We left it at that. Well he left it at that. I ate and drank and let my eyes dance all around never landing on anything for to long, I listen to the sounds of his chewing, I caught what he was picking up and damn that freak part of me putting a mark on what were his favorites and what were just ok donuts.

The sounds had me on edge, him being in space had me on edge. The waiting had me crawling out of my skin. A million and ten questions and answers playing through. Finally I couldn't take the quiet in the room or the noise in my head.

"Okay that wasn't exactly true, I do know. Now. But it goes back further then that day."shit I was gonna go there. There was no way I can sit and do this so I get up under the guise of putting my glass in the sink. Really I am look for a way not to feel caged. Doing busy work seems to help my thought flow.

I look over to the table and he is looking out the window, waiting, listening. His calm demeanor somehow soothes me now. It' gives me time to get it together without feeling pressure. Funny it use to piss me off, I hated it I wanted emotion out of him. I wanted to use my anger to cause his sadness. Not anymore. Now I hope for the opposite.

"It goes back I would say to the year before. Age twelve just before break."