Sorry for the delay people. I'll try and make up for it soon :-)

It's the morning of the famous alley scene. Christian's POV

I can feel the dream slipping away even as I try and cling onto it. There is only a moment of confusion before reality hits me like a brick wall. The warm body next to me is not Syed's. The man who's been my boyfriend for over a week now is not Syed. The face I'll see when I open my eyes is not that of Syed.

Every morning I go through the same kind of thing. I'm really trying here. Desperately trying. I mean, James and I have been friends for years. And I love him, I really do. It's just… not enough. Not nearly enough.

'Morning love' he mumbles sleepily.

I force a smile and compel myself to answer.

'Morning gorgeous'

I open my eyes and fake a big grin.

'Got any plans for today?' James enquires, before a big yawn grips him.

'It's Sunday. I have no plans beyond going back to sleep for a bit longer' I tell him, as I close my eyes again.

'What if' he starts, and I squint to see him lean on one elbow, placing his free arm across my chest, 'we invite some people over for lunch? I've gone a bit mad with the weekend groceries, so we've got plenty'

I groan, reluctantly accepting that sleep is out of the question right now.

'People? Like who?' I ask.

'I don't know, how about Jane and Ian? She is your sister you know!' he shouts at me as I hide my head underneath my pillow with a groan. Then he starts pulling at the pillow until I give in and ads: 'Or how about that Syed and his girlfriend? They'd be up for it, wouldn't they?'

It's like someone slapped me in the face. I can't suppress the jolt of emotion going through my body, making me sit upright. James is slightly thrown back by my movement, his arm falling back on the bed.

'What?' he asks, looking startled.

I fight to pull myself together. I've got to stop doing this. Syed has made his choice and I have made mine. So James is not my Romeo and I not his Juliette. He's still lovely, and kind, and deserves more than a boyfriend who's pining after someone else.

'It's nothing. I just realized I have to go in for work for a bit that's all' I try and reassure him.

'That's not for hours yet though is it?' James asks, climbing out of bed. 'Tell you what, you try and get some more kip, I promise to wake you up in time'

He kisses me lightly on the lips before sauntering off towards the bathroom.

'And we'll talk about that lunch later' he winks, before closing the door behind him.

Gratefully, I close my eyes, flop back down and make full use of my now empty bed.

Five minutes. I didn't clock it, but I know it couldn't have been more than five minutes. Five minutes of blissful silence in my head, soothing nothingness, before he is back. Tired of fighting it, I let the feelings flood me, safe in the knowledge that I am alone and my face is hidden beneath the sheets. It's his smile. That always gets me first. The curl of those beautiful tender lips that make me ache to reach out and touch them. The twinkle in those dark velvet eyes that seduce me to drown in them. And then I'm lost… Images flash trough my head, taunting me with the beauty of him. Flashes of golden skin, dark stubble, flushed cheeks… His chest with those sensitive nipples, his soft belly, the workings of his muscles and the markings of the ribs underneath his skin. The rugged, dark chest hair, the trace of which I love to follow all the way down to his eager cock. His lean and muscular limbs… How I love to nuzzle the soft, sensitive skin of his inner arms and the back of his knees. I remember the way he quivers against me when I do that, I remember his breath coming out in soft pants. I remember how he likes to cling to me when I'm inside him, pulling me close. I remember how he whispers my name, screams it, breathes it in my ear. I remember. I remember it all.

There's only so long you can pretend to be asleep with someone else in the room. Especially if that someone is the kind of person that will try and tiptoe around the place, try and be quiet, only to utterly fail. So I roll out of bed, throw on a vest and some shorts and head for the kitchen.

'Well someone's hungry' I smirk, as I see James coming out of the kitchen with a full tray.

'I was planning to bring you breakfast in bed' he pouts.

For someone who has known me for years, he sure can get it wrong sometimes. I hate getting crumbs in my bed, a big no no. I ignore the memory of Syed devouring a croissant in that same bed.

That was different, I tell myself.

Oh yeah? And why is that? a nagging little voice questions in the back of my head. I decide to ignore that too.

'I'm still half asleep, does that count?' I jest, only to wince as he clears the table with one hand, scattering papers all over the place.

'Eh…' I complain.

'I'll sort it out later!' he assures me, with a boyish grin that is really kind of cute. You know, if you don't compare it to… No, I call my treacherous brain to a halt.

'It's a good job you make great coffee' I grumble.

'Anyway a tidy house is a sign of a wasted life', he proclaims smugly, softening his voice as he continues, 'and I don't want to waste a minute of it. Not when I could be spending time with you'.

I swallow as he takes my hand and strokes my arm gently. James is such a lovely bloke. He's kind, warm, loving… Fit too. And he says just the right things. Everything I've been wanting to hear in fact. You're a lucky bastard Christian Clarke, I lecture myself. I know I'd be a fool to give that up. And right there and then, I strengthen my resolve to make a go of it with James. Get Syed out of my head for good. I ignore the painful twinge in my heart as I smile at him heartily and squeeze his hand.

God, I can't believe it! I had a lovely morning with James, told Jane all about it and actually felt happy for a change. And then he has to walk in the unit. Bloody Syed in his dusky grey shirt, the black leather jacket he knows I love and that lovely hair of his framing his perfect face. I just about managed to tell him something about the desserts that need checking before fleeing to the little office. Because that's what I did, big man that I am. I fled. And even now I can't keep my eyes off him, staring through the blinds like some pathetic stalker type person. I close my eyes and sigh. This is going to be even more difficult than I thought. But I promised James I would ask Syed and Amira over for lunch. Now that I know Ian and Jane will be coming, I guess it'll be safe…

'Can you get that babe, I sort of got my hands full here' James shouts at me from the kitchen.

I open the door, expecting it to be Jane. But it's not. Of course it's not. It's Syed. You're the one who asked him over remember? I scold myself. I shake myself mentally, force a smile, and invite him in. I take his jacket and hang it for him, hating myself for giving it a longing sniff before letting go. Thank god Amira couldn't make it. At least I won't have to watch her fondling him or anything like that. I barely repress a shudder.

'Can I get you anything? Orange juice?' I suggest, hurrying off to hide with James in the kitchen. I'm unpleasantly surprised to find James already holding out a filled glass for me, leaving me no choice but to turn straight back around.

He's sitting on the sofa. He hasn't seen me come back in yet. I catch my breath as I see him staring at the sofa cushions, softly stroking the fabric. I know exactly what he's thinking. I've had those same images of the two of us myself. That time we lay there together, naked, so very close that we were breathing the same air. Or the times we watched TV together, messing around and cuddling on that sofa. Or that time when we… I make an involuntary move forward, catching my leg against the table. The sound is enough to make Syed start and look up at me.

Those eyes… Those bloody eyes! Just for a second, before he has the chance to put his guard back up, I can see. I can see the raw longing there, the loneliness. It's like time has frozen as our eyes lock. I'm not sure how I feel about this. On the one hand, it's good to know I'm not the only one having a difficult time with this. But on the other hand… it makes it that much harder to stick to my resolution and move on...

Just as I'm about to say something, break the silence, the doorbell rings. Saved by the bell. I smile at Syed apologetically and than hurry to open the door for my sister and that fool of a husband of hers.

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