Disclaimer: I own nothing...
A/N: So not as soon as I hoped, but not an eternity either ;) Enjoy this, and thank you!
Beauty and the Beast – Chapter Forty-Two
"Ana," Grace's soft voice floated into Ana's senses, driving her away from her memories. "Ana, sweetie, we really need to get you seen to."
Shaking her head, Ana only managed to murmur her response, "No."
"I know you want to know what's happening, but you're hurt as well." She watched as Ana looked up, she knew the wounds to Ana were not even remotely close to what Christian, Taylor, and Sawyer had sustained, but she was hoping to occupy them both until news arrived. "You've got some superficial wounds," Grace pointed out, gently talking Ana's hand in hers. "I just want you to get checked out and these cleaned up. As soon as there is news I will know."
Ana said nothing. She simply nodded her head and allowed Grace to guide her wherever. She felt numb and empty all at once. She hadn't cried since they arrived at the hospital. She hadn't even spoken. She could barely find faith right now, not when she felt filthy with Christian's blood, and she felt empty that Kaitlyn pleaded insanity to her actions. The only insanity she saw was the one she was now feeling not knowing whether the man she loved was going to survive.
"Sweetheart, I know this is a very hard time in your life, but believe me, Christian did what he had to," Grace spoke up, after hearing about how Christian got so hurt, Grace found herself to feel proud over her son's decision to protect Ana. He had been heroic and gotten hurt, but he would only ever do that for Ana. She had worked on cleaning Ana up until the silence became unbearable and now she couldn't stand it. "You need to realise he did that because he loves you so much."
Biting her lip, Ana couldn't deny how loved she felt as a direct result of Christian protecting her from Kaitlyn's actions. "I can't believe she hated me so much for loving him," Ana whispered out, her eyes dropped to her lap, the tears welling up heavily across them. "I did nothing but love him, Grace, and that should have been enough. Seeing Christian happy and loved should have counteracted it all."
"Ana," Grace froze her actions of cleaning the wounds on Ana's palms and just sighed. "Kaitlyn, she's mentally unstable. She was driven by insanity to this. Most people would love to see the people that mean a lot to them happy, but Kaitlyn, well, she was driven by jealousy because she could never keep him happy. Even after her attack on you, Christian fell harder than ever for you. She saw how in love he is with you and that fuelled her."
Raising her gaze, Ana looked into Grace's warm, motherly gaze, "He isn't going to die is he?" Her lip began to quiver, the tears finally falling down face. "He keeps me alive. If I don't have him I'm terrified of what my life will become, Grace. I can't survive without him. I don't want to either."
"And you won't have to," Grace attested and applied her faith in her son's ability to come back. "However much I am terrified right now at the prospect of Christian's predicament, I have absolute faith in him surviving this, and then shouting his orders by the morning." She watched Ana give a weak smile, but hoped the Ana would see her optimism and feel it too. "See, somewhere in you, you can see the same thing."
"I don't want to hope too much," Ana meekly replied, her eyes staring at Grace hard. "What if I do that and then he's not okay?"
"What if you do that and he is okay?" Grace countered her question.
Ana nodded offering a small shrug, and watched Grace get back to work, finishing her job of cleaning the tiny cuts to Ana's hands, and stitching the slash from where Ana had literally gripped the shard of glass in anticipation to cut Kaitlyn.
"Right, that's you done," Grace said as she covered the wound and tore the latex gloves from her hands. She threw the rubbish together and took it to the waste bin. She looked over at Ana, who still sat so deadly silent it worried her, but she just acted normal. "Your eye will bruise and I want to watch out for the swelling, but that should be fine once the bruising comes out. From the look of it so will other areas of your face, but you seem okay otherwise. The hits didn't disrupt you scars from the original attack so we just need to get you some pain killers and you'll be okay."
"Okay," Ana gave a coy smile, hoping down from the bed, "Thank you, Grace."
"No thanks needed," Grace said and led Ana from the room.
Getting back to the waiting room, Ana resumed her previous docile seat. Took to it and closed herself off from the world. She could hear conversation flowing freely, everyone trying to keep the optimism rife, but Ana only found herself hating it.
"It's all my fault," Ana suddenly whispered, looking at her hands as they sat lifelessly in her lap. "He stepped in front of that blade to save me. It's my fault," she continued, and suddenly pressed a hand to her chest as she felt it hard to breathe through the consuming grief. "Oh God, he's going to die and it'll be down to me." She stood up, ignorant of her name being called, and began to pace. "They all got hurt because of me."
