Some sad times ahead I'm afraid :-( This chapter is from Christian's POV. Thank you for the beta Rhumba!

~c~s~

'What about the food? Can't we save some money on that?' Amira suggests.

Zainab looks at her as if she's about ready to explode.

'What, do you want me to just serve one dish, ha? Or just some plain naan perhaps? What will people think!' Zainab rants. 'Food is our business Amira, we're not cutting costs on that. These people are our guests for crying out loud!'

'Alright, alright, I'm sorry for suggesting it!' Amira exclaims, hands held up in mock surrender.

'And so you should' Zainab huffs.

'Mum…'

That's him of course. He's been quiet up to now, letting Zainab and Amira battle it out on their own. The soft pleading tone rips through me like a knife. Why am I doing this to myself? Why is he? I keep my eyes on the onions I've just started chopping. Great. At least now I'll have an excuse if I start to blubber.

Amira and Zainab have been droning on and on about that fucking wedding for what feels like hours. The last thing I want is to be reminded of Syed, marrying someone that isn't me… I swallow and am grateful for the stupid onions already, because I know my eyes must be turning suspiciously red by now. Syed has mostly been quiet, choosing to concentrate on carefully seasoning the beef instead of on the wedding talk.

We haven't been together since the morning after the accident, now over a week ago. He's been ignoring me, not answering my calls or texts, making sure we're never alone together. I've seen him of course, here in the unit, but we're never alone here. There's always Zainab or Jane and now even Amira. Not that she's helping with any of the cooking of course. As if. They can't have had enough time to discuss cutting wedding costs at home, since they feel it necessary to continue on here. Unfortunately I can't object. What could I say? So I just stay here, in my own little corner and peel and chop onions quietly.

'The tablecloths I saw on that website I told you about would be perfectly fine. And they're about half the price of that one you picked out'.

Apparently Zainab has some cost cutting ideas of her own. And Amira disagrees. Quelle surprise…

'What, is that the one that also sells the tea cosies and pink fluffy earmuffs? I don't think so!' Amira thrills.

'Come on Amira, there's no harm in looking is there?' Syed implores softly.

'Don't take her side Syed, you always take her side!' Amira accuses.

Zainab smiles smugly. I can't actually see the smile, but I just know it's there.

'Yes Amira, why don't you just take a look? If you don't like the selection, I promise I won't mention it again' Zainab graciously offers. She wipes her hands clean on her apron and heads over to the little office to turn on the computer.

'Fine!' Amira huffs. She throws Syed a look of anger at his betrayal and follows Zainab in.

Alone at last. Well, sort of. I can still hear the two women bickering in the office, but at least they're not in the same room as us. Not sure I'll ever get a better chance, I grab it.

'Sy…'

He stiffens and keeps his eyes on the beef. Even in that ridiculous uniform, with that stupid blue hat, he looks absolutely beautiful.

'Sy come on, you're going to have to talk to me eventually' I urge quietly.

'There's nothing left to say Christian. I'm getting married to Amira, that's all you need to know' he says, his words so sharp they have a little bite to them.

I close my eyes and sigh. My eyes are burning with tears and even I can't be sure if they're caused by the onions or the intense grief I feel every time I look at him.

'You can't seriously go through with it! It's me you love, not her! How can you ever be happy in that sham of a marriage' I implore him.

'Shut up Christian' he hisses, shooting a guilty look towards the office door.

'Come on Sy, you're being ridiculous' I blurt, exasperated, and know immediately that I've made a monumental mistake.

'I am not being ridiculous' he sneers, his voice heavy with righteous indignation. 'I happen to care about my family, my fiancée, my faith. I'm well aware of the fact that none of those things mean anything to you'.

'You know that's not true. I'm sorry alright? I shouldn't have said that. I know this is difficult for you, I do. But you can't just ignore me like this. I love you and you love me. That has to mean something' I try desperately.

His shoulders slump and finally, finally he looks at me.

