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"Riders on the Storm"
Chapter Thirty-Eight
BELLA POV
After I tried calling Edward a third time and received no answer, I decided to abandon packing and make a quick meal. As I began to cook, my mind wandered, and I had to talk myself out of dialing my husband again.
"Come on." My foot tapped, watching the clock, seeing he'd left a while ago. Not to mention that I was waiting for water to boil, which takes an eternity if you're standing there watching . . . It's almost as torturous as waiting for coffee to brew.
All I wanted to ask was how things were going, what was wrong.
Speaking to Maggie earlier, I had this nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach. She'd looked terrible, her words were worrisome, and yet she couldn't answer me—tell me what was going on.
Something was up with Sonny, and when I called him this afternoon, he snapped at me.
Like Edward, Sonny asked me to mind my business and then grumbled, mumbled words I tried to decipher; he'd pulled the phone away, and I could hardly hear him. He got his message across, though.
My son has never spoken to me that way.
It was unacceptable.
And something doesn't seem right.
The gist of what Maggie did say was that things weren't turning out the way she'd hoped, Sonny was stressed to the max with work matters, neither one is happy.
Although most of those things don't seem serious, they were to me.
I happen to know how much they love each other—how deep Sonny's love for Maggie goes.
Things weren't going well, and neither could answer as to why.
They were so fucking happy, and now they're not.
And it scared the fuck out of me to think that my son could hurt his wife.
Usually, I'd have more faith in him, but the way Maggie was acting . . . all flinch-y, sad, and withdrawn . . . and I hadn't forgotten how Sonny tore Maggie out of her chair last week at dinner.
I wasn't sure.
I also know how hard Sonny's been working, how crazy-busy he's been.
Since I didn't know what was going on in their relationship, I figured I'd talk to Edward—try to alleviate Sonny's stress where work was concerned, thinking maybe my husband could help.
Only, Edward thinks Sonny can take on the world, come up swinging . . .
He doesn't realize how hard it is, how he pushes people . . . and Sonny, like myself, admires Edward, and we have this need to please him. My son doesn't want his father to be disappointed in him; he can't show weakness.
Things were fucked. My gut, my instincts, that pesky mother's intuition, told me something was seriously wrong.
I needed to help Sonny any way I could.
While I was glad Edward got the picture after I spelled things out, and I'm happy he's there now, my rolling stomach told me to watch out, be ready…prepare for the blow.
And Edward wasn't answering.
When the water started to bubble, I tossed the ziti in, and then I went to look out the window. My phone was still in my hand, and I stared down at it—willing it to ring.
Groaning to myself, I marched back into the kitchen, stirring, stirring, stirring the macaroni and the tomato sauce—a little too vigorously as I'd made a mess. After cleaning it up, I heard the front door.
My heart skipped a beat as I dropped the dishrag to run into the foyer.
Edward was quiet, entering to close the door behind himself.
"How did it go?" I asked.
His long faced turned my way, and with a slight shake of his head, he silently walked past me.
"Edward…" I grasped his forearm. "What happened?"
He sighed which was more of a grunt. "We-we have to talk."
I nodded, holding my stomach. "Um…dinner's almost set. We can…" I shrugged, waiting for him to elaborate.
Edward stared to the side of me. He couldn't meet my gaze, but he reached up to palm my cheek. "I don't know…how—where to start." He had tears in his eyes.
"Is-is Sonny okay? What's—"
"He's not." His voice broke.
My knees became weak. "Edward…" I held onto his biceps. "Tell me—"
He shook his head, making those tears fall. "He's all right, I guess…It's a long story."
Even if I heard his words, I needed to make sure. "He's…"
"Alive—" Edward nodded "—at home, with Maggie." His thumb wiped a teardrop away from under my eye.
"But—"
"You were right…I was working him too hard. I—I mean, he, um—" he swallowed, taking his hand back "—he started using—snorting coke to keep up, became addicted, um…that's why he's been different. And now…now he's not using, going through withdrawal." He took a deep breath.
