It was the only time I had broken down. Through all the treatments, through all the hell. This was the first time I let it all go. As the tears slip away I am thinking back and feeling the soft strokes though my hair, the gentle rubs of the scalp and thinking this may be the first time in my whole life I have let it go. Laid it all out there. Showing something getting to me. I find it ironically beautiful, Jason always believed in meanings and purpose, he spent his brief time here capturing it. I can see him now taking this all in.

"It's all already written in the stars we are mere puppets in the fates grand scheme." I have to laugh a little because even to me his voice in my head, no one else can hear it but I realize what a complete ass he sounded like. Turning my head slightly though I see where I am and the laugh dies.

There is a pair of swollen red tired eyes scanning my face. I should feel self aware. I should feel like a dick for being here. I gave up the power. I gave in and gave over. But the quick look I see is nothing but pain and the sorry he has tried to make clear to me.

"I'm sorry I don't know how o do this." I hope he hears the whispers but I don't trust my voice any loader. I can't look at him, I can't give that.

The backs of his fingers give just the right amount of pressure as they run from just under my ear to my collar bone, over and over again. "It's okay. We can just sit, or talk or whatever."

I don't know what to do with that but I do just that.

"He was cruel at times, promised to stop." I told him who knows how long later.

"I know the promises all to well my through weeks of 'treatment'." his tone wasn't mocking but a new view.

"I hated that I was the freak even though there was someone else to pick on. Deflection was the key." he told me out of the blue. "So strange what I remember now, I felt like the freak but looked like the normal one and now," he cuts off and looks down at his arm laying across my upper chest.

I find myself tracing the lines on his arm that is now across my chest. The harsh black fades into a navy blue and disappears into where I can not longer see it. I like to think the color fades to a peaceful shade but know it in my gut it doesn't.

"Freak is a harsh word, but I think we all feel like it at some point." I shock even myself as I pull the inside of his elbow to my lips and kiss the many scars there. I hear his sharp intake and release his arm. Then it is my turn to catch my breath. His fingers thread through mine and I look at them. Mine are bigger now mine are the stronger. But his feel like they control everything.