As it turned out, Addie didn't have a chance to question Lily on her very un-Lily like behaviour, since she ended up spending the whole night listening to Darlene's plans for quidditch practise. The girl had bombarded her as soon as she stepped foot in the common room- not that Addie minded, she wanted to win just as much as the rest of them.
Friday soon sped by, and with the start of quidditch practises fast approaching, Addie couldn't wait for the weekend. Recently, she had found herself struggling to keep up in her classes- mainly because of the huge workload they had, so she was also desperately looking forward some time to relax and get it all done. However, her sleeping patterns had definitely improved, for which she was thankful, (although the nightmares did still plague her, and she found herself waking up a cold sweat a couple times a week), so at least she could get through her classes without falling asleep.
Her last period on Friday was transfiguration with Professor McGonagall, and unsurprisingly, she was running late.
By the time Addie finally made it to class, panting slightly, McGonagall was just briefing the class. She shot a stern look her way, but said nothing as Addie slipped into a spare seat next to Lily. No one really seemed to be paying attention apart from her: Sirius was swinging lazily back on his chair as usual; Marlene was doodling on a scrap piece of parchment; Remus was falling asleep with his head in his hands, looking either tired or extremely hungover, and James and Darlene were charming a paper aeroplane to fly right at his head and, (hopefully) wake him up. Addie glanced at Lily, who was watching the two disapprovingly.
"Oh come on Lils. Lighten up a bit." she said, elbowing the girl next to her.
"What? I didn't say anything."
Addie rolled her eyes. "Your expression says it all. They're only having a laugh."
Lily raised her eyebrows loftily, dipping her quill in ink as she began to write down what McGonagall was saying. "At the expense of Remus." But her haughty look faltered as her eyes fell on the boy, worry seeping into her eyes. She glanced hesitantly at Addie. "He always gets like this… tired and frail. Have you noticed?"
Addie nodded. She remembered mentioning it to Remus way back in third year, and how his face had paled even more so than usual, as though he'd seen a ghost. He'd spluttered there for a minute or so before James and Sirius had swooped to his rescue, cracking jokes about Remus overworking himself. Addie hadn't mentioned it since then.
"I wonder if he has some kind of illness." Lily mused. "-Anaemia or something. Though you'd think that Madame Pomfrey could sort that out…"
"I guess so." Addie replied, biting her nails; her mum always nagged her to stop- 'it's a disgusting habit'- but it helped her think. "Maybe he just doesn't sleep well."
"Hmm. Maybe." They lapsed into silence as Lily continued to make notes and Addie watched James and Darlene's not so discreet attempts at poking Remus with a quill. It seemed they'd given up on the whole paper aeroplane idea.
Finally, Addie got it off her chest. 'Lily, I need to ask you something." she admitted.
"Mmhm?"
"It's, um, it's about you and Colin."
"Colin?" She looked up in surprise, her eyebrows arching raised questioningly. "What about him?"
"Well, I was just wondering if you guys were, you know…" Addie trailed off, trying to read the expression in Lily's eyes.
"Oh." The red-head blushed, setting down her quill. "Well, I'm not sure really. He is very nice."
"Just nice?"
She sighed. "I don't really know how I feel about him. I mean, I know everyone's meant to like him since he's so handsome, and popular and all that… but I'm not really sure if there's any chemistry."
"You don't?" Addie repeated, relief apparent in her voice. She couldn't imagine Lily dating the smarmy git.
"No, yes… Oh, I don't know." She put her head in her hands. "Maybe I just need to get to know him more… He's asked me to the next Hogsmeade weekend, actually."
Addie's eyes widened. "The next Hogsmeade weekend? But they haven't even planned when the first one is yet!" She was starting to like this guy less and less.
"I know." Lily blushed. "I haven't accepted yet, but I thought it was rather chivalrous of him."
Addie rolled her eyes. "You mean just because he didn't drag you to a broom cupboard for a snog?! Lily, that boy is the farthest thing from chivalrous I have ever met."