"Coke?" My heart sank, but I didn't believe his words. "No…that's—not Sonny." I thought it was comical and unbelievable. "Who told you this? Someone's talking shit. You should know better than to listen to gossip."
"No one needed to tell me. I figured it out, guessed, and Sonny confirmed it." He stood back to take off his coat.
"What…?" I snorted, smiling at the ridiculousness.
"Bella—" Edward came back to me, took hold of my face "—it's true. He was doing that shit—putting it up his nose every day. He has a problem, but he's working through it. He'll be fine. He's got a few days clean, and he'll be all right if he just stays away from that garbage." He pulled me in for a hug.
With my head to his chest, I didn't place my arms around him. "No."
Edward leaned away to look at me. "Bella…"
"No." My lip quivered. "No, no—" A sob caught in my throat, and then I let it go. It was still unbelievable. Not my Sonny, I thought. "You said he'd done it—the stripper, but addicted?"
"I'm sorry." Edward hugged me again. "It's all over the place. It's…We all do it from time to time. Sonny just—"
I pushed him away. "He would never have if—"
"You can't blame me." He rushed out, pointing to himself. "I wasn't sitting there, making him—"
"Oh…but I bet you've done it with him. As soon as you did, you gave him the okay—"
"He's twenty-eight years old!" He spoke with his hands. "Bella—"
"I know how old he is!" I barked. "My God! I was there the day he was born, too. You don't gotta tell me! He came out my fuckin' body—"
"Bella!" He grabbed my shoulders, giving me a slight shake. "Sonny's going to be fine, okay? He acknowledged he had a problem. He's taking care of it—and he's taking precautions to stay away from it. And I made sure—"
"You can't hold this against him—make him an example. He's amazing at what he does. It was just too much," I cried. "Even if he's the boss one day, he'll never have that much work. You know it and I know it. It'll crush him if—"
"I know," he said. "It—what happened today changes nothing. I don't—can't think any less of him. And Maggie knows—"
"Maggie knew?" I shouted.
He nodded. "She knows his attitude—that these outbursts aren't personal. I bet she didn't tell you because it'd break Sonny's trust. That's her husband. She couldn't tell you." Speaking of personal, Edward was acting very impersonal, like he didn't give a fuck.
"I knew something was wrong." I shook my head. "You pushed him! You push and you push and you push…" I kept punching my palm.
"Look, you wanna blame me? Hey, if it'll make you feel better...by all means." That smug bastard held back a chuckle. "I made sure…He'll never touch that shit again. He raised his hand to Maggie, and I took care of it." He wiped his hands clean. "Stopped him. You got nothin' to worry about. All right?" He got loud with me.
"Took care of it?" I asked. "How—He raised his hand to her? Tell me—"
Edward let out an exaggerated sigh. "They…Sonny got into her about talking outta turn. He fucking lost it…" He poked his temple. "His hand flinched. I knew he was gonna go for it, so…I went for it."
I gasped. "You and Sonny fought?"
He nodded. "I won't lie to you…I'm not proud, and I'm not happy either. It was a harsh way to learn a lesson—"
"What did you do?" I stepped toward him. "Did you hurt him? Is he—is he—" I held my forehead, a worried sick mess. "Is he okay?" Looking my husband over closely, he was disheveled, yet there wasn't a scratch on him.
"What's important is that I stopped him. Who knows if they would've come back from that? She might have left him—most women would…" He trailed off, skirting around shit, and he never does that. Edward will either tell me or hold back, flat-out refuse to tell me, but he'd sooner rip the Band-Aid off quickly, knowing I'll find out sooner or later. He never sugarcoats things either.
"Edward . . ." I waited, my stomach in knots.
"I had…" his shoulders dropped "—I-I-I had Sal and Tommy…"
"What? You had Sal and Tommy, what?" I advanced toward him.
