A/N: You guys are awesome! Thank you so much! I'm so glad you're enjoying this

Many thanks to Shelbylou - who I wrote this for as a birthday present - for urging me to post it here.

Story Note: Let's just pretend that computer screens don't lock up automatically after so much time of being idle.


"Tim?" The older man was careful not to use his agent's last name out of caution and concern.

Tim looked away from the group of seemingly single young professional men that had come in an hour ago and had yet to make a pass or act intimate towards anyone, in shock as the bottom fell out of his world. "Boss? Oh, God. Boss, I…" his stammer while endearing, was so full of worry it couldn't help but bring concern.

"Relax, Tim." Gibbs urged as he slid into the booth across from his agent before he'd even thought to ask if Tim minded. "Youre not in trouble."

Tim turned beet red and looked back down at the beer he'd been nursing for the past hour and a half. He hadn't wanted to drink, and couldn't bring himself to even attempt it. But, he'd wanted to be found here even less and never by the one person he couldn't get off his mind.

"What are you doin' in a gay bar, Tim?" the boss asked calmly, his expression unreadable. "DiNozzo put you up to a dare again?"

"No. Took him six years, but I think he finally got the message about staying out of my personal business. " Tim replied bitterly. The younger man's tone changed to that of quiet resignation as he tried to avoid the issue as well as the older man's eyes."My being here's not something you'd understand, Boss."

"What's not to understand? The need to escape? Why else do you think I spent years building boats in my basement?" Gibbs asked dryly while he was still processing this new development. Somewhere down deep, he'd known this was coming, but still, the point of first impact was shocking.

"Oh." Tim replied almost in a whisper. "That makes sense."

"Doesn't explain why you're here, Tim. What happened to your online games?" Gibbs carefully set out on this fishing expedition with good reason. He needed to know what had driven this non-drinking, normally private young man here.

Tim shook his head. How could he explain that he'd stopped playing those games almost a year ago when they no longer provided him with the escape he needed? It had never become clear to him if he'd let things build up too much for them to work their magic anymore or he was tired of giving Tony ammunition to tease him mercilessly about his hobby or what the reason was. All he knew was that he hadn't logged on to one of those in so long, he was sure he'd forgotten his passwords.

"Stopped workin' for ya?" the question was almost an observation in a most conversational tone that kept Tim receptive to answering the boss' questions without becoming skittish or reminded of where they were and just how unnatural this situation was.

"A long time ago." Tim admitted quietly as he gently turned his beer glass in slow circles, his eyes finding the process of the rotating glass more fascinating with every passing minute.

"Haven't seen a book from you since we solved Petty's murder." Another calm observation that pointed out yet another one of Tim's former means of escape had been shed like a snake's second skin. "Matter of fact, I don't recall seeing that second one ever get published either."

No wonder he felt so vulnerable. Tim's eyes slammed shut. This was a subject he'd refused to think about or even discuss for so long, but obviously not long enough since it still sent a sliver of pain lancing through his heart and a physical shudder through his body. It didn't matter how much had changed between him and Abby since that awful night. The fact that they'd almost lost her to that lunatic because of Tim's writing was something the younger man was never gonna be able to forgive himself for; just as the innocent lives that were lost because of it were still with him every day.

But none of that was even what was at the front of Tim's mind; hadn't been for a long time now and even now, was only traipsing through his memory as a guest of Gibbs' conversation. No, this past month had been extremely rough because there'd been a new level to Tim's emotional roller coaster ride; one he couldn't quite figure out and wasn't even sure was real or just a dream. The fact that it had hit him from out of nowhere had left him breathless until he'd been able to admit to himself what 'it' was. It had been scary to recognize that it was even there and even scarier to admit he wanted it and everything it represented.

Suddenly, Tim felt trapped with his escape from his restless and confused thoughts now thwarted and his comfort zone breached. He needed to get out. Thanking his lucky stars that he hadn't had any more of that beer than a sip, he got to his feet. "I need some air," he murmured as he turned to walk away before his nerve deserted him. He and Gibbs right here; right now; having this conversation was just too surreal for words and it wasn't doing anything to help him figure things out.

Watching Tim leave, obviously not comfortable in the current situation, Gibbs was still quick to follow him outside; unwilling to leave him without a wing man in a strange neighborhood in the middle of the night; especially when he was obviously thrown off balance. Unfortunately, he wasn't quick enough to keep things from going downhill between himself and his agent as he watched Tim get into the blue car he'd parked in front of and throw his head back against the seat, blowing out air in a puff of frustration.

