I promised I wouldn't make you wait too long now didn't I ;-)
It's later that same day, "alley scene" day. Syed's POV.
'…and then she said that there was nothing she could do for me and I would just have to wait like I was some puppy in obedience school or something. I gave her one of my looks, told her that I was going to be a bride soon thank you very much, and that if she thought that I would wait for some insipid girl calling herself "shop manager" or something ridiculous like that, well, she had another thing coming. So that's when…'
I smile and make little agreeing noises in what I hope are the right places. Not that she's looking at me or paying any attention to anything except her rant of course. I stopped listening after the story about how she got told off (unjustly obviously) for using her cell phone.
She looks lovely though. One of her errands must have been getting her hair and nails done. And that green dress looks very nice on her. She really is a beautiful girl. Pretty, I muse… Yes, I've chosen well on that score. She is everything I had imagined my future wife to be.
'… so of course they gave me the discount, as I knew they would. And did I tell you about the beautiful fabric I found for the gown they're making for me? It's going to look soooooo gorgeous, I just know it! I went for a fitting yesterday, and the seamstress had picked out some sort of fabric herself. You should have seen it babe. It was cheap looking, rough, way too loud', Amira shudders before going on, 'and she had the gall to say that she thought it "suited me". She's lucky I didn't get her fired for that one on the spot! So I…'
Yes, nothing cheap for my princess. She deserves the best. Well, demands it anyway. I smile indulgently and let her rant on in the safe knowledge that she won't need any input from me for quite some time. I relax, sitting back on the sofa, thoughtlessly raising my hand to push back the hair from my eyes.
Fuck… And I was doing so well too… The plaster on my finger might as well have been bright red, still dripping with my blood, for the impact it has on me. Instantly I am transported back to his kitchen, back to Christian… looking at me like that. Looking at me like I was the one that got away. Looking at me… like I was looking at him. Why, for fuck's sake, why did I do that? Up to that point, I had been reasonably sure he was happy with the choices he made. Pleased to be with that… be with… James. Moving on with his life, forgetting al about me. About us…
That is exactly why you did it, I realize. I had to know if he was still thinking of me. Had to. Because I couldn't stand the idea of him getting over me so quickly. Couldn't let him be happy. I close my eyes in disgust at my selfishness. I should be bigger than this. It's what Christian deserves, isn't it? I mean, what can I give him when compared to someone like James? Someone who will love and adore him openly. Really be with him. Have a relationship with him. Live a life together with him. That is so much more than I can give him. Oh but how I wish that I could… No no no no no! I violently shake my head, but the images are already there, effortlessly pushing those of Amira aside. That cheeky smile, those sparkling green eyes, that strong, beautiful, proud face. And I know with devastating clarity that that is what I want. What I need. What I crave with every fibre of my being. Breathing becomes more difficult as the pure want starts to suffocate me. Gone are any delusions of Amira ever being the answer to anything other than stupid, ignorant, childish fantasies. Fantasies I've had for so long that I've started believing in them. I grasp at my throat as it becomes increasingly difficult to get sufficient oxygen to my brain. What am I doing? What have I done?
'Need some fresh air' I wheeze.
Amira doesn't seem to notice that anything is wrong. She's admiring herself in front of the mirror, lifting her hair to get a better view of what must be new earrings.
'Sure babe. Can you get me some chocolate while you're out?' she heaves a dramatic sigh before continuing, 'I could use some after the appalling day I've had'.
I manage to get out some sort of positive response before practically hurling myself at the door. I stumble down the stairs, open the door and slam it behind me. Leaning my back against it, I close my eyes and breathe, breathe, breathe…
The walk through the allotments has calmed me down a bit. I feel… resigned. I'm living my life the only way I know how. And if it doesn't live 100% up to what I had imagined, well… I can deal with that. It's not fair, pining after Christian. Not fair on Christian. I know now how difficult it is for him to move on. But he's trying. And I need to respect that. I clasp the box of chocolate in my hand and brace myself, ready to go back. Back to Amira. Try and listen to her this time. Make the best of things. I quicken my step and head back to her apartment. I'm fully resolved to make an effort. Try and …
And then I turn round the corner and almost walk into him. Christian. Bugger. Shite. I do not need this! Of course I have no idea what to say. I glance down and spot the box of chocolates I'm still holding.
'Amira needs chocolates' I inanely say. Clever Syed. That'll impress him. Not. But now that I've started down this road, I have no choice but to continue, 'She never knew weddings could be so stressful'.
He smiles ruefully and answers: 'That's because she didn't have her Franck with her'.
We both laugh awkwardly. I ask about Jane. He asks after my hand. A polite conversation between two friendly acquaintances, nothing more. Except for the looks. God the way he looks at me… No! Think of Amira! Make him think of… James. Do something, anything, before I throw caution to the wind and I…
'James is lovely' I manage. And I almost mean it.
'Yeah he is' nods Christian, not releasing me from his hot, intense glare. And then he deals the blow.
'He's not you though'
There it is. The truth I've been ignoring. The one thing that is wrong with Amira. The one thing that matters. She's not Christian. And I will never feel for her this great, all consuming passion that I feel for him. Everything pales compared to that.
Before I know it I am dragged by my hand in to some dark ally I didn't know was there and I'm fighting to breathe again. Within a heartbeat that solid, warm body I've been dreaming about is pressing me up against the wall. My hands seem to have a mind of their own as they slide around his waist. His scent. Bloody hell I had forgotten about his scent… It's intoxicating.
'I tried Syed, but…'
'I know' I reassure him. We've both tried. But there's no way we can fight this… thing that is between us. And right now, I can't think of a reason why we would want to. Wait… I think I hear something… see someone… I twist my head and try and see.
'I think there's someone watching' I warn.
He grabs my chin… forces me to look at him. I can hear his heart and his breath, racing just like mine.
'You worry too much' he says, staring at me with those mesmerizing eyes, 'Come here…'
And then he kisses me and the world ceases to exist.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I am vaguely aware of the fact that I shouldn't be doing this. Or at the very least I shouldn't be doing this here, out on the streets, just begging to be caught. But that awareness just seems trivial when compared to the feeling of his muscular thigh, easing its way between mine, brushing against my crotch in the process. I'm consumed by the feeling of his mouth conquering me, invading me. Consumed with the feel of that broad chest, pressed so firmly against me that I can't tell where his body ends and mine begins. I shiver as I feel those wonderful, muscular arms around me again, never knowing how cold I was without them until I felt them wrapped around me once more.
'I've missed you' he groans in my ear.
'Me too… Oh yes, me too…' I confess, burying my face in the crook of his neck to get an even stronger whiff of him.
It's like my words have broken the last barrier. Suddenly I can feel his hands tugging at my shirt, one hand sliding up underneath it and the other undoing my belt.
'Christian!' I protest, trying to push him away. But then he shoves his hand down my pants and I forget everything as he holds me in a tight grip. My body makes an involuntary lunge forward, my hips bucking into his hand, my arms flying around his neck, my mouth devouring his. As he thrusts his tongue in my mouth, I thrust my cock in his hand. Moving in the same, maddening rhythm, I'm afraid I'm going to come right there, down some filthy alley, where anyone can spot us anytime now.
'Will you come back to mine?' he asks me, his voice husky with desire.
'Yes', I groan, 'But wait. What about…'
He shakes his head.
'It's alright. No one's there' he assures me.
'Then let's go' I say, giving him a look that I know will drive him crazy.
Still loving those reviews :-)