Author's Note: Hey, guys! I know, I'm shocked too. Three updates in a week? Wow! Plus that one-shot I posted up yesterday. Did you guys enjoy it?
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Chapter 32
"So you're telling me that you don't want to move," Dr. Gerandy mused as he made a small note in his notebook.
I had to try hard not to roll my eyes. "That's what I just told you."
"And why not?" He made another note.
"That's what…!" I stopped abruptly, ticked off. This man was the best psychologist in Seattle? Seriously? "That's what I've been telling you for the past half hour, Dr. Gerandy," I said in a forced calm voice.
He had asked me a total of four questions in the past hour and had made a ton of notes when I'd only repeated myself four times. His questions were repetitions of his original inquiry, just worded differently. What was there to write about?
I had half a mind to run out of the room. He had driven over two hours from Seattle to my house to ask me to repeat myself? What were those teachers thinking?
Dr. Gerandy chuckled. "Oh, yes, I'm perfectly aware of that, Bella. My patients usually do get annoyed when I ask them the same question over and over again. But I do that on purpose."
My eyes narrowed. "What, you want me to hear me tell the story, then actually think about the meaning of it as I say it?"
He looked impressed. "Very good, Bella."
"Well, I've already thought long and hard about it," I said. "There's nothing more to it."
He nodded. "I see. And may I ask what your conclusions were?"
"About what?"
"Why don't you tell me about Edward?"
I frowned. "Which one do you want me to tell you? My conclusions or Edward?" This therapy thing was going to be the death of me. I didn't need one.
"Both. Start with Edward, please."
I took a deep breath, trying hard to keep from getting annoyed. I won't let him get to me. I won't.
Dr. Gerandy just smiled, waiting patiently. Oh, this man knew exactly what he was doing. He was here just to annoy me.
"I'm sure my teachers and my father already told you about him. You have notes about him on your notebook right now."
"No, I don't," Dr. Gerandy said innocently. "You're saying that I did a background check on you?"
I glared at him. "Isn't that what psychologists do? And, yes, you do have notes on him."
"No, I don't. What are you talking about?"
I sighed wearily. "I see his name and information on the back of your notebook."
He looked down, and realized that he had flipped the notebook back so that he could write better. He looked amused.
"Very good, Bella," he said, nodding. "You're very smart, I see."
I scoffed and crossed my arms. "Smart? That's common sense. I can read, you know."
He laughed. "Alright, alright. So I did a background check on you. That is what I do, yes. Are you going to hold that against me?"
"Just clarify what part of Edward you want me to explain," I said, bored.
"Very well. Your teachers told me that you two were very close. They're under the impression that you've known each other since you were very young. Just how long back does your relationship go?"
"A long time."
"Quantity?"
"I don't want to use my math brain right now."
"And did you ever suspect that he started liking you before he confessed?"
I paused, surprised by the unexpected question. "No."
"No clues at all?"
I sighed. "I'm sure he gave me clues. I was just too dense to see it. I mean, Alice and Emmett and Rosalie and Jasper found out a long, long time ago, and it wasn't because Edward told them. I guess he was being really obvious."
"Did you ever like him when you were young?"
I thought about it. "I don't think so."
Dr. Gerandy had been scribbling away quickly as he tried to keep up with me. He must be good at taking notes because he stopped and looked up right away. Was he done writing down everything I said already?
"Why did you reject him when he confessed to you?" he asked.
I took my time answering. "Because…I didn't know."
"You didn't know what?"
"I didn't know that I'd fallen for him too," I said. "And…the girl I thought was my friend liked him. And Edward was alone. So I thought I would pair them up."
"Bad idea?" Dr. Gerandy said, smiling kindly.
"I guess so."
"Tell me your conclusions now."
"When I was talking to him and he told me that he was tired of loving me, I thought that meant that he didn't love me anymore," I said, recalling the scene. "I couldn't think straight at the time, so I was a bit… I guess I jumped to weird conclusions.
"But then, thinking it through after I cried, it made sense." I shrugged. "I realized that he knew better than I did that I was still broken and scarred. I needed time alone to handle my situation before I could love him back without any worries."
"And can you accept that?" he asked, raising his eyebrow.
