AN: Hi everybody! Finally an update, and yes: I will stand by my word and finish this, even if I can't promise to update regularly. I'm working on a farm this summer and technically have the time to write in the evenings but most days I'm so tired it's hard to find the motivation. So please review and tell me you are out there reading this, it don't have to be long thoughtful and constructive things (although those are very much appreciated), just tell me if I'm on the right track here or not. I might have most of this story planned out in my mind but that don't mean that I won't at least listen to and think about your ideas or wishes for what should happen.

.oOo.

Apparating in to see the prone body in the middle of their circle almost caused Snape to break his cover. It was a miraculous feat to turn his screaming emotions into a more appropriate mix of disgust and happiness but he made it, probably because that was Lupin's only chance.

When the Dark Lord started talking it at least provided Severus with a reason to pry his gaze away from his beaten colleague. The words seemed to wash over him like water over an Impervius charm, sliding off before they could penetrate his conscious mind. It was foolish not to listen, Severus knew that, but there was nothing he could do. All his concentration was used to keep his appearances and thoughts from getting him killed straight away.

From what he had been able to gather it had been a coincident that had caused Remus' capture. The new recruits had been sent on a surprise attack on muggle gift shoppers but had come home with a far greater prize. New Death Eaters were always tested like that before being allowed into real missions. One or maybe two seniors would be monitoring the exercise, picking out good and bad fighters, who was showing initiative and who was reluctant.

During the first three months in the Dark Lords ranks everyone was thoroughly tested, whether they realised it or not. Their lives were dissected with deadly precision, their skills evaluated, and their minds mapped out in finer detail than the average military used chart. Anyone who's intentions weren't one hundred percent dedicated were wiped out of existence. No spy had ever made it through those first months, and that was what made Severus so valuable – he had started out pure.

At the moment he didn't feel anywhere near pure though, yet he needed to get back to being a loyal servant, and he needed to do it now. It didn't matter that Lupin was passed out on the floor only a few feet away, blood clotting in his hair and the left ankle clearly broken. If Severus didn't pull his act together now he himself would be worse of, and Remus would be lost.

Restructuring his mind took more than twice the time it used to do, and even then he couldn't manage to feel happy about their prisoner. At least now he could hope to look into the eyes of his master without giving it all away, and he was able to focus on what was being said.

"The werewolf is not to be harmed at this time." The Dark Lord declared to his followers. "I want him in good shape for the full moon. Yaxley, bring him down to the dungeons. Snape, I need a word. The rest is dismissed."

When the echoes of the apparations faded away in the chamber, and the door had slammed shut resolutely behind Yaxley and his levitated charge, Severus turned around to face his master. He kept his head bowed and his eyes respectfully lingering no higher than on the feet of the Dark Lord. For the first time that night he felt back in his game, his mind calm and his body aware of every muscle.

"My lord." He didn't phase it as a questions, those were never appreciated. Instead he used the words as a token of respect, giving his master his life to handle as he wished.

"Severus," the use of his first name was a good sign, it meant he could probably look the Dark Lord in the eye like an equal. At least he could raise his head. "Tell me, how is your position among the Order of the Phoenix?"

"Not perfect my lord. They are desperate enough to accept my presence but they hold no trust for me still." It was as true as it could be, no need to lie.

"I want to use this situation with their pet werewolf to strengthen the Order's beliefs in you."

"Yes my lord. I will go straight to Dumbledore with the… upsetting" his irony was clear "news of the capture. I will off course be most distressed that there is nothing to do but for me to watch him die." A small smile played on Severus lips at that and he met the Dark Lord's crimson gaze to show that he wished to be there for that occasion.

"Oh, but Severus, there will be something you can do. You see, after I've had my fun during the full moon there will be a breach in the security, and you will use it." It was not said but the rest stood written clearly in between them. Snape would have to convince the Order that the rescue were legit, that he did it fearing for his own life. If he managed it it should help him gain more of their trust, if he failed the consequences would be most dire.

The potions master smiled in appreciation of the brilliant plan and bowed before his master. "Very clever my lord, the fools will never catch up."

"You may leave," was the Dark Lord's only response. Severus bowed once more for good measure before he retreated from the room and apparated back to Hogwarts.

.oOo.

Dumbledore listened to the résumé with a stoic calm that managed to surprise Severus. Not that he himself showed any sign of the turmoil twisting in his stomach, but then he was the spy, wasn't he?

It wasn't that Dumbledore didn't worry about the unsuspected situation, that it didn't affect him, Snape could see that clearly. Yet he managed to wait patiently while Severus spoke, only to let silence fall over his office at the end of the story.

Severus, who had already thought the situation through, looked around the familiar room. He had never been able to decide if he liked it or not. The way the important historical artefacts were mixed up with more private memories had always appealed to him, like the paperweight in the form of a childish dragon sitting on the ancient desk bearing the Hogwarts crest. On the other hand the room had the portraits who just moments ago were unabashedly listening in on their conversation. There was after all a reason why Severus kept his walls empty, he did not enjoy being watched and then whispered about when he weren't around, he had enough of that already.

"We should call together a full order meeting about this, they need to know about Remus. The question is whether to tell them about your orders or if it's best left out." Dumbledore sought out Severus eyes and he answered without a second's hesitation.

"Don't tell them. Most of them couldn't act if their own lives depended on it, if it's mine they won't bother to try."

"I think you are wrong: They would try. However you are probably right when you say some can't pull it off, it's better if their reactions are real." Severus ignored the first part of Albus response and focused on the part were the headmaster agreed with him.

