It's a couple of days before Christmas. Christian is trying to talk to Syed but Syed isn't listening. This is from Syed's POV.

~s~c~

'What? It's a well known fact that gay men fancy anything with a pair of trousers and a pulse. Never mind nice eyes. Christian probably just can't help himself,' Amira insits.

My heart is beating so loud that I'm sure they must be able to hear it. Where is this coming from? I've never noticed Amira being suspicious of Christian before. If she managed to figure out this much, who knows what else she might find out. And why is she saying this in front of Mum? Who knows what Mum will do if she gives Amira's words any credit. I'm thinking I should say something, but can come up with nothing. What can I possibly say that won't make them even more suspicious?

'Oh dear God forbid,' Mum says, her voice heavy with disgust. I look at her in desperation. This is how she would look at me if she ever found out the truth, I think as I feel fear trickling down my skin.

'Is that why I keep catching him standing around staring at him? Oh no no no no no. He's pining for you? The shame of it Syed, I could not cope with that!' Mum continues.

I feel my eyes bulge as I think desperately of what I could say, anything I could say to make this stop.

'I'm joking!' Amira cries out, laughing. I look at her. In this moment, I really hate her. She has no idea what she's almost done. It's all a joke to her, isn't it. That's because you haven't told her anything. I tell my head to shut up.

'Of course I'm joking. Auntie, Christian is our friend!' Amira explains.

For a moment I think Mum isn't going to believe her. Like the thought is in her head now, and she can't let it go. But then her face contorts in anger and she splutters:

'Amira you…'

I try and disguise my sigh of relief. I don't think I manage too well because Mum looks at me questioningly. I smile at her which seems to reassure her. Amira of course notices nothing. She's crowing about how she's fooled us, and how we should have seen our faces. I think it's about time she left.

'Don't you have a hair appointment soon?' I ask innocently.

Amira jumps and checks the time.

'Not in another thirty minutes. But I have to pick up my order from the pharmacy first, or it'll be closed. See you babe!' She gives me a quick peck on the cheek, gives Mum a little wave and rushes out the door. Mum rolls her eyes at me and gets back to preparing dinner.

~s~c~

Christian. I've been trying to avoid him for almost a week now. When he pulled out of organising the Mehndi dance, it was a relief more than anything else. It was hurting him to be so involved, and seeing him suffer like that was almost impossible to bear. To be honest, I thought he'd keep his distance after that. I thought he'd finally accepted that we were through. That I am going to marry Amira. That my future is with her, like it never was with him.

But not so. He keeps trying to speak to me and I keep trying to avoid him. How long is this going to go on for? I can hear Amira greet Christian on her way out of the unit. I keep my eyes averted and wait. Wait for him to start speaking again. Wait for him to touch me, even though we're not alone. Wait for him to… But he doesn't do any of those things. My shoulders sag in relieve as I hear the sound of him walking away. Glad for the distraction, I get a move on with the chicken and try and forget about him for now.

The preparations for the Bhatti function keep me busy for about three hours. I had to do it all myself, and I'm a bit rushed for time as I hurriedly stack all of the food in crates. I quickly change out of my uniform and start carrying out the trays. Suddenly, my arm is grabbed and I'm being pulled around a corner.

'What are you playing at?' I complain as I try and hide how much he startled me.

Christian. Of course it's him. He's already giving another speech about having to talk to me. I only half listen to him, too busy looking for an escape.

Then he starts talking about that night. That night that started out as the most wonderful night in my live and ended with me waking up to a nightmare. It seems so long ago now, but in truth it's only been three weeks. Three weeks since I told him I loved him. Three weeks since I was in his arms, kissed his lips, felt his naked body against mine. I swallow.

'I can't do this anymore Sy… Watching the two of you together. It's killing me,' he says, so softly that it hurts.

'Well what are you saying?' I ask, feeling more than a bit worried. This is going to be bad, I just know it.

'That I need to get away,' he states simply.

'For how long?' is all I can ask.

'It's a one-way ticket'. My heart stops. But he goes on: 'One for me, and there's one for you. Look just… think about it. We slip away now and Zainab need never know. This is our chance. A new life, together, away from here'.

Why is he doing this? Why is he dangling this in front of me? Doesn't he understand how difficult he's making it for me?

'You're out of your mind,' I say, and try to walk away.

He stops me and says: 'Why keep pretending? Taxi's booked for six o clock'.

~s~c~

The rest of the day, the way his eyes looked as he asked me to come with him, haunt me. The more I try and push them away, the more they seem to loom up in front of me. Silently pleading, betraying a world of pain and the slightest tendril of a desperate kind of hope. A hope I know will be crushed until there's nothing left but pain and disappointment. I'm not sure he'll be able to take it. And I know I won't be able to.

I look to my right to see Amira clinging on to my arm. She's happily chattering away. About the wedding of course, what else? I rub my temple as I can feel the tension headache I've had since this morning build up to an unbearable level. I wish I could just shake her off. She feels like a dead weight hanging on to my neck instead of my arm. I quicken my pace, forcing her to let go.

'Wait up babe, I just have to tell Denise something' she calls after me. I look round to see her exchange a quick word with her friend. She asked me to wait, but I can't seem to stop my feet from moving on. When I step round the corner, I know why.

Before me I see Christian, about to get into a cab. That's it than. Whatever I tell myself, how ever sure I am that I absolutely cannot go with him, my feet and my heart have carried me over to him.

He looks up at me and his eyes begin to shine. I start panicking, understanding what this must look like to him. I didn't want to hurt him, and now I've gone and made it all worse. I can hear Amira's footsteps coming up from behind me already. I want to look away from him, certain I don't want to see his eyes the moment he realises I haven't come to join him. I can feel my eyes dart back and forth, trying to look away yet not quite being able to. And then I feel Amira's arm slip through mine.

'You'll find your Syed one day babe,' she says.

Absolutely gutted. I knew it would be hard to see, but still I'm unprepared. I felt his pain as sharply and as deeply as if it had been my own. The way his face went from soaring hope to utter devastation feels like a kick in the gut. His shoulders sag and his face sets in resignation. He looks at me one more time before stepping into the cab and out of my life.

As I see the cab pulling away, realisation finally dawns on me. He's gone… My own feeling of loss hits me so hard I have to lean on Amira's arm for support as my eyes brim with tears. How could I have been so blind? I've been obsessing about how hard this was going to be for him, that only now that he's gone do I realise what I have lost. Even though I've resigned myself to being with Amira, I took comfort in the fact that he was at least there. It was never a conscious thought, which is all I have to defend myself with. Only now do I realise what position I put him in. Only now do I see how near impossible it will be to live my life without him. Only now do I feel how deep our connection runs, how he's a part of me as I am of him.

Through my unspeakable sadness, I still feel a little relief. Relieved that one of us at least will have a chance to move on now. A chance to be free again, happy even. I feel tears run down my cheeks unchecked and don't even care. I stand there and stare at the spot where Christian stood for I don't know how long. Even as I feel a small tug on my arm and Amira leads me away, I twist my head round to look at it for as long as I can.

~s~c~

Reviews still very much welcome :-)