Reuniting With Sam: Season 4 Scene

Backstory: Brianna and Dean Reunite and begin to hunt Lilith with the help of the strange angel, Castiel whom Brianna feels is untrustworthy, but can't place why. This scene is set after the episode where the dead are raised by Lilith. Sam and Ruby are in the same hotel that Brianna and Dean arrive at. Neither group realized the other was there until they ran into each other in the hallway. Ruby takes Brianna aside and the two have an argument with Ruby keeping up with her "I'm a good demon I swear" guise and Brianna not buying it one bit. So, Ruby does what demons do best and uses Brianna's regrets and doubts against her. While that conversation is happening Sam yells at Dean about keeping Brianna's resurrection from him and Dean, much to Sam's annoyance, agrees with him but tells him to talk to Brianna about it and not him.


~ Brianna ~

My conversation with Ruby left me in a bad mood. I'd stormed out of her and Sam's room and left the hotel to blow off some steam.

What made it worse, I knew, was the fact that Ruby was right. That was the problem, I supposed. Ruby was right that I shouldn't have let Sam believe I was still dead. I should have called much, much earlier.

And my sixth sense was telling me that Ruby had used this to her advantage. In fact, I was willing to bet my throne that she would continue to use this. Something was up and all of it involved Sam. Actually, I had a feeling that a lot of this involved me staying dead, something I'd failed to do.

I stopped at one of the seminary schools and looked at the old building looming over the carefully sculpted landscape.

It was still night, around two in the morning, and the air was crisp and cool with the approach of autumn peppering the breeze. Everything was dark. The sky was splattered with the tiny clustering pricks of stars and a lack of moon. I turned my full attention to the stars.

Number the stars, I thought. Many years ago, before the dawn of the new world, the elves were the stars of the universe. My people were always distant and far away, seemingly unattainable, but always watching.

I sighed.

If I didn't fix things with Sam, or at least try, then that would mean whatever Ruby was planning would win. I wasn't going to let Ruby win and I most certainly wasn't going to let Ruby hurt Sam.

Mind made up, I turned and made my way back to the hotel.


Admittedly, I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. Had I been, I wouldn't have actually walked into Sam. My forehead thumped against his chest and his big hands caught and steadied my petite body before I could freak out and stumble back. Before my mind caught up with my body, I looked up and gaped into his green eyes. Jade, I mused, their color was too light to be fully green, so Jade.

"Sorry," I muttered.

There was more weight to that apology than I had meant to give at that moment. Sam looked stunned for a moment, like he couldn't quite believe I was there. His fingers clenched my shoulders for a moment before they unlatched from them and he backed away.

"I wasn't looking either, don't worry about it," a generic reply.

He was trying to be civil.

I did this to us. I made things awkward and unsure and I didn't know how to fix it.

We stood there, in the hallway, and didn't say anything. There was a point to his silence. He was letting me stew for a bit before he finally let me have it.

"One year," he muttered.

This was going to be worse than Dean and Dean had been bad. Sam was an open wound that kept getting stabbed.

I closed my eyes and waited for him to continue.

"You've been alive for one year and you werent even going to tell me - us!" he snapped.

Another intake of breath for me, I was attempting to stay composed.

"No, I wasn't," I replied softly.

"Why?" Sam asked.

I'd tried explaining myself to Dean weeks ago and that did absolutely nothing to help me. I had no illusions anything I said would help with Sam either.

"Afraid," I finally replied after a long silence.

Sam didn't respond at first. I could hear him breathing, sharp quick breaths, and I heard him shift, felt the air stir as he disturbed each particle. He was agitated. Well, actually, I was quite sure that he was royally pisses off. And I'd only given him one word to try to describe everything that has been going through my head during the last year.

Because he was angry, because I knew that he felt my answer wasn't sufficient enough, I decided to prod him in the right direction.

"Think about it Sam, just for a moment. Think about what you already know and deduce a reason," I said.

No, I wasn't going to make it easy for him. There wasn't really a good way for me to describe everything I was feeling. I needed him to understand that.

He wasn't moving around anymore, he wasn't breathing hard anymore, he seemed more calm and collected than he had a moment ago. Finally, after what seemed like ages, I heard him sigh.

"Alright, I get it. I don't think it's good enough, but I get it," he said.

I closed my eyes and thought up one thousand praises for the Triune for this bit of grace. Now all she had to do was tackle the hard bit.

"There's more to it. Dean still didn't think it was a good enough reason, but it still is one," I said.

"Alright, start talking," he said curtly.

It had been years since I'd heard that tone of voice directed at me. I turned around to look at him. Everything I intended to tell him was going to be face to face.

