Author's Note: HI, GUYS! How's life? Yeah, yeah, I know you all want to shout at me, and some of you may even be shouting at your computer screen, demanding to know where I've been. Well, like I told you before, I was on vacation for two weeks, and I just came back home on Saturday. So why didn't I update right away? I'm so jet lagged, you wouldn't believe it. Right now, I just woke up an hour ago (way past noon here) because I couldn't sleep until three in the morning, and I'm still tired. You're lucky I'm updating only on the second day after my vacation. Ugh. Enjoy…

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.


Chapter 30

It was good to be attending classes again, like everything was back to normal. That was the upside.

The downside was that all the attention was on me. And unfortunately, I'd never been the type of person to enjoy that kind of attention. I felt self-conscious the entire day and tried to escape as quickly as I could.

People kept coming up to me and apologizing for ever believing that I would take drugs. While I was glad that I'd gotten my hard-earned reputation back, I was getting a little tired of telling people that it was okay and that I was perfectly fine.

It was lunch hour, and all the students flooded out into the hallways, whooping in delight. The hallways cleared quickly as they all filed into the cafeteria, and I was left to walk slowly to my locker.

I was mostly recovered, but I still had stinging pains on the side of my stomach. I couldn't walk fast, and I limped slightly to try to minimize the pain as much as possible. I winced every few seconds.

As I twirled my locker, my thoughts wandered to the person that had been on my mind all day today. And yet, I hadn't seen him once. Why was he avoiding me? Emmett, Rosalie, Alice, and Jasper had all greeted me this morning in the parking lot at our usual place, but only he wasn't there. His Volvo was there. But he wasn't.

I wanted to talk to him. Speak to him about everything we've been through so far. Apologize for refusing his feelings, even though I knew that I loved him back. Tell him sorry for choosing friendship over his precious love.

I wished everything was the way it had been. Back to the time when we were young and naïve, clueless about life. Back to the time when everything was so much easier to deal with when it came to our friendship. Why did we have to grow up? Why did we have to fall in love with each other?

"He loved you way before high school, you know," said a reproachful voice behind me.

Surprised, I looked up to see Alice, her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed. She leaned against the lockers, tutting. I realized that I'd mumbled the last part out loud.

"Forget it," I grumbled, stuffing a notebook inside my bag.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Face it, Bella. Edward's loved you since you were toddlers." She sniffed. "You were the blind one."

"Shoot me," I said sarcastically. "It's such a crime I'm so dense."

She shot me an annoyed look. "Don't ever say that again. Whenever you say something that sounds suicidal, I'm scared that you'll go crazy and go for Charlie's gun again. He's hiding his guns from you, right?"

"Stop," I stressed. "Don't bring it up anymore."

She sighed and shook her head silently to herself. I ignored her until I closed my locker and turned to her rather abruptly. "Why is he avoiding me?"

Alice looked startled, and rather guilty. "W-what do you mean?"

"He's obviously avoiding me. I'm sure you know why."

She looked away. "Can you not ask me? I don't understand why he's doing this either." She turned and walked away toward the cafeteria, her arms still tightly crossed and her tiny, petite figure hunched with worry.

I stared after her, starting to get worried as well. What had Edward told his sister?

If I could only see him right now, I would tell him that I accept his love. I loved him. I wanted to be with him.

I jumped when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to see a cute girl looking at me. "Bella Swan?"

"Yes?" I said hesitantly.

"Your counselor wants to see you in her office," she told me, then walked away.

I couldn't help but notice that everything was becoming worrisome. My love, my friendships, my personal family business, and just life in general… It was getting too tiresome.

As I headed for the office, my thoughts turned to him once more. If he ignored me in Biology next period, I wanted to know why.


I knocked softly on my counselor's office door. Her sweet voice called, "Come in!"

Mrs. Evans smiled when she saw me. "Bella. Have a seat." She gestured toward the empty seat in front of her.

Warily, I sank down in the chair slowly. "You wanted to see me?"

She clicked her pen a few times before leaning forward and interlocking her fingers. "You've been having a rough time lately, haven't you?"

I frowned slightly. What was this about?

"You might choose not to believe it, but we teachers have been quite concerned ever since that disturbing incident," Mrs. Evans said. "I'm sure you felt quite betrayed at how your classmates turned on you."

She was beating around the bush. I didn't like it.

"What's your point?" I asked, abruptly unpleasant.

She looked surprised. "I am merely trying to help you, Bella. You've been quite-"

"Help me?" I repeated flatly.

She cleared her throat before calling, "Come in."

I turned and stared at a handsome man who was standing in the doorway of the office. He was in his early thirties, with brown hair and electric blue eyes. He was quite tall, and was wearing a neat suit.

"This is Dr. Gerandy, Bella," Mrs. Evans introduced. "He's a psychologist. He's one of the best in Seattle."

At that, a rush of anger burst through me. I stood up quickly. "I'm not insane!"

"I'm quite aware of that, Bella," Mrs. Evans said in her annoyingly calm let's-be-reasonable voice. "The school merely thought that a checkup was in order after that dreadful incident-"

"I refuse!" I stated boldly. "I'm not insane. I don't have a mental disorder! Why should I resort to therapy?"

"You'll find therapy quite helpful, Miss Swan," Dr. Gerandy said from behind me. "You can tell me all your secrets and worries…and I won't be allowed to tell anyone about it."

"You see, Bella?" Mrs. Evans said. "It'll be very beneficial to you. You can clear your thoughts by telling them to someone else who would never disclose your secrets to anyone. And you can choose the right way for your future." She smiled, looking very satisfied with her reasonable explanation.

"The right way…?" I repeated slowly. Did the teachers think that I wouldn't be able to live morally or something? Just because I tried to kill myself?

But if I continued to think about it, I understood their perspective. I could see how they would come to that conclusion. And I also knew that they wouldn't stop pestering me about therapy until I agreed to do it.

So in the end, I gave in.

Thirty minutes later, I walked out of the office with Dr. Gerandy beside me.

"I'll see you on Saturday, ten o'clock, Bella," he said, smiling. "You should get to class now."

Class…Biology.

With a late pass in my hand, I made my way to class. Would he avoid me in class too?

"Bella!" Mr. Banner said delightedly. "Good to have you back!"

As if. He'd been one of those who had been staring at me accusingly.

Wordlessly, I handed him my pass before heading to my seat. As I walked along the aisle, I watched Edward, who was staring straight ahead at the front of the room, purposely avoiding my eyes.

Edward's Point of View

As she walked in, I knew that it had been a bad decision, trying to delay the inevitable. Just seeing her weakened me with desire. How could I possibly let go of her?

My crush on her had lasted for years. A simple crush had developed into love. So how could I just give her up?

But I knew it was the right choice for her. She wasn't ready to accept my love yet, despite what she was probably thinking right now. She might believe she's ready, but I didn't believe it. She could never love me back purely until she let go of all her pressure and stress.

I felt her staring at me as she walked toward our desk. I felt the questions burning behind her eyes: Why was I avoiding her? Why hadn't I visited her in the hospital?

I knew that she would confront me later. I could no longer delay anything. I would have to tell her, straightforwardly… The truth.


AN: Reviews?