life is on hold because a stupid bitch decided to make me into something unlovable. She broke me, I won't continue to let her do that. I won't. I won't be her toy and I refuse to be her victim," Ana began to spit her words out because she was so fed up feeling like her life wasn't hers. She wanted to hit back at Kaitlyn where it hurt. She wanted to prove herself as someone strong. She wanted to finally break out from the shell she had been stuck in since the attack.
"Ana," Christian began to encroach on her now.
Slowly Ana rose her eyes, "Don't start. I want to finally break free of what I'm feeling and I don't care if it's been two weeks or two months, I want to be me and I want to be me as soon as possible. I don't do selfish or depressed. That isn't me. Those photos you brought to me, Christian, show me that. I think I've wallowed long enough for my liking. I want my life back and I want it back with you by my side."
"I'll always be here, Ana," Christian grinned at her. He was finally seeing his Ana before him, not the haunted shell. "Whether you do this or not, I will always here right by your side."
"Good," Ana said and smiled at him, "Because I need you by me with this. One hundred percent of the way need you."
"You don't even need to question where I'll be," Christian told her, gave her a kiss for added support and took a step back. "Now, do you want to call off the hounds or allow them to swarm?"
"Let them swarm," Ana said with a blasé tone. "I just don't have to the energy to muzzle them." She turned to Christian wholly, looking at him. She could see he was calculating right now, that he was trying to think of some plan but, she needed him to just realise her standpoint and how rationality fit in. "I have been locked away for nearly three days. I want to go outside, Christian," Ana told him as if she had never been out. "I want to walk the streets like I used to and I want to not care. I want to rip the band aid of this off and get it over with," she said with a small smile, "and I want to it without bandages on my face. I want to just come clean."
"Is this for me or you?" Christian asked with a tone fervently rippled with doubt and worry. He wanted her to do this for the right reasons and nothing else.
Ana jumped off of her stool and approached him, "It's for us." She saw him begin to smile at that and she just had to keep moving onwards or she would get stuck, "There's something I need to do," Ana spoke up and looked to Christian. "Your mom's coming over later right?" She watched him nod and she took a moment to take a breath of relief, "Well then I need to take these bandages off and face myself."
"Is that wise?" Christian spoke weakly, he was wary of the repercussions of doing such a thing.
"It's been two weeks," Ana began to say and met his gaze, "I'm ready. I have to be before I get stuck in this dark place. I need to stop being afraid of myself. I'm still me."
Christian remained silent. He took her hand and led her from the kitchen, leaving Carla and Kate as he closed the door off and shut them in Ana's room. "Sure about this?"
"Completely," she smiled at him and she allowed him to peel the cardigan from her body so she just stood in her vest. Standing in front of the mirror, Ana rolled her shoulders as Christian appeared in the pane of glass with her. He stood behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. With him here she could do this. If she didn't look at these first then she never would.
Christian slowly, one by one, released the bandages from her skin and let them fall to the floor. He would tidy them up later, for now his concern was solely on Ana's. He watched her careful via her reflection and could see how rigid her body was, how tightly closed her eyes were. She may have a moment of sheer bravery but, there were always going to be hiccups and bumps littering their way.
Looking upon her reddened marks, Christian knew this wouldn't be easy. He knew this would be quite a leap in her recovery but, she had to face this moment.
"Open your eyes, beautiful," he coached her softly. "I promise you they are not as bad as your mind is making you think." He said her bit her lip in trepidation and he kissed the uncut side of her neck, "C'mon Ana, open them for me. You're my brave girl, you can do this."
He felt her take a breath and then watched as she began to open her eyes to stay at what he did. He felt her gasp at her vulnerable mirror image. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held her in place, stopping her from running off to hide. He kept her there, his head on her shoulder and held her gaze in their mirror replica.
"They're already healing," Christian murmured softly to her and tried to keep her positive nature as high as possible. "If I must admit it, the surgeon did an amazing job the first time round."