"Well, whatever." Lily huffed. "I said I haven't accepted yet." She looked mildly annoyed, but Addie couldn't help but notice the way her eyes flickered over to James's messy head again.
"Miss Evans, if you would please grace me with your attention, I would be very honoured." McGonagall said, her lips pursed.
"Sorry Professor." Lily muttered, her cheeks turning pink. Addie smirked to herself.
McGonagall nodded. "Yes well, as I was saying… The Bird-Conjuring Charm is a very complicated and advanced form of transfiguration. I expect many of you to struggle with it, so do some research before we begin practising next week. If any of you have any questions, please see me after class. For now, we will go over Conjuring Spells…"
As they left the classroom with the rest of the thick mob of people, Addie noticed a flicker of blue out of the corner of her eye. She turned just in time to see Brenda disappearing into the girl's toilet, now sporting two sea-blue plaits that brushed the top of her shoulders. Muttering an excuse to her friends, she quickly followed her.
"Brenda!" The girl turned around in surprise, but a quick grin appeared on her face when she saw Addie.
"Oh, hey there, Addie. I haven't seen you in ages."
"I know." smiled Addie, scanning Brenda's uniform. "So, you were sorted into Ravenclaw? I was wondering about that."
"Yeah, they let me do it in Professor McGonagall's office." she shrugged. "It'd be pretty embarrassing to be sorted with the first years."
Addie laughed. "Yeah, I thought they might… How are you finding it? Have you made many friends?"
"I have actually. It's nothing like my parents said it would be- everyone's lovely here. And they even think my condition's 'awesome'." She was positively beaming at the prospect.
"That's because it is." Addie frowned. "Look, Brenda… you need to know that being a metamorphmagus is a gift, not a condition. I think your parents have bought you up to be scared, but you shouldn't have to be."
Brenda looked away, embarrassed. "Thanks Addie."
"I mean it." Addie's eyes blazed suddenly as she looked at the girl. Why had her parents bought her up to think she was worth so little? They should have been supporting her. "You should be proud of who you are."
"I think…" she sighed, her magenta eyes sad. "I think I'm learning to be. Finally."
Addie smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."
"Down here!" James called, blowing his whistle, and the seven very worn out members of the Gryffindor team landed in a semi-circle around him. Addie, arriving somewhat awkwardly, stumbled into Darlene, who grinned, giving her a shove.
"Watch where you're going, Ads." she said, rolling her eyes.
Sirius smirked. "How is it you're good at this again? Your balance is terrible."
"Shove off, Black." Addie replied, scrunching up her face, but she quietened as James turned to face them. He was grinning.
"Well done today, guys. You were pretty great out there- I'd say if we're lucky we stand a chance at beating the others to the cup."
Sirius scoffed. "Screw lucky." he replied. "We'll smash it."
James rolled his eyes but ignored him. "Darlene, awesome job- that goal you scored was incredible; Addie, you were great; Ivy, you need to work a little bit on hand-eye co-ordination. Just make sure you're ready for it when the ball comes your way." It was Ivy Peterson's first year on the team, and they'd all warmed to her pretty soon- she was a friendly girl with striking dark skin and a contagious smile, whom you couldn't help but like. She nodded seriously at James, her shiny black pony tail moving up and down as she did so. James carried on. "Sirius and Zach- I'm glad to see you guys have still got your swing, but you need to make sure you aim the bludgers at the opposing team." Earlier in training, Ivy had caught a stray bludger and ended up with a sprained wrist. Darlene had quickly sorted it out, (she excelled in healing charms), but James had pointed out that Sirius and Zack were meant to be stopping the bludgers from hitting their teammates instead of aiming at them. Zach nodded sheepishly, and Sirius grinned at Ivy.
"Sorry about that." he said, winking at her and causing a blush to rise on her cheeks.
"Oh, and Frank, great keeping as per usual." James finished, ignoring his flirtatious best friend. "I'll see you all again next week- but keep up the good work."
