Bella's POV

As I stood there in front of Jake, in some sort of cave from the looks of it, a red haze filled my vision. Laurent—that fucking bastard—had turned me into a vampire!

"Did you get him?" I asked, trying as hard as I could to tamp down the anger—and the fear—I was feeling.

Jake nodded. "The rest of the pack did," he assured me.

"Do they know?" I swallowed back the venom that had pooled in my mouth and clarified, "About me, I mean."

Jake started to answer, but a noise at the mouth of the cave caught my attention. I looked over, shocked to see a giant wolf—from the coloring, I knew immediately that it was Seth—holding a deer, obviously dead, in his teeth. I could smell the blood, feel the warmth of it as it dripped slowly out around Seth's teeth buried in its neck, so I knew it hadn't been dead long.

When I hesitated, Jake said, "Go on, Bells. It's for you. Just don't hurt Seth, okay? I don't want to—"

I was off before he could finish the sentence. It took me less than a second to reach Seth; I ripped the deer from his mouth, immediately putting it up to my own, desperate to get relief from the sudden burn in my throat. Wet, wonderful fluid felt like it was poured over me, filling me with warmth as I drank. It was both hell and ecstasy, both morbid and life sustaining, and something I knew I would never forget.

Somewhere in the bloody haze overwhelming my mind, I vaguely heard Jake order Seth back out for another, as I continued to take long pulls of blood from the deer's jugular. When I'd drained it dry, I dropped the carcass and began looking around, desperate for more.

"Stay with me, Bells," Jake said hesitantly. "Seth'll be right back with more, okay?"

Closing my eyes, I willed myself to calm down, to stay under control. I nodded, keeping my eyes closed.

"The pack?" I whispered. "Lizzie?"

I could hear Jake moving up closer to me, and I whirled around, crouching in fear.

"Whoa, Bells, chill. It's still just me. No, the rest of the pack doesn't know yet. I wanted to see—" His voice broke. "Well, I just wanted to give you time to get through the change and wake up before we see how we need to proceed. I told them I was keeping you in hiding from Victoria. I've got guards on Charlie's house, protecting him, Sue, and Lizzie. Don't worry. Nothing will happen to them."

Seth appeared in the opening again, this time with a still struggling deer in his jaws. Hearing the blood pumping actively through the animal's veins spurred me on, and I leapt at them, again ripping it from my stepbrother. I sank my teeth in, through hair and muscle, until the warm, thick blood began flowing down my throat. The animal's kicks got slower and slower, until finally, it was still, even as I continued to take draw after draw of the blood into my body.

Horrified now that I was thinking somewhat clearly again, I dropped the body and backed away slowly until my back hit the hard-packed dirt wall. With my eyes glued on the poor deer, I slowly slid to the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees.

"Get rid of them," Jake said quietly to Seth, who trotted out of the cave, only to come back in moments later in human form, wearing a pair of cut-offs. He grabbed both deer and left us again.

Jake slowly walked toward me, hands raised when I tensed. "Bells, you didn't do anything wrong. That's what you want, right?" he asked warily. "Uh, animals, I mean."

I nodded slowly. "Y-Yeah," I answered. Then I was quiet. "God, Jake, what's going to happen to Lizzie? And where does Charlie think I am?"

He grimaced. "Charlie called all your friends, including the pack, when you weren't back by that afternoon. He called in everyone to help search—Seth and I traded off being here and helping them while you were changing—and there are still search parties going on. No one is sure what to believe, because I found your car and hid it in La Push until we knew what was going to happen. I, uh, had Seth take care of the blood from the clearing, so even if they went there, no one would be able to tell anything."

Nodding again, I said, "Thanks."

Just thinking of Charlie and my daughter made my eyes sting with tears that would never fall. I scrubbed my hands over my face in anger and frustration. The need to cry was so strong, it was almost a physical ache, as if the overwhelming sadness I felt was building up and causing my chest to squeeze. There was no better way than a good cry to expel this kind of horrible sadness. The thought that I was now unable to do that made me so angry, I wanted to scream.

