Semester's done and I'm free. Promise to update more frequently. Love you for your patience, guys.

A voice in her head told her to roll down the halls behind the throne room, where gold dully glimmered in the dark like hidden treasure. Darcy wasn't sure if Loki was leading her or instinct but she followed it, hoping to end the madness which was consuming her days. Her wandering only lasted a short while, as she came upon a double set of doors, vast and ancient and simply radiating magic.

Darcy barely managed to open one door, terrified that she was going to awaken the entire palace and all of Asgard with the creaking. She shone her flashlight about the room, unable to figure out what she was seeing. It was a vast expanse, almost entirely dark but for a distant glow. Darcy carefully approached the minute source of light, desperately hoping to avoid awakening any mummies or vampires- anything her imagination could conjure up at the moment. She finally hit something with her flashlight's rays, and was relieved to find herself in a library until she remembered that she had spent most of the previous summer exploring the books of the royal library. This was nothing like that one, and it certainly wasn't in the back of the palace, tucked away like this one.

Clever girl…

Darcy groaned inwardly but was pleased- she had managed to find him just as he wanted. With growing speed she wheeled herself towards the light, which she discovered to be a fireplace. Before it were two armchairs, squashy and inviting, reminiscent of a Hogwarts common room. Absentmindedly wishing she could climb into one, Darcy looked for Loki. The small illumination provided by the fire revealed no one, and frustration rose within her.
"Loki, quit the games. You called, I came."

I was under the impression you enjoyed games, Darcy Lewis.

"What the-? Loki, get out of my head! Get out of the shadows- you, you, you-"

Monster? Is that your word? Or beast, or villain? What tenacious label shall you slap upon me, little girl?

Darcy frantically turned about to find the source of the taunting, but some parchment got caught in her wheel, something which had never happened before, and as she was turning around to look behind her the chair remained in place, sending half of her flying out of it. Darcy's legs followed her lurching torso as it landed out of the safety of the light, and in the shadows she began to panic, grasping about for her wheelchair.

She began to drag herself around, hoping to return to the light. The effort was too much for her though, and Darcy couldn't muster the strength to move herself any further. With a shriek of anger, she began to cry, loud pathetic sobs that made her loathe her situation even more than before.

The volume of her cries reminded her that the voice had gone suspiciously silent.

"LOKI! LOKI YOU BASTARD, YOU ASS! YOU KEEP MAKING ME FALL! God, what a joke- I'm stuck and I can't even crawl away from you with my dignity, is that what you wanted? To humiliate me, shame me? You fucking crippled me, and now every day is a reminder of how completely inconvenient and embarrassing my existence is! I wish I'd died when you let me go!"

Darcy was about to continue when a pair of arms lifted her carefully and returned her to the fire lit alcove, gently depositing her onto an armchair. She was unsurprised to see Loki's hollowed face above her, pale and dappled by the shadows like the moon itself. Darcy was angry over her poetic thoughts, but ignored them, instead choosing to ask, "What do you want from me Loki? I can't fix you, if that's what you think."

He stood before the fire, resembling Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights- brooding, dark, destructive. Darcy pushed away the comparison and continued.
"Listen, I get that you're twisted and messed up because of some seriously bad parenting- I get that, and I am sorry you endured it. That doesn't justify anything that you did though, Loki. You shouldn't have tried to kill the Jotunnheim, you shouldn't have tried to take over Earth, and you most definitely shouldn't have let your father split you in two."

He turned at the last remark, surprise etched across his face. The shock faded to a sneer almost immediately though-

"Are you to tell me what and what not to do? And what makes you, Darcy Lewis of Earth, qualified to tell me, Loki, son of Laufey, God of Mischief and Lies, what I shall and shall not do? I have existed for millennia, and you are a mere mortal. My decisions-"

She cut him off with an impatient "Pfft" noise.

"Exactly! Your decisions resonate so much more deeply because of that! Your actions are astronomical in scale when compared to mine, because of who you are! And it doesn't matter whose son you are, by the way. Fathers can either be there or not be there. That's what I've learned and from what I gather, rich or poor, the concept is consistent."

Loki's nostrils flared in anger and he strode before her, blocking out the light of the fire and making him look very interesting.
"My actions are my own. I am a god. What justification do I require when my every act is hallowed?"

Darcy visibly gulped in fear as he leaned closer to her, uncomfortably near her face.

"You answer to mankind. Nature, karma, somehow- don't you feel it? The deaths, the pain you caused- don't you feel some of that pain yourself? Don't you suffer at night? Just as the families affected by your murders (she almost bit her tongue when she used that word) stay up at night wondering why."