They dispersed and made their way up to the changing rooms, babbling excitedly about the first game, which was a few weeks away.
"Who would have guessed? Adelaide Reid is a budding new seeker." Darlene joked, swinging an arm around Addie's shoulder. Addie laughed.
"Even I couldn't have foreseen this."
"Even Alice couldn't have foreseen this, and her aunt's the divination teacher."
"That's true…" she paused. "Has anyone ever told you that you smell of sweat Dar?" Addie asked, wrinkling her nose.
"Hey!" Darlene slapped her arm. "At least I don't smell as bad as you."
"Quidditch really does bring out the worst in everyone." she grinned.
"There was never a truer word spoken."
Sirius helped James put away the quidditch balls, before they followed the others. Ahead of them, Addie and Darlene bickered about something as they walked to the changing rooms, and he chuckled as Addie shoved the taller girl, throwing back her head with laughter.
James crooked his brow. "Admiring the view, Pads?" he questioned with a smirk, as he closed the lid of the chest.
"No." Sirius replied shortly. He swung his broomstick over his shoulder and grabbed the other side of the chest.
James grinned knowingly, but then his smile faltered. "… you do realise it's the full moon tomorrow?"
Sirius groaned, sweeping a dark lock of hair out of his eyes. "Fuck. Already? It feels like yesterday when I got that scrape on my arm…" He shot James a sideways look. "You didn't tell him about that did you?"
"Of course not." James replied dismissively, as they started walking. "You know how he gets when he switches into Mother Moony Mode."
Sirius laughed, preparing his best Remus impression. "'I knew this would happen! I can't believe you didn't say anything!"
James grinned. "'It's all my fault. I won't let you come out with me again!' … you would have thought after being friends with a guy for six years he would have figured that we weren't going anywhere."
They lapsed into comfortable silence as they made their way up the hill, and James watched his best friend carefully. He wasn't the most perceptive person ever, he knew that, but ever since the fight Sirius had had with Professor Dickhead, James could tell he hadn't been himself. It seemed the words that had been thrown at him- 'blood traitor' included- had in fact got to him, no matter how much he tried to hide it.
James hesitated before they entered the changing room. "You are alright, mate, aren't you? I mean after all that shit Edwards' said…"
"I'm fine." Sirius replied, abruptly, his grey eyes turning to steel.
James scratched his head uncomfortably. "Well… just know that that he was sprouting crap, Pads. And, if you do ever feel shit about it-"
"I said I'm fine James." Sirius snapped, slamming the chest down with more force than necessary. "Just drop it, okay?"
And without a word, he stormed into the changing rooms.
James followed him with a sigh.
That evening, Darlene sat in the common room with Sirius, Lily, Peter and Frank. Alice was working in her dorm, and, (according to Frank), was hexing anyone who came near her; Marlene was out with Will, and the others had disappeared to various places after dinner.
She watched disinterestedly as Sirius and Frank played Gobstones; Lily was reading a muggle book and Peter was frantically scribbling down an overdue essay, so there wasn't anyone to talk to, and Darlene was bored. She was meant to be working too, but really couldn't be bothered, and she found her mind wondering to other places and thinking about other things- Andrew Baker, mainly. She didn't know how she felt after their little meeting, only that her heart hadn't stopped pounding until she'd reached the common room, and she hadn't stopped thinking about him until Addie appeared, and she was able to distract herself.
Absentmindedly, her gaze wondered over to Jo, who was chatting animatedly to a smiling Susan. Just seeing the girl still made Darlene mad, and a small part of her wished she had just kissed Andrew to spite her… but she wasn't that type of person- or at least, she hoped she wasn't.
Anyway, what was she even thinking? How could Darlene ever compete with that? The girl was drop-dead gorgeous, despite her lofty expression, and she knew that she must have Andrew wrapped around her little finger. She sighed again- what was it about him that had got under her skin? Yes he was handsome, but he wasn't incredibly funny and she knew it must be his charm. He made her feel as though she was the only person in the world, as cheesy as it sounded, and no one had ever made her feel as important as he did when he spoke to her.