So I did.

I jumped to my feet and let out a frustrated sound—somewhat of a cross between a growl and a scream—slamming my fist against the cave wall. If I'd still been human, I would have broken my hand. As it was, I simply bored a hole into the rock wall, crumbling the dirt and stone to dust.

As the debris fell to the ground around me, I dropped back to my knees, forcing the heels of my hands against my eyes. My anger was gone for the moment, and I was back to the aching sadness of before. For a moment, I wanted nothing more than to be angry again. At least with anger, there was an outlet.

"It'll be okay, Bells," Seth said softly as he walked back into the cave, arms empty. "We'll help, and if there's a way, we'll figure it out. My mom's watching Lizzie while Charlie helps with the search."

I made a quiet sound to show I'd heard and then looked down at my hands. "I-I can't just leave Charlie to wonder where I am," I said brokenly. "He needs to know something, at least. But I...I don't know how to do that."

"What if you write Charlie a note?" Seth suggested. "Tell him you needed a break."

I snorted. I would never need a break from my daughter. I knew Seth meant well, but the thought was almost ludicrous.

"No, Bells, think about it," Jake said quietly, nodding at Seth. "Lizzie's the best thing to ever happen to you, I know that."

I nodded, wondering where he was going with this.

"But you have to remember, I was around you when you came home last year and the whole time you were pregnant. It took you a long time to get to the point where you didn't relive that every day. Lizzie's birth—as wonderful a thing as it was...as perfect as she is—brought it all up again. You've been strong the last couple of months, but don't think I didn't notice the strain around your eyes sometimes, which tells me you haven't been sleeping well."

Snorting again, I said, "Jake, I have a newborn. Of course I'm not sleeping well." I paused, huffing. "Well, I wasn't sleeping well. Now I'm not sleeping at all."

He shook his head. "I think it's more than that. I think you were having nightmares again."

I swallowed back the venom pooling in my throat and nodded reluctantly. I'd been having nightmares, much like the ones I'd had when Edward left and again after...spring break.

"So see?" he continued. "You can let Charlie know you needed a break for a few days, but you will be back."

"But I won't," I whispered, the need to cry rising hopelessly again.

"Th-Then we'll deal with that later," he said, his voice firm. "Now, how's your thirst?" he asked curiously. "Around us, I mean."

"I don't want to eat you, if that's what you mean," I said with a snort.

He and Seth chuckled. "That's good. How about we go get some more to eat?"

I tensed, not sure I was ready to leave the relative safety of the cave.

"Don't worry," Seth assured me. "There's no one around for miles, and there's plenty of wildlife around here. I think I heard some mountain lions and other deer not too far."

"And you guys will..." My voice trailed off. I didn't really want to voice my concern about running into humans.

"We will, Bells, I swear," Jake promised. "Now come on. Don't you want to try out that new speed you've got?"

Unable to help myself, I laughed, despite the whole entire fucked-up situation. "I'd say I'd bet I could beat you, but if I go off after something, I want you to be able to catch me, so I hope you're still faster!"

In my heart, though, I knew if I surprised them and took off, I'd be able to outrun them. Edward had never told me a lot about the mechanics, but I'd seen him and the rest of the Cullens run, I'd seen the wolves run, and I knew from conversations with Emmett and Alice that newborn vampires were even faster than older ones. I had no doubt I'd be faster than Jake and Seth, and that terrified me. Still, I had to trust not only them, but myself, to keep me safe and in check.

So, I did the only thing I could and stood, ready to go find something more to eat—drink? Whatever.

~*~FC~*~

Flying through the trees with my new speed was exhilarating. I'd quickly found myself outrunning both the wolves, but I was able to remember where I was and what was going on enough that I slowed down to match their pace. I wouldn't say I was having fun—being away from Lizzie, possibly forever, kept me from feeling that lighthearted—but my new senses were...freeing, in a way. I could see and smell everything clearly, from the earth, to the trees, to all the bugs and animals, even when I ran. There were so many colors I'd never seen before. The world had suddenly become just so much more than it had been. It was incredible.

