Author's Note: What's up, y'all? It's been a while...and it's incredibly late...but here it is! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Chapter 36
Bella's Point of View
I didn't go back to my room. Instead, I wandered around aimlessly, sightseeing the campus. In order to distract myself, I forced myself to think about something other than Edward and Elise.
It worked. My began to gnaw on my bottom lip after a while, worried. What was I going to do about my major? Should I go on to pre-med like I had planned? Or did I want to do something else?
I sat down on an empty bench under a shady tree slowly, thinking hard.
I knew I would select my major during my sophomore year. But it was never too early to start thinking about it.
I had prepared for this all through my high school career. I had taken all the required courses in science and math, and had even joined in clubs and extracurricular activities where it was medical related.
If I chose to major in something else just because I'd lost my motivation, I would've wasted my four years in high school. But then again, maybe not. I would never regret all the work and effort I put in schoolwork. I had graduated as the valedictorian. It would be good to have some experience in different fields.
The question was, what else did I have interest in?
The road to being a doctor was a lot of hard work. A lot of money, a lot of time and effort. Did I have what it took to become one?
Someone came and sat next to me quietly, on the other side of the bench. He was far away from me, so I took no notice. Maybe he just wanted a place to sit.
What if I did choose to do pre-med and I found out that I didn't like it halfway through? What if I wanted to quit because it was too hard? It was a lot of commitment. I didn't know if I could do it.
I wished Carlisle was here with me. I missed him, but I also wanted advice. He was a doctor I knew personally, and he had always given me wise advice whenever I needed encouragement. I just felt anxious without his comforting presence.
"You don't have to look like that, you know."
Startled, I looked at the person next to me and saw that Edward had joined me. "Edward."
He smiled at me tentatively. "You don't have to look so miserable. Elise didn't mean to upset you. She's just…blunt."
I just stared at him, wondering what he was talking about. Then, it hit me. Oh, right. I'd stalked out of the cafeteria, upset. "Oh, I'm not thinking about that."
"Then what could've gotten you to look that upset?" he asked in a soft, teasing voice.
I looked ahead at the buildings. "I'm just…worried."
"About?"
I couldn't help but smiling slightly. His tone reminded me of when we were younger. Edward had always been there to help me through my troubles. He'd ask me gently what my problem was, and he'd help me walk through it. It was like nothing had changed.
"College," I admitted.
He laughed once, amused. "We always used to talk about college. Where you wanted to go, what you wanted to be. You'd always pester me about making up my mind. I should have a dream. I should have a college I wanted to attend to. I can't believe we're all grown up now, and we're in college. I guess I did make a decision."
I nodded slowly. "UW is a good school. You picked well."
"It was hard," he admitted. "You know, without you there. We always discuss things with each other. Maybe we should've delayed our fighting. Then we could've discussed where we got accepted and congratulate each other."
He sounded wistful. I glanced at him, bemused. I could still see the way he looked at me. The lust and the affection. Had nothing changed for him either? What about Elise?
"What are you so worried about?" he asked softly. "Tell me. I miss being your counselor." He smiled playfully.
I laughed. Then, I shrugged. "Just…what I'm going to major in."
"I thought you wanted to be a doctor." He was looking straight ahead, looking relaxed and content. I could tell he liked talking to me. It comforted him. "Or did you change your mind?"
"I don't know," I sighed. "I kind of…lost confidence when I graduated. I took all those extra science and math classes to get ahead, so that I already took what was required to become a doctor. But now…I just lost the motivation. I keep thinking about how hard it's going to be if I did pre-med, and went on to med school. I felt so sure about my dream until…" I shook my head.
He was quiet for a moment. Then, he said, "I think I can understand that. So what's your alternative?"
"Alternative?" I mused. "No alternative. I don't know what else I could be interested in."
He looked thoughtful. But before he could say anything more, I quickly changed the subject. "What about you? Have you decided what you want to be yet?"
He chuckled. "You know me. Always procrastinating. I thought I might just, you know, wing it."
I sighed disapprovingly, making him grin sheepishly.
"I really missed you, Bella," he said softly.
His words made my insides warm up. I could hear the sincerity in his voice, in his eyes. He was sitting far away from me at the edge of the bench, but I'd known him for years. I could just tell by his body posture and restless fingers that he was itching to sit closer.
"I missed you too," I replied. "A lot."
He smiled, looking happier. "Really?"
"Of course," I said softly. "I don't know how I survived without you."
He was staring at me. I was watching a group walk by, laughing loudly and shoving each other playfully.
I sighed. I was getting uncomfortable. He probably wasn't ready to accept me yet, even if I was all healed up from my parents' divorce and the betrayal of my so-called friend. I'd done what I was supposed to do, the reason he'd rejected me in the first place. Maybe we should stay friends for now, like we always were. We were both comfortable with that, I knew.
I smiled sadly and changed the subject. "So…tell me about Elise. You two seemed close."
Confusion, then hurt flashed across his face. "Bella, it's not like that."
"Not like what?" I asked. "I'm just curious about her. She must be a good person if you decided to befriend her."
He was silent. Then, he said flatly, "What do you want to know?"
I leaned back, feeling drained of energy. "Tell me…how you met her."
He was frowning in disapproval but he obliged. "Elise came to Forks a couple weeks after senior year began. She looked lost. I was going to walk past her, but I…thought of you."
"You thought of me?" I said, just as flatly. How was I anything similar to Elise?
"Don't misunderstand," he said. "It's just…if there was anything I learned from you in all the years I've known you, it was to be kind and help whenever you can. And I was missing you like crazy. So I just…helped. I knew that you would've done it."
My heart softened at the words. "Good," I said quietly. "At least you were learning from me."
He laughed. "Elise and I grew close. I was missing you more than ever, and I just needed someone to fill up that spot. I was lonely, and I was regretting that I didn't even try to persuade you from leaving. And she…she helped me through it by keeping me company."
He hesitated, then went on. "At one point, she showed interest in me, but I turned her down. She accepted it and agreed to stay friends. She's very affectionate toward me in public, but it's nothing more than her personality. She's very…cheerful…and perky. Worse than Alice." He gave a short laugh.
I couldn't help but feel a twinge in my heart. I found it hard to believe. Elise was pretty and cute, nice and affectionate. I couldn't believe that he didn't have feelings for her.
"She has a boyfriend," Edward added a little sharply, correctly interpreting my silence and expressionless face. "Adam is very…protective."
I laughed humorlessly. "So…what? He would kill you if you even looked at her?"
"It's not like that, Bella," he sighed. "Adam knows that I wouldn't look at his girlfriend. We've been friends for a while. He knows me. I…" He frowned, cutting himself off. "Never mind."
I sighed. I closed my eyes and savored the moment, capturing it and storing it in my memory. If Edward and I weren't mean to be...at least I could enjoy our time as friends together.
AN: Short chapter, I know. But hey, at least it was something. Reviews?
