"Did you mean what you wrote in your book?" I remember the chicken scratched words on the white lined paper.
"I guess so," but how much really do you know about those things when you are that young?" He plates the pasta and veggies he has been working on and pulls the other stool around so we are across from each other. It feel intimate but not unfamiliar.
"Why me, sorry but that is kind of masochistic isn't it?" I'm not usually a health food tye eater so I swirl the noodles around with my fork and try and gets as few veggies in the bite as possible.
"You could say that but you know how all the girls want the bad boy. The troubled soul." he takes a big bite before going on. "I guess I was no better. But why didn't you use the ammo you had? And eat the veggies, they're good for you."
I can't help but roll my eyes and take a bite as instructed. I have to admit I may have groaned a little.
"See I'm a good cook." real emotion spreads across his face finally this one is smugness. I find myself smiling too.
"So you I was crapstastic to you and you had a crush on me?" he shrugs his shoulder a little brushing it off. I wish I could.
"I didn't know what to do with it, that's why I didn't say anything. I didn't know what I was, I didn't like girls like my buddies, I didn't really notice guys like that. So I guess for a brief moment I didn't want to be a hypocrite."
The silence stretched out as we ate our lunch. It wasn't a long though before the questions came again.
"So after that you spent how long going on with the pushing and shoving and making my life hell under the guise of you didn't know?"
I want to play I don't know, it would be easy to lie but I can feel something in me screaming to let it all out. Tell him it all and hope not to be swallowing his fist.
"Probably a few months before it happened." I fear I finally pushed him for the first time and I wasn't meaning to. He doesn't say anything he stands and puts his dish in the sink gently. He throws his napkin away and heads to the door. He only said one thing before he left.
"I think I've had enough for today. Thank you." I sit for hours after the door closed quietly.
