King Wart's castle was not what it once was.
It had been many years since his failed attempt to use the dream machine to create an army of nightmares and, even though he hadn't been defeated for good, he never really seemed to have gotten back up on his feet. King Wart wasn't a "threat" so much as he was a "person who still existed."
Still, he did have a castle, and that castle did still have some monsters living there who it could be assumed still did King Wart's bidding. However, whether because they hadn't seen any real action in ages or were just very weak overall, they weren't a problem. Dimentio could easily send little enemies like this to Dimension D without even pausing his movement. Count Bleck moved to his left, a bit behind him, watching their progress in silence.
"You don't really believe King Wart stole his cohostess, do you, Count?" Dimentio asked after they had been in the castle for a short while.
"I do," replied Count Bleck. "Snifit."
"I see him." Dimentio wrapped a box around the snifit and sent it away. "King Wart hasn't done anything in years. Why would he just kidnap a game show hostess out of nowhere? It doesn't make any sense."
"Why would a game show host suddenly turn evil and broadcast his crimes all over the Mushroom Kingdom?"
"Hm." Dimentio gave a moment of serious thought.
"I can't help it," said Count Bleck. "I'm not naive. I'm not going to let my emotions blind me to villainy-" Dimentio coughed but said nothing- "but it's always complicated. Sometimes good people do bad things for strange reasons, and it is the job of Count Bleck to untangle those knots."
"That's the interesting thing about you," said Dimentio. "You always have to see the best in everyone."
"I have to," replied Count Bleck.
"I, meanwhile, am perfectly content in seeing the worst in everyone."
"Including yourself." Count Bleck glanced back at Dimentio.
"I could say the same about you."
"So we both see the world through the warped lense of our own perception," said Count Bleck. "What else is new? So does everyone."
They turned a corner down the hallway. They could see clear down, and it was empty. "Chuck Quizmo said that Wart was watching them. If that was the case, wouldn't he have sent something better to stop us?"
"Maybe he doesn't have anything better," said Count Bleck. "If he had a 'welcoming committee' that was fit to take us down, he would have enough manpower to do something better than blackmail a TV show, wouldn't he?"
They came to the end of the corridor, where a large stone bird mouth was fixed to the wall. Hanging on the beak was a sign that said BACK IN 5, with a crystal globe on the ground next to it. Count Bleck picked up the globe and put it in the bird's mouth, which proceeded to open wide enough to allow entry. "After you," said Count Bleck, holding out his caped arm.
Dimentio ducked his head down and floated through, with Count Bleck behind him.
Inside they were in the throne room of the large frog king, Wart himself. King Wart was sitting on his throne in front of a TV that currently showed a test pattern. In front of him was what looked like a control panel hooked up to the TV, and Wart was fiddling with it, glaring intensely at his work. He glanced up, saw them come in, and jumped up off his throne, knocking the sensitive equipment down without noticing. "What? How did you get here? Where's Mouser?"
"Powdering his nose, I assume," said Count Bleck. "We're here following up a report about you holding a certain hostage?"
"Well, come back later. I'm busy watching TV."
"That wouldn't happen to be a broadcast from a television studio that you're blackmailing, would it?"
King Wart froze for a split second before laughing. "What? That's preposterous! Why on earth would I bother kidnapping that girlfriend of his? I have better things to do with my time!"
"Okay, that cinches it," said Count Bleck. "Where's Vanna?"
"You're making a big mistake challenging me!" King Wart warned.
"I disagree." Dimentio warmed up a dazzle ball. "I will strike fiercely, like a unionized worker with legitimate grievances!"
"Wait!" King Wart held up his hands. "If you kill me you'll never know where I'm keeping her!"
"In your dungeon, which Count Bleck assumes is below ground," said Count Bleck.
"If we're wrong, we'll warp to the Underwhere and interrogate your spirit," added Dimentio.
"Okay, okay, okay!" King Wart turned around. "You asked for this..."
Count Bleck and Dimentio glanced at each other.
King Wart turned around and belched an enormous bubble at them. It zoomed across the room directly to its target, who proceeded to pop it with the south end of his cane.
"Why did you think a big bubble would stop us?" asked Dimentio.
"Well, it worked on Mario!"
"Did it? Asked Count Bleck. Did it really?"
"... Actually, no." King Wart hung his head.
"Now take us to Vanna T., and we'll consider releasing all of your guards and the assorted monsters we encountered on our way here."
"What? Oh, come on!"
Dimentio lifted his dazzle ball over his head. "You have five seconds to comply."