And I told him everything, starting from the beginning. I watched him carefully throughout the entire explanation to gauge his various reactions. When I told him about my heritage and social status his eyes contracted and his jaw slowly fell open. When I told him about the real reason I'd originally left OLIMPUS his eyes gave me a sort of watery, puppy look. When I made it to my death and resurrection he looked awed (despite himself I bet). And, finally, when I told him about the ordeal six months ago, his expression went on an emotional roller coaster.

"And when I arrived back at OLIMPUS, I'd realized how dangerous associating with me was. So, I decided that it was better I stayed dead to you," I concluded.

He stared at me. He wasn't angry anymore, much to my relief, but the anger was replaced with a hurt shimmer to his Jade orbs. I willed myself not to wince. That look was worse than being glared at.

"Bri, I, why did you die for Dean?" he asked.

For a big man, he could talk in such a small and broken voice.

"Because," my voice cracked, "Dean's your brother and you needed him. And he's like a brother to me, so if there was a way to save him, I was willing to pay the price," I said.

"At the cost of your life?" he asked.

I closed my eyes and replied, "If it meant keeping you sane, then yes. I give you Dean, and then eliminate myself from your life."

"I wasn't sane!" he snapped.

I winced. He was angry again.

"You died, Bri! Just when I came to terms with everything, just when I realized that I - that I - I couldn't lose you..." he trailed off and glanced away.

I took deep breaths, blinked several times, trying not to cry.

"The time loop," I whispered.

He looked back at me, confused.

"The time loop Loki put us through made me realize that Dean was the most important person in your life. I figured I'd be a fair trade so long as you could keep him."

That was probably the most difficult admission I'd ever made because it underlined more than just how I believed I was viewed in Sam's eyes. It was how I thought about myself, not as important as other people, not worth the time to be saved, not worth being missed. Sam and I had always been connected on some mental level, our thoughts and minds were always in tune with the other's. There might have been a major block in his mind that kept him from being able to reach out to me and I him, but it was at that moment I knew there was still some sort of connection there. Because he knew. I saw it in his eyes. It wasn't shock, confusion, worry, or anything that would elude to his ignorance of my own personal feelings towards myself. It was recognition. He knew what I was talking about.

Then his expression changed. He looked horrified.

"That's fucked up," he breathed, "that's just so... Dammit, Bri!"

He turned away and kneaded his eyes with the heals of his hands. I swallowed. What was I supposed to say? He wanted the truth, so I gave it to him.

"I saw what losing Dean would do to you, Sam, I couldn't let that happen," my voice cracked and my eyes watered.

The conversation was getting difficult. I was losing control over my emotions. The walls that I tried hard to build up, to hide how I felt, were coming down. Sam pulled his hands away from his eyes. They were rimmed red, wet, and I could see a tear trail down his cheek. Guilt punched my gut and all breath left me.

"Losing you was worse," he said, his green eyes stared straight into mine.

"Sam," I whispered faintly.

"I held you while you died. I couldn't do anything to save you," he continued, "I never want to do that again."

I couldn't find the words. What could I say? How could I say it? I wanted to hold him and him hold me. My body itched to be in his arms, but I didn't think it was the appropriate time for a hug. I wasn't sure it would be accepted.

I wiped my eyes when I realized I was silently crying through this conversation. I sniffed.

"I'm sorry, Sam," I said finally and walked past him.

He didn't come after me and I waited until he was out of sight and earshot before I broke into a run to Dean and I's hotel room. Dean was there flipping through the TV channels with an agitated look on his face. He didn't look at me when I came in.

"You know, I don't know who's madder, me or Sa-," he glanced up at me and stopped mid-sentence, "Bri?" His expression and tone changed from irritated to concerned when he caught sight of my face, "What... You were talking go Ruby, right?"

I swallowed and tried to wipe away my tears and blink away more that threatened to come. My body was shaking from the effort. Dean stood as I closed the door and moved to sit on my bed.

"You spoke with Sam," he said, understanding.

I nodded. Before I could say or do anything else I felt the bed dip as Dean sat beside me. I peered up at him and saw him watching me. I sniffed again and bit back a sob.

Then Dean did something I didn't expect. He reached over and hugged me.

"Cry. Just cry and, for once, act like you need help," he muttered.

The dam burst and I wept in his arms. The whole time, while I appreciated him being there for me, I longed for Sam. I wished I could allow myself to be completely vulnerable in front of Sam.

"I lost him. I lost Sam," I finally said, "and I don't think I can bring him back."

There was something in Sam that I'd noticed before, a darkness that hadn't been there before. Now I understood what it was. My death had broken him and Ruby, the demon with questionable motives, had been there to put him back together again.

What made it worse was that Dean didn't say anything. He'd noticed too. So my best friend, my brother, held me while I cried, mourned, the loss of Sam. And he held me through it.

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