"It does leave us with two problems," Severus said. "What happens if it don't succeed? And what happens if it does?"

Severus studied the headmaster for a few seconds but the man avoided meeting his pointed gaze. Getting no answer he decided to spell it out properly to the bespectacled man.

"Either you loose me, and as such your only insight into the inner circle, or I live and are expected to bring more and better information to the Dark Lord." He felt unnaturally calm as he spoke about it, but then he had gone over this in his head so many times already. It was really 'damned if you do, damned if you don't' and Severus would have no say whatsoever over the outcome.

"Severus…" The elder man looked tired, lost almost, but something in Snape's eyes must have told him he didn't want to hear it because Dumbledore sighed and changed track. "We'll just cross that bridge when we come to it."

Silence reigned for a few seconds before Dumbledore spoke again. "I'll call the meeting together, be back here in an hour." Severus raised a single eyebrow in an unsaid question. "We had a small accident at the headquarter. The Weasley twins were researching a new product for me and, well, let's just say that we haven't been able to sort it out just yet." For a brief second the laughter was back in the headmasters eyes, but it died away quickly.

"See you in an hour?"

"In an hour" Severus responded, then stood up and left the room.

.oOo.

Severus settled down for the wait with a huge cup of tea that he had ordered from the kitchen. Not that he particularly enjoyed drinking the beverage, but he could use the distraction. The warmth of the slightly coloured liquid spread pleasantly through the porcelain from where it transferred to his hands and chest, and the camomile scented steam was soothing to inhale.

In an hour he would be playing a deadly game of charade with the gathered Order of the Phoenix, but first Severus needed to sort his mind out. He had no idea what to think about the messy situation he had suddenly found himself in, having to make the Order trust him if he wished to survive. Severus didn't want their trust, and certainly not like this. It was far easier when they just minded their own business and let him do his job.

Hadn't it been Lupin laying chained in that dreary dungeon cell Severus would almost have wished them to succumb to their injuries, almost. At least then this whole ordeal would be over, there would be no one to save and no trust to gain. But it was Remus laying down there, and with every fibre of his being Severus wished he would make it out okay.

The secret plans that the Dark Lord held for the prisoner chilled Snape to the bone, no matter how hot the fire burned on the grate just a few feet in front of him. Plans that involved a moderately healthy werewolf during full moon could be nothing but bad news.

Step by step the occlumence started to lock all the thoughts of insecurity, fear, and hopelessness away, and it worked just like every time before. The process left him feeling hollow, like he would fall into himself to never come back if the chair and the teacup weren't there to ground him. He wasn't sure if it really were any better than the feelings he had tried to escape, but at least like this he didn't have to think.

Severus didn't know how long he had been staring blindly at the fire when he felt a drop of blood make it's way down the inside of his nose, it was a long time since he learnt to feel the fine difference between nosebleed and snot. Ever since he was a kid Severus could remember the nosebleeds, sometimes it was far in between, maybe months, sometimes he had them more than once a day for long periods, most of the times there were no apparent reason. When the second war had started he had realised they had been gone for years, but they were back soon enough.

In the beginning he had tried to stop the blood flow with magic but it hadn't worked very well. The only thing he could achieve was to block the passage out of his nostrils, forcing the blood to go the other way through his throat ending up in his stomach. Swallowing large amounts of blood always made him slightly nauseous, not to mention had him spitting blood for hours, so he preferred to let it stop by itself.

Not able to master the energy needed to retreat to his bathroom Severus let the blood find it's way down his face. It paused for a moment, pooling between his lips and leaving him with the taste of iron, before more red claimed it's resting place and it continued down his chin.

Having never really planned to drink the tea anyway Severus let the blood drop fall into his teacup. The way blood acted when it fell into water still amazed him, spreading out into blossoming flowers rich with petals before slowly dissolving, leaving nothing but a red tinge behind. The blood flow was low tonight, each flower was almost gone before another took it's place, on a bad day he could have six or seven of the little flowers at once.

When the alarm for the meeting went off about ten minutes later the only change was to the colour of Snape's tea. Casting two charms he blocked off the blood flow from view and cleaned up the traces before setting off. He would most likely be a few minutes late but that should guarantee that they could start right away. Severus wanted this meeting over with as quickly as possible, but he had no inclination to be there for the initial chit-chat.

The meeting ended up taking what little was left of the night, adjourning just before breakfast. Just as Severus had thought he spent most of the time shooting down more or less stupid suggestions of how to get Lupin back, all the while being suspected for sabotaging. All his objection were, in fact, perfectly valuable and none of their plans had a snowball's chance in hell of success but that was apparently beside the point.

Through most of the convocation Severus felt like he was inhaling blood every time he took a breath through his nose, and he couldn't help but wonder what the repercussions would be should he spit the liquid all over Moody's robes.

.oOo.

The next days passed by at the same time agonisingly slowly, where Severus was aware of every intake of the stale dungeon air that Lupin breathed, and devastatingly fast, the full moon approaching at neck-breaking speed. At some point during the timeless wait Severus was ordered to deliver a bone-healing potion to the Dark Lord, but it wasn't confirmed it was for Lupin and no questions could be asked.

Luckily for Severus the full moon would rise on a Saturday evening, and he had the whole day leading up to it to prepare. It took him almost an hour after breakfast to even motivate himself adequately for the task ahead, telling himself that this was his - and by extension many others, including Lupin's - only chance of survival. It still felt horrible, preparing to go and enjoy what might be the end of his colleague, and would most definitely be the end of someone.

For