This chapter is from Syed's POV.

It is dedicated to the lovely vf who "gently persuaded me" to hurry up and write a new chapter. I've enabled anonymous reviews now, so you'd better leave me a review *mad*

Thank you Rhumba for another beta :-)

~s~c~

I'm alright. I really am. I think I could even say I'm… content. Yes, yes that's right. Content.

It's New Years Eve and I'm about to have everything I've ever wanted. Mum and Dad love me, are proud of me. I'm about to be married to a beautiful wife and start my own family. The business is doing well…Yes, things are definitely looking up. I can do this. I can. I know I can.

It's good that Christian went away. Good for him, good for me. I'm not sure I could have moved on the way I have if he were still here. If I had to see him everyday, see him maybe meeting someone else, fall in love, be happy again. I… I mean I do want that for him of course. Of course! I'm just not sure I could bear seeing it, that's all. That would have been… hard. Of course it was difficult for him as well, watching me and Amira together. I care about her, I really do, and that must have been hard for him to see.

I did miss him of course. When he left… even though I knew it was for the best, that didn't stop it from hurting like hell. In fact… there were times when I thought I wouldn't be able to do it. Wouldn't be able to go through with the wedding. God how I wanted to get on a plane and just fly to him, be with him again, have his arms around me…

He was all I thought about. He was everything. Everything… But I'm ok now. I am. I think I… Yes, I suppose I do still love him. A lot. But he's not here and Amira is. I'm sure she'll make a good wife. And we'll be happy together, won't we? Maybe I'm not quite there yet, but I'm working on it. I can do it. After all, I no longer think of him every single second of every minute of every day. Not every second. And it can only get better from here on in. The wedding is shaping up to be a fantastic day. God only knows how we're going to pay for it all though… But that's not important right now. It's not. I'm getting married tomorrow, that's what's important. I'm finally going to have that family I've always dreamed about. I'm going to be the man I've always wanted to be, live the life I've always wanted to live… How could that not make me happy? It will. Of course it will.

'Beer?'

I look up and see a girl I don't recognise hold out a bottle of beer to me with a smile.

'What? Oh, no thank you. I don't drink'.

The girl shrugs.

'All right darling, but don't you want to have a little toast to the New Year? It's almost midnight you know,' she says.

I check my watch and am startled to find it's only 5 minutes till midnight.

'Thanks, I didn't realise. I think there's some coke in the kitchen, I'll run and get some,' I call back over my shoulder as I head toward the kitchen.

I can't believe it. Only 5… no wait, 4 more minutes until my life begins. My real life. My married life. I can't wait. My life has felt a bit… bland lately. Since Christian left… But that is all about to change. Everything is about to become so much better. I can just see us now, me and Amira and hopefully a little baby quite soon. We'd make such a lovely picture together, I just know it. A picture of a perfect little family…

I check my watch again. Fuck, only a couple of seconds to go! I quickly poor myself a drink and shout for them to wait for me. I can already hear the countdown, when I suddenly sense someone walk into the kitchen. Even before I look up, I know… It's him. Christian. The sight of him hits me like a kick in the guts. I've not even begun to recover when he brutally sweeps me away with the kiss to end all kisses…

It's too much. Just… too much. The feel of his body, finally, finally, against mine once more. The sensation of being enveloped in his warmth, his embrace, his scent… I'm lost, so very lost, and all I can do is cling on to him for dear life.

His tongue has forced itself in my mouth, exploring it with an achingly familiar fire. A fire that seems to radiate from his very being, burning me, scorching me, warming me… All I want is more, so much more. I feel dizzy as I'm whirled around, helplessly clutching at him, no choice but to follow his lead.

The kiss seems to last forever yet can never last long enough. I groan as my tongue finds his, my hands snake up, toward his neck, his hair… The combination of his oh so familiar taste, his scent, his touch, are intoxicating me. I hear nothing, see nothing, am aware of nothing but him. My body, my heart, even my brain has betrayed me, all conspiring to make me surrender, make me give in. I want this, there's no denying that. I want him to hold me so tight it feels like he'll never let me go. I want him to take me away from here, take me with him, anywhere, just… anywhere, as long as we can be together… I want…

No, wait… I can't want this. I'm not allowed to want this. I know I'm not. I… don't know anything anymore. I need to think. I need to…

With all the strength I have left, I tear myself away from him. As our lips break apart, my heart starts aching with the loss of his touch. He's like a drug and I am nothing but a needy addict, desperate for more. But I'm not going back to that, I can't.

'Why did you come back?' I ask, feeling broken. I was doing fine while he was away. Sort of.

For a second, he doesn't answer me. He just looks at me, with those piercing green eyes, eyes that can look right down to my soul. Wait… I can't let him do that…

I rip myself away from him and rush toward the door. But before I can make it, he's got me again. His hands are on my face as he looks at me with an intensity that is killing me. I'm this close to crying. Why is he doing this to me? Why is he torturing me like this? I've made my decision, why can't he just let me be?

'You look me in the eyes and you tell me that you don't love me,' he pleads.

'Why did you have to come back now?' I cry, shoving his hands away from me. Damn him! Damn him for making this near impossible for me.

'I tried Sy… I tried so hard. I need you. I love you. And I know that you love me too,' he implores me. His hand reaches out to me yet again, this time I don't respond.

'I love my family more,' I retort coldly.

I'm about to say more but I'm suddenly interrupted by Amira's voice calling my name from right outside the kitchen door. My blood freezes at the thought of what she would have walked in on, had she been but a minute earlier. Fear hits me as I realise that part of me actually wants that to happen.

'Amira, hi!' I cry out falsely, flicking my eyes back and forth between the man I love and the blurred image of the woman I'm supposed to love at the other side of the door.

'It's our last chance,' Christian says, a look of defeat already slipping into those intense eyes.

'What's up with the door?' Amira's muffled voice comes through the door.

Without thinking, I give her the first lame excuse that pops up into my head.

'I think there's a bottle top wedged underneath,' I improvise, poorly.

Christian closes his eyes, the lines of pain edged sharply on his face. I want to say something, anything, but what can I say? I'm getting married in the morning and nothing is going to change that. I don't want it to. But to see him suffer is the very last thing I want. He should have stayed away. Why didn't he?

Christian steps away from the door and Amira tumbles in. She greets him happily with a quick hug. As she turns to me, Christian's eyes silently plead with me one more time. He doesn't understand that I just cannot do this. Not again. Alright, so I haven't moved on quite as much as I previously thought. But I will. I have to believe that I will… It appears that Christian won't give up that easily though. My words don't seem to get through, which I suspect has something to do with the way he can sense my treacherous heart. My heart that refutes all the insincere words my mouth utters. But although I might not want to let him go, for him to let me go, I simply have to. I have to.

I look in Amira's eyes and say the words I need to say: 'I love you'. Then I lean in and press a tender kiss on her lips. There. Not my hands, not my words but my actions are what's pushing Christian away this time. I close my eyes and keep our lips locked until I hear him leave, softly closing the door behind him.

~s~c~

Sorry about the long wait. You know what encourages me to update soon? That's right, lots and lots of reviews ;-) Or nagging (that's right, I'm looking at you vf *sleep*)