"All right, all right!" King Wart turned around and put his froggy hands on the back of his head. "I'm complying! I'll take you to the dungeon! Geeze, can't a guy threaten one game show without a bunch of hero types jumping down his throat?"
Count Bleck jabbed Wart's back with his cane. "Mush."
King Wart led Count Bleck and Dimentio to the stairway that took them down to the dungeon. Inside a dank cell, sitting on a wooden slab chained to the wall, was a grimy Toad woman, hunched together with her face hidden.
"Miss Vanna T.?" Count Bleck asked gently.
Vanna looked up, eyes wide. She glanced between Wart, Dimentio, and Bleck.
"It's all right," he continued, as soothingly as he could. "We're here to rescue you."
Vanna wiped her eyes. "Is Chuck okay?" she asked.
"He was when we left," said Dimentio.
"Open the cell," said Count Bleck to King Wart.
"Uh, I don't have the key on me..."
"Ugh." Count Bleck tapped the padlock. "Dimentio, would you?"
Dimentio obliged, and sent the lock to Dimension D. Without it, the cell door swing open.
Count Bleck opened one arm wide and beckoned her with his other hand. "Come here; we'll take you back to the studio immediately."
Vanna pushed her hair out of her eyes and ran to the Count. He wrapped her in his cape as she buried her face in his waistcoat.
"Get in." Dimentio pointed to the cell.
"What?" King Wart asked.
"Get in."
"Oh, come on, you've got what you came for."
Dimentio summoned up another dazzle ball. "Get. In."
"Okay, okay, I'm getting in, I'm getting in!" King Wart, with his hands still behind his head, stepped into the now vacant cell. "See? I got in. Are you happy now?"
"Yes." Dimentio clicked his fingers and warped King Wart to Dimension D.
"Dimentio!"
"What?" Dimentio held out his palms. "I'll send them all back once they've had time to think about what they've done."
"That's more than fair," said Count Bleck. Then, to Vanna: "Hold on tight, dear. We're taking you straight back to the studio."
Vanna nodded and clutched Count Bleck's waistcoat. A moment later, and Count Bleck, Dimentio, and Vanna were all back in Chuck Quizmo's studio, and it was exactly as they'd left it.
"Well?" Chuck Quizmo leaned forward, and Luigi immediately stepped up.
Count Bleck released Vanna. She ran straight to Chuck and wrapped her arms around him. Chuck Quizmo wrapped his worm tail around her. They stayed in that embrace for a long time, no one speaking, just relishing the moment.
Chuck reached the tip of his tail up and wiped under his glasses. "I thought I'd never see you again," he whispered.
"I thought I'd never see you again," she replied.
"I'm glad you're safe," said Chuck, letting go of her at last. "But I know we can't go back to how it was. I'm sorry. When you were gone, I... well, I had to do some things I'm not entirely proud of."
"No, he didn't," said Luigi.
Everyone turned to see Luigi and Dimentio, standing side by side. Luigi was holding up a cassette tape. Dimentio reached over and yanked the film out as Luigi cracked it in half. "It wasn't going to air until later, right?" asked Luigi.
"Uh... no. But you can't let me get away with this. It was horrible, what I did. I knew I wasn't going to get away with it. I knew I was going to prison when I did it."
"It was horrible," said Count Bleck. "And you should be punished by the ones you wronged. I want you to write a 100,000 word essay on why what you did was nearly inexcusable, and the proper way to alert heroes when you're in trouble. It had better be well-researched. I'm sending Nastasia here in a week to pick it up."
"You're serious," said Chuck, somewhat bemused but mostly numb with surprise.
"And if you do it again, then there will be no mercy."
"We should go," said Tippi. "I'm sure you two want to spend time alone."
"Do you need a lift back to Toad Town?" asked Count Bleck to Luigi.
"No," said Luigi. "I have my own way back. Thanks, though."
"I bid you good day," said Count Bleck to Chuck and Vanna. "I look forward to seeing your show when it does air."
Count Bleck, Dimentio, and Tippi warped again, and this time were back at Club 64.
"There you are!" Nastasia jumped up from her chair at the table where she, O'Chunks, and Mimi were waiting.
"Ohmygosh, where have you been?" Mimi bounced in her seat excitedly.
"It's quite the story," said Count Bleck. "I'll tell you all about it when we make a write-up of what we learned in the Beige Prognosticus..."
Chuck definitely screwed up the numbering. He was trying to think of a way to tell them, and he lost his place. In the original dream, there was no twist. He was evil and Count Bleck died trying to stop him. But that just wasn't a Count's World story.
See y'all next time!