Still Into You by Paramore
'Cause after all this time, I'm still into you.
I should be over all the butterflies.
Not into you; I'm into you

Remember in chapter 4 how I said that I hate mornings? Well, it's morning again. I opened my eyes to the glow of my computer. The first thing that struck me as odd is that I had been sleeping in my bed and under my covers. I never really sleep under my covers, I always sleep on top of the covers or without them at all. The other is that I rarely sleep in my bed.

I groaned and sat up, rubbing my head because of the throbbing pain. Why did my head hurt? The only reasonable explanation is that I hit my head on my bed or something like that.

Wait a minute. Last night I went to go visit Beyond in the medical room and...what happened after that? It was something important, I knew that much. But what was it?

I sighed, closing my eyes as I slid out of the bed. I stood up, opening my dark eyes as I stretched my arms up above my head with a yawn. I then let my arms drop to my sides, walking over to my computer. On it was a pulled up document with some typing. I crouched down, looking at the screen with a thumb to my lips.

The message typed into the document made me chuckle slightly, reading what message could only have been written by one person and one person only.

Hiya Lawli! ;] Have a good night sleep! You deserve it!
-B

I got to my feet, rolling my eyes with a smile on my face. "I told him not to touch my computer...that jerk..." I said in a joking tone though I also meant this statement.

I stood up once again, hand pressed to my head as I staggered towards the bathroom. My head was pounding and it annoyed me so much as I used the wall to guide me along towards the bathroom, leaning against it and shuffling along. My hand felt for a switch which flicked on once I touched it. I groaned, squinting as the bright light flooded the room. It was even more annoying than the head ache.

I walked over to the sink, turning the cold water on before I put my head under the water. I had my eyes shut tightly, feeling the water and shivering slightly. I waited a minute or two before turning off the water and stepping back. I heard the soft plips as the water fell to floor but I kept my eyes closed, breathing in and out as I tried to collect my thoughts

Then it hit me. What Beyond had done to me last night. It all came rushing back.

My eyes opened and my head jerked up so fast, my neck could have suffered whiplash from it. I blushed darkly and leaned back against the wall as if my feet could no longer support me. Which was, in fact, true. Okay, so he did that to me...maybe I'm just hallucinating. Maybe that wasn't really Beyond Birthday. After all, the look-alike had the same colored eyes as me. Not red ones as the person last night had.

I ran fingers through my hair as I started to walk to the door. I should probably go visit B and find out what really happened last night...He's most likely out of the infirmary due to his message on my computer, I thought as I chewed on my thumbnail, continuing to walk out of my room. I clomped down the stairs, bouncing slightly as I did. I should probably be more quiet now since the classes are probably now in session.

Oh yeah, I should probably explain that. Classes are for the kids at Wammy's to continue their curriculum and such. They still graduate like normal kids but they (usually, there are some exceptions...) have a higher intelligence. Excluding if I were to die. Then my first successor would go live in my place and the cycle would continue.

I don't attend these classes. I feel a bit disappointed about that since I really wanted to try to get to know more people. But then Roger had to come in and yak about me having to stay suspicious of other people and not make friends. I can't even let the people who are going to be living with me for several years know who I am. To most I am merely, Ryuuzaki. To others, I am just a weird kid. At least to B and A, I am L.

I'm quite glad I don't have to hide who I am from these two. They will become my first friends. I will completely make sure of that.

Anyways, I kind of got off track there.

I had just gotten to the bottom of the stairs, turning at the corner to go down the hall when I bumped into a small girl.

I stopped, looking down at her. Her face was tilted to the ground, one of the causes of our collision. That, and I wasn't looking either. Her head then shifted, looking up at me with deep hazel eyes. It was quite then that the weirdness progressed. She stared at me, and I stared back. I wasn't sure if I should be the more mature one and step back or if I should act as my childish self and stand there until she moved.

So our silent stare down commenced.