She could literally feel the disdain and mockery coming off him like fumes.

He finally deigned to answer with a sneer.
"You're a mortal lecturing a god. What do you know of true suffering, or of loss? I have never known home, or hearth, or familial love. I have only known shadows, and isolation, and loneliness. It is easy to forget that when thinking of Loki, son of Laufey. You have never seen my frost giant form, have you? You have never seen the terror of my kind, you can never understand my plight."

"I've seen it." Darcy was meek in her contradiction but she tried to sit up and speak up- "I've seen your Jotunn form. I've dreamt it. Or maybe I was astral traveling, I don't know. You were a baby, and you were the most pure shade of sapphire blue, a little bit cold to touch but still a beautiful baby. Your eyes were red in a different way, not devilish, and you were still an innocent, without evil. You didn't hurt me on instinct just because you were Jotunn… In fact, you sucked my finger and turned into a cuddly human baby because it was convenient to me- because your jotunn form was a little cold for my tastes. And your eyes… they were green like the sea. It's how I knew it was you…There's nothing wrong with your origins."

Loki was silent. He stepped away from Darcy and lowered himself onto the other armchair, steepling his fingers beneath his chin and shutting his eyes. Clearly, his head was aching again, and despite herself, Darcy was sorry for causing it. In an attempt to waylay the pain, she tried to strike a different approach.

"Have you ever read Dostoevsky; the Russian author? I'm specifically referring to his work Crime and Punishment."

Loki's silence didn't seem discouraging so Darcy plunged onward; trying to make her point without upsetting him.

"Well, the main character Raskolnikov- he's obviously brilliant but troubled, and he sees something he considers wrong and rights it. Sadly he does it by murdering a woman who he considers evil, without proper justification- and as collateral damage he also kills her mentally handicapped sister, an innocent to whom he wished no harm. He evades police capture and continues to narrowly avoid it, but still his body reacts adversely. If you recall, he was deliriously ill, hallucinating and seeing ghosts and delusions- all because of one thing."

Loki cast a glance at her, and then returned to his perusal of the contents of the fire.

"Well, to put it crudely- he may have fooled the police, but his body and his very nature could not cope with the enormity of his crime. They rejected it through illness, through madness. Do you recall? And yet he denied it constantly- psychosomatic disorder is what it's called, when the body reflects the illness or disturbance of the mind. Raskolnikov suffered until he chose to acknowledge his actions. He still felt no remorse, but at least he accepted the guilt as his own, caused by his actions. It's complex, but he finds peace. Maybe he isn't morally kosher at the end of the book, but he's better."

Loki finally looked up at this and shook his head.

"You think my situation that simple? Perhaps midgardians find tales of morality stirring but they are of little relevance to me. I am no common criminal. I know the extent of my crimes. I was not born to be a warmonger, yet I find myself fighting myself every second of the day. I cannot bear this much longer, and it is for this weakness that I called you."

Darcy literally yearned to move closer to him, to see his expression at that moment, but she was trapped by her legs again. She instead asked what was really on her mind.
"Why me?"

His sigh was audible as he leaned forward, slouching like a normal person who was under a lot of stress.

"When the Allfather first performed the act of separation, he did not do a very thorough job. Though his magical powers still surpass mine in magnitude, they lack finesse and technique."

"So you're saying he did a hack job of your personality lobotomy?"

He winced at the description, but nodded.

"It is apt. He did indeed hack apart what part of my soul was moral and what was not. The inhibitor he then applied to suppress the less desirable side of me was strong, but not exact, nor was it made to last. I suppose his sloppiness reflected his innate shame in me as a son."

Darcy was fascinated but she realized he was still avoiding her question so she pressed on.
"I asked why me. Why am I here?"

Loki straightened up, clearly ill at ease- guilt.

Darcy suddenly had an inkling as to how she could help Loki in the most rudimentary sense, but it would require time, and now was not the time for it.

"Why me, Loki?!"

"Will you be quiet?! This is not an easy tale to tell, and I am doing the best I can! It began all those years ago on your realm, when I let you fall to your death, supposedly. I felt nothing for the act for weeks, months even. Then, after the Allfather divided my mind, I sensed something beneath the surface- mild headaches, dizziness. I had lost memory of my previous actions and so I attributed it to menial stress. At night though, even then, I vaguely recall dreams… You were present even then. I know not why."

At this Darcy smiled, and she began to feel more confidence in her theory. Nodding, she encouraged him to continue.

"After Thor wed Lady Jane, and we encountered one another, I felt something within my mind snap- and that was when the magical bind mutated. It now encompasses two separate sides of me, one with goodness and morality and charm, and then this side… It was your presence that triggered it, and it specifically occurred because you told me of your… accident."

