A/N: Pics & videos are on the blog. Happy Fourth of July to my fellow Americans.
I don't think Dr. Brandon was happy with me today.
I was quite resistant during our session.
But then again, what did she expect when she was asking about James and Victoria.
"Edward," she huffed at me. "You have to talk about them sooner or later. Until you do we can't move on, and you won't make progress towards getting better."
We sat for a good ten minutes just staring at each other until I finally broke down and agreed to talk.
"Fine," I sighed, already feeling my palms getting sweaty. "What do you want to know?"
"Let's start with your biological father. Tell me what you remember about him."
"James was…he was distant. I don't think he liked me very much, or ever even wanted me. He and Victoria were young, fresh out of high school when they had me. I don't ever remember him saying 'I love you' or being affectionate. He always referred to me as 'the boy' or 'the kid' when he talked to Victoria about me, and he rarely, if ever actually spoke to me. He drank and smoked a lot, and I remember him and Victoria always fighting about either there never being enough money to pay the bills, James' inability to keep a steady job, or his always sleeping around with other women."
I stopped for a moment and took a deep breath before beginning to talk again.
"Eventually he got tired of Victoria yelling and nagging all the time and left. It was the one time I can clearly remember him talking to me. I was five, and he was supposed to be watching me while Victoria was working her shift at the dry cleaners. He packed up a bag and right before he left he told me 'Don't ever let a woman go and trap you the way your mom did me with you. It was the biggest mistake of my life,' and then he walked out the door. Victoria came home late that night after having worked a double shift to find me crying and hungry, sitting on the kitchen floor. We never saw or heard from James again."
Dr. Brandon spent the next few minutes trying to get me to calm down. Talking about all of that was even harder than I thought it would be, and by the time I had finished I was a sobbing mess.
She tried to get me to talk a bit more, to tell her about how James' leaving made me feel, how I thought it affected me.
I couldn't do it. I felt so exposed and raw already…and now she was bringing up all the memories of the way the kids taunted me at school because I was the kid with no dad. I couldn't handle bringing that up now and I just…I snapped.
"When is it ever enough for you," I shouted at her as I got up and started pacing around the room the best I could while on crutches. "Do you get some sort of sick enjoyment out of ripping every painful thing out of me…of watching me relive it all? When will what I say ever be good enough so you'll just leave well enough alone?"
The whole time she tried to calm me down, to get me to sit and relax and breathe. I didn't want to hear any of it. I was so tired of listening, of talking, of rationalizing. I just wanted it all over and done with.
"I can't do this anymore," I yelled at her as I headed towards the door.
"Edward, please…let's just calm down and talk this out," Dr. Brandon pleaded, but I was through listening.
I hobbled toward the door and before I could even stop them, the words were flying out of my mouth.
"FUCK THIS SHIT!" I screamed at her before making my way out of her office. The few people in her waiting room stared at me, but I just couldn't care less.
I made my way out of the building and into my car and headed back to my house. I was still staying with Emmett for another week until the doctor would change me over to a walking cast, but I needed some time alone first. Once inside my house, I looked around the foyer, seeing it clean and empty only reminded me of just how empty my own life was, and I let out an animalistic yell of frustration that echoed off the walls.
I needed a distraction, and no matter how much the little voice in the back of my brain was telling me I was going to regret it later, I pulled my laptop out of my messenger bag, powered it on, and logged in to several of my preferred shopping sites. When all was said and done, I was the proud owner of countless new items including Ab Rockets, Bender Balls, Forearm Forklifts, and God only knows what else. All I knew for sure was that my total spending for the day was somewhere around $8,000.
The only other thing I knew for sure was that I acted like an ass and would need to try to fix things with Dr. Brandon as soon as possible.
A/N: So it seems Hoarderward had a bit of a setback. It's to be expected though. Hopefully he'll do better tomorrow when Bella comes to see him for his one on one session with her. Chapter 14 will post tomorrow.