March 12, 2007
Edward's POV

By midnight, I was crossing the border between Pennsylvania and New York. Only another few minutes, and I'd be on the outskirts of Buffalo, where I planned to stop and spend at least the next twenty-four hours. I'd done the same thing this time last year—although I'd holed up in Chicago then. While my perfect memory allowed me to recall each instant since my change, the twelfth day of March was much more than a recollection. It was the day I'd taken Bella to what I now thought of as our meadow. The day I'd had my first kiss—as a human or a vampire. The day I'd completely given my long-dead heart to a fragile, human girl.

It had been one year, five months, twenty-three days, and eight hours since I'd left my Bella. For one year, five months, twenty-three days, and eight hours, I'd been a shell of the "man" I once was. I hunted only when I had to, I only spoke with my family once a week, when I called to check in with Carlisle, and I hadn't touched the keys of a piano in all that time. Although I'd had the best of intentions, leaving my Bella had broken me even more than I'd thought possible, and knowing she was getting the chance to live a normal, human life was the only thing that kept me going.

Finding an abandoned warehouse downtown, I snapped the lock with a flick of my fingers and was inside before anyone could see me. I made my way back in the dark, with only the light from the moon shining through the windows to guide me—although if I'd needed the help to see, it wouldn't have been much help. Finding the darkest corner of the big cement and metal building, I sank to my knees amongst the piles of old, rotting pallets, tables turned on their sides, and empty file cabinets with their drawers standing open. There, in the quiet darkness, I began to sob.

I cried for lost love, for the curse of immortality without my mate. I cried for the pain I was causing Carlisle and Esme by staying away from the family for so long. And I cried for the loneliness I felt. I'd been alone for eighty-seven years before meeting Bella, but never once in that nearly a century had I felt as alone as I had the last year and a half.

Venom stung my eyes as I cried tearless sobs, shudders racking my frame as I let every bit of grief flow through me. I knew I'd done the right thing, leaving Bella to her human life, but it had been the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. My existence had been forever changed when I met her. There were times when I wished I didn't feel the pain I was feeling, but that would mean I'd never have met Bella, and that was the one thing I would never change, no matter how much it had hurt to leave or how hard it was to stay away.

I spent the day holed up in the empty building, the rats my only company. For some odd reason, they seemed to be the only living thing not scared of vampires. In fact, they reminded me of my Bella. Not the disease-infested bodies or the beady eyes, of course, but the determination to investigate the strange being in their midst. They crawled all over my feet and legs until I gently brushed them away. Not even a low growl kept them from coming back every time.

While I sat, hidden from the sunny day, I thought back over the past year, five months, and now twenty-four days.

I'd tried staying with the family at first. Convincing them to leave Forks immediately had been both easy and difficult. Alice, of course, had put up the most resistance. She'd started throwing visions my way, of Bella with red eyes, running through the forest at the speed of only the supernatural. I'd finally growled and nearly attacked her in my frustration. Only Emmett's strong arms and Carlisle's stern words had kept me from leaping at her. Jasper had been upset I'd nearly attacked his wife, but he couldn't really complain too much—not after my Bella's ill-fated birthday party. Emmett, Carlisle, and Esme had all been upset about leaving, but they hadn't complained aloud. Their thoughts had been sad, but kind, promising me they would be there to support me. Rose, of course, had been mad we were leaving, but her venomous thoughts about being glad to be away from the "stupid human girl" had been easy to ignore.

We had all—with the exception of Carlisle—needed a break from pretending to be human, so we'd moved to Alaska and spent time with the group there. It had only taken a few weeks of Tanya's suggestive thoughts and even overt flirtations before I was ready to go out on my own. I might have been able to ignore her, like I'd done for decades, but being around all the happily mated pairs in my family, as well as Carmen and Eleazar, had proven too much. I hadn't been able to get away from the noise in my head, and it had finally become too much. I'd said my goodbyes and headed south, alone.

The family had spent nearly a year in Alaska before Carlisle had learned of an open position for an ER doctor in the town of Billings, Montana. They'd moved in time for the others to start school at Skyview High. Carlisle had asked if I would move with them and attend, but I'd been in no frame of mind to go back to school and pretend. Instead, while they'd moved to Montana, I'd gone east to Rochester in order to check on the house the family owned there.

I called and checked in once a week, reassuring Carlisle and Esme I was still...alive...and well. They never stopped trying to convince me to come home, but my heart was with my Bella, and I knew I wasn't ready to be around all the loving couples in my family.

What I didn't tell them—what I was almost afraid to admit to myself—was that I might never be ready.

~*~FC~*~

I ended up spending five days outside Buffalo—most of that time holed up in the warehouse. Since leaving my Bella, I'd felt restless. I was unable to stay in one place for long, unwilling to start making new memories. It was ridiculous to think that any new memories I made would replace the ones of the almost nine months I'd known my Bella. I was a vampire, after all. I had perfect recall. But staying too long in one place felt...wrong. After too long in one place, I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Carlisle had several theories, but all I knew was that I hadn't felt settled since leaving Forks.