'It's not enough Christian. I'm sorry, but it's just not enough' he says quietly.

I feel like he's ripped my heart out with his bare hands. The soft spoken words hit me harder then any shouted ones ever could. He is everything to me, but still I'm not enough for him. The tears run freely down my cheeks as I look at the man I love more then I've ever loved anyone in my life.

'You see, I told you they were nice ha?' Zainab proclaims as she struts back into the kitchen.

I rip my eyes from Syed's gaze and turn back to my onions. Not in time though it would seem.

'Christian? Are you crying? You alright babe?' Amira asks gently.

I nod and smile through my tears.

'Just the onions love. I'm fine. I'm always fine, aren't I?' I reply, feeling my heart contract painfully at the lie.

'Come on, I'll show you the tablecloths we picked out. And I've seen some lovely drapery as well that we could use. Did you know…'

I tune her out, smile and nod as I follow her to the office, glad to get away from him for now.

~c~s~

Checking my phone for new messages from him is a compulsion I can't repress. Still nothing of course. I don't even know why I keep checking. It's not as if I actually expect him to call. He's been very clear. He's made his decision. Again I feel the painful twinge in my heart that has become way too familiar.

I've lost him. It's only now starting to sink in. Just when I thought we were finally getting somewhere, just when I started hoping that he might choose me after all… That we could be together, be happy…

'He's not going to call you know'.

I look up and force a smile for my favourite niece.

'Hey Luce. What are you doing home so early?' I ask.

Ian and Jane have gone out for the evening and the twins were invited to a party. So guess who got roped into babysitting Bobby? Not that I mind at all. He's a lovely boy. I had a blast reading him some of my own old favourite bedtime stories.

'The party was a drag. Should have known, Alice is probably the most boring girl in our year. She only invited me because she fancies Peter,' Lucy says, rolling her eyes dramatically.

'Decided to skip the joint and hang out with your number one uncle instead?' I prompt.

'You know it!' she smirks. 'So… are you going to tell me what happened between you and Syed?'

I look at her silently, not sure how much I should tell.

'That bad eh?' she asks quietly.

I sigh and rub my eyes.

'I'm afraid it is,' I admit.

'You think it's permanent? I mean, he's rejected you and then taken you back before hasn't he?' she prods.

'I don't know. I think… I think this might be it,' I croak. God, I can't believe I said it. Everything just seems so hopeless right now…

~c~s~

I throw my hands up in the air and lose myself to the thumping bass of some seventies disco classic. Can't remember what it's called, can't remember who it's by, can't give a fuck. I just dance. My feet move in a steady pace, my hips swing back and forth and my arms sway with the beat. My eyes are closed, but fly open as someone bumps into me. It's some cute blonde in leather pants. Nice. I smile provocatively and pull him in to dance with me. He throws his head back and laughs, moving his hips in time with mine.

I look around and see there's quite a few men staring openly at me. Good. I didn't wear these low riding jeans and that ridiculously tight vest for nothing now did I. I compare my dance partner with the rest of the blokes in the buzzing nightclub, trying to decide if I should exchange him for something hotter. No, I judge. I've already captured the fittest bloke here. He leans in and shouts something.

'What?' I shout back, giving him my ear.

'The name's Daniel' he tries again.

Whatever…

'Want a drink?' he continues as I make no response.

'I think I've had about enough' I answer truthfully. I know I'll have a blaring headache in the morning as it is.

He eyes me up and down thoughtfully.

'Wanna go back to mine?' he suggests, eyebrow cocked.

I want to say no. I want to say "I have a boyfriend thank you very much and he wouldn't much appreciate that". I want to tell him to fuck off, that he's not the one I want. Hell, there's a lot of things I want. Doesn't mean I'm going to get any of them now does it…

'Sure, why not' I answer instead and throw an arm around his shoulders to lead him off towards the exit.

~c~s~

Reviews still very much welcome :-)