This chapter was a struggle. I had it partly written, but had to delete all and start over. I hope you like what I came up with :-) It's Syed's POV.

~s~c~

'It's like you said… You and me… look, in these four walls… it works!'

I hold my breath, waiting for him to respond. I ignore all emotions that flicker behind those green eyes. I can't deal with those now. All I can do is wait… Wait and hear if he believes this can work. I need him to say yes. Please say yes, I repeat to myself over and over again. Why is this taking so long? The silence is driving me insane. Please Christian, please say yes. I don't know what I'll do if you don't. Please…

'Alright' he finally responds, without looking at me. But that's not important. He agreed, that's what matters. He said yes!

'You won't regret this!' I swear, flinging my arms around him. I don't understand the look in his eyes at that, or the sound he makes, but I don't care. All I care about is that he said yes. I'm surprised to note my cheeks are wet with tears and my hands tremble as I reach up to cup his beautiful face. His eyes are closed, a single tear dripping down his face. I swipe it away with my thumb and press a soft kiss against his lips.

'Take me to bed' I whisper, taking his hand in mine. But it's me leading him to the bed. Me gently pushing him down on his back. Me taking of his clothes and my own, covering his naked skin with butterfly kisses. He shivers, keeping his eyes closed most of the time. I do sense something is wrong, but am too happy to ask what it is. Instead I decide to make him feel so good, he'll forget about anything else.

I lie down next to him, pulling his body into me. He doesn't resist. I reach down for the sheets and pull them up, all the way over our heads. Then I take him in my arms and give him a long, slow, wet kiss. I pull back, nipping his bottom lip before releasing him. This is the moment I would tell him how much this means to me, how much he means to me, but my feelings are still too messed up for me to express in words. So I try and do the next best thing. I look at him and smile, consciously revealing the turmoil of my emotions with my eyes. He startles. A hand reaches for me, as if involuntary. I sigh as I angle my face up to meet his hand. He leans in for a hesitant kiss. I stroke his hair and simply return the kiss. I let my hands wander down, stroking his back in soothing, slow movements. Like I used to do when he was hurt. I'm not sure why I feel the impulse to do it now, but I decide it was the right move as he sighs and relaxes under my touch.

We kiss, we caress, hold each other, look at each other. For a long time it is no more than that. But then I notice his movements grow bolder, his grip more firm, his eyes more determined. He captures me with strong arms, dazzles me with searing kisses, dominates me with his powerful body. I lose myself in our lovemaking, sighing in satisfaction as he moulds me with his hands. His sounds are low and guttural, making me tremble with need. Not until he's inside of me, do I feel complete. He makes me feel vulnerable, yet stronger than ever. I don't understand how he does that. I try and give back by caressing him with hands and lips. I love the feeling of his skin underneath my touch. I can spend a day just exploring the different textures on different parts of his body. Rough in places like his elbows and knees. Covered in tiny hairs like on his chest and legs. And smooth as silk in the most sensitive spots, like his inner arms and thighs. I let my hands find every inch, touching, stroking, gently scraping my blunt nails, making him shudder. I have my own kind of power over him. That knowledge makes me not hesitate to surrender to his.

~s~c~

We sit at the table, drinking coffee, talking, enjoying spending time together. My thoughts travel back to my conversation with the Imam today. When he told me not to bring shame upon my family, I doubt he was hinting at the solution I've chosen. But I've made my choice, the only way I know how. I won't bring shame on my family. I will marry Amira. But I can't give this up. Can't give him up. At the moment I can't imagine there will ever be a time that I won't want this, need this, crave this. Us. I tried to find out if I could have something even slightly similar with Amira. I wince as I remember my disastrous visit with her this afternoon. I'll have to find a way to make up for that. No matter how desperate I was, there is no excuse for my behaviour and I know it. I'll just have to… wait and see. You know… after the wedding. I'm not stupid. I know it won't be the same. All I hope for is that some kind of bond will form between her and me, something more than there is now. Something that can grow, something that will make me able to… give up Christian.

I stand up with a start.

'What is it?' he asks. 'Do you need to get back?'

'Yes. I mean, no, not yet. I was just going to get another cup of coffee. You want one?'

I think I covered alright. I just need to… calm down. Stop thinking about that. The wedding's ages away yet. I bring in the coffee and sit back down.

'So… how exactly is this going to work?' he asks. I can see the tension on his face as he asks me.

'What do you mean?' I inquire cautiously.

'I mean, how are we going to see each other. Am I supposed to just sit here and wait for you to drop by? Because that's not going to happen Sy. If you want me in your life, than act like it. I want us to spend time together. Real time, not some quick fuck and you're out the door'.

'Of course not! We'll have plenty of time together, I promise. Anyway', I say with a coy smile, 'you know I can't stay away. Even if I wanted to. Which I don't' I add for good measure. I lean in close, take his hand and try to show him that I mean what I say. And I do. What with both Amira and Mum being obsessed with wedding plans and dad working day and night, I know I can get away.

'Like I said… I want more than just a quick fuck Sy. That's never going to be enough for me. If that's all you can give me than…maybe we shouldn't do this,' he insists.

His words scare me. I thought we'd had this conversation. I thought he'd made his choice. I'm not sure I could deal with it if he changed his mind now. And I'm also not sure what exactly he wants from me. Of course it's not just about the sex. He knows that doesn't he? I can't deny it's a big part of it. Even thinking about having sex with him is enough to stir up my desire for him.

'I don't want it to just be about the sex either. We could go out sometime… somewhere they don't know us. Or only, you know, talk…'

I stroke his hand with my thumb and continue: 'Or just… be together. Like this'.

'Alright' he says, putting his other hand over mine. He looks at me and smiles. I notice that his eyes aren't quite joining that smile yet, but still, it seems like a good sign.

~s~c~

'I have to go now' I tell him.

I'm so comfortable right now. We're on the sofa. I'm sitting between his legs, resting my back and head against his chest. I enjoy the feeling of the rise and fall of his broad chest behind me and the hand that is playing with a strand of my hair.

'Of course you do' he agrees.

'No, I really have to go. Mum's already called two times. I can't put it off forever' I insist, not moving an inch.

'I know' he croons as he places a soft kiss in the crook of my neck.

'So we're both agreed. I have to go home, like now'.

'Absolutely' he says, while slipping his arms snugly around my chest.

'That's settled than' I reply, as I wiggle around a bit to get even more comfortable in his embrace. Who am I kidding here anyway?

'Or…' I begin.

'Yes?' he asks, eagerly.

'Perhaps I could just stay for another half hour? That would be ok wouldn't it?' I try.

'Sure!' he nods.

'But then I really do have to go Christian. Thirty minutes and that's it' I say, twisting my head to look at him sternly.

He just smiles at me sweetly and says: 'Sure Sy, whatever you say'

And then he kisses me and I lose all concept of time.

~s~c~

Reviews still very much welcome :-)