I observed her even though I managed to keep my eyes staring at hers. She had blond hair...Waist length, I believe. I wasn't able to tell that well by a mere glance. She was small. I assumed she reached a mere three foot and ten inches at the most. A name bubbled to my head and before I could stop myself, I had started to say her name.

"H-, I mean, Julia. Otherwise known as J, correct?" I managed to cover up my almost mistake. I wouldn't know her real name. Only Roger, Wammy, and L knew everyone's full names. And as I stated before, no one but B and A knows that I am L. And B also, strangely, seems to know everyone's names. Full names. I haven't looked into it much but I know for a fact that Beyond Birthday could never, ever get a-hold of the children's files. Except...B was B. He probably could get those files.

The girl, Hailey, nodded, not seeming to notice my little almost-mistake. "...Ryuuzaki?" she murmured in return and I nodded.

Then awkward silence fell again but this time it was soon interrupted by a chuckling voice.

"Well you two are getting to know each other quite well."

I pried my gaze away, looking towards the sound of the voice. A smile tugged at the corners of my lips; there for one moment then disappearing. "Beyond," I murmured.

B flashed his famous grin at me and I moved to take a step towards my look-alike but something-no, someone- beat me to it. The girl was now standing in front of Beyond Birthday, looking up at him. She hugged his leg in a shy way but possessively way as well. It sent a stab of anger flushing through my veins at that and I quickly mentally reprimanded myself. Getting jealous over a child? What is wrong with you, L? I thought bitterly, glancing away as Beyond crouched down so he was eye-level with the girl. He whispered something in her ear and her hazel eyes widened a fraction of an inch. This hadn't gone unnoticed by me, especially when she gave a small chuckle before turning and disappearing down the hall, leaving me and Beyond alone.

"...What did you say to her?" I murmured in a soft yet bitter tone.
"Why? Jealous?" Beyond grinned wider, his black eyes seeming to rake over my form and I felt my cheeks heat up.
"Never," I muttered.
"Sure, sure," B rolled his eyes, walking over to me till he was standing a few inches away from me.

I decided to change the topic as quickly as I could so I quickly said, "You got on my computer."

My look-alike's face switched from amused to confused. "Uh, no I did not," he stated in a quizzical tone.

I blinked in surprise, my eyes flickering up to look at Beyond Birthday once again. "But you left a message..." I murmured in a soft tone.

B rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and squinted one eye, "Well maybe I did...I don't remember..."

"You don't...remember?" I gaped in slight surprise.

"Yeah...in fact, I don't remember much of anything except for you visiting last night and waking up this morning. I kinda blanked out while you visited. I woke up this morning and my wound was pretty much healed," The raven-haired shrugged as if this was no big deal.

I froze, eyes wide. That...that...I had heard something like that before. It had something to do with...a instantaneous change in personal-

I then knew what it was.

Dissociative disorder.

That was a mental disorder. Such as multiple personality. This type was usually characterized by a sudden temporary alteration in consciousness, identity, or motor behavior.

I was sure now. B most likely had this. Maybe a bit more extreme though.

I need to test this theory out, I thought to myself, biting the inside of my lip as I looked at Beyond. I didn't think about the consequences, only wanting to prove myself right. I wanted to be right. So as I pressed myself against the taller look-alike, I could only stare at his surprised gray eyes, so alike my own. Here it goes, I thought, snaking my hand to slip into B's hair, pressing our lips together quickly.

I felt him stiffen against me and his lips tense. I began to slightly panic, wondering if this was a mistake and my theory was completely wrong. I knew it was now time to back out. I released my hold on B's hair quickly stepping back. "B...I can explain..." I murmured in a soft tone, my eyes slightly downcast. I wasn't prepared to be suddenly grabbed and slammed into the wall. My head bashed against the wall, making me cry out in pain.

"I appreciate the enthusiasm but ukes aren't supposed to be the ones to make the moves," a purring voice sounded in my ear while beginning to cradle my head softly. I looked at the face that was staring back at me, red eyes full of amusement. Red eyes...I was right.

