I don't know where to look, it is a problem I have always had. In a group I am scanning always looking around. Never looking at the person you are with unless they aren't looking at you. My therapist said it was a druggy thing but I don't buy that. I have always had trouble looking at who I was talking to. I have my theories the most likely one being I don't want to have the image of their face forever in my mind. Let's face it I was not am not the best person in the world so image after image of disappointment just a trigger away in my brain would have never drug me out of my hole.
So now we sit here and I scanned the room more then a dozen times and now am back focusing on his hands turning his glass again and again. My foot bounces and fingers drum as I look around again and take a long drink of my ice tea.
"I'm sorry I wasn't thinking. Are you okay here? Do you want to go somewhere else?" I bark out a nervous laugh. Fuck me he is concerned about me? After all the shit. I shake my head and smile. He seems confused. "What?"
Trying to not laugh or go back there I actually look at him. He is pushing his glass away, off to the side and scanning all that we are surrounded by. Yeah I see it, I see the booze around and know what he is worried about.
"You're fine, it's fine. Now if you took me to a place with mirrors on coffee tables and needles lines up on the bathroom sink then," I shouldn't have looked at his face as I made the joke. "Shit, I'm sorry,"
He grabs his glass and downs the last of his IPA. I need work on my people skills.