Ana nodded weakly and swallowed the lump forming in her throat, "I need to learn to live with them."
Christian's eyes watered, "You don't have to do anything."
"I do. I want to prove how strong I am first. How strong I am to me," Ana whispered at him and took a deep breath. "I will never survive if I just get rid of them. They help remind me of what I survived and I will do this how I've said I will. First I need to come to terms with the attack and then I will come to terms with the future and what can be done. I have to prove a lot of things to myself."
"First I want you to see yourself as Ana. I want to see you tell yourself you're no monster," Christian pushed her gently, coercing her in the right direction. "You'll never be a monster. Even with scars, you're no beast." He watched her and he couldn't deny that the doubt levelled in her eyes was falling rapidly. "Only your beauty," Ana mumbled and felt Christian kiss her jawline. "You'll only be a beauty. There are no beasts here, Ana."
"No beasts," she murmured as the idea toyed with every electrified brain cell in her head. Ana surveyed the scar to her neck – the most worked on – and realised that regardless of the damage, it wasn't as bad as her mind had imagined it. In her head, the scars were more than skin deep, screaming in memory and screeching in horror. She thought they would sing at her, taunting her, keeping her a monster but, they didn't. They were lifeless and although she felt less attractive with them, she knew that with time she would deal with them however she saw fit.
"You're so brave," Christian spoke into her ear, no moving from behind her. "So courageous in my eyes, Ana. You're braver than I ever could be and I am damn lucky that you're still here, still keeping me, still loving me."
Mortification rose in her like bile and she flung herself around in Christian's arms, she forced him to look at her, her hands rising up to his face and for the first time she lay herself bare – scars and emotions.
"You listen to me," Ana started and she watched her vision blur with the conviction building in her emotions. "Nothing is ever going to stop me loving you, Christian. Nothing. What happened ithappened. If anything I should be so thankful you love me. Loving you is like breathing for me. It'ssecond nature and I panicked from the moment I lay in that alley to this very moment that you might take a look at me and just not think I'm worth it." She watched his eyes begin to stream with unashamedly made tears, "But you love me. Whatever form I come, you love me. You don't care if I'm sick, if I'm fresh out of bed, scarred. You don't care because you love me and that's the bottom line to the pair of us. We love the other so unequivocally that what we have is life long."
"You believe me then?" He asked and he looked her, "I knew you said you did but, I worried. I worried my words weren't enough."
"Your love was," Ana quietened him wholly and gave him a kiss, her arms coming up to circle his neck but, the moment it pulled on her, she released him with a wince.
"Ana?" He asked panicked, his voice taut and tight with worry. "What's wrong?"
"I pulled on them that's all," she said and brought her hand up to her neck. "It's still painful on my neck." She rolled her shoulders a little and tried to calm her screaming wounds, "A few pills and some TLC will do just some."
"Oh, you want some TLC?" Christian asked, trying not to get too hopeful at the idea of a playful Ana. He knew the Prozac she was on was helping her a lot and he didn't want that to change anything. This woman, the one with the sparkle in her eyes, was his Ana. Not a medicated fool.
"Tender. Loving. Care," she punctuated each word, hitting hard by spacing them and she grinned at him. "Think you can help me?"
"Oh I know I can," Christian grinned at her. "Now I think it's time to get those cleaned and then we have a movie night and plot how you're going to captivate the nation."
"I wouldn't say I'm going to captivate the nation," Ana pouted at him and he said nothing as he led her from the room. "I'll be a freak show for all I know! They might see me as a monster."
Christian stopped, spun around to face her, his eyes narrowed on her. "You're right, you'll be a monster," he watched her eyes darken as he couldn't withhold a smirk, "A beautiful monster. My beautiful monster. You always were a freak in the bed."
Ana felt the force of his words driven home by his kiss. His kisses didn't change and that was another way she knew he loved her – the passion was still there.