A familiar voice interrupted her thoughts. "Lily, aren't you coming to the prefect meeting?" Remus asked the girl as he approached the area in which they sat. He looked completely exhausted, Darlene noted; his skin looked even more pale than usual, and huge purple bags had formed under his eyes.
The red-head jumped up, dropping her book in the process. "Oh shit, Remus, I completely forgot!"
He chuckled, but it was strained with tiredness. "Don't worry, we've still got ten minutes to go."
"Oh. Well thanks for reminding me." She picked up the book she had dropped, flushing slightly, but then frowned at him as she straightened. He was leaning on the sofa, his golden eyes dull with sleep deprivation. "Um, are you sure you're okay to go, though Remus? You look a little…"
"Peaky, I know. But I'm sure I'll be fine." he insisted, his tone of voice making it clear he didn't want to talk about it.
"Alright." she replied, still looking uncertain. "We'll just head off then, shall we?"
They walked through the corridors, heading to the dungeons, where the prefect meeting was held, in comfortable silence. Remus walked slowly, and Lily matched his pace, not wanting to rush him when he looked so dreadfully drawn.
She chewed on her lip, throwing him furtive glances until she couldn't take it anymore. "Remus, are you sure you don't want to-"
His eyes were soft as he shook his head firmly, smiling at her. "I really appreciate your concern Lily, but I can assure you that I'm fine. Or, I will be soon."
"Alright." she sighed, finally giving up.
They descended the steps down to the dungeons, and walked through the maze of corridors quietly- the only sound being their muffled footsteps. Light from the lanterns lining the walls flickered as they walked past, casting shadows that danced along the corridor as the taste of stale dust got stronger in Lily's mouth.
"I used to be so creeped out by these dungeons." she admitted, eliciting a smile from Remus.
"I can see why you would be," he replied, glancing at her. "but we've explored them so often over the years that they've never really frightened me much."
"I've always wondered about that- how you lot sneak about so much? Surely someone must have caught you."
Remus grinned. "We have been caught- many times- but we've got away with it just as often. I won't give away any trade secrets…" -Lily scoffed at this- "But I will say this; Sirius and James may act like idiots, but they are exceptionally talented."
Lily rolled her eyes. "Well, I wouldn't say 'exceptionally'…" she muttered, making Remus laugh.
"So, how's things at home?" he asked, veering the subject away from the Marauders. "Have you written any letters back yet?"
Lily shrugged. "I wrote a couple to Mum and Dad. They say Petunia's happy… it was her and Vernon's sixth month anniversary the other day."
Remus raised his eyebrows. "Six months with him? I don't know how she does it." Remus had never met Vernon, but he had heard enough from Lily to know he was far from being the most charming person on earth.
Lily snorted. "Me neither- but then again I don't know how he puts up with her either." Her abrupt tone made it obvious she didn't want to discuss her sister. "So, how are things with you?"
"Okay, I suppose. Mum and Dad are still their quiet old selves… they're planning on retiring in a year or so and moving by the sea."
"That'll be nice." Lily smiled. "I'd love to live by the seaside one day."
"Me too."
They'd arrived in the empty classroom where the other prefects sat around chatting, and the two went to sit with their fellow Gryffindor's- the fifth years, (Mary McDonald, and a round faced, rosy-cheeked boy Lily didn't recognise), sat slightly apart from Richard Johnson- the seventh year who had replaced Frank when he became Head Boy- and it was easy to see why. Richard could definitely be portrayed as intimidating with his dark bushy eyebrows and hard eyes, but in actual fact he was a pretty nice guy. Lily locked eyes with Snape for a fraction of a second- he was sat on the Slytherin table on the far side of the room- before tugging her gaze away and plastering a smile on her face for her fellow house-mates.