Tim felt the walls closing in around him as he made a beeline for his car, even out here in the open air as he tried to breathe through the panic that had risen up within his chest at the sight of the boss finding him here tonight. He'd tried to keep his private chaos away from work these last few weeks, since he had no desire to be the butt of Tony's jokes or on the recieving end of Ziva's disdain or Abby's ironic declarations that because she loved him it should be enough or worse, her laughter at his expense.

But the biggest fear Tim had been hiding from, was Gibbs reaction. He feared the man losing respect for him or trust in him or even being angry with him about this. It wasn't even a question of bigotry or any other negative slur that usually got tossed around when someone thought badly of another person because of what they believed or chose to pursue in life. No, Tim knew that if Gibbs became aware of the current chaos that had overtaken his personal life, the man would be kicking him so far off the team, Tim would probably find himself up on the moon before he came down for a landing thanks to the DADT attitude on the Yard and Gibbs' need not to make enemies among higher circles in which he had to work closely; for the sake of the agency.

None of it was anything Tim wanted to risk or experience. He wasn't looking to shake up anyone's world or their perception of him within their sphere of that world. Breathing out a sigh of deep frustration, Tim opened his eyes, stuck the key in the ignition – and felt his heart slam up into his chest at the sight of Gibbs standing at his car window, waiting for him to let his window down and talk to him. Forcing himself to calm his breathing down, Tim turned the key enough that he could hit the down button for the window. "Boss?" he croaked out.

"Think we need to talk, Tim."

****NCIS****

As Tim entered his apartment some thirty minutes later, with Gibbs on his tail, the younger man made a beeline for the kitchen, desperately in need of some coffee and fairly positive that Gibbs was too. As he stood there lost in thought, his shaking hands still working on setting up the coffee, all he could think of was how in the hell was he supposed to explain this to the boss?

Where was he gonna get shipped to now that the cat was outta the bag and how soon should he be putting in his resignation? Blinking, he brought his mind back to the present as he finished putting the rather strong pot of coffee on, that he could just barely tolerate and Gibbs would appreciate. Tim was so caught up in his troubled thoughts, he hadn't even realized that Gibbs hadn't joined him in the kitchen.

Wandering back out to his living room, he was brought up short at the sight of his boss sitting in front of his laptop, the screen no longer grey in sleep mode, but now colorful and explicit as the last site Tim had been researching…when he'd given up researching… oh, crap!

"This what you want, Tim?" the older man asked him quietly as he finally looked up at him, his expression finally readable as it clearly showed not censure but concern. "This really what you're looking for?"

"It's just research, Boss." Tim deflected the question as he wearily leaned back against the wall facing his computer, his eyes glued to the floor at his feet.

"Wasn't the question, Tim." Gibbs asserted in his still quiet but now firm with just enough authority to ensure an honest answer.

"I'm not sure. Not sure of anything right now. All I know is that I'm tired of being trampled on every time I get back in the ring. So far my only other choice outside of being taken to the cleaners or targeted for assassination has been to settle for being duped by Tony posing as a woman online or being loved like puppies by Abby – and even that's only on her good days!"

"Doesn't explain this." Gibbs pointed to the computer screen which now depicted a web sited devoted to the explanation of Bondage and Discipline / Dominance and Submission / Sadism and Masochism – How To Be A sub , A.K.A. Slave to a Master

"I'm tired of feeling used." The young man admitted bitterly, his eyes flashing not only the intense betrayal but also the soul-wrenching hurt.

"You don't think this will give you that 'feeling used' feeling, Tim?" Gibbs' tone softened in light of his youngest agent's heart-wrenching honest admission of pain that had obviously started him on this shocking if not unhealthy quest.

"At least I'd get something out of it this way. Like I said, I don't know what I want right now. All I've done is pull up the site. Haven't even done a whole lot of reading up on it yet and sure as heck haven't exactly been stupid enough to go check out one of those places or put an ad in the paper asking to be one yet. I'm smart enough to know I need to read up on it first before I do anything. Besides, Tony's always acusing me of being gay so I might as well give a shot, right?" he threw out there flippantly, tears of frustration and deep-seated rejection finally coming to the surface after months of suppression.

