Disclaimer: I own nothing...

A/N: Sorry for the delay! I am SWAMPED with editing and revising my book!If you love my work my first book is readying to be published on June 28th. Check out 'A Fire That Burns by Kirsty-Anne Still' on Goodreads =)

However, enjoy and don't hate me ;) Thank you as always!

Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Thirty-Seven

"I'm happy with what we did yesterday," Ana told Christian honestly as she read the news spread that was to do with her and Christian's debut outing she really did feel proud of her steps she made.

Christian's brow furrowed at that comment, "You don't seem happy."

"I'm just not feeling it today," Ana admitted as she remained in her position.

"You okay?" he asked her worriedly, putting the newspaper down onto the coffee table. "You've been quite quiet all day."

Giving a coy smile, she tried to calm herself, "Like I said, I'm not feeling it today." She turned to face him properly, lifting herself a little to sit on her bent leg. "I've got something I need to tell you," Ana started off slowly, her tone quiet and quivering with nerves. She shifted and looked at him, "Don't get angry, please."

"What is it, Ana?" He asked her, his tone questioning and trying to guess what this was.

"I haven't been taking my tablets," she whispered, her eyes dropping to her lap as the words began to fall out of her mouth. When she was met with silence, she raised her gaze and was met with a cold stance of an emotionless man.

"Yes you have," he suddenly replied to her. "I've seen you take them regularly."

Shaking her head, she swallowed the lump of nerves gathering in her throat, "I've been fooling everyone. I make it look like I take them by keeping it in the side of my mouth and I spit them out and throw it away into the trash or whatever."

"Why?" he asked her, his brow creasing up even more with the confusion to why she wouldn't take something that would help. "I don't understand why you wouldn't just take them when you know they're to help you through this."

"I didn't want to be medicated to get better," she whispered and looked at her hands as they sat in her lap. Feeling Christian get up to move her head shot up, "I'm sorry I lied but, I wanted to prove I could get better."

Placing his hands on his head, Christian looked at her, "So you sitting here like this is you getting better is it? You've never been this quiet and distance on me in the entire length of our relationship. Don't you even think those tablets would stop you from just not feeling it today, Ana?" he asked her, using her own words against her, standing up. "I need to get some air."

"Christian please," she started and reached out for him. "Please, don't go. I'm sorry. I know it's stupid."

"Stupid?" He asked and laughed at the mockery of her statement. "You've had everyone believing that you don't want to hide anymore and here you are lying! Do you have any idea what you're doing not taking them?"

"Being me," Ana fought back, trying to prove her point. He hadn't known that during sleeplessness she had researched the effects of the drugs and when she read about personality changes and the negative sides of the drugs she couldn't handle it. She didn't want to be numb and she didn't want to lose the person she was because since the attack that was all she felt like she had. Physically she was damaged but, her inner self and personality was still intact.

"Yeah being you in the hospital had real good effects," Christian stated and before he could stop himself the words were tumbling out of his lips. If this was what mistrust did to him he needed to be strung up and gagged. "Do I have to watch you stand in the kitchen this time?" He asked her, his voice hitting hard with his accusations, "Do I have to try and take a fucking kitchen knife away from your throat next time?" He dared her to answer, "Is that it? Did you not think of the repercussions?" He just watched the tears stream down her face, taking on the soft contours of her bone structure, lining her scar on her cheek before meeting mostly at her chin. "Because, in all honesty, I don't think I have the strength to talk a blade away from your jugular again. It nearly practically killed me the first time. Don't you even dare think I can do that again because I can't." He then looked at her, his face softening, "I love you but, I can't watch that sight again, Ana."

"You won't," she fought with him and pulled herself to her feet. "I won't ever get to that point again. If I had I would have done it weeks ago. I won't ever go back to that moment." She wasn't even lying because she didn't want to go to the lowest point in her life.

"How do I know that?" Christian asked her, "How do I know that you won't slip into one of your moments. Those tablets were to stop that. They were to keep you safe."

"From myself?" Ana asked miserably and took in a shuddery breath. "Everyone wanted me medicated to keep me safe from myself." She shook her head at the disappointment she was feeling, "I wanted a chance to survive this on my own but, you just proved that was futile. Either way one of us would have been disappointed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Christian barked at her.

"If I took those tablets like everyone thinks then I'll feel disappointed that I wasn't strong enough and if I don't take those tablets I'm a disappointment to you because I'm making myself unstable. What I never expected was for this." She wiped her tears, not wanting them tracing her skin, "I thought, stupidly, that you might see me as someone strong but, you don't, do you? All I ever try to be is perfect and strong and someone that you can love forever. I try to be something you're proud of regardless of everything."

"This is why you should be taking those tablets!" Christian confessed at her, throwing his arms up. "You're being irrational right now and you can't even see it, Ana! You are perfect and strong and if I haven't proved it by now you're someone I can love then what the fuck am I doing here?"

All viable air was suddenly stolen from Ana's lungs as she heard that. If this wasn't the beginning of a breakup then she didn't know what would be. The vein like cracks beginning to thread through her heart sure felt like the beginning the start of heart break.