"They…they threw him a beatin'—"
Suddenly enraged, my hand came up and whacked him across the face. "Ahh—" I let out a surprised yelp when Edward grabbed onto my biceps and pushed me back into the wall. He stared into my eyes, as my chest heaved, my teeth gnashing together. "Let go!" I tried to get my arms free.
Edward gritted his teeth, his grip shaking yet strong.
"He raised his hand to her!" I cried out in anger. "Where'd he learn that from?"
My husband was seething, staring into my eyes before his closed. He clamped them shut, his face morphing into one of sadness.
He let me go and dropped down to his knees. "I'm sorry!" He let out a cry filled with anguish, one that softened my vexed heart, but I couldn't forgive him. "I'm sorry." His face crumbled, resting his head to my abdomen, hugging me closely to him. "It's my fault…all of it…I'm so sorry, baby. I failed, Sonny didn't. I failed as his father—"
"God…" I stared up to the ceiling, crying my eyes out and wishing for answers. "Is he okay? I can't believe—"
"I did the right thing," he sobbed. "You don't know—I do. I know…he'll never—"
"Let go of me." I pushed out of the embrace. "I have to go over there." The only thought I had was to make sure my son was all right—needing to see it with my own eyes.
I nearly sprinted down the hall to grab my purse.
"Bella!" Edward called.
"I'm not consoling you!" I shouted. "I don't feel bad for you. You did a horrible thing. Now live with it!" I cringed, so angry I could explode. "I can't believe you did that…to your own son! Not an associate, not just anyone. Your son!" My body stiffened again, my hands balling into fists.
Edward sniffled, getting to his feet to wipe his eyes. "I did the right thing. He'll never do that shit again. I know Sonny. I know that this…It was a warning—"
"A warning before what? He fucks up again, and you put a bullet in his head?" I screamed.
"OH! You know I'd never do that. How can you…How can you even say that?" He started to cry again.
I wanted to tell him how cold and cruel he could be . . .
That when ideas enter his head . . .
When he sees people as flawed, it's easy for him to toss them aside. And I didn't know…that rule might apply to everyone. Although I hoped and prayed, knowing in my heart that Edward would never hurt Sonny . . .
But he did . . .
"I'm going over there," I said. "I'm taking the car if Sal's not out there. I need to make sure he's okay."
"No." He shook his head. "You're not leaving here alone. You hate me right now, but I'll drive you over…I'll drop you off. I gotta go to Carlisle's anyway, and we'll talk about that when we get back." He flipped back to…nothing, acting like nothing was wrong, blocking out the misdeeds of his reality, and I wished I could do that.
"Bella…" He walked toward me.
Cautious, I stepped back.
"Baby…" He showed me his palms.
I swallowed, pushing my hair behind my ears, trying to hold back my tears. "What?"
"He's a grown man, who knows how to lick his wounds . . . I know Sonny. You think what I did was horrible…I do, too, to an extent. I had to make sure, Bella." He pulled me into his arms again. "I had to make sure that he'd never—Aro's thrown me how many beat downs? I'm stupid…I crossed so many fucking lines, and I'm lucky to still have you." He stopped talking, holding his breath, as a cry got stuck his throat. "I'm sorry."
I nodded and whispered, "I know you are."
"I'm sending them to Bermuda as us—"
"What?"
Edward pulled himself back together. "Instead of Sonny going out West—"
"Out West…?" I was confused.
He nodded. "Out West…I was sending him there for a job, but I'm going out there instead. Sonny and Maggie will go to Bermuda. I need an alibi—I'm getting the passports with their photos—"
I groaned, jumping away from him. "I can't believe you!"
"I'm sorry. We'll go away another time."
"You think I give a flying fuck about a vacation?" I spat. "Fucking Bermuda? You're going out to . . . Oh!" I shook my head, remembering our dinner guests last week. "You're going to Vegas to pull a job? Sonny was gonna do it, and now you're doing it…"
"Basically," he whispered.
"And you're just going to leave? While shit is so fucked?" I hit his arm, and maybe we both had issues with our hands. "What's wrong with you?"