"Hullo." Remus greeted, collapsing exhaustedly into a spare chair. There were a few mutters in response and his eyes searched the group. "No Quinn?" he checked, seeing that the other seventh year prefect was in fact missing.
Richard nodded towards the door and they turned to see her rushing over, breathless. She was a small, dumpy girl with thick blonde hair and pretty azure eyes. "Sorry I'm so late." she gasped, taking a seat next to Lily. "I completely forgot."
"Don't worry." Lily laughed, "I did too."
Quinn returned her smile before turning to the fifth years with curious eyes. "So, who are the new prefects? What are your names?"
"I'm George Lloyd-Clarke." The rosy-cheeked boy said pompously, offering his hand. "Head of the Gobstones committee." Quinn shook it, obviously fighting back a smile.
"Right. Impressive. And you are?"
"Mary McDonald." The girl replied, blushing.
"Well, it's a pleasure to meet both of you. I'm sure you'll make excellent prefects."
"Thanks." Mary muttered. Lily got the feeling she didn't really want to be there.
Eventually, Frank and the head girl (Holly Floyd of Ravenclaw) were ready to begin the meeting. Frank cleared his throat nervously as he stood in front of the prefects, and Lily felt sorry for the gangly boy.
"Good evening all." he greeted, beaming round at them all. "And welcome to our first prefect meeting. Holly and I have got a few ideas we thought we could put across to begin with, but we want to make this the best Hogwarts year, since it is our last, and we really need you help to do that. So, we thought we could start by talking about any ideas, worries or thoughts you lot have to make this year special." He paused, glancing around hopefully. "Any ideas?"
"I'd love to bring back the Gobstones club." offered Sammy Talbot from the Hufflepuff table. "They shut it down third year when Marius chucked one at Jenny Sanders and broke her nose, but he's graduated now so surely it'll be okay, right?"
Frank chuckled, but jotted down the request.
"We should do something to celebrate Dumbledore's birthday." Quinn suggested. "I heard he turns a hundred in April."
A sixth year Hufflepuff clapped her hands together excitedly. "Ooh yeah! And that's close to my birthday too!"
The boy next to her groaned. "It's not about you, Melinda. Dumbledore's done loads of stuff for the wizarding community. What have you done?"
"I was only saying." pouted Melinda, the colour rising in her cheeks.
"Yea, but you're always-"
"Alright, alright." interrupted Frank, before an argument could ensue. "What could we do to celebrate?"
"We could have a feast?" The head girl offered, from Frank's side.
"But we have feasts all the time." Melinda complained loudly. "It needs to be different."
"Well, we could make it different." Holly explained. "We could move all the tables around and eat with everyone sat together."
There were groans from the Gryffindor and Slytherin tables.
"Just because your boyfriend's in Slytherin." Melinda muttered. Holly glared at her.
"Well, we won't decide anything for definite yet." Frank said quickly. "These are only ideas, remember… Anyone else?"
A timid- looking Slytherin girl raised her hand. "We could have a dance- a ball of sorts?"
At this, both Holly and Melinda's eyes lit up. "That's perfect!" Holly exclaimed, smiling at the girl. "We could have music and dancing and ball gowns…"
Opposite Lily, Richard put his head in his hands and she stifled a giggle. Across the room, some of the other students were having similar reactions- they didn't look quite as excited as Melinda and Holly.
Frank wrote the idea down, tucking the list he'd made in his inside pocket, and they moved on to the next list on the agenda, (Hogsmeade weekend dates). But they glow of excitement didn't leave Holly's eye, and Lily was pretty certain that the dance was very likely to happen if the head girl had anything to say about it.
"Shh." Marlene giggled as Will let out a choked laugh. He had just walked her back to the portrait hole after they'd spent the last hour or so in a broom closet- doing things that Marlene hadn't wanted Will's dorm mates, or hers for that matter- too see. The Fat Lady watched them jealously, glaring with her nose pointed in the air, but for once stayed silent. She'd probably dealt with couples sneaking out for so many years that she was sick to the teeth of it.
