I knew today was going to be a tough session with Dr. Brandon.
She had told me last time that she wanted to talk about what my childhood was like outside of James and Victoria…what school was like, what it was like at the group home.
I just hated reliving these memories. They haunted me enough already as it was.
"So Edward," Dr. Brandon began. "Whenever you're ready, why don't you tell me a bit more about what your childhood was like."
I took a sip of water from the bottle I was holding, and settled myself on the couch as I reminded myself that this was necessary…I needed to do this if I wanted to get better.
"Kids can be cruel," I said. "The other parents and the kids at school all knew I was the poor kid. They made fun of me for it, always teasing me because I never really had toys or nice clothes or anything. Parents wouldn't let anyone play over at my house because we didn't live in the best area of town. I was very alone as a child, and made to feel like I wasn't worth much because of the fact that my family was poor. Things didn't change much in the group home. We all had enough of our own issues, so for the most part we all kept to ourselves, and we all kept close guard over whatever few belongings we each had because it wasn't uncommon for things to get stolen. When Mom and Dad took me in, it was like everything changed overnight. It took a while to adjust, but I'll never be able to explain to them how thankful I am that they wanted me…that they chose me…that they wanted to keep me and make me theirs."
Dr. Brandon scribbled some notes down as I finished talking, before she addressed me.
"You've brought up a lot of important points today Edward," she told me. "The way everyone treated you, the way you were picked on for being poor and not having anything…how do you think those have affected you now? Do you think your hoarding is related to that at all?"
I sat quietly for a while, not wanting to accept the fact that Dr. Brandon could have figured out why I liked having so many things.
"I…I just…" I trailed off.
"It's okay Edward, take your time."
"Having things…having lots of things…I feel safe when I have them. Like people won't be able to pick on me anymore…they can't make fun of me for not having anything because I can have anything I want now."
"But you're a very successful man Edward. Do you really think you need those things for people to see that about you? Or are you letting your past control how you are living your life now? I want you to think about that Edward, and we'll talk more about it next time."
I thought about what Dr. Brandon was asking the rest of the day. She raised a good point. I was successful. I had more money than I knew what to do with, and even donated portions of it to charity each year. I was living in the past. I just needed to figure out how to get out of the grip it had me in so I could try to enjoy the life I had now.
A/N: Chapter 19 will post tomorrow.