"It's Heidi, Bella." He kept his tone hushed. "Some shit's going on. She's in WitSec, obviously for a reason, and that's a huge wild card. It needs to be taken care of as soon as possible—"
"As soon as possible?" I scoffed, shaking my head. "She's been gone forever, since before Sonny was even born—"
"Christ...Just let me talk—"
I narrowed my eyes but bit my tongue.
He groaned. "Will you just listen to me for a second?!"
I gestured for him to continue.
"Aro and I are leaving tomorrow. We're going out there, but I need anyone who would be looking for me to think I'm in Bermuda. Bella, it's happening whether you agree or not. And I really don't want to fight about this."
"Fine." I gave up before I even put up a fight, didn't think I had one in me at the moment. "But you better be careful…" I covered my face, crying into my hands. "Everything was going so well…"
"I know." He wrapped his arms around me, rubbed my back. "It'll go back to being great. You'll see. I promise."
"Yeah." I rasped.
"We weather the storm."
"Right." I wiped my eyes.
"I need you to hide out here—you can't be seen."
"No," I said. "Sonny and Maggie are going away. Dame is fine at school . . ." I tried to think up something. "Get me a car. I'll take Kylie—"
"It's safer if you just stay here. Kylie stays with my brother."
"I—"
"Please don't fight me," he pleaded. "A few days. I won't drag it out. I swear I won't. I'll be home in a few days—I'll be sure to be home before they come back."
"Take me to see Sonny . . . I'll grab my purse. You turn off the stove." I turned for my bedroom.
"Bella."
I stopped, leaving my back to him. "Don't . . . I'm just—"
I had no words, and I didn't know who or what I was mad at. But now I had to worry about Edward, and I wasn't sure if my heart could take much more. Then again, things could always be worse. They have been worse, and we got through those times . . .
"I wanna be furious with you."
"You should be." He grasped my hand, turning me around. "Be angry. It's fine." Edward leaned his forehead to mine. "In my heart, I know I did the right thing. And I'm gonna go out there and finish what started all those years ago—shit that don't even concern Sonny. I was only sending him 'cause I can trust him. I still trust him…so while Sonny was roughed up, he's not demoted. He got a vacation 'cause he deserves one…When he comes back, we'll get to being normal again. He'll be over that hill, and I'll have finished that business out in Nevada."
"Okay." I cleared my throat. "But you be careful and you call me." I started crying again, waving my finger at him. "Something doesn't feel right—"
"I'll turn right back around and come home." He placed his lips to mine, fast to deepen the kiss. "It's all going to work…We just have to work together. They go as us, you stay low-key…"
"Can I go with you?"
"What?" He raised a brow. "Bella—"
I shrugged in slow motion. "I'd just stay at the motel while you and Aro did your thing."
"We're not flying out there. We're driving down to Kentucky—then hopping on a plane to Arizona where a car'll be waiting. It'll be days on the road. Aro and me—we're guys; we'll be fine. It'd be uncomfortable for you, and I don't even know if we'll stay in a hotel. Once it's done, we're seriously getting the fuck outta there fast." He nodded. "I'm taking a knapsack, wearing a disguise to boot."
I blew out a breath. "I'm just thinking about how torturous it's going to be—being here alone with literally no one. At least—"
"Kylie won't be able to stay still—stay here for days on end, and anyone who's watching, who has watched, would know we'd never leave her alone."
"Right," I sighed.
Edward furrowed his brow. "You heard that—a sizzling?"
My eyes widened. "The pasta is probably over boiling—spilling over." I walked around him.
"I got it…go get'cha bag." He sprinted down the hall.
Our bedroom was still a mess with clothes all over the bed. I made quick work of getting my purse, not wanting to focus on all that clutter at the present time. When I left the bedroom, I almost bumped into Edward.
"I had a thought." He placed his arm around me, ushering us down the hall. "But when I say you have to be invisible…"
"We'll talk about it when we get back." When it came down to it, my amusement for the next few days didn't make a difference. "Let's just go to Sonny's."
