''Jesus Matthew.''

Severide was shacking when he sat down at his friend's bedside, looking at the pale face that was lying in the pillows. His face seemed the one of young boy sleeping. The whole drive to the hospital had been a blur and now he was sitting here in complete silence. His eyes seemed to stray to the gauzed wrists every now and then, immediately turning his head away.

The door opened behind him. He turned around, to see Hallie peeking in. He jumped up immediately, pushing her back on the hallway, closing the door.

''What do you think you are doing here?'' He frowned, looking her into the eyes.

''I wanted to see how Matthew is.'' She looked up to him, her eyebrows bowing, as if she was trying to convince him.

''Why do you suddenly care? You left him in the first place.'' Severide said, still standing the doorway.

''I do care about him. '' Severide shook his head, even more mad at Hallie.

''No, you obviously don't if you can just dump him when he needs your support the most.'' Severide turned around, Hallie still with her mouth opened to say something. Slowly he walked back to the room, waiting for Hallie to respond, but she didn't. Instead he could hear her heels walking away over the hallway. Without looking back at her he walked back in the room.

The bird flew by the window. Severide looked at it, tossing his phone from one hand in another. He had called Boden to tell him what Casey had done. He had been stuttering, mumbling, trying to make complete sentences, but he couldn't face the fact that Casey hadn't lied when he had said that he'd rather be dead than paralyzed, although he had thought Casey had been angry, unreasonable when he had yelled it at him two weeks ago. But to be honest, Severide himself didn't want to think about what he would do when it had happened to him. It was good when all of the boys would finally get their punishments, but it wasn't changing anything for Matt, except he maybe could get some closure, but he was still paralyzed. Boden had been more than just shocked, promising him that he wouldn't tell anybody at the station. He had given him the whole day off to wait for Matthew to wake up.

How could he have even believed Matthew when eh had said that he didn't need to see a therapist, that he was fine? Nobody would be fine after something like this and he believed it. He was a fool, a bad friend actually.

He sighed, still looking at the birds flying by, they were free while he was sitting here in the most tese situation he had even been. His attention was pulled away from the window when he saw Matthew was looking at him.

''How are you feeling?'' Severide asked, worried.

''Disappointed.'' Matthew grumbled.

''As do I.'' Severide said back, immediately. He wasn't going to spend another conversation in pity. He was going to be honest.

''You don't understand.'' Matthew said, weak, slower by every word. ''I don't want to live life like this.''

''And I don't want you to either, but it just how it happened and death isn't going to make it any better.''

Matthew frowned. ''Want to switch places?''

''No! Where is rational, realistic Matthew, where has he gone? Please ask him to come back.''

Matthew turned his head away.

''Go.''

''No, I am staying here.''

Severide crossed his arms, not moving for a bit.

''Who found me?'' Matthew suddenly broke the silence.

''Your roommate. Great way to meet somebody.''

''If you are only here to judge me and be sarcastic, please just go.''

Severide shook his head as Matthew looked back at him.

''I am not going. I promised to be here for you and you just have to accept that help, like it or not.''

Meanwhile, at Molley's the men of truck 81 had gathered after their shift. Otis was leaning against a familiar pick-up.

''You really know a man for everything, right? Is there something you can't get done?'' Hermann said, looking into the pick-up

Otis smiled. ''Save a lot of numbers in your phone, it all might become handy one day. ''

''Are you sure the truck isn't too high for him to get in?'' Mouch said, looking through the truck as well. ''I think he can manage, if not, he can sell it anyway. At least he has a choice now.'' Otis smiled, actually proud for what he did. He had just been in time to put the pick-up back at his place before Severide and Casey got there to pick up Matt's stuff. Matthew hadn't noticed that the controls of the car where now hand controlled, but at least it would still be surprise.

''When will you bring it to him?''

''Na, I am sure he will come to Molly's soon, we will leave it on the parking here. ''

Hermann nodded, walked inside the bar. The rest of the fire men were waiting inside, also the men from squad, except for Severide. ''Is Severide visiting Matthew?''

''No, he was sick since morning.''

Hermann nodded, realized now that he indeed hadn't seen Kelly all day long. Otis was busy with the computer that was for the music and he started to clean the glasses. The door opened and he was surprised to see Severide walking in. he sat down in front of Hermann. ''Beer please.''

''Thought you were sick?''

''Not really, I had some personal business to take care of.'' Severide looked exhausted.

''Did you see Matthew today or yesterday?''

''Saw him yesterday, but I don't think we will see him again.''

Hermann looked at him, questioned.

''He doesn't want us, doesn't need us. He prefers Hallie.''

Severide looked aside; Hermann could see how much it hurt him.

After he had finished a few more beers in Molly's, he let Shay drive, crawling up the stairs when they got home. ''What happened between you and Matthew?'' Severide grumbled something, which wasn't understandable and pressed his head in the pillow. ''What is wrong with Matthew?''

She said down on his bedside.

''Nothing.'' He said to hear, looking up.

''There is, I know you, Kelly.''

''Fine, he wanted Hallie, not me. Not anybody from us, just Hallie. ''

''But you came home yesterday evening, mad that she dumped him.''

Severide rolled his eyes. ''Well, she came back to him in the hospital.''

''But I thought he was in the rehabilitation centre.''