Hunting was also a completely odd, yet amazing, experience. Edward had never explained in any detail about it—not wanting to frighten me, I supposed—and I'd never watched any of them do it, so my first few times were interesting...and incredibly messy. After a couple of days, I'd already gone through three different outfits Leah never wore anymore, procured by Seth on one of his trips from the cave to the rez. If I didn't get my hunting under control, I would really owe Leah for ruining all her clothes.

Still, as fun and interesting as it was to discover and enjoy my new skills, every time we returned to the cave, reality set in, and my now-still heart absolutely broke over and over again at the thought of my two-month-old daughter. I cried more non-existent tears over the next couple of days than I'd cried in months, though now, no actual tears fell. I had to keep myself occupied, because having too much time doing nothing just gave me that much more time to think of Lizzie.

I'd become nearly suicidal. One night, while Jake was asleep, ways to kill myself had flown through my head.

~*~FC~*~

The moon's light cast a shadow of Jake on the wall of the cave as he slept. I couldn't sleep anymore, which would have been fine, except that left me more time than I'd like to do nothing but think. Of Lizzie, of Charlie...of Edward. My heart hurt more now than it ever had before, even more than after that spring break vacation I'd taken last year or that awful day when Edward left.

How was I supposed to live like this, knowing my daughter was being raised without me? Fortunately, she was too young to remember me, but I would live an eternity—alone—remembering her.

A thought flickered through my mind. Edward had made a comment that if something happened to me, he wouldn't be far behind me. Maybe that was the solution. Maybe I didn't have to live with the knowledge that I'd left my baby behind.

Maybe I didn't have to live at all.

I sat in my misery and pondered my possible demise. Far more difficult, considering I was technically already dead.

How could I do it, though?

Throwing myself down the mountain or out of a tall tree wouldn't work. I'd simply pick myself up again, pick a few leaves out of my hair, and walk away.

Unlike the vampires in movies or books, the sun didn't hurt me, so I couldn't just walk out into the sunlight and be burned to a crisp.

If I could get my hands on a lighter, that would do the trick, but somehow, I didn't see myself being able to find one around here. I couldn't take the chance of going to town for one—there was no way I'd be able to avoid humans in town—and neither Jake nor Seth carried one around with them.

I thought about throwing myself into the ocean, but I didn't have to breathe. Drowning myself wouldn't work, either.

I could starve myself, but there were two problems with that. One, I didn't know if that would kill me, and two, I didn't think my friends would let me. They would somehow force me to drink if it killed them.

That thought brought up another, though. If I attacked Jake or Seth, they would be forced to kill me to defend themselves. That seemed like the best idea I'd come up with yet. Unfortunately, that idea died about as quickly as I'd thought it. I couldn't do that to either of them. They would never forgive themselves, and only one of us needed to carry that lifetime of guilt around with them.

And fuck, if I didn't have enough guilt for the whole pack! I'd been at the meadow for reasons that meant something only to me, and now my daughter, my parents, and even my friends would have to suffer the consequences for it. I hated myself for that more than anything. I could have remembered Edward some other way, but instead, I'd put myself in danger, made myself vulnerable, and now, we were all paying the price.

~*~FC~*~

When Jake had woken a few hours later, he'd noticed my desperation and had promised me that Lizzie would always have a place to go if she needed it and she would always have their protection. I'd broken down when he'd sworn that he wouldn't let her forget me—that he would make sure Lizzie knew how much I'd loved her. He'd even promised to send me pictures of her once I'd settled in somewhere, if I wanted them.

He'd let me sob on his shoulder, even though having me that close to him had clearly made him a little uncomfortable.

I didn't feel any better, but I was trying to keep it to myself so they wouldn't worry. I had a feeling they were waiting for me to just fly out of the cave and take off for La Push or Forks so they would have to kill me.

