I'm guessing this one doesn't need any introduction. Enjoy!

~s~c~

'Ah come on, you love me really' Christian jokes.

I look at him. I know it's meant to be a joke, but the words don't seem all that funny. They feel pretty uncomfortable actually. I quickly turn away and try and change the subject.

'I should be getting back' I say. But he won't let me off the hook.

'It wouldn't kill you to admit it. I… love… you… See?' he continues.

I know what he needs to hear from me. In truth, it isn't all that much to ask. But something's holding me back. I've told hollow lies before and did not blink an eye. I've said words that meant nothing to me, just because I knew it would get me what I wanted. So why do I have so much trouble saying the three words that I know to be the absolute truth? Words that want nothing more then to be spoken, words that are desperate to be heard? I know why. Because to say them, is to make them true. Once I've said them, that's it. The perfect little bubble I've built myself, where it's just me and Christian and the world is far far away, will burst. The thoughts I've crammed into a small corner of my mind behind locked doors, will come tumbling out. If I love Christian, then how can I marry Amira? How can I be with Christian without losing my family? How can I reconcile the fact that I love a man with my faith? That's why I can't say the words. They will cause an earthquake, shaking me, my life, my very being to the core, leaving nothing but destruction and casualties in its path. Because let's face it…this can't possibly end well, can it…

'Tell you what, you can whisper it if you want. If that helps. There's no one here…' he keeps going.

There's no stopping him. And it seems that there is no stopping me either. Despite the fact that I am absolutely convinced that saying those words will cause all sorts of trouble, I just can't seem to hold them in. They are dancing through my head, taunting me with their beauty. They want to reach out to him, to answer his plea, to exist. I'm torn between wanting to keep everything at bay, retain the status quo we've been living in and… simply letting go. My indecisiveness is killing me. I look at Christian, as if that will somehow tell me what to do.

In a weird way, it does… The way he looks at me, quiet, expectant, hopeful… It tugs at my heart, making the words jump to the tip of my tongue. But I wait too long… I can see his faith wavering and then crumble as I remain silent. He hangs his head in defeat. The disappointment is almost tangible. I don't ever want to see him like this. Ever. And just like that, the words spill out…

'I love you…'

There… I've said it. I wait for the earthquake to come and carry me away. Instead, I'm struck with the brilliance of his smile, it seems to radiate joy. It's so powerful it makes my skin tingle. Feeling this good, I can almost imagine things might turn out alright after all. How can anything that makes you feel this good be a bad thing?

What's to be said after that? Nothing. Nothing, that's what. Wordlessly, we turn on our heels and make our way over to the flat. Once we're inside, he takes off my coat and shrugs off his own. Then he opens up his arms and I step in, slipping my own arms round his waist. My head finds that perfect spot, tucked underneath his chin. He gives me a soft squeeze, I squeeze him back, but other than that, we just stand there, holding each other.

My head is quiet for once. All I hear is a contented hum, coming from deep inside of me. I concentrate on his sounds instead, the steady beating of his heart, the calm breathing… I can feel my own heart following his, falling in pace. It feels like we share but one body, one heart between us. I love that sensation. I consciously breathe with him, in and out, enhancing the feeling of being one.

We move towards the bed as if we've verbally agreed on it. As soon as the bed hits the back of his legs, he lets himself fall back, pulling me with him. We both manage to kick off our shoes without using our hands, which is a good thing as mine are still clasped around him and I have no intention of letting go. We nestle ourselves in the middle of the big bed. He lies on his back and pulls me to him with his right arm. I snuggle up to him, resting my head on his broad chest. My fingers sneak under his sweater, gliding over naked skin. I love how warm blooded he is. It's December yet all he wears is this soft thin sweater with nothing underneath. His breath catches as I run my blunt nails across his stomach. I feel his fingers unbuttoning my shirt. Soon, fingers, his and mine, are opening buttons, pulling on clothes, pushing down pants, and we are naked once again.

Being naked feels so natural when I'm with him. Naked flesh was not shown in our house, always covered, shameful, sinful… Back in school, whenever I had to get undressed in front of the other boys, I'd have this ritual. It was all thought out, designed to leave skin bare for only a minimal amount of time. I marvelled at the ease with which some boys just stood around and chatted to each other, naked as the day they were born. Couldn't believe it and knew that that would never, never, be me. When I got older, the limited sexual experiences I had would always be in the dark, if possible still partly dressed. But ever since that first time Christian looked at me while I was naked, everything changed for me. His silent approval, his admiring glances, have made me feel secure in my own skin. He thinks I'm beautiful; therefore that's what I am.

We're still clinging to each other, naked now. I can feel my blood start to zing. Soon, this won't be enough. Soon, my hands need to feel the skin of his chest, back, legs, just everywhere… My lips need to feel his and then taste his skin. I know it's the same for him. I can hear his heartbeat and his breath quicken along with mine. I can feel the urgency in his body, as I can feel it in mine.

I'm not sure who's the first to give in, but suddenly his lips are on mine and our hands start exploring. His hands twine through my hair, cradling my head delicately. My right hand is on his cheek, while my left hand traces his spine up and down.