"I'll drop you off. I know shit's cool with Sonny—trust me on that—but Maggie's not my biggest fan right now."
"You truly care for her." I knew that deep down.
"She's good for Sonny. Like you said, she makes him better, and she—" He stopped talking, waving a hand and picking up his coat.
"What?" I pulled my jacket on.
"She's helpless…She's not strong yet. She's not a lot of things yet." He showed me his palms, like even he didn't know what he meant. "She's got a heart of gold…and for some reason—look, I'd have intervened if any broad was about to get decked. You know? I did the right thing."
"There? Yeah, you did." I opened the door. "Did you turn off the stove?"
"Yes." He walked out ahead of me.
The cold air felt refreshing as we walked toward the car. "Should we just walk?"
Edward tilted his head, raising a brow and gesturing to the corner.
/=/=/=/=/
When we approached their home, my stomach tied in knots again. The sun was currently setting, and no lights were on inside.
"I'm gonna shoot up the block—talk to Carlisle right quick." Edward pulled my collar up, trying to bundle me even more.
"Okay…be careful."
He nodded, placing his hand on my back.
"You're not coming in?" I asked.
"I . . . No, I'd rather not. I'll be back in twenty? Don't wait outside. If anything—Look, I'll call Sal, have him wait in case you're finished before I get back."
"Sure."
He kissed my cheek. "I'm sorry."
I gave a slight nod, turning for the door.
"I'll be back." He pecked my lips and went back down the walkway.
I thought twice about ringing the bell and knocked.
To my surprise, the door gave way, opened right up. It wasn't closed all the way, let alone locked, and that shocked me.
"Ed—" I whipped around to see if Edward was still there. He was standing on the curb, waiting for me to go in. "It's open."
He furrowed his brow. "Maybe it didn't catch when I left." My husband caught up to me and then entered the house. "Stay out here."
Shit, I thought, wringing my hands together.
I made sure to hide myself between the hedge and the door just in case.
Edward actually came back out right away, which eased my fear.
"Thank God."
"They're in there," he whispered. "In the bedroom. I doubt they even heard me—might be sleeping. We should just go."
"No…if they're leaving tomorrow…I'll go on in. Are they having sex—"
"No, I think they're sleeping…But, baby, Sonny's in an agitated state right now. I'm not sure. Maybe-maybe you should—"
"I'm not minding my business—not with this. I gotta know he's okay." I took a step into the foyer. "Call Sal…I'll be here."
He sighed, leaning over to kiss me once more. "I'm sure he won't snap again. I'm just—"
"Go." I rubbed his bicep. "Do what you gotta do."
Edward groaned, pulling me in and squeezing me to death. "Bella, I—"
"You're sorry. You love me. I love you, too." I held his cheek. "Go, so you can hurry back." Honestly, I felt badly for cutting him off, but I knew what he was going to say, and I know he loves me, and that he's sorry.
He nipped my lips and took off for the street.
I quickly closed the door, but turned on the foyer light.
Always curious, I checked out the downstairs, not surprised to see a sink full of dishes, a messy countertop, and an unkempt living room. To kill time or to stall, I thought about straightening up a bit. But that would be pushing it—not minding my business.
With a sigh, I started up the stairs. "Sonny?" I whispered.
Receiving no answer, I lightly knocked on their bedroom door. After a second, my presence going unnoticed once again, I poked my head in. The room was dark, but the light coming in through the window allowed me to see them.
Sonny and Maggie were tangled in each other, two lumps on the bed, fast asleep. The sight made me smile and enter.
Hoping not to wake my daughter-in-law, I leaned over the side to sit down on the edge, so I could push Sonny's hair back.
"Sonny…? It's Mom." I kissed his cheek.
He hummed, stirring awake. "Uh."
"Are you okay?" I whispered.
"Get off the bed." He rushed out, his tone hushed. "Get out!" Sonny whined.
I scrambled to my feet, backing up to the door. "I'm sorry."