"Do you think I don't love you properly, Anastasia?" he asked her, carefully stepping towards her. "After yesterday, do you think that's what I think? Something to just cover up all of this. I did that all for my public image instead of wanting to help you get over this and show the world that I am wholeheartedly in love with you because if you think that of me then maybe we need to take a break from this relationship until you're at a point to see how much I am in love with you."

Gulping back her tears, Ana knew he loved her, she did but, the scars were always her seeds of doubt. It had only been a few weeks since the attack, it hadn't been long enough for someone to come to terms wholly and now she didn't know how she felt. The idea of Christian even instigating a break from their relationship made all sorts of dark and twisted scenarios come to life. He might never be able to come back to relationship with her if they took a break and if that happened how would she ever be able to see him with another woman? Simple, she wouldn't. Losing Christian would be the utmost reason for her to give up and really close herself away more than she already was. If she didn't have him she wouldn't have anything to live for. No other man would think twice when looking at her.

And as her tears beckoned heavier than ever before she found herself spent of words and just decided to leave him alone. As the tears began to burn in the back of her throat and eyes she found herself unable to face Christian any longer. The prospects hurt and she didn't have it in her to fight for him. Yesterday had really taken her emotional strength. She made a mistake the day she stood with a scalpel to her throat and it appeared that regardless of words she would never be free of that demon. It was always going to cast a shadow upon her whatever. She made a mistake going public yesterday because now it seemed to not matter and being truthful with the man she loved had caused all of this.

Closely the door, she pressed her back to it and locked it before falling onto her bed and just curling up. She closed her eyes to the world around her and just closed down on it for the moment. She needed to get a fight back in her. Wiping her face hard to rid the tears her eyes opened and fell onto the pot of Prozac pills. Sitting up, she grabbed them and readied her index finger to push the cap off them. Maybe Christian was right. Then just before she opened the pot and took one she threw the pot across the room, the sound of multiple little tablets rattling onto the floor after the pot hit the wall.

She was strong enough to do with this without tablets.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Beauty and the Beast -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Not following her, he turned and left the apartment. Grabbing his phone, Christian knew he should have been truthful and admitted that he was leaving the apartment but, he didn't know how Ana would react now. It seemed that yesterday had sucked the life out of her and now she was admitting that, he felt like he was in turmoil again.

Walking to the stairwell, he went in and sat on the steps and grabbed his phone. He needed some sanity and only one person would remain unbiased and calm – Flynn. Pushing the right numbers he placed the phone to his ear and worshipped the good doctor for answering quickly. "I need to talk," Christian muttered into his cell phone as he pushed his fingers through his hair. "That's all."

"Then talk," Flynn instructed him coolly, not saying anymore.

Christian sighed heavily, "I just found out that Ana hasn't been taking her medication. Like at all since being out of the hospital."

Flynn gave a small laugh, "Well I am impressed."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Christian barked at his friend, wanting to see how being impressed fit in because right now he was panicking how Ana was going to relapse before his eyes.

"Christian," Flynn began in the same mannerisms he always used, "Ask yourself this, how has she been since leaving the hospital? Has she been coping, acting weird, acting out?"

"No," Christian breathed out the single syllable word, "she's been perfect." He allowed his head to droop down and he took in a scathingly shuddering breath, "She should be taking the pills, John! If she was then she wouldn't be having a down day like she is now."

"There's nothing to say she wouldn't be having a bad day with the medication," Flynn stated the obvious as if it were just that easy to recognise. "If she were a danger to herself she would have done something drastic weeks ago. She wouldn't confess to you that she had stopped talking her pills. Clearly she trusted you to know thinking you wouldn't react."

"Shit," Christian hit the stairs with a closed fist. "I just felt she was so stupid and reckless and I'm scared for her. I can't believe she hid it from us all."

"What was her reason?" Flynn asked, trying to get the gist of the entire situation.

"That she basically wanted to recover by herself and show she was strong for me," Christian spoke, finally seeing just how strong she was being in admitting to him what she was doing. "She wanted to remain her."

"Do you realise how strong that woman is?" Flynn asked in an incredulous tone. "Not many people could say they survived the attack she did and recovered mentally without some medical help. Sure she had the intravenous medication whilst in the hospital but, coming home should have made it harder for her to cope. From what I can tell she's more than coping."

Christian took a few moments to calculate the truth here. Ana was coping. They had all seen it. All spoken about it and all agreed that they loved it. If she did that without pills she really was getting better and she was recovering on her own terms – exactly how she wanted.

"I gotta go," Christian suddenly said, closed the door and shot up. He bolted from the stairwell and back to Ana. He couldn't leave this like this. He couldn't bear not making it right now. He had to make it right and he had to seek forgiveness.

Going back into the apartment, Christian was suddenly extremely grateful that everyone had given he and Ana a day alone. Not they had anticipated it end up like this! He approached Ana's door, full of regret and apology and reached out for the doorknob. When he tried the handle, he panicked. Pressing his forehead to the door he knew he had done damage and he would never forgive himself if Ana did something stupid.