"Except it wasn't an accident."

"No, it wasn't. I did it. I am aware. I feel nothing though, if that is the purpose of your inquiry."

"No, I want to know why you called me."

"Let me continue then, unhindered by your inane commentary. I knew then that madness had overtaken me, as did Thor who hid me away from his father's sight. I suppose he feared what ill-treatment Odin may concoct in response. During that period… I remember naught but fury. I was wrathful and vengeful, and then at some point I saw you again and I completely lost control. After that I saw you every night, simply haunting me- you lay on the ground in New York, and for some reason I was affected, though I know not how."

"GUILT" was Darcy's only coherent thought at that moment but she still didn't feel like springing it on the big guy that his so called illness was really just another human problem.

Instead she said, "Loki, did you ever consider that the division in your personality lies not in Odin's magic but in your mind itself? What you consider distasteful within yourself- namely, your parentage, no offense- do you think maybe you've cordoned off what you perceive as wrong or disgusting about yourself, and that is what has manifested? All the weaknesses, and the vulnerabilities? I mean, even crazy world domination Loki took pleasure in what he was doing- you enjoyed it in a demented way. Now though… clearly, the division is harming you more than you think. You look sick."

Loki seemed shocked at Darcy's coherent theory and was at a loss for words. Darcy took it as an opportunity to continue edging towards her true line of thought.

"Also, my presence in your thoughts and dreams… maybe your psyche is using me as a symbol for something you feel. It could be an emotion so nebulous you required an image to place it with, or maybe you just were unfamiliar with the feeling so your brain associated the closest understanding you had of it with me."

Loki shook his head in aggravation-
"No, it cannot be that! Do you really think my mind weak like a mortal's? I doubt that is your purpose in my mind, Darcy Lewis."

Clearly, Darcy realized, he needed to be led to enlightenment, and shock therapy always helped along the way.

"I guess maybe you're just sexually attracted to me. Maybe you just dream about me because I have an awesome rack and you want to motorboat the girls."

The shock on Loki's face was hilarious, if it hadn't led to a murderous expression that made Darcy gasp in fear.

"You dare jest of such crude banalities when I summon you?"

"Wait, wait- summon? Am I your waitress? I didn't go to school to deal with assholes like you, Loki. I didn't work so hard to overcome the damage you caused in my life, only to involve you once again. Do you really wanna know what I think is wrong with you?"

Her chest was heaving, her hair was now a mess, and Darcy was pretty sure a booger was peeking out of her nose, but she was past caring.
Loki backed off and nodded tersely.

"I represent your guilt. I am a symbol of the enormous, huge, erroneous horribly guilt which was simply too much for your mind to bear, and rather than seeing you go insane, Odin decided to teach you a lesson and circumvent the end result. I think he overestimated your ability to take responsibility for you actions, though. And those actions were horrible. You almost ended the Jotunn race- genocide, Loki. You tried to take over the Earth and enslave all of mankind, all because of a shitty father. You caused the deaths of thousands, you caused destruction around the world, and countless lives were irrevocably damaged because of your reaction to some skeletons in the closet. Now, when you let go of me in New York, I was nothing to you- you thought you were going to win and get to do what you want. When you didn't, and your psyche couldn't deal with the maelstrom of your faults, YOU broke down first. Odin probably performed his magic as an act of kindness- he probably still loves you as his son, in his own weird way. It doesn't matter if you believe me, either, Loki. As a professional scholar of the mind, I do not believe that you will fully recover from this strain unless you recognize the wrongness of your actions. Remorse would be better, but at least acknowledging that you are guilty of something- I think you'll enjoy the results. In the meantime, I'd love it if you would put me back in my chair and give me my flashlight. I'd like to go back to my room, to give you some time to reflect on our discussion."

It was Darcy's psychologist closing line, and it worked. He shut up like a clam, shellshocked. Mindlessly, Loki picked Darcy up (she hated how much she loved his touch) and placed her in her wheelchair. Her flashlight was in her lap by the time Loki turned to face the fire once again. As Darcy began to roll away, she realized that she was sweating.

Had she managed to do a very good thing, or a very, very bad, catastrophic thing?

When she returned to her chambers, all was as before. Her iPod was working again, and her brush was on its original spot. As Darcy was settling back into her bed, though, a quiet voice rang in her mind for one final time that night.

Thank you.

I really want romance but I want logic and seriously, Darcy hates Loki and I need to accurately represent that. I promise it'll come though…. And when it does….

Please read and review, I will update very soon