I nodded slowly. "I haven't seen him since, have I? I've been avoiding him. I think I'm adjusting well to that."
"And why have you accepted that?"
"Because I know he's right. After he spelled it out for me, I understood." I sighed wearily. "He knows me better than I know myself."
"Do you have plans to move on from him?"
I shook my head.
Dr. Gerandy studied me for a moment, then changed subjects. "What are you going to do about the custody thing?"
I stifled a snicker. "Custody thing?"
"Bella?"
"Sorry. Um, I don't have a choice."
"Have you tried persuading your parents?"
I snorted. "Where do you think I get my stubborn attitude from? They won't budge. I think I'm just going to have to accept it."
"And how does that make you feel?"
"It makes me feel crappy," I said, annoyed. Couldn't he just deduct that from common sense? Did he have to ask?
"Do you think you can survive high school without your friends?"
"I'll live."
"You don't have to pretend you're strong, Bella," Dr. Gerandy said gently. "Because you're not. Not at the moment. You're quite broken, and a lot of people can see that."
I stared at him, startled. Was I really that much of an open book?
"You'll miss them, I'm sure," Dr. Gerandy continued. "But I think time away from the place that everything bad happened to you is good too. Your mother was very wise."
I exhaled sharply. "Does my session have to be two hours?"
He cocked his head. "Yes."
I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out.
"Let's talk about your plans for the future," he suggested. "What do you want to be?"
"A doctor," I said flatly.
"What kind?"
"I don't know yet."
"What college do you want to go to?"
I hesitated before answering this time. "An Ivy League."
He smiled. "You have big dreams, Bella. That's good. The more you dream, the better you can achieve. Keep dreaming what you want to do. That's another way you can break out of this shell that's keeping you miserable."
I nodded once, stiffly.
"Where does Edward want to go?"
I blew out another sigh. "He doesn't know."
"What does he want to be?"
"He doesn't know that either."
"What pains you the most, Bella?" Dr. Gerandy asked. He asked his questions out of subject order, and the jumping around made me feel slightly bemused. "Your breakup with Edward or your parents' divorce?"
I began to retort that I was never dating Edward in the first place, but then realized that our friendship must be what he meant. I swallowed my words and answered, "Both."
"If you had to choose?"
At that, I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Edward."
"What part of it upsets you so much?"
I stared at him hard. "I'm angry with myself. I keep wondering why I turned him down the first time." I paused, then looked down at my fingers. "Even if I had accepted, do you think he still would've broken up with me?" I asked softly.
"I don't know," Dr. Gerandy said casually. "Do you think so?"
I didn't answer. Because I'd realized the answer as soon as I'd voiced the question.
Yes. Yes, he would have.
Charlie greeted me wearily when I got home. "Where have you been all day?"
"I had that appointment with Dr. Gerandy, remember?" I said, sighing deeply as I plopped down on the couch. "You're home early."
"It was a slow day," he said, joining me. "How was your meeting?"
"Annoying. I don't like him."
He laughed halfheartedly. "You're just annoyed that you're going through therapy at all."
"I wanna quit."
"You can't, not for three more weeks. I think it was a good idea."
I rolled my eyes. "I told you. I'm not going to be suicidal again."
Charlie turned on the TV but put it on mute. He stared at the moving figures blankly. "I'll really miss you when you're gone, Bells."
"You can always tell Renee that you change your mind about letting her have me," I suggested innocently.
He looked at me. "Nuh-uh."
"Why?" I asked. "Why are you sending me away?"
"Because I know it'll be good for you. Just don't think, Bella. Just for, like, I don't know, a year. Until you've graduated from Florida."
I sighed again. It was hard, knowing that I would leave it all behind. And it would be hard to say goodbye too. To my friends and family. To Edward, not that I would talk to him before I left.
"So…how's Edward doing?"
"I don't know," I said. "I haven't talked to him."
"But you see him."
"What's your point?" I asked him.
"You don't seem like you're grieving for him," Charlie mused. "You look…normal. And that sort of rattles me."
I smiled slightly. "I miss him. But…I think he needs space too. I can give him that. And besides, I see him every day. That's enough for now."
AN: So…leave me lots of love!
