Hours I spent watching him, I laid him out on the couch. I cover him with a soft blanket and watch from different vantage points. The open bedroom door as I change into loose jeans and a t-shirt, from the kitchen as my bare feet barely register the cool tiles. Out of the corner of my eye as I pretend to take in the view over the lake while the sun rises. Finally I give in when he rolls over facing the back of the couch. I sit on the edge of the coffee table and my fingers hover over his shoulder when his his breathing is shallow, his breath hitches and I pull back suddenly. My hand doesn't stay still long though I move to his hair. His wild hair has always been and obsession of mine. They move slowly down and I think how often I wanted to know what it felt like. Did it out weigh the times I wanted to know why I cared?
Just a strand or two I finally touch it. The wild wave licking his neck, the one between the S and the O. Gently I let it slide between my fingers. He sighs as my hand lightly touches his skin. I let a silent curse slip through my mind. I force myself to stand and move away from him.
I find myself standing in front of the mirror in the bedroom. I don't focus on my reflection though. My sight is drawn down to the silver frame that has been there for the past ten years. The one reason I should not be back here, the reason this is feeling like cheating.
'Or were you cheating with me?' it is a whisper from nowhere, the voice to familiar to deny though. Together so long and knew each other to well. We finished each others thoughts out loud and called B.S. On sight. I'm not sure if he is here or my brain is fried but what ever it is I give the thought pause.
I look again at the picture, his pale face that later burned so badly. The long pale blond hair, normally pulled back so neatly in his leather band whipping around us. His crystal eyes shining with the love he always had for me. It was so easy with us, he and I moved without any stumbles, worked in sync. Never a conflict never a real fight. I can hear him chuckle at that. So easy. A tune pays through my head, a favorite of his, he played it many times over the years.
The voice of his rings out as if he was in the room, 'In every heart, there is a room. A sanctuary safe from harm.'
I lay the frame face down and take leave from my watch to shower.