Suddenly angry, embarrassed and humiliated at having lost his temper or to even be having this conversation with Gibbs, no less, Tim retreated back to his kitchen. The coffee had to be ready by now because damn it, he really needed a drink right now. Damn, I wish I had some hard liquer right about now! I should have drank myself under the table while I had the chance!

"Tim." Gibbs gentle voice spoke from the kitchen doorway.

Shocked to hear that tone from the boss now, Tim turned towards the older man to let him know he was listening to what he had to say even if he couldn't bring himself to look the man in the eye. That tone of voice always pulled at Tim's heartstrings. Come to think of it, hearing the boss say his given name always did weird things to his insides. Why was Gibbs only using his first name right now? Come to think of it, he'd been doing that since finding me in that club earlier tonight. Guess I really did screw up this time!

"Tim, look at me."

The gentle voice continued to keep him off balance. Swallowing hard, he did as he'd been directed, finally raising his eyes up off the floor and looking at the man he'd been dreaming about; the object of his secret fantasies, directly on, not even sure what his own expression might be giving away to the man who never missed very much.

"I won't let you get caught up in believing you need to be someone's sub." The promise spoken in that still gentle tone almost Tim's undoing as he felt fresh tears prickle at the back of his eyelids. Blinking hard, he fought them off and tried to process what the boss was really saying.

It was weird enough having this conversation with this man to begin with, almost surreal. Tim felt so off balance, he literally sounded off with the first thing that came to his mind, muttering it half under his breath. "Better than nothing at all."

A deep sigh of frustration sounded in the space between them. "Is that what you really think, Tim?" Gibbs had come to stand beside him, still looking at him with a compassion rarely seen in the man's eyes.

"I don't know what to think anymore." Tim admitted quietly, his heart in his voice and in his eyes.

"With all the heartache you've gone through, that's understandable." Gibbs offered calmly.

The younger man's eyes closed in humiliation.

"Hey." The quiet call for attention had Tim's eyes finding those of his boss before he could even think about holding back.

"Not judging you here." Gibbs planted a comforting hand on Tim's shoulder.

Feeling like he'd just been handed a reprieve, Tim smiled softly for a brief moment before that smile slipped back into hiding and the guarded mask came back to the front,

"Need you to promise me something." Gibbs kept pushing without heat, his hand still on Tim's shoulder.

"Depends on what it is, Boss." Tim warned with equal quietness since he meant no disrespect or contradiction.

"Want you to give me your word that you won't go to any of the places you find in your research without me."

"What? Why?" Tim asked in shock, locking eyes with the older man when his eyes flew to his automatically.

"Always a flip side to every coin, Tim. Do whatever research you need to on both sides of this before you step foot in any of them and when you feel you're ready to go look into this, call me. I'll go with you, no questions asked." Gibbs gently instructed in that authoritative tone that made it half order and half request because he was looking out for one of his people's best interests.

Tim was floored. Gibbs? Doing THIS for him? He knew his disbelief was probably sitting as plain as day on his face, but he couldn't help how he felt.

"I get that you don't understand why this is so important." Gibbs made no bones about being completely honest with this. This was too important to hide behind the normal walls of silence and remaining so tough no one thought you were human.

"To you." Tim quietly clarified the specifics of where his confusion lie.

"You need a wing man on this, Tim." Gibbs pushed as he put a comforting hand back on Tim's shoulder. "One will keep you safe without judging or criticizing you "

"God, Boss." Tim muttered, feeling completely laid bare and vulnerable. How could he have left himself so open like this as to let Gibbs of all people see exactly what was tearing him apart like this? "Talking to you about this just doesn't seem real." He whispered "I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop."

"What shoe, Tim?" Gibbs asked quietly as he deliberately continued to use Tim's first name to keep things compassionate and open between them. The Team Leader wanted so badly to take this lost young man into his arms and comfort him; to shoulder the burden of those negative feelings that were obviously weighing Tim down; judgements he didn't deserve to experience, but had obviously already convinced himself were just waiting for him to take that first step into exploration before falling down on his head.

"I dunno, disgust, disappointment, anger, maybe." Tim admitted.

"That what you think I'd give you for a personal choice that's no one's business but your own?" Gibbs asked sadly, disappointment obvious in his tone.

"More like what I've been afraid of. Afraid to hope otherwise." Came the soul-baring response.

Gibbs crooked his finger under Tim's chin and lifted it up until his agent had to look him in the eye. "Told you I'm not judging you, Tim. Not my place to do that when I've been where you are."