He cleared his throat and sat up. "What…" He groaned, palming his face, and it sounded like he was in pain.
"Baby…"
Sonny put his hand up. "I'm fine." He turned to give Maggie a smooch on her head, and then left the bedroom, gesturing for me to do the same. "How'd you get in here?"
"The door was unlocked—" I stopped when I saw his face. Truth be told, he wasn't as bruised as I'd imagined. "What happened here today? What's been going on?" I reached for his cheek.
With a slight shake to his head, he looked away from me. "I'm sorry, Mom."
"I know…I'd imagine, I guess."
"Dad told you?" he asked.
"He told me everything, I think." I nodded. "Sal and Tommy did this?"
Sonny gave me a lopsided grin. "My face? Dad did that." He pointed. "Sal and Tommy are my boys…They actually didn't touch my face, but I got the message all the same." He winced, holding his sides. "Don't be mad at Dad." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes. "He—"
"That wasn't the right thing." I shook my head. "You should have told us…We would have been here for you—sent you to rehab or counseling."
"Rehab? No, I knew what I had to do—I did it." He nodded. "I'll be fine now. Coke is fucked, but it's not as bad as…Well, in most ways it's the worst, but I'm fine physically. It's all up here." He pointed to his temple. "I keep trying to remind myself, 'it's the coke', you know? I was out of line. I fucking snapped, lost it . . . I'm glad Dad took me down a peg or two." He shrugged, cringing and reaching for his ribs.
"You agree?" I was surprised. "How—"
"Sometimes fuckers need a beat down. To see the bigger picture, to be calmed—" He sounded like his father.
"Right . . . Maggie's still sleeping?" I looked around him.
"Oh…she was upset, um." He swallowed, gazing to his feet. "She really loves me."
"I could have told you that." I smiled, pointing to his bedroom. "I'm sorry for intruding."
He massaged the back of his neck. "Yeah, the mom and the wife in the same bed…It's—I freaked for a second."
"Gross, I know." All those times Nanny would get in bed with Edward and me came back to haunt me. "I overstepped…Never happen again."
"Cool." He grinned. "I'm sorry for earlier on the phone. I know you were only trying to help." Be that as it may, I still wasn't going to spill the beans about Maggie coming to me.
"Let's get out of the hall. I'll make coffee, you wake up Maggie . . ." I turned for the stairs.
"Believe it or not, she was so upset with Dad. I told her not to be—that she can still trust him." He shrugged. "I didn't realize how close they'd gotten."
"Well, when you see someone every day, when they marry your son…"
"I'm glad he looked out for her…but I gave her a Xanax. She's out cold."
"You, what?" I asked. "Sonny—"
"She was really upset. I expected her to just bounce, leave me, but all she did was cry, and—"
"We're human beings. Sometimes we have to feel what we feel," I disagreed with him. "You can't just medicate someone if they're upset. Especially her, I mean, I—" I blew out a breath. "I know Maggie wasn't as sheltered as Kylie. She's been exposed to many things. But you have to remember, she abstained from a lot without knowledge—just knowing things were wrong or weren't for her. And she trusts you, she loves you, you suggest something . . . Sonny, she'll do it, but only to please you." I poked his chest.
"I'm horrible," he cried into his hands, his back sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. "I failed at everything. I—"
"You didn't." I joined him on the carpet. "You excelled at everything, but it became too much. That happens. You're one person. You can't take on the world."
"I want to blame the coke, but no one was forcing me to use." He wiped his eyes.
I nodded, pushing his hair back. "We should go ice this eye." He had one helluva shiner, likely my husband's right hook that can be lethal.
"To be fair, I gave Maggie half of one. I set the alarm—figured we'd sleep, wake up, head to the airport, and things would be better . . . I don't know."
"I hope so. Things never seem as gloomy in the morning, after some rest." I squeezed his hand.
"Sorry about your vacation," he mumbled.