Jake and Seth were keeping me up-to-date on Charlie's investigation. He was still trying to find me, even though Jake had "found" the note I'd supposedly left on my bed—but which had "apparently fallen to the floor and slid under the crib." The day Seth had come up with that idea, I'd sat down and written the note to Charlie. It had taken three boxes of pencils—my new strength was something I wasn't used to—but I'd finally gotten it all written down. Jake had gone straight over to Charlie's house, telling him he wanted to peek in on Lizzie, and while upstairs, he'd dropped his keys and pretended to find the note when he bent to pick them up.

Charlie hadn't been happy, but it had kept him from calling in the FBI. He'd canceled the search and was simply giving a brief statement to anyone that needed to know that a miscommunication between the two of us had led him to believe I was missing, while he now knew I was simply taking some time for personal reasons.

Renee had told Charlie to let her know when he found out anything, so he'd called her the same day he'd called off the searches.

Lizzie was being well cared for by Sue, who had become my stepmother the year before—as well as becoming a source of strength and a shoulder to lean on while I was pregnant with Lizzie—and even Emily had come to his house to watch her when Sue or my dad couldn't. I'd been gone six days, and they were beginning to really worry because I wasn't answering their phone calls or contacting them myself. Of course, Jake had turned off my cell phone and taken out the battery so it couldn't be traced while I was in the middle of the change. I just knew they'd been trying to call because I heard about it every time Jake or Seth came back from visiting them.

The day before, Jake had left Seth with me and gone back to the rez. He'd taken all of the pack out into the forest and, while in their wolf forms, let them in on the news that I was...well, not alive, but not just in hiding from Victoria, either. Predictably, some of them had apparently been mad that Jake hadn't killed me right off—mainly Paul and Leah—and others were mad he hadn't told them sooner. Most promised to do whatever they could to help Jake and Seth—and by extension, me. Jake didn't tell them where I was, though, just that I was safe and others were safe from me. They'd all accepted that, although Quil and Embry, who I was closest to after Jake and Seth, were still upset that they couldn't see me.

"Ready to go hunting?" Seth asked, walking into the cave. I nodded, so he said, "Give me a minute to shift, and then we'll head out. I think I heard some bigger game a bit north. Feel like taking on a bear?"

I smiled sadly, thinking of Emmett. "Sure, Seth. Thanks."

Thirty minutes later, with the body of a large male black bear now hidden from view, yet still available to scavengers, I was slumped against Seth's side, running my fingers through his sand-colored fur. The fresh blood was humming through my veins, and I was itching to get up and run, but I didn't want to head back to the cave just yet.

So caught up in my thoughts, I didn't hear her until she was standing about fifteen feet from me.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the cause of all my problems," she hissed.

My head snapped up in shock.

Victoria.

~*~*~FC~*~*~

Alice's POV

Jasper and I were in the middle of the mall when the vision hit. My knees went weak and my vision blurred, and I vaguely heard Jasper calling my name. I didn't pay attention to any of that, though. Everything in me was focused on the flashes in my head.

Bella was standing in the middle of a small open area, surrounded by trees and boulders. It looked like somewhere around Forks, like many of the places I'd seen while hunting when we'd lived there. She was beautiful—not that she hadn't always been, but now... Her hair was long and full, falling in waves a good three inches below her shoulders. Her lips were a deep red, standing out even more than normal against pale skin—and they matched her eyes, which were a deep red.

But the part that scared me more than the thought of Bella being a vampire was the figure standing behind her, poised to end my sister. I'd have known those bright red curls and that evil, confident smile anywhere.

Victoria.

"Jazz," I croaked as soon as my vision cleared. I explained the vision in rapid vampire speak so only he could hear me.

By the time I finished, he was already on his phone, typing away.

"Alice," he murmured, holding his phone out to me.

On the screen was a video of Charlie, dated three days before, standing out in front of the police station in Forks. The sound wasn't working, but the headline said it all.

Isabella Swan Missing

"We have to get to Forks," I said immediately. "Now!"