"Thanks for tonight." he muttered softly, pressing his lips to her forehead and holding her close to him. She loved it when Will was like this- affectionate and kind and ever so caring- and she nuzzled against him.
"It's 'kay." she replied, smiling. "I had fun."
"Me too." His eyes were warm, and in the lamplight they looked like melted chocolate pools. He smiled down at her, his lips slightly puffy from their kissing session. "I love you." he whispered, closing his eyes and leaning towards her.
Her stomach clenched like it did every time he said those three words, but still she smiled up at him, pressing her lips to his. "I love you too." she said.
But really, Marlene didn't know what she felt for Will. Yes, she loved the way he was when they were together; and yes she liked him a lot, but being in love seemed way too big. It was something she didn't think she was ready for yet, and something that scared the life out of her- but she couldn't bear to see the look in his eyes if she told him that she couldn't say it back, so she did so anyway.
Eventually, after a few indignant looks from the Fat Lady, Marlene stepped through the portrait hole and collapsed in an armchair with a sigh. It was only half ten, but she was exhausted, and after wishing her friends a goodnight, she soon found herself climbing the staircase to bed.
It was three a.m. Well, two minutes past three if you wanted to be exact- but that was besides the point. It was three a.m. and Sirius Black still couldn't get to fucking sleep.
About an hour and a half previously, he'd tried to start a conversation with his fellow dorm mates- asking Pete if he'd done the charms essay; asking James if he wanted to hex Snivelly tomorrow, (the answer had been an exasperating- 'not for the sake of it', and Sirius had muttered angrily that James was so righteous all of a sudden, just because Lily's words were finally getting to him- and that he was forgetting about his real soulmate, who was lying two metres away), but he'd finally had to give up when James swore at him foully and Remus threw a book at him- it was that one about the venomous dragon and it was bloody heavy- and reminded him that it was the full moon tomorrow night and he was being a completely inconsiderate arse keeping them all awake. So Sirius had tossed and turned, and sulked in silence.
And now it was three a.m.
He sighed. It had come to the point that he knew he had to acknowledge the reason why he was awake; the reason that he'd been putting off for the whole day, (Sirius was a master when it came to delaying the inevitable), and the reason why sleep just wouldn't welcome him into its loving arms.
And it was all that creepy-as-fuck Professor's fault.
The words still rang in his head when he thought back to the day he'd punched the prick. 'Blood traitor', he'd called him. It was a label that Sirius knew he'd have to live with in the future, especially since there were loads of people in the world- including that Voldy bloke- that would class him as it, but he could deal with that fact. He'd accepted that by being friends with all the people he was- Lily, Addie- that he was theoretically putting himself in danger, but it didn't bother him- if being friends with some of the most talented, wonderful people he knew meant that some old blokes with ugly characters would hate him, then so be it.
No, it wasn't the meaning of the word that bothered him, or even the fact that it had been said; it was the fact that that word reminded him of his parents. And if Sirius Black hated one thing most in the world- more than Severus Snape, more than Bellatrix Black, even- it was his parents.
Sighing, he sat up and swung his legs of the side of his bed, holding his head in his hands. If he planned on getting any sleep whatsoever tonight, he knew he had to get out of this stuffy room and clear his head. So quietly, he crept out of the dormitory, (doing a better job than James ever had), and made his way downstairs. The common room was as quiet and as welcoming as ever, and immediately Sirius felt better; the room had always had that effect on him. Carefully, he made his way over to the fire, which was still flickering quietly, and went to take a seat.
But with a start, he realised he wasn't alone.
"Addie?" Sirius whispered with surprise, squinting at the far end of the sofa he was just about to sit on, but the girl didn't respond. She was fast asleep, curled up in a ball, her dark hair curling around her pale little heart-shaped face. Sirius smiled softly at how cute she looked- a scatter of little freckles covered her nose, and her soft breaths moved a stray piece of her dark hair every time she exhaled. But then he shook himself- creeping on sleeping girls was not cool, Black, no matter how well you knew them.