"Ana," Grace stepped in, grabbing onto Ana's arms and holding her still. "It's not your fault."
Ana nodded her head vigorously, "It is. He's dying because of me, Grace. They all are. She wanted me dead. She wanted me out of the equation. That knife was meant for me."
"No," Grace replied to her. "This is no way near your fault, Sweetie."
"It is. Think about it," Ana spoke, tears pouring down her cheeks. "We should have gone to Escala. Christian wanted us there, I said no. I wanted to be at my place and not be reminded of that night when we argued. I stupidly thought it would work out for me, but it didn't. It came back with a vengeance. My selfish decision came right back at me. He knew how to keep us safe. He knew how to protect us."
"If Christian thought for one second you weren't safe at your apartment, he would have gotten you to his place and that would have been final," Grace told Ana, the stillness in her voice, fortifying her certainty. "No one knew that Kaitlyn would literally fight her way into your apartment, Ana. None of us could have predicted she would have gone to this extreme so please stop thinking it's all on you."
"B-but I had such an aversion to going there because what happened the last time I was there and look what happened!" Ana couldn't listen to Grace's rationality when her own was cast down around her ankles, dying a slow and torturous death. Choking on a difficult breath as more tears beckoned upon her lashes, Ana ripped herself from Grace's grasp and just stood alone for a moment before her irrationality really did take over. Ana tore at her hair, literally feeling the roots beginning to scream across her scalp. "I told you this was my fault! Every little thing points to me!"
Kate reached out for Ana, but was scared when Ana's eyes flashed over to her with so much feral emotion, she didn't know how dangerous Ana could be right now. "Steele," she started, keeping the physical distance between them. "I know it's scary right now, and we don't know what's happening, but you cannot carry the blame of this on your shoulders. You asked for none of this."
"I know," Ana replied miserably, and her bottom lip began to quiver. "But I am the reason it all began. Kaitlyn did this to make Christian not love me. All of the stress afterwards was down to me literally going crazy, and now this." She reached up and covered her face, speaking through her palms as the sobs increased, "She shot Taylor and Sawyer to get easier access to me, and Christian," her hands fell from her face to look at Kate, "He saved me from her. That blade was meant for me. She aimed for me, and he saved me. It's all down to me."
"Listen to me," Kate began to say, forcing Ana's attention to focus for a moment, "Kaitlyn did this. It was her plan. She planned to hurt you, she planned to make Christian hate you. She planned to ruin you. She also plotted getting into our apartment, and she planned on killing you. You are an innocent party who was literally pulled into the middle of this because of someone's jealousy."
"She wanted me dead," Ana suddenly shuddered upon the thought. This was the first time she had fully felt the impact of the claim. "She wanted me dead, and he wanted me alive. I can't lose him because of that. I can't live without him."
"And you won't," Kate finalised the comment. As Ana caved to the breakdown, Kate brought Ana to her chest and allowed her to cry out all of her feelings while she hugged her tight. Slowly she got Ana sitting and still remained holding onto her. She believed Ana's strength was only sourced from Christian. Without him, she might as well be left for dead, and having seen the predicament of Christian's health, Kate was nervous she would lose both him and Ana. Even long after Ana calmed down, everyone's silence beckoned across the room, Kate remained close to Ana, refusing to leave her side.
Ana ignored the news as the doctors tending to Sawyer and Taylor came to give their update. Gail was immediately in a flood of tears and gratitude to hear that Taylor had pulled through. Ana barely heard that Sawyer had made it too. She was lost in this world right now, not hearing about Christian. She needed to know if he was okay.
"Doctor's here," Kate whispered at her as she took her stand. Immediately Kate looked back at Ana as she jumped up to her feet, and wearily approached the doctor, readying herself for this new fallout. She grabbed Ana's hand in hers, offering some form of moral support for her to make it through this.
Feeling her every nerve begin to tremble, Ana tried to play it cool, tried to remain calm, except deep down, her panic was widespread and looking for an outlet. She just listened to Grace take charge of the moment, using her ability to be a doctor to take control.
"How is he?" she asked, her tone unmoved, and her posture was stoic and strong.
"He's alive," the doctor told them with a smile. "The damage was minimal, but the blood loss wasn't. That's what caused Mr. Grey to become so unstable. He's stable and resting in ICU right now. I just wanted him under constant observation until he wakes up."
"He's not awake?" Ana gasped in horror. The guilt nailed into her more by Christian's unclear status of health.
