To make up for being away so long, i'm posting three chapters in one go. Please take note to read them in the right order. This chapter, chapter 24, is the second of the three. It is set on the day that Syed gets it in his head that it's Christian who's sent the "bad boy" card. Silly man... It's written in Christian's POV.
~s~c~
This is driving me insane. The not knowing… Anything could be happening right now. Has Syed really told them? Really? Is this really happening?
Of course I want the truth to come out. I'd be lying if I said I didn't. I hate the way things are right now. It feels like I'm always… waiting. I want Syed to stand up to his family and tell them. About me, us… So I should be happy right now shouldn't I? But I'm not. I don't want it to happen like this. Not like this. It's obvious he's not ready. Sometimes I worry that he'll never be. That thought is unbearable… But no matter what, these things can't be forced. He can't be forced. Could it really be Tamwar doing this? How could he do that to his own brother though? I don't understand.
Syed's miserable. So unhappy… So scared… And there's absolutely nothing I can do to help him. Since that first day that he kissed me, my instinct has been to take care of him, shield him, protect him. But now… I can't. Not with this. He'll have to handle whatever is happening on his own. And all I can do is wait. God I hate that… I look at my phone for the millionth time. Nothing. Why doesn't he call me? It's been hours for fucks sake! Doesn't he understand I'm going mental here? I slam my hand down on the table in frustration. That's it. I've had enough. I'm going to find him.
~c~s~
There he is! I can't believe it. I decided to check in the unit first, even though it's been hours since I left him there. And he's alone now. Good. He looks awful though…
'I've been sat by my phone all day' I start. He doesn't respond. 'Well?' I prompt him.
He takes a breath, still not looking at me and says: 'Tamwar doesn't know anything'.
I feel deflated. I've been pumped up on adrenalin all day, freakish scenarios going through my head. How everyone would react. How Syed would tell them. Or would he manage to wiggle his way out and fool them once again? And now… Nothing. Back to square one. Tamwar doesn't know, Amira doesn't know. That's good I suppose… But someone does. That hasn't changed. This isn't over. Not by a long shot…
I sit down on the desk.
'Then who does?' I ask.
The way he looks at me… I don't understand it. What's going on here? I'm starting to get worried now…
'No you're good, I'll give you that' he says.
'Sorry?' I respond, feeling puzzled. Again, what is going on here? I don't like this one bit. Look at him, sitting there like that with his arms crossed. No, really not liking this!
'The text?' is all he says.
'What text?' I ask.
'Was that the thinking was it? Try to flush me out?' he sneers.
'Sorry Sy, not with ya' is all I can say.
'Get Amira to dump me' he continues in the same accusing voice.
'Still not with ya' I respond, although I'm starting to I think. But I don't want to believe it.
He leans forward and says: 'Someone sent me a text earlier'. He looks at me expectantly. When I don't respond he quotes: 'Smile bad boy?'
I can't believe this. I snort disparagingly.
'And you think that was me?' I deduce.
'Wind me up. Watch me fall apart' he goes on. I look at him with disbelief. Does he not know me at all?
'I didn't send you any text' I reply calmly.
'And then what? You and me move in together?'
'You are way off mark' I say, starting to feel pissed off.
'Stroll round the square hand in hand. Buy a puppy together?' He's on a roll now, can't be stopped.
'I've been sat by my phone, worrying about you all day' I insist, trying to make him listen to reason.
But he just goes on, painting a picture of what is apparently some ridiculously rose colored future I'm supposedly dreaming about which includes adopting some African orphan it seems. What the fuck is he on about? I try and reason with him, remind him that he would have recognized my number. But he just accuses me of getting another phone. I can't believe we're having this conversation. I've been worried sick all day and now this?
'Why would I want to blackmail my own boyfriend' I finally cry out in exasperation.
Oh… Oh, I shouldn't have said that… I really shouldn't have...
Silence. We stare at each other for a moment, but I can't bare his accusing glare. So I look away.
'I am not your boyfriend' he says quietly.
As I knew he would. But it still feels like a kick in the gut.
'Yeah well, turn of phrase' I reply quickly.
'You just don't get it, do you' he says.
Here we go.
'Oh I get it Sy. Question is… do I really need it?'
Feeling disgusted, I turn and walk away. Fuck this. I'm done. But I haven't even set one foot out the door or I hear a text coming in on Sy's phone. I fish my phone out of my pocket and show it to him.
'Not me' I simply say.
His face crumbles. I can see the guilt hit him. Good. He grabs his own phone quietly, checking the message. I take it from him to read for myself.
'Bad boys always pay' he says, sounding numb.
I know he's upset, but right now I don't care. He should never have assumed it was me. Never. I turn and walk away.
~c~s~
My phone flashes his name at me enticingly. I should let it ring. Let him worry about me for a change. But I don't.
'Christian?'
I want to stay angry, I really do. He obviously doesn't trust me, he accused me of trying to "out" him and he basically said some really hurtful things.
'Christian please… I'm sorry. I really am'.
And he is. I can hear it in his voice. My treacherous heart melts as I listen to his pleading words. But still I say nothing.
'I know you're there. Please say something' he says quietly.
'Like what?' I enquire icily. Good. Don't let him off that easy.
The line stays quiet for a while. All I can hear is his soft breathing. And even that is making me waver. I'm pathetic really.
'I… Look, I can't do this over the phone. I need to see you. Where are you?' he asks desperately.
'Meet me back at the flat in five' I say. Sure, I could resist for a bit longer. But who are we kidding here? I've gone along with being his "dirty little secret" for weeks now. I barely have any dignity left. When it comes to Syed, all I know is I want him. No matter what.
'Thank you' he says. Then he hangs up. I pour myself a drink and wait for him. I feel like I'm always doing that, waiting for him… I groan and slump back on the sofa, closing my eyes.
It's not even been one minute when I hear the key turn in the lock. I don't move and keep my eyes closed. I'm not going to make it too easy on him. And let's face it, if the sound of his voice can blast my resolve to smithereens… Well… I'm keeping my eyes closed, that's all I'm saying.
I can hear his soft footsteps come closer. I can feel the sofa incline as he places one knee next to mine. Then my face is being peppered with little kisses.
'I'm sorry Christian' he breathes in between kisses. 'I'm so sorry…'
His hand is stroking my cheek as he presses kisses on my forehead, my cheeks, my nose, my ears, my closed lids… Everywhere but on my lips. Damn he's good. Why am I still resisting? Why am I just sitting here, when I could be looking at him, holding him, snogging him… My eyes fly open and I look into those near black soft velvet pools that are his eyes. Without making any conscious decision to do so, my arms have slipped around his waist and pulled him into my lap. I can't help myself. When I see him, I need to touch him. It's like a kneejerk reaction, completely natural and irrepressible.
He leans his forehead against mine.
'I'm really sorry you know' he repeats earnestly.
'I know' I say.
He smiles and presses his lips softly against mine.
'I can't stay' he whispers.
My hearth twinges.
'But I could come over later if that's ok?' he suggests hopefully.
'Yeah alright' I agree.
He smiles happily and kisses me. I close my eyes and let him.
Five minutes later he's gone. He walked over to the door, looked at me over his shoulder one more time, smiled, and than he left. Leaving me to wait for him once again.
~s~c~
One more to go :-)
