A/N: Pictures & videos are on the blog. So is the awesome banner that Ro Northman made me...go check it out!
This was the part I was dreading.
Dr. Brandon wanted me to start at the beginning…and by beginning, she meant that she wanted me to tell her about my childhood.
Personally, I wouldn't mind never thinking about that part of my life ever again.
So I sidestepped her and cut to the happier part of my youth.
"Well," I told her. "I was adopted by my parents when I was thirteen. Carlisle and Esme were great foster parents, and I was really happy when they told me they wanted to adopt me. It didn't take long for me to start calling them Mom and Dad after that. I did well in high school, and went on to college. After graduation I joined my dad in the family business, and well…here I am."
Dr. Brandon just looked at me, and I knew she wouldn't let me get away with pushing aside her question.
"Edward…you need to be open with me about everything. I'll let you slide on avoiding telling me about your childhood, but…we will be addressing it next week. No excuses, understand?"
Next week…I could deal with next week…it would give me time to prepare for reopening all the old wounds.
"Okay," is all I offered as a response.
"Now, let's talk about your hoarding. I notice you never say you are a hoarder. You always say that you have 'issues.' You need to accept what you are Edward. Say it…own it…it will help you take control of the situation. Can I hear you say it Edward?"
"I…I'm…," I trail off with a sigh. This shouldn't be so hard, and Dr. Brandon is right. I need to own this and not let it have so much control over me. Taking a deep breath, I tried to say it one more time.
"I'm a hoarder," I managed to get out, my voice still a little shaky.
"That's good Edward, I'm proud of you. Hoarder is just a word. It only has as much power as you are willing to give it," Dr. Brandon told me.
I nodded in response, thinking over her words.
"How are you doing with your purchases lately? I'm not expecting you to just be able to stop, that would be unreasonable, but I do expect you to try to control how many times you buy things and the quantity of the things you buy."
Shit…she probably wouldn't be too pleased to know I purchased 19 Pasta Boats last night then.
"Um, it's been….difficult," I answered. "I have still been buying…a lot, but lately, I feel more and more guilty every time I buy something, which makes me feel bad and makes me want to buy more stuff. I just don't know how to stop."
Dr. Brandon nodded her head as I spoke, before addressing what I had said.
"What you said is very important Edward. You are making the connection between your emotions and your buying. It's an important thing to realize. What I'd like for you to do, is to really try to cut back on the buying…especially in bulk…no one really needs eleven Magic Bullets like I saw in your kitchen last week. But like I said, I don't expect you to stop buying things 'cold turkey' so to speak, but I would like you to keep track of what you do buy."
I guess Dr. Brandon could see the confused look on my face, because she continued to explain what she wanted me to do as she handed me a notebook.
"Every time you buy something Edward, I want you to write down the date and time along with what you bought. I also want you to write down why you bought that item, and what you are feeling or thinking about before, during, and after the purchase. This will help us identify your triggers and work out how to address them and give you the tools you need to handle them in other ways."
After a few more minutes, Dr. Brandon sent me on my way, reminding me she'd see me in two days for the first day of the clean out at my house.
The rest of the night, my anxiety was through the roof thinking of what was to come two days from now, and I couldn't help myself so I went online to the Ronco website. As soon as my purchase was made, I pulled out my notebook Dr. Brandon gave me and wrote my first entry…
April 3rd, 11:47pm – bought 19 Popeil Electric Pasta Makers.
As I finished my entry in the notebook, I couldn't help but rationalize the purchase…I mean, I did just buy all those Pasta Boats…it was only logical to buy the pasta makers…I mean, how else would I get the pasta for the Pasta Boats?
Even to me my excuse seemed weak…I'd definitely need to talk this over with Dr. Brandon next time I saw her.
A/N: Chapter 8 will post tomorrow, and the clean up for Edward will officially begin. Thanks for reading, and thanks to everyone who has reviewed!