"It's funny. My other side wants to hold you close and keep you pure, despite his needs. But I want to make you mine and I want to humiliate you and hurt you," Beyond murmured and a grin stretched across his face. As if to prove his point, he grabbed my hair in a tight grip and slammed my head against the wall, baring my throat to him. He snickered as if he found the scene funny and I felt fear go through me along with a bit of cursed excitement. I felt his lips press to my neck and I jolted in surprise as his teeth began to worry at my neck.

"Stop..." I managed to groan out, twisting slightly in his grip.

"Why?" He growled, pausing in his ministrations to my neck.

"I...want the real B..." I managed to whisper, not even realizing what I had said before it had slipped out.

"Idiot! I am the real B," he pressed harder against me, tilting my head so I was looking up at him and not the ceiling anymore.

"No you aren't..." I ground out tersely. "The real B wouldn't be doing this to me. He wouldn't be." I knew that statement was absolutely true. I don't know how but it just was. "Bring back, B...I want to talk to B!"

"Fine," the red-eyed imposter growled but then smirked slightly. "But remember, Lawli-pop, I will always own you. And I am the true B. My other side is a disease. Why else do you think that I am able to remember everything but he isn't?"

"Because you are a parasite!" I snarled under my breath. I felt Beyond's hand wrap against my throat, squeezing hard. I gasped, twisting against the wall in desperation to at least get a shred of air. I felt a major sense of deja vu at this feeling as the black began to lap at my vision but this time I fought it off the best I could, keeping it at bay using only my mental willpower. At least, I think I was holding it off. I don't know.

I felt his hand tighten more, growling softly. I wouldn't have this. So I brought my leg up hard in desperation to connect with something. I almost cried out in relief when I heard his gasp and his hand fell away from my neck. I slumped against the wall, panting painfully as I gripped my neck, massaging it to relieve the pain. I looked at the crumple form of my look-alike, wondering if I should help or not.

I saw him then move and I stiffened. He sat up and turned his face towards me. I almost sobbed in relief when I saw the gray eyes that mirrored my own.

B's eyes widened in shock upon seeing my mussed up state and I couldn't help but to know that his whole world was about to be turned upside down with this piece of information.

Oh no...What had I done? I had blanked out once again and again L was hurt.

Lawli-pop...

My dear, dear Lawliet...

How come I kept hurting him? It was because of these weird blank moments. And probably this voice in my head that bugged me continously, whsipering what it wanted to do to this poor boy.

I wanted to pull him close and hug him tightly.

But you want to do more than that, hm~? You want to take that boy. Even now.

No, shut up.

You want to humiliate him. You want to wrap your hand around his neck and watch the life leave his eyes.

No, no, no, no.

They want you to be with him. You need to break away from what they want. The only way you can do that is if you completely severe yourself from him. Killing him.

"No, no, no!"

I didn't realize that I had started yelling at the top of my lungs. I curled in on myself, clutching my arms around my knees. I felt cold yet comforting handstouch my shoulders before the arms followed, wrapping around my neck gently.

"B, please calm down...I'm fine. You didn't mean to."

I almost sob at how raspy his voice sounds. No, it's my fault.

"Beyond, Ive deduced why this keeps happening..." L continued softly, hugging me tighter. "You...you have dissociative disorder. You change personalities on a whim and sometimes you won't even realize that you do." He whispered now as if he was afraid to tell me this.

"I...hurt you!" I protested but L shook his head.

"That wasn't you," he stated softly.

"Ye-" I was caught off as L's lips were suddenly pressed to mine.

Heh, now's our chance. C'mon, I'll get rid of him.

No. You will not ruin this. I love L. I love L. Lawliet

And as we broke apart for air, matching dark eyes staring at each other deeply, I could tell only one thing:

L. Lawliet loved me.

And that's all I cared about.