"Don't look so worried," the doctor quickly replied, calming the fear rapidly coming apparent on Ana's face. "He's doing well right now, and his body needs the rest. I would say in a day or two we'll be looking at a complete turnaround. Right now, he is recovering from massive chest trauma and the effects of surgery. I have no worries, nor should you."
"Can we see him?" Grace asked, jumping in with a hopeful tone.
The doctor nodded, "But only two of you until the morning. He needs the rest." He watched them all contemplate and agree. "I can take you down now."
"Grace, take yourself and Ana down," Carrick stepped in, he noticed the faces of everyone and stood his ground. "Knowing he's okay will do me fine. Grace, I trust you to give us the real picture here, and Ana, after being caught up in the ordeal, you need to see him. You need to gain that closure."
"Come on, Sweetie," Grace said, taking Ana's hand as she became almost frozen to her spot. She led Ana down after the doctor and found her son sleeping soundly. She listened to the steady rhythm of his heart monitor and she relaxed. He was alive, that was all she needed to relax her. The rest she could read from his chart. "I'll leave you," Grace said as she placed a hand onto Ana's shoulder. She watched her look at her with a bewildered expression. "I've seen him," Grace smiled, "That's enough for the moment."
Before Ana could argue about being left on her own, Grace was gone. She was caught between the man she loved and listening to her subconscious whispering insults of blame and guilt trips at her. Looking back at Christian's sleeping form; Ana went with what she wanted more - to be near Christian - and stepped into the room.
Unable to approach him wholly, Ana slid down the nearest wall and sunk against the floor, keeping Christian in her line of vision. She couldn't bring herself to touch him, she felt she didn't deserve it, but selfishly she couldn't just leave. He was alive, and that was what kept her here.
"Ana?" Christian's hoarse voice crossed the room at her, circulating around her as if to be her security blanket. She slowly looked up at him as he reached out weakly for her, "What are you doing down there? Baby, come here please."
"No," she whispered in a choked sob. "No, I can't."
"Baby," he called out to her again, then time trying to push himself up on his weakened limbs. "Anastasia," he said as he gave up and collapsed back down onto the mattress, wincing a little as he did so. "I need you."
As he said that, Ana was up on her feet and by his side. Him needing her was completely different to her needing him. Right now, she wasn't a priority, he was.
"Your face," Christian stated as he looked up at her, his eyes grazing over her every feature to see how much damage was done. "You're a mess."
Ana smiled at that gentle comment, and felt impish over it. She knew he didn't mean the scar down her face, but the fact that she was now sporting a cut lip and a swollen eye. He had never seen her as a mess for the scars, but healable abrasions and she was a mess.
"A beautiful mess," he continued, a tired smirk gracing his lips as he closed her eyes. "I'm so happy she didn't follow through on her plan."
"No thanks to you," Ana mumbled at him, the misery boiling in her still to see him in such a state. "If you had just let her do what she wanted to then-"
"Then I'd have lost you," Christian spoke with such certainty. "The angle she had that knife, she aimed to kill you. I'm taller than you; I knew it wouldn't kill me."
"How? How could you possibly have known that? You reacted to the threat on me and now look at you, Christian," she said and looked up and down his body, her eyes cast upon his wrapped body.
"I'm alive," he countered and gave an exhausted chuckle.
Letting out a sob, Ana broke, "This is my fault you're like this. Everyone told me it wasn't, that you would have wanted to save me, but I cannot stop and think how you nearly dying is on me. You and Taylor and, Christ, Sawyer all took a hit for me to survive. That's all on me now."
"It's not your fault," Christian whispered at her, his tone tentative and soothing. "You were so strong back there, Ana. You were everything I thought you would be and I am so proud of you." He brought his hand up slowly, weakly to wipe her tears away. "You, Anastasia Steele, are such a fighter I can't wait to call you my wife."
Closing her eyes, Ana didn't second guess her next set of words. They came to her like drawing breaths, like loving the man before. "Ask me," she whispered at him as her eyes opened. She watched the shock on glaze over Christian's expression, "Ask me."
Not wasting a moment, or giving her the chance to stop this, he listened. "Marry me?" Christian asked her, licking his dry lips as the smile literally grew wider by the second. He knew this wasn't the proposal he wanted for her, but right now, hearing her affirmative was more than enough for him.
"Yes," Ana said and grabbed his hand in hers, kissing his knuckles. Having been given a second and third chance at keeping Christian in her life, Ana wasn't going to waste any more time. "God, yes."