''Does it hurt?'' Severide said, not letting go the upper arm of Casey, afraid he was going to faint. Casey was sitting up in the bed, supporting him with his own arms. ''Yeah, it hurts.'' He panted than, laying back down. Severide held up the cup of water for Casey, but he was staring out of the window, wandering off with his thoughts.
''I wish the bullet had hit me in the head.'' He suddenly mumbled, gritting his teeth.
''Hallie wasn't nice to you?'' Casey looked back at him, frowned. ''It has nothing to do with Hallie, she was really nice to me, I just wish I was dead instead of paralyzed.''
Severide opened his mouth, shaking his head; ''How can you say that? Why would you rather be dead? Nothing changes.''
''Everything changes! I am never going to walk again, in case you hadn't realized!'' Casey yelled.
Severide slapped his hand on his upper leg. ''Finally you show some actual emotion, let' stick with that.'' Casey wanted to yell again, but was surprised by what Severide had said. ''What?'' He said, surprised.
''I know you are angry, and you have the right to be, but as long as you just keep mumbling and calm, that anger really isn't going to get out.''
''Well, I did have a way to lose my anger and temper, which was being a fire fighter. I don't think I am in the possibility to do that. But I am not going to yell at you.''
''Find another way, as long as the boys don't get what they deserve, I know you are one hell of an angry person.''
''Have you seen the boys?'' Casey said, calm now.
''We have seen them walking around as always; Hermann said he was going to kick them with their faces into the sewer, Otis and Mouch had to hold him. But don't worry, those guys are really going to get what they deserve.''
''I bet Hermann wouldn't have done it. But I know, they won't get away with this. The police has been here to question me multiple times and they also said that they couldn't get away, that I am standing very strong – so to speak – since they found the gun.''
Of course, of all people, it had been Antonio questioning him. He had to give Antonio's regards to Dawson, but he hadn't heard anything of Dawson yet. His crew kept texting him the whole day, as Shay did and Severide had kept his promise to visit him again today, chief Boden had called him earlier this afternoon, but Dawson hadn't contacted him in anyway, which somehow hurt him, since he trusted her.
''Matt, your phone is ringing.''
''Oh, yeah'' he said, while he had been a little absent with is mind. He grabbed it from the blanket, and said yes, named his room number. ''Boden, he is coming up now.'' He said to Severide, laying his phone down with shaking hands. ''Do you think I have to tell him?''
Severide thought for a moment. ''You should. I guess you want to tell him alone, so I will see you next time.'' Casey nodded. ''Thanks again, Kelly. Hope to see you soon again.''
''Make that tomorrow.'' He smiled while walking out. Although Matthew was silent most of the time, that he even seemed nervous sometimes, he really liked spending his time with Matthew. He walked in the hallway, seeing Boden walking up to him. ''How is he?'' Severide shrugged. ''Go inside and ask him yourself, he probably knows better how is.''
It wasn't meant as an insult to Boden, or rude, but he was done with people asking how Matthew was, instead of asking them himself, they kept coming to him and it wasn't that he didn't want to be a messenger, but he was sure Matthew liked to talk to people himself, even if it was to feel less alone.
…
''Hi Chief.''
''Hey Casey.''
It seemed strange, seeing his chief in casual clothes.
''First of all, how are you?''
''I am…okay.'' He swallowed. ''Chief, I have had some bad news.''
''What is it?''
''The damage is permanent. '' Casey looked down to the blanket, biting his lip. he had no idea what he had to do or say now. Boden just laid his on his shoulder, not saying anything.
''I am sorry, Casey. I am sorry you had to be running there. That I had to be inside.''
''I am sorry I didn't tell you this morning, but I couldn't.''
''I understand…what now?''
Casey looked back at him; ''I can't sit up right now because of the wound in my back, when I can I have to go in rehabilitation, afterwards I just have to sit out my life.
''Why sit out your life?''
''There is nothing left for me to be if I am not a fire fighter.'' He didn't even know why he said it is so honest for Boden, he hadn't even dared to say that to Severide, afraid Severide would think that he was weak, which was how he felt about it all.