It's so quiet here. I'm used to a lot of noise, Mum and Dad arguing, loud cooking sounds, Amira's constant nattering. But now, here with Christian, the silence feels like a cocoon. Only soft sounds, like puffs of breath, sensuous moans and sighs are allowed here. No words, not tonight. Just touches, kisses, caresses and soft sounds of pleasure. I've told him that I love him. Now I'm showing him.

I love his strong hands. I take one in mine and press a tender kiss in the palm. I trace a path of kisses up his arm, starting with the wrist, up the sensitive skin of his inner arm, nuzzling in the crook. I travel further up, along the upper arm and shoulder. As I reach his collarbone, I trace it with my teeth, taking care not to bite down too hard. Moving on, I suck in his nipple, making him shudder. My hand has slipped down between us, searching and finding his quivering cock. I take it in my hand and squeeze it gently while working his nipple with my tongue and teeth. I listen to the beautiful soft "ah" and "oh" sounds he makes, feeling like a musician playing their beloved instrument. I move on to the other nipple and start over.

My hand is stroking lazily up and down his cock, using the moistness at the tip as a lubricant. I release his nipple from my mouth so I can look up at him, take in the magnificent sight he makes. He has surrendered to my hands and mouth, his head thrown back, his mouth open in a gasp. His hands are beside him, clawing into the sheets. His legs are fully stretched, his toes curling fiercely. I marvel at the beauty of that strong, powerful body, completely at my mercy. The realisation that he trusts me this much is intoxicating.

I cover his body with mine and kiss him hard. My hand is joined by his, enveloping both our erections in a firm two handed grip. I moan as my oversensitive cock is stroked and rubbed deliciously. My tongue invades his mouth demandingly, claiming the familiar territory with confidence. My free hand roams around his chest, tugging at the chest hair firmly. He squirms beneath me, his arched back lifting his body slightly off the bed. I groan as his hand slips into my hair, massaging my neck and the base of my scalp methodically. He knows what that does to me, making my limbs go slack and my body melt on top of him. Seizing the momentum, he thrusts his tongue into my mouth and bucks his hips urgently against mine. His hand speeds up, taking mine with it, pumping our cocks so very fast now. My hips thrust forward, helpless to resist Christian's insistent rhythm. I break our kiss and burry my face in the crook of his neck, gently nipping at he base. His hand is still in my hair, making me want to rub my face against it and purr like a contented kitten.

I'm soaring high now, thrusting my hips, breathing in his scent. A very soft but insistent noise wants to intrude on me, on this moment. Vaguely I realize it is my phone that I've put on vibrate. Someone's trying to reach me, but they'll just have to wait. There's only room for him and me now, and the feeling of our bodies striving together. It's like it isn't just my cock that's about to explode but my whole body and even my soul feels like it's about to shatter. We move together, grinding our hips, seeking each others lips for another urgent kiss. My heart feels like it's going to burst with the overload of emotions, but I'm not scared. This feels so good, so right, that I can't help but go with it.

My knees clamp round his thighs as I thrust faster, faster, my body yearning for release. I'm so hot that I feel like I'm on fire. I push my cock against his again and again, my ears ringing with the sounds of heavy pants, thumping hearts and guttural groans. So close now, so close… I feel like we're flying together, ever higher, all the way up to the sun. Then he cries out hoarsely, releasing all over our cocks and my belly. I throw my head back and scream as my own orgasm grips me. The strength has left my limbs as I fall on top of him, panting heavily. I press a quick kiss on his chest, an inadequate gesture for what just happened here, but all I'm capable of right now. Our connection feels so strong, that I wouldn't be surprised if I could actually see it. In the back of my mind I'm wondering what will happen now, now that we've ventured onto this new road together that I can't backtrack from. I can't because I don't want to. I need him like I need air to breathe. I'll just have to figure it all out somehow. I will.

Again I hear the insistent buzzing of my phone. Someone wants to reach me badly. I think I'm going to have to answer that. I sigh and lift myself up to pick my jeans from the floor.

'Leave it'

Christian is looking at me, his eyes pleading.

I hesitate.

'I can't' I say. 'It might be important. I heard it go off before'.

He closes his eyes in defeat. No, that's not right. Not after this. I have to make him understand that whomever is on the phone, whatever they want, we are what's important. What happened tonight matters, more then anything ever has.

'I love you' I say the words that began this wondrous night. His eyes fly open and he beams at me.

'I love you too' he whispers. Then he pulls me in for a slow, toe curling snog.

By the time I come up for air, the buzzing has stopped. Still slightly dazed, I fish my phone out of my jeans pocket and check my voicemail.

'Syed…'

It's Mum, I hear straight away. Something's wrong. She sounds… frantic. I sit up with a start.

'Syed, where are you? Please, please pick up the phone. I'm at the hospital. It's your father. You need to come Syed. Please… hurry'.

And just like that, my entire world crumbles.

~s~c~

Way to ruin the moment, isn't it :-( Don't blame me, blame TPTB! Or Massood, that works too...