''My mistake.'' For some reason, he wanted to tell what Matthew did, but he still didn't want to tell that to Shay, even though Matthew had been very rude to him this time.

''I am sorry, I hadn't Matthew expected to be that way. He had expected him to be more loyal, that he wouldn't take Hallie back after she told him that he was like a patient to her.''

She stood up . ''Sleep well, I am sure he will come around.''

Severide nodded, hoping Matthew would, not sure how to feel about the whole situation.

''I am so sorry about everything Matt. I was wrong in everything I said.''

He smiled at Hallie. ''I know, I am glad you came back.''

She smiled back. ''I am glad I did, I was wrong when I told you that being a doctor is my profession and that that is the reason that we weren't getting back together. I am not your doctor, I am your lover.''

Matthew closed his eyes.

''Are you going to sleep.''

He nodded. ''Goodnight.''

Hallie bow forward, kissed him on the forehead. He heard her heels hitting the hallway floor. Somehow, he couldn't believe she was back. He even feared that when he would open his eyes tomorrow that she would be gone and he would be alone again. Afraid he lost Severide already. Why didn't life ever go the easy way? He always liked to think of life as a rollercoaster ride, but now, it was just a fall down a waterfall. Even when he thought he made the whole fall, he was still swallowed by the water swallowing him when he fell all the way. Even when he thought everything was going to end, that the fall was finally over, he woke up here again, knowing he had made the fall longer and even worse. He couldn't even look Kelly in the eyes again.

…..

TWO WEEKS LATER

''Sorry, couldn't enter through the front, so I came in through the back.'' Otis jumped up nearly a feet, looking behind him to see Matthew. ''The door was open, don't know if it is was okay.''

Otis nodded. ''Sure, happy to see you here, how are you managing?''

''Good, can hopefully leave the centre in a few months, to live with Hallie.''

''I heard that the boys are going to prison.''

''Not all of them. But that is okay. One of their own ratted them out out of guilt; he is not going to prison. I spoke to him, he is just a kid of 15, ended up in the group by accident.''

''Sounds like one hell of an awful situation.''

''He might be eating it worse than me, actually. The brothers of the boys going to prison are after him.'' He looked to the table, where Severide and Shaw were sitting looking at him. He wheeled to the table. Now he was out of the heavy hospital wheelchair, in his own lightweight wheelchair, he was a lot faster.

''Hey Shay, can I borrow Kelly for a few minutes?''

She nodded, handing him her still full glass of beer. ''I will get another one.'' He smiled. ''Thank you.''

Severide looked at the table, tracing some of the lines in the word with his nails.

''I am very sorry for what I did, Kelly."

"okay. "

Casey made an unsure expression; "do you mean you forgave me? I know, I should have been loyal to you, not Hallie. But she meant what she said and I love her."

Severide nodded: "I hope she is good to you. If you need her support instead of mine, i accept that. "

"I do. But I also need your lame humor. " Severide smiled: " I might even miss your lame remarks sometimes. "

Casey chuckled, raised his beer: " Kelly, will you be my bro again?"

"Matthew, bro Kelly is back. Bro Matthew better be feeling good again. "

Casey but his lip. " i do, but I still have problems accepting. I don't want to lie about that to you if we are bros again. " as in a reflex, his hand went to his sleeve, hiding his wrists. Kelly didn't want to ask if Matthew didn't tell and tried to move the subject. Before he could, Otis sat down with them. "Casey, do you have a minute?"

Casey looked at Kelly, who nodded. He followed Otis, Kelly also following him. Surprised he looked at his own truck, wondering why Otis had taken him here, knowing that Otis was the owner now; "tada" Otis grinned, pulling open the door. " you changed the radio?" Matthew asked, not really knowing how to react. "no. Changed the controlling. Hope you appreciate. "

Matthews mouth fell open; " no, you didn't! how did you manage that?"

Otis shrugged; " I didn't do it. Hope you can get in. "

" no Otis. I can't make this up to you. "

"just get in the damn car" Kelly chuckled behind him.

"I didn't have any driving lessons yet. " Matthew mumbled, seemingly a little scared.

"how much do you think you can hit on this parkinglot?" Otis said, pointing around the nearly empty parkinglot.

Matthew shrugged. Then he wheeled to the car and lifted himself in, the truck nearly to Hugh. Severide just wanted to help him in when he managed "I got this. " Matthew mumbled, alittleout of breath.

Severide stepped in on the other side. "come on, try it!"

Matthewbit his lip, nodded then and started the car. The first round over the parking lot was slow andcareful.

"when I can drive again, we are going to Vegas. " he said, looking up to severide, a childish, naughty expression on his face.

...

NOTE:

Wednesday 17th of July

Muhahaha, you hadn't expected a chapter, had ya? Neither had I, but I have some spare time before I leave and I write it and put it on my phone, so I can upload it later and fill the gso of two weeks a little bit…

I have no idea where in England I am going to upload it…probably somewhere in the middle. (Nottingham….or maybe Blackpool, depends on where I can find Wi-Fi since the data of my phone isn't that much)

But I hope you like it when you see it and that you are surprised in a good way!

Please leave a review! I would be so happy to return home to turn on my pc and see a bunch of emails with reviews!

Added in England: turns out I can type on my phone very fast and I cant sleep. So a next chapter might still be coming. Also added some more to this one from before I went to england so I hope it doesn't to many errors from typing on my phone.