I can only stare, fork full of my shrimp lo mein hanging in the air, noodles slipping through the tines of my fork one by one. I wait a beat or to, I think in shock but decide fuck it. I have been on this roller coaster for awhile now. I shove the lone shrimp left on my fork in my mouth and chew it and the words over before going for it.

"Probably just after I read your notebook. I could probably go back further but.." I just shrug my shoulders.

"Still you took it out on me?" his words had no emotion really, just matter of fact.

Thinking about it I can see what a fucked up thing it was, but knew the why there too.

"Yeah I did. I can't take it back and not sure I would even if I could." I pick a spot on the wall and stare. He is silent doing his even breathing thing.

"You wouldn't" it was a deadpan phrase I have no idea if it was a question or a statement.

"No I know I wouldn't. My life then was living to the image, the image at school and at home. My life was hell enough trying to please them all why the hell would I choose to be a freak and disappointment and make any worse?"

"Huh" and a shoulder shrug. "So taking it out on the little fag helped you in some way?"

"Sadly it did, if I was beating you down about what I was feeling then I didn't have to think about it."

All he does is nod and pick up his food. That get my temper up a bit.