Author's Note: It's spring break where I am, and technically, it's the last day. So I'm updating before I get busy starting tomorrow. So enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Chapter 14

Bella's Point of View

The next day went by surprisingly quickly. Maybe it was because my mind was elsewhere. But I was listening to the teacher, and everything had made sense. What was wrong with me?

It was at the end of the day that I remembered about Edward. I was exiting the school parking lot when my thoughts flashed to him. Had I seen him at all today?

I felt confused. Was I finally cracking up?

He must have thought that I was purposely ignoring him. I felt bad. Guilty. It wasn't his fault, after all.

My phone rang, and I glanced at it, distracted. It was Alice.

"Hello?"

"Are you fully intent on avoiding him forever?" she snapped back.

That was a nice greeting. "What did he say?" I asked curiously.

"He said that you've been avoiding him all day," she said.

Shoot. I frowned. "I wasn't doing it on purpose, Alice."

"Like I'll believe that!"

"It's the truth," I insisted. "I had a lot on my mind today. I wasn't able to get Charlie to come back to Forks. And I'm on my way to see Renee. I don't even remember what I did today."

She was silent for a moment. Then, she said, "Can I trust you on that?"

"Of course you can. Will you tell Edward…" I took a deep breath. "Will you tell him that I'm sorry?"

"Tell him yourself."

"Please, Alice," I pleaded. "I'm not ready to talk to him yet."

She huffed. "Well, you'd better be ready by tomorrow. Because you're talking to him at the dance, missy."

My face hardened and I glowered at the road. "I'm not going to the dance, Alice," I said flatly. "And that's final. I'm going down to La Push to see Jacob."

"Jacob, huh?" Alice asked. "Well, I've reached my limit. You're coming to that dance tomorrow. You are not going down to see Jacob in La Push. Because Rose and I won't allow it."

I made an impatient sound. "What, I'm not even allowed to see my friend anymore?"

"No," she said. "Especially since Jacob likes you. It's not fair to Edward because he won't be there to watch you two over."

"Am I five-year old?" I asked. "I am allowed to see whomever I want to see. No one can stop me."

"No? We'll see. Good luck with Renee, Bella." She hung up before I even opened my mouth.

I tossed my phone next to me, seething. It wasn't fair that they wouldn't let me see Jacob because Edward was jealous. So he loved me. Did that mean he could be possessive over me?

I sighed angrily, shaking my head. No. These thoughts weren't right. Edward's your friend, I reminded myself. He'll be your friend forever. No matter what happens.

"No matter what happens," I repeated out loud darkly as I turned into my mom's boyfriend's driveway. "We'll stay friends."

I had no intention of being more than that.

"Come in, Bella," Phil invited. "We've been expecting you."

I entered the cozy living room of his house stiffly, glancing around restlessly.

Renee was sitting on the sofa, watching TV. She perked up when she saw me, as though I'd never scolded her in that restaurant for hurting Charlie. "Bella!"

I nodded at her curtly. "Mom."

She turned off the TV and motioned for me to come sit next to her. Instead, I sat in an armchair across from her. She pouted but let it go.

I watched as Phil sat next to my mother. They were barely within an inch apart. I studied my mother's comfortable clothes. Tank top and shorts. Like it was summer.

My breath came out in an exasperated sigh. "You look happy."

Renee immediately looked guilty. "Bella…"

"Do you ever think of Charlie, Mom?"

"Of course I do," she said, her eyes widening innocently. "But I'm not planning on losing this round."

I shrugged. "Figures. Charlie said the same thing."

Phil looked uncomfortable. "Look, Bella. I'm sorry about all this. I didn't mean to get in the way of your parents' relationship. It just…happened." He spread his hands helplessly. "I love your mother, Bella. That much I'm sure of."

Renee looked misty-eyed as she stared at her boyfriend lovingly. I could feel my temper rising. Why couldn't she have ever looked at my father like that?

"So, to sum it all up," I said flatly. "You're going to stay here. Mom."

She flinched when I put an emphasis on her name. "Yes. I'm staying here."

"So you'll live separately forever?" I asked. Even I could hear the danger tone in my voice. "Really?"

She stared at me. "I don't what else to do," she whispered.

I sighed deeply. Finally, I said, "Do you know…what I'm going through…right now?"

She blinked. How could she look so innocently blank at a time like this?

"You were right about Edward, Mom," I said, my voice cracking now. "Everyone was right." I sighed again, lowering my gaze. "I just…wanted to tell you that. I guess you deserve to know, even though you haven't been there for me as a mother these days."

Tears sparkled in her eyes. "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry."

I laughed humorlessly. "About Edward? About you not being there for me? It's okay, Mom. I'll deal with it." My expression hardened bitterly. "While you stay here, oblivious to all your daughter's troubles…not caring a bit about where your husband is, and how he's coping… We'll be fine, Mom. I came here to tell you that. I guess I knew you weren't going to come home."

I rose from my seat and made to move out of the room. Renee jumped up and grabbed my hand.

"Bella, I'm sorry," she said in a pleading voice. "But you have to understand…" She was crying openly now. "I was never truly happy with Charlie. I don't regret having you, of course not. It's Charlie. We were never meant to be. I'm sure he knows that too. But with Phil…I'm happy, Bella. I'm actually happy. Can't you accept that, honey? Don't you want to see me happy?"

"Of course I do, Mom," I said quietly, not looking at her. "I want you to be happy. I was only wondering if you couldn't be happy with Charlie, instead of with another man."

She caught her breath. She looked really hurt. I felt bad about it, but I was still a child. A child who needed both her parents love without them fighting.

"You've been thinking of Charlie, Mom," I said. "But you haven't been thinking of me, have you?"

Her lips parted, and her eyes widened.

"You don't know what you're doing to me," I said, my voice trembling. "Have you ever thought that maybe…I'm more hurt than both of you put together?"

Renee looked speechless.

I glanced at Phil, who looked grim. "You should've thought of that before you became happy with this man. Because he can never be my father, Mom." I shot her a look, tears in my own eyes. "I won't accept him."

I brushed past her and let my hand slip through her fingers. I heard her sobbing loudly as I ran to my car, tears flowing silently down my own face. Phil's voice was muffled as he consoled her. I didn't know what he was saying, but I did know this.

Renee was going to be okay. She had her other half with her. She was going to be okay, but I didn't know about me.

The house was deathly quiet the entire evening. There was not a peep in the neighborhood to interrupt the silence. It was so quiet that it was getting to be scary.

After homework and a quick shower, I crawled into bed and pulled the covers over my head. I was crying again. It was so scary and quiet. It was cold and there was no other comforting presence here.

No Edward.

I wanted to call him, but I was afraid. What would he say? What would I say?

I needed him so badly. I needed him like air to breathe. I felt so suffocated that I had to pull the covers back.

I gasped for air. I didn't know anymore. I didn't know if I was still crying or laughing at my pathetic life.

"Edward," I managed through my gasps. "Edward…"

My breathing slowed eventually, but I couldn't get rid of Edward in my thoughts. Where was my hero? Where was my friend, who had always been there to put out the raging fire in my life? My firefighter…

The dark room that surrounded me reminded me of my previous horror. I couldn't stand it anymore. I threw the covers over my head again. I didn't care if I died of suffocation or not.

Because right now, to me, the darkness in my room mirrored the darkness of my life. And that scared me more than dying from lack of oxygen.

AN: So…what'd you think? Leave reviews on your thoughts!