''Don't feel that way, even if you might feel useless, you are not, you will never be. ''
''But I feel I am.'' He tried to keep his emotions inside, but the long day had tired him out and the pain in his back was killing him. He felt ashamed as the tears rolled down his cheeks. ''Calm down, it is okay.'' Boden mumbled, rubbing his over Casey's shoulder. Boden looked to floor, feeling awful. Maybe, if he hadn't been inside the station so late, Matt wouldn't have interfered. No, he always would have interfered, wetter there was a light burning in the station or not. After a few minutes the sobbing went silent and when he looked up, he saw Casey asleep. Slowly he stood up, pulling the blanket a little higher, so it covered Casey's arms and walked out, whispering; ''I am so sorry, kid.''
…
''It is actually funny that you think you have choice.'' Severide pushed the wheelchair to the elevator.
''But I look awful. I have been lying in bed for nearly two weeks, I don't want everybody to see me like this.''
''I think you look flawless. Especially for the opening of Molly's, it is just a pub. Plus we should celebrate you are leaving the hospital tomorrow.''
Casey turned his head as far as he could. ''Yeah, but I still have to rehabilitate. Don't feel up to celebrating that. ''
Severide rolled his eyes overly dramatic and pushed at the button to the entrance floor.
''Your pessimistic remarks are just like gassing up my car, don't like it but can't get around it.''
''You could take the bus, just like leaving me alone.''
''You'd miss me.''
''Oh shut up.''
Severide pushed him out of the elevator, smiling. They had reached the state of friendship in which they could make jokes about each other. Except for the evenings Hallie had been here, he had been here every evening, laughing about their own dry humour and telling him what was happening in fire house 51. When they reached the entrance Casey suddenly stopped wheels, Severide bumping into the wheelchair. ''Did you invite her?'' He looked at Hallie, who didn't look at them, but at her phone.
''You are a pretty prince and all, but I am looking for a pretty princess. Now, be a knight.'' Severide pushed his wheelchair forward and Casey stopped it, hesitating for a moment, wheeling to Hallie then. ''H-hey Hallie'' He stuttered, smiling at her. ''Matt! How are you feeling?''
''I am good.'' He smiled. ''You look great.''
''So do you. Didn't know you still had this one.'' She smiled, pointing at the Bruce Springsteen shirt he was wearing under his jacket. ''I didn't chose it.'' He knew she didn't like his band shirts, but there weren't any plain left in the shirts Severide had taken for him and he didn't want to ask him to go get more shirts.
''Well, let's go, before we are late.'' She started pushing the wheelchair, he was happy she did, although he felt helpless, but after two weeks in bed, he felt pretty weak instead of rested. ''How are we going to get there?'' He asked then. ''I can't get in the car myself. '''While he said that, he felt a kind of pain going to through his chest, which he felt every time he realised he couldn't do. ''I will help you in.'' He looked to the ground, embarrassed. He felt stupid that Hallie had to help him the car, while he was the one that should be protecting her. He wasn't even sure what their relationship was at the moment. They had only talked about her time in South Africa, why she had returned and about their breakup, but nothing was said about why they were even seeing each other again. When they reached Hallie's car.
''Are you sure you can help me in?'' He looked up to Hallie, didn't want to be a burden to her.
''I am a doctor, remember?'' She put the wheelchair on the break, opening the car door and carefully lifting him up. ''Does it hurt?'' She asked, not sure if she hurt his scar. ''No, it doesn't.'' He said when he sat in the chair sideways, trying to pull his legs in. It took him all the time until Hallie sat down in the car after she had put the wheelchair in the back.
''So, are you exited to see the other guys again?''
''I am not exited, nervous.'' He looked at here, shocked that he just said it out loud.
''Why are you nervous?'' She frowned at him, looking back at the road immediately.
''I just…I am afraid for their reaction.'' He said, not even knowing exactly why he was so nervous. He was scared that everybody would act weird, or that he had to talk about the shooting all night long. He didn't feel comfortable in his own body, as he couldn't feel most of it.
''Matthew, don't be nervous, just have a great evening.''
''Thank you for taking me with you.''
''My pleasure.'' She smiled at him and it immediately reminded him to the time they were dating in high school.
…..
''Casey!'' Otis was the first one who spotted him, suddenly his whole crew was standing around and he was giving hands and high-fives all around. There was a beer handed to him, which he passed to Hermann, not drinking alcohol. ''So happy to see you.'' He finally saw Dawson, standing behind the bar, looking at him.
''Finally out of the hospital?'' Hermann asked while they went to the bar.
