A/N: Pic & video for this ch are up on the blog.


As much fun as I had been having the past week between planning and then going on my date with Bella, the fact remained that I still had reality to deal with.

Reality in the form of my home, while improving, still being a mess, along with the fact that I knew I still had issues that needed to be worked out in my therapy sessions with Dr. Brandon…which is where I was today…in session with her.

Things were going well. I was communicating a lot, and we were discussing my progress in not having bought anything unnecessarily.

She was proud of my success, but also wanted to look further into it, so I could understand why I wasn't buying anything.

I thought the answer was simple…and told her so.

"It's not hard to figure out Dr. Brandon. I've been happy…happier than I had been in a long time," I explained.

"Yes, I've noticed you've been smiling a lot more and you don't constantly look like someone just ran over your puppy anymore either. But…why are you happy Edward? I'm not trying to say what you're feeling isn't valid or real, but I want you to understand what makes you feel this way, the same way we've been working on what makes you feel sad and like you need to buy something."

Shit…I didn't know if I was ready for bringing up Bella in here…I mean, Dr. Brandon and her were friends. Bella and I had discussed the whole question of "ethics" with us going out on a date, but the reality was…she's not a therapist. She's a professional organizer...there's no doctor/patient issue between us.

"Well…" I started as I tried to figure out my words. "I…I've opened up a lot with my family like you suggested. I've talked about a lot of my past with them and let them in. We've reconnected in a lot of ways, and now I don't feel so alone anymore. And uh…well…I met someone I'm really interested in and… we went on our first date and it went really well."

Dr. Brandon gave me a knowing smirk…and I knew Bella had spoken to her about me and our date.

"Well I'm very glad you've made progress with your family. It's good that you've opened up to them, they care about you and love you, and can be the best support system you will ever have if you let them be. And…I'm glad you tried and put yourself out there and went on a date. It seems like you're quite the charmer from what I've been told."

I so badly wanted to know what Bella had said about me, but I would never ask Dr. Brandon to break her friend's confidence like that.

"There's no need to blush or be embarrassed Edward," Dr. Brandon told me. I hadn't even realized I was blushing. "Just…just remember to be open and honest about your feelings with Bella. You know she understands about your issues with hoarding, so that's already one conversation out of the way. But if and when the time comes…you need to tell her where the hoarding issues come from and discuss your past with her. I'm not saying you need to do it today, this week, or even this month. Take your time and get comfortable with her. I know you haven't put yourself out there like this in quite some time. But if you think there is a real future between you two, and it's something you want to pursue with her…that's when you will need to open up about everything with her, and if you need help doing it, we can always do that here in a session."

As I left Dr. Brandon's office a short while later, I thought over her words about telling Bella about my past. I knew Dr. Brandon was right, but I was utterly petrified to let Bella know about that part of my life. I still had so much fear of rejection ingrained in me, that I could feel the anxiety creeping up inside me over it, as I imagined her never wanting anything to do with me again once she found out about my childhood.

I was itching so badly to buy something, anything to make the anxiety go away. I turned the tv on to the home shopping channel and watched as the saleslady was going on about the wonders of the Mighty Light that she was trying to sell. I knew the number to call and order by heart and could have easily dialed it in two seconds flat, but then I thought about Bella, and despite my anxiety over bringing up my childhood with her, all I could see was her smile and how happy she was while we were out on our date, and it was enough to remind me that Bella was worth the risk of opening up to her. Grabbing the remote control, I changed the channel on the tv, and fell asleep to the sounds CSI reruns in the background.