"Yeah…well, Bermuda isn't going anywhere, and this can be like…the honeymoon you guys never had." I remembered they'd gone to Florida. "Well, another trip…You guys can . . . try to work things out without the outside world. I have faith in you and in Maggie, and I think—"
"She's amazing, Mom," he cried. "I can't believe—"
"She loves you so much—admires you." Even if I didn't know the whole story, or what's been going on here lately, I could imagine. "Dad gets angry all the time. I forgive him . . . I can't explain why," I laughed. "I'll admit, though. I'm still mad, and I don't know if I can forgive him for this." I gestured to his face. "But no. It's hard to stay mad at your father—for me."
"I lost it . . . and it could have been a lot worse. I could have literally lost everything. In his own way, Dad was looking out for my best interests. Trust me when I say that. I'm not mad, so don't you be upset." He gave me a watery smile.
"Hey," Maggie whispered, leaving the bedroom.
"You okay?" Sonny held out his hand.
Maggie took it. "I'm just…still tired, I guess." She curled up next to him. "Um…" Her eyes met mine. "I feel like I should be crying." And I wanted to say it was the drugs, why she felt so chill right now, but I wouldn't. "Sorry about Bermuda."
I waved a hand. "That's not important. You guys are."
There were loads of questions I wanted to ask, make sure Maggie was all right, make sure she wasn't going to leave . . .
Again, I didn't.
I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out why Sonny and Maggie making it as a couple was so important to me.
It felt like I needed them to be together, knowing that in time they'd excel together, be there for one another—especially if, God forbid, something happened to Edward and me.
Sonny would need her, as he'd be too busy taking care of his siblings . . .
And Maggie—like she's been doing—would care for him.
Judging by their tight embrace, I wanted to trust that they'd be all right.
"Bella?" I heard Edward; he stood at the bottom landing. "You didn't lock the door. What's wrong with you people?"
I didn't answer any of that.
"Maggie?" I asked.
She was staring down at Edward. "Hmm?"
"Um…let's go pick out a few things. Do you have summer clothes?" I had no idea how to leave Edward and Sonny alone.
"That's unnecessary. I know what you're doing," Edward said. "But we gotta go."
Sonny hissed, shaking his head. "You're so stubborn." He turned to Maggie. "Can you give us a minute?"
"Do I have a choice?" she asked, which made me grin and look away. She's turning into some pistol—something I was proud of.
Sonny pushed her hair away. "You always do."
"Come on." I stood up, my knees cracking, making me feel decrepit. "Damn."
"You all right?" Edward asked.
I nodded, reaching for Maggie's hand, so we could enter their bedroom. "Show me your summer clothes," I said it loudly, but never closed the door all the way, placing my finger to my mouth.
"They're in the closet!" Maggie exclaimed, getting in on the ruse, but it was too much.
"Shhh." I waved her away, peeking at Edward as he came up the steps. Maggie placed her cheek to mine, so she could see too.
"Youse aren't subtle at all," my husband shouted.
"Dammit," I whispered, but I didn't go anywhere, hoping they only thought I did. Maggie left me, though—got the hint.
Edward took a seat next to Sonny. "How you feelin'?"
"I'm sorry." My son's face crumbled.
"It's okay." Edward pulled him into his arms, which was long overdue—some softness amongst all this roughness. "Baby, I'm sorry." He held Sonny's head to his chest, kissed his hair. "You're amazing at what you do." My husband had tears in his eyes too. "You're perfect, but you scared the fuck outta me. I did what I had to—"
I backed away, my throat feeling thick.
After a minute of keeping my eyes closed and hoping that feeling would pass, I turned to Maggie.
She sat on the bed, her head drooping to her side, about to knock back out.
"Sweetheart?" I palmed her cheek.
She shot up. "I'm awake."
I grinned. "Just make sure you take a bathing suit. If you don't have shorts, I'm sure Sonny would love—fucking love—to take you on a shopping spree."
"Um." She rubbed her eyes. "I heard we're not allowed to leave the resort."