''Yes, I am going to the rehabilitation centre tomorrow.''
''The one on 87th street?'' Casey nodded.
''What do you want for drink?'' Dawson bow forward at the bar. ''Just a coke.'' She didn't even look at him, avoided his eyes when she put down the glass. ''Still had to give you Antonio's regards, but I since I hadn't heard anything from you, I didn't want to bother you with it.'' She didn't react, forming an unpleasant silence.
''The pub looks great, congratulations on the opening.'' He said then, as Otis also walked behind the bar, to all three at once. ''Thank you. Glad to have you here.'' Otis smiled, while Dawson just nodded. ''Did I kill your dog or something?'' He suddenly frowned, as he wanted to know what he had done wrong to Dawson. She put the glass she was cleaning on the bar with a loud sound and pushed the cloth in Otis hands, walking away.
''She broke up with Mills, he blamed her for having feelings for you.'' Sure, he was absolutely craving for a love triangle in the situation he was in.
''Is she blaming me for it now?''
''She is woman.'' Otis shrugged. ''I can give you the complete encyclopaedia on understanding woman, but I would need to borrow your pick-up.''
''It is for sale, in case you want it.'' He said trying to smile.
''Why are you selling it? You love that pick up!'' Hermann burst out next to him.
Casey spread his arms, looking at his legs. ''It costs more to get hand controls built in that pick-up than to sell it and buy a new vehicle.''
''I am sorry, Casey, Shay said that your legs could still-'' Hermann muttered, before being interrupted by Otis.
''Sold. Just tell me the price.'' Otis said, holding out his hand.
''Otis, you don't have to-''
''I want it, just name the price.''
''You can look at it first, make an offer.'' Otis nodded. ''That's okay.''
Casey took a sip of his coke, looked around for Hallie, who was talking to Shay and Severide, whom were sitting at a table in the corner.
''So, are you guys back together?''
Casey shrugged. ''I don't know, I like being with her, but I don't think she feels the same, I can't imagine us getting back together.''
''She can't keep her eyes off you, trust me. She has been looking at you nearly all the time since you arrived, even you can't see it.'' Otis said, who could see her clearly sitting at the table.
The door opened and Casey looked at the group walking in. His heart seemed to skip a beat when he saw who was walking in front of Antonio and some other cops. Voight. He had a hard time turning the wheelchair so that he faced Voight, looking up to the man, immediately ready to defence himself.
''Mr. Casey, hadn't expected to see you outside of the hospital.''
''Hadn't expected to see you out of jail.''
''I am currently working on your case. Wetter you like it or not.''
''Must hurt to see somebody paralyzed and that it wasn't your son.''
Hallie came walking up to them together with Severide and Shay. ''Calm down Casey, he is really helping you, they are going to get those boys soon.'' Herman said, laying his hands on Casey's shoulders.
''He is right, I am really just working on your case.'' Voight said, raising his hands.
''Do you have any idea when the boys finally will get arrested?''
''If we knew where they are, we would have them by now. But they haven't been seen for the last eight days. We are looking for them.''
''Good, I hope they will be found soon.'' Voight nodded. ''I am sure we will, the best man are on it.''
…..
The rain was dripping on the windshield when they drove back to the hospital. ''Thank you for taking me out tonight.'' Hallie parked the car. ''You are welcome'' She smiled at him, slowly he bend her way, wanting to kiss her. But she backed away, turning her head away. ''Matt, no.''
He opened the car door, wanting to step out, sighing deep. ''Could you at least help me out of the car?''
She stepped out the car, helping him back in the wheelchair, dry under the roof by the entrance.
''I am sorry Matt.'' She said, when he turned around without saying something to her.
''Matt! Wait, I am sorry! I just…don't think we can build a life together. Being a doctor is my profession, I don't know if I can do it in a relationship.''
''Fine.'' He said gloomy, going inside. When he finally arrived in his room he was exhausted, could just manage pulling himself on the bed. How could he even have hoped that Hallie would come back to him?
NOTE: Will they find the boys? How will it end with Hallie? Hope you are looking forward.
Long chapter this time, I hope you like it. I know the opening of the bar takes place in the series AFTER Hallie passes, but not in my universe, although I keep following the story line here and there.
Please, please, please review. It really makes me happy and encourages me, which makes me write faster and more! I could really use some feedback!
Thanks for reading!
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