Her feet looked cold, so he conjured a fluffy blanket, draping it over her before he settled down on the sofa. He glanced at her once more to check she still slept, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a crumpled piece of paper which he began to read.
"What's that?" Addie asked, sleepily. The weight of the warm blanket had woken her up, but she didn't want to startle Sirius so she'd waited until he'd settled back down to speak. Her plan didn't work, however, and he still jumped, quickly stuffing the paper back in his pocket.
"Nothing." he said quickly, glancing at her. Then he raised his eyebrows. "What are you doing down here so late?"
"I could ask you the same question."
He chuckled. "I asked you first."
She nestled further under the blanket- her heart had melted when he'd placed it on her, and she held it close; somehow it smelt like Sirius. "Fine." she mumbled, her cheeks warming. "…I had a nightmare."
"A nightmare?" He looked perplexed, his eyebrows drawing together. "Is that why you've been so tired recently?"
"No. Well, maybe… yes." she sighed, shuffling away from his scorching gaze. She couldn't believe that he was actually worried- he had to be laughing at her.
"What are they about?" he asked.
"What?"
"The nightmares."
"Oh." There was a pause. "I don't really know." she lied, swallowing. For some reason she felt uncomfortable- as though opening up to him at three a.m. could lead her down a road she wasn't sure she was ready to take.
He rolled his eyes. "Fine." he smirked. "Don't tell me."
There was a moment of tense silence and she felt her resolve crumble. "Urgh, you're so annoying." she groaned. "Fine, I'll tell you."
He bit back a smile. "I feel honoured."
Rolling her eyes this time, she took a deep breath and began. Despite his jokey words, Sirius leant forward, his grey eyes serious as he listened intently.
"Well… they usually start with me alone in my dorm. It's dark outside the window, and everything's calm. But then, suddenly, this swell of panic rises in me, and everything goes completely silent- that's the horrible bit, because I don't have a clue what's going on- and I can't even hear myself breathing; I just feel scared. And then suddenly I'm running. I run through the common room, which is completely deserted; through the empty corridors; through the entrance hall; and then I push through the doors and I'm outside. The moon's so bright, and the grounds are pitch black, and it's freezing. Sometimes I'm wearing my quidditch clothes, and sometimes my pyjamas, but usually I'm just wearing muggle clothes, though they change almost every time; and then I'm in the forbidden forest and that's when the sound kicks in. And I can hear every little thing- the rustling of the branches and the trees and the whooshing of the wind and then this high-pitched wailing…. It's almost like a scream, but it's not. And this howling just goes on and on and on and the feeling in my stomach… this fear… it just gets worse and worse, and then I trip and fall and I'm all alone, and I know I have to get up and move on… or something awful's gonna happen- the wailing's getting louder and louder… but I can't." She was panting by this point, her eyes wide with panic, and Sirius moved towards her instinctively, wrapping an arm around her trembling body.
"It's okay, Addie." he soothed, holding her until she calmed down. "It's okay." Eventually, her breathing evened and he released her gently.
"I'm sorry." she said, forcing out a laugh. "It's stupid, I know." Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment.
"It's not stupid." he frowned, reluctantly moving away to give her some space. "Have you gone to Madame Pomfrey for a dreamless sleep potion?"
"No." she admitted. "I was too embarrassed. What sixteen year old girl has night terrors?"
Sirius rolled his eyes, biting down the sour taste in his mouth at the thought of her going through this every night. "Addie, I'll go with you myself tomorrow; if it's getting this bad you have to speak to someone."
She hesitated for a moment, seeing the conviction in his eyes, before sighing. "Fine. I'll go with you."
"Good." He smiled, but still his grey eyes were troubled.
"Anyway," she said brightly, brushing away the sombre feeling that had crept into the room, "Why are you down here so late?"
