Mom and Dad were happy when they found out Bella and I were together…officially.
But now, Dr. Brandon has been pushing me to open up more to Bella.
She said that now is the best time for me to begin sharing pieces of my past with her…that it's better to start doing it sooner rather than later, so that way if I have a hard day, or something triggers my hoarding tendencies, then at least Bella will understand, and maybe be able to help.
I know she's right, which is why I started talking to Bella today.
We spent the whole day together, having a picnic lunch in the park and going hiking on some of the nature trails.
She tried...at least I think she tried, to not laugh when I stumbled and faceplanted into the bushes on the side of the path when I was trying to show her that I did indeed have "moves like Jagger"...stupid iPod playing that damn song. It made Bella ask exactly what were "moves like Jagger" and me being the fool that I am thought I could make her laugh and tried to show her.
As we continued walking after my introducing myself to the local flora, we continued out hike, and I explained to her how I wanted her to know about my past…what made me hoard, but that I would need patience and time to explain it all.
She was more than understanding, and told me she appreciated that I was willing to open up to her.
"You already know that I was adopted," I explained. "But what you don't know was that I was adopted when I was older…that my mother had lost custody of me. I was in the foster care system, and Mom and Dad were my foster parents and then they adopted me."
As I explained to Bella about my past up until James walked out on Victoria, I searched her eyes for any sense of pity. I found none, and I was glad that I didn't. I didn't need her pity. I only wanted her to understand my past, to understand the things that made me who I am today.
As our day at the park wound down and we packed up the car to leave, she stopped me, pulling me tightly to her in a hug.
"Thank you," she whispered as she kissed me. "For a wonderful day… and for opening up to me. I know there is more for you to tell me, but please understand I won't ever push you to share it with me. I want you to tell me these things when you're ready for me to know."
I hugged her back tightly, thankful for her understanding, and for her acceptance. I don't think I could ever explain to her or really ever put into words what it meant for her to not reject me because of my past.
After I dropped Bella off, I headed home for the night, a smile still on my face from having a wonderful afternoon with my girlfriend. Girlfriend…I still couldn't believe I got to use that word in reference to myself. As I settled in for the night, I wrote in my journal for Dr. Brandon about the day's events, and then climbed into bed, hopeful that the next time I opened up to Bella, things would go just as well as they had today.
A/N: Thank you all again for all of your reviews, and for your patience and understanding about my crazy schedule the past two weeks. I am happy to say that things have calmed down and Hoarderward should be back to a regular posting schedule of every day/every other day.