Under cover of darkness, I ran through the wilderness of Canada, stopping first in Toronto. Carlisle and Esme owned a small—by Cullen standards—cabin on the outskirts of the city, and I'd promised to stop in and make sure everything was secure if I got up that way. I didn't have any particular destination in mind. I simply needed to be alone.

Just after midnight on the eighteenth, I realized I needed to reach Vancouver as quickly as possible. I was suddenly feeling anxious, although I didn't know why, and needed to be near my Bella. Vancouver was as close as I would allow myself to get. Any closer and I would be too tempted to check on her. Even Vancouver was pushing it. I knew I'd only be an hour and a half from my mate, and every instinct in my body would be pushing me to make that short trip until she was in my arms.

Around nine in the morning, I stopped somewhere in Saskatchewan, planning to call Carlisle before catching some of the caribou and wolves I could hear and smell in the distance.

"Hello?" Esme said when she picked up the phone. Her sweet voice, normally so strong, was hesitant.

"What's wrong?" I asked immediately.

"N-Nothing," she answered. "Everything's fine. How are you, sweet—"

"Esme," I growled, trying to rein in my temper. "Is everyone okay?"

"It's..." She sighed softly. "Alice and Jasper aren't home."

"Did something happen? Did one of them slip? Did they go to Alaska?"

She paused before saying, "No, nothing like that. They said they were going to travel a bit. Asked us to withdraw them from school."

I knew that wasn't the entire story. Just that wouldn't have her sounding so unsure.

"And?" I prompted. "Where did they go?"

Before she could respond, it hit me. The one place she would be worried about telling me. The one place they knew I did not want them going.

Forks.

I felt my phone crumble in my tightened fist as I cursed—knowing I'd need to apologize to Esme later for ending our conversation without a goodbye—and threw the pieces down to the forest floor. All thoughts of hunting fled. Instead, my mind was filled with a red haze, and I ran at the first tree I could find, shattering it to splinters with the force of my anger.

"Why the fuck did they go to Forks?" I growled aloud, knocking over another pine tree. I'd expressly forbidden them—Alice, especially—from having any further contact with Bella. I knew if she had any contact with any of us, it would be that much harder for her to forget us and move on.

I took off running in the direction of Forks, knowing I would need to stop to pick up a new phone as soon as I hit another town. I needed to stop Alice from seeing Bella. She had moved on with her life by now, I was sure, and if Alice visited, she would once again be dragged into this dark, dangerous world of the supernatural.

As soon as I hit a city big enough, I stopped at the first store that sold cell phones. I quickly chose a prepaid smartphone and took it to the counter. The cashier was clearly flustered as I brushed aside her offer to help activate it and tossed money onto the counter, ignoring her offer of change as I ran at a human pace out of the store.

Immediately after hitting the edge of town and the forest, I activated the phone and dialed Alice's number, only to reach her voice mail.

"Alice!" I hissed. "Answer your damn phone. You know it's me calling. What the hell are you doing in Forks? Leave her alone. Let her have her human life without us, all right?" I sighed. "Call me," I finally said before flipping the phone closed and sliding it into my pocket.

I would try again in a few minutes, and again a few minutes after that, until she finally decided to answer my call.

I had no idea why, after being gone so long, she would decide to visit Forks. There had to be a good reason—one Esme either didn't know or was hesitant to tell me. Was something wrong with Bella? Her father?

I called Alice again as I ran, nearly screaming in frustration when she still didn't pick up. I was really getting anxious and knew I needed to find out more information. I thought about calling Carlisle, but I didn't want to involve any of the rest of the family unless I had to.

Three hours later, I had an idea of how I might be able to find out more without calling my family. Skidding to a stop just outside Calgary, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and opened the Internet browser, going immediately to the web site for the local TV station in Forks. I scanned over all the news on the front page of the site, and on the sidebar was the headline:

Local Girl Missing; Father's Plea for Her Return

If my heart had been beating, that would have stopped it cold. I clicked on the link, barely holding back my strength so I didn't put my finger right through the screen.

Dated from a few days before, a video of Charlie Swan, standing outside the police station, came on screen. His face looked grave, and his skin was an ashy gray.

When he spoke, his tone was factual, with an underlying brokenness and fear. "My daughter, nineteen-year-old Isabella Swan, has been missing for two days. She was last seen leaving home at one o'clock Monday afternoon."

I clicked off, unable to listen to more, and then dialed Alice's number again. It still went straight to voice mail. I continued to call her every few minutes, fuming to myself that she wouldn't pick up, until I reached Vancouver. I thought about heading to Forks myself, but I knew if I did, I wouldn't be able to leave again. I was sure Bella was fine and back home now. She'd probably stayed out with friends—or...a boyfriend, I thought as I cringed—and had forgotten to tell Charlie.

When I got to Vancouver, I checked into a cheap, nondescript motel on the edge of the city. I needed a place indoors to wait until I heard from Alice, because the weather forecast on my phone showed a few days of sunny skies. It was mid-afternoon, and I'd had to hide several times on my run into town because of the sun. Waiting outdoors wasn't nearly as safe as hiding out in a motel room, away from the sun and prying eyes.

If I didn't hear from Alice in the next twenty-four hours, I would steel my resolve and go straight to our house in Forks to find her myself.