At her words, his expression changed completely; it was as though a wall slammed up behind his eyes. His dark irises- always filled with sparkling laughter- became dark and dull, and Addie felt as though he were pushing her as far away from him as he could without physically laying a hand on her.
"I just couldn't sleep." he said abruptly.
Addie narrowed her eyes; she knew something was wrong, and he wouldn't get away that easily. "Sirius," she warned. "Don't play that game. I told you what the matter was with me."
His expression softened and he sighed, glancing at her. "I know you did." A smirk played on his lips, and it seemed his playful demeanour had returned. Addie edged closer.
"Was it something to do with the boys?" she probed, "… A girl?"
"No nothing like that…" He watched her carefully, as if gauging her reaction. "… It's my parents."
"Oh." She felt a flare of anger flash across her eyes at that; she, like most of their friends, hated Orion and Walburga Black with a passion. "What about them?" she asked, slowly.
He looked away. "It's… it's complicated."
Addie laughed dryly. "I've got all night."
A flicker of a grin flitted across his face, but then it had gone, and he was sighing again. "It's just... okay, you remember that day with Professor Arsehole, right?"
Addie smiled. "Yes, I do faintly recall it."
"Well, it just so happens that on the morning that that unfortunate incident had occurred, I got a letter from his parents. They were just saying the same obnoxious, spiteful crap that they've spouted to me ever since I've moved in with the Potter's, and I told himself I didn't care- but somehow, at some point…" he trailed off.
"It got to you." Addie finished, softly. Her expression were soft and warm, and her bright blue eyes drew him closer. "That's perfectly normal Sirius- of course it is. I mean, despite everything, they're still your parents."
"They're not." he replied, harshly. "They're nothing to me."
"Okay. I get that. But it's only natural that the things they said would still hurt you."
"But that's the thing." He moved closer to her, running his hand through his dark hair almost manically. In the firelight, he looked almost deranged, with wide, crazed eyes- and for the first time she got a glimpse of the broken boy who'd suffered years of abuse at the hands of his cruel parents. The thought made her want to hold him and never let go. "I don't want it to hurt me. I want to be able to not give a damn, and I want to be free of this fucking hold they still have over my life."
"Sirius-"
"You know what I think?" he swallowed thickly, his eyes almost pleading with her to understand. "I think if they hadn't sent that damn letter and that stupid Professor hadn't called you a mudblood on the same day- if he'd just called me a blood traitor, I mean… then maybe I wouldn't have hit him."
"Sirius-"
"Okay, okay, maybe I still would've- but I would have felt better about it, because at least I would have been doing something that I knew was definitely my choice, and not something that was fuelled by the anger that they'd poured into me in that stupid letter…"
He sighed, the passion deflating out of him. "I just wish they didn't affect me so much."
She grabbed his hands, her eyes blazing with sudden passion. "Sirius, don't you see? It's up to you; they're cruel and horrible people, and that won't change- but you can. You've just got to be able to not let it affect you."
"What do you mean?"
"Have you still got that letter?"
He shrugged, looking down.
"Have you?" she insisted.
"Yeah." Sheepishly, he pulled the crumpled piece of parchment from his pocket, and Addie took it from him. She scanned the contents quickly- words like 'shameful', 'abomination' and 'humiliation' sticking out of the page- and looked up at him, feeling a swell of anger and aching for redemption.
"This is what I mean, Sirius." she said roughly. "You don't need to open this. You've been carrying it around for days, re-reading it over and over… Instead, you need to say 'fuck them' and never open another letter with the Black family seal again. You can't let them get to you."
He nodded- slowly at first, and then more vigorously. "You're right. Merlin, Addie, you're right. I can still be in control."
And with that he stood, walking over to the fire that still crackled and spat. He hesitated for only a moment, glancing back at her, before chucking the letter into the flames.
And in that moment, standing there with such certainty and courage blazing in his eyes, Addie had never thought Sirius looked more like a Gryffindor.