"It's a big place." I sat next to her. "They'll have shops." In fact, I made sure of that when I booked it. "Even if you don't want to, and not that he deserves it, but in Sonny's way . . . Let him dote. He'll feel the need, the need to make it up to you. Nothing but time and talking it out will truly do that, though. Spending money on you would only make him feel better." I knew that much about him because I knew that much about his father.
"Okay." She nodded, pulling her sleeves down to cover her hands.
"You know what would make me feel better?" I asked.
"What?" She turned to me.
I sat back on the bed and patted my thigh. "Get over here."
She gave me a small grin as she crawled into my lap, like Kylie would do.
"You guys are going to be all right. I promise. You, too, as a person. When all of this is over, it'll seem like it never happened."
And that always happens.
We weather the storm and prepare to ride out a new one.
Even if the times between outbursts always seem too short . . .
We worry, anticipate, although we can never guess what's going to come next.
Over time, Maggie will learn that.
Maybe, just maybe, despite the fact that she's matured immensely, grown up too damn fast these past five months, she still needs her mother—there's still a scared little girl in there.
I knew that much about her because I knew that much about myself.
"You'll see." I rocked us and kissed her hair.
She sighed, resting her head in the crook of my neck, twirling my hair around her fingers, and that made me smile.
Maybe she never had this growing up—this affection from her mother—but I knew this was what she needed.
Sometimes, we just need to know things will be fine, need that reassurance.
"Thank you," she whispered. "I'm sure you know already . . . I didn't hear you and Santino talking before, but…I couldn't tell you."
"It's okay. I'm still happy you came to me. You can always do that." I squeezed her.
"I know . . . Kylie told me."
"Good." I grinned. "I hope—now that things are up in the air—maybe Kylie and I can go someplace, let her live a little, someplace fun." I nodded, noticing her hair smelled like cigarettes. It was very slight but there. "Are you smoking?"
She stiffened. "Kylie will love that."
"Maggie…"
"Um, Tommy gave me one earlier. I didn't even like it." She relaxed against me once more. "Sonny knows…caught me in the backyard," she giggled. "He didn't care—went back to bed. That's when Mr. Cullen stopped by."
"Hmm. He never wants to hurt you . . ." I can't imagine anyone wanting to hurt anyone they loved. "Sometimes…"
"I told him to stop scaring me." She kept her tone low. "He didn't really do anything, and then they started fighting…"
I didn't know if she was covering for Sonny, or if she thought her words true. "Has he ever…?"
"No . . . he gets grabby. I swear. He's never done that." She leaned back to look at me.
"Okay." I nodded. "Grabby still sucks, though."
"I hit him once." She looked down. "Saturday…I—I can understand, how we never mean to hurt the ones we love, but it happens in the heat of passion, I guess."
I sighed, holding her chin. "You're wise beyond your years, but—" That small part inside me, the one who doesn't see her as a woman, or Sonny's wife, wanted to tell her to be a kid whenever she could.
But could she?
"You guys have to lighten up a little. Have fun. Make love, laugh, and have a good time whenever you can. You guys are young. You have forever to fight, bitch about money, and have babies," I laughed. "You guys rushed into this—getting married so soon—but it's cool if you slow down." I nodded. "Before you think about making Sonny happy, make sure that you're happy first…that doing whatever it is will make Maggie happy before you agree to appease him. You'll be much better off in the long run, and Sonny will understand."
"Thank you for saying that," she said.
I kissed her forehead, hugging her close.
That's when the door opened, revealing Edward and Sonny.
"On the bed . . ." Sonny grumbled, gesturing to us. "You want some privacy so youse can make out?"
"Shut up," I said, letting go of his wife.
"Ma, it's weird." He looked to his father. "Help me out here." Their dynamic seemed just fine, both brutes content and back to normal.
I showed him my palms. "In the future, I promise to keep my ass out of your bed. Happy?"
Edward smirked at me from the doorway. "We ready to go?"
I sighed, blowing out a breath, feeling self-satisfaction, and having the faith that things would be okay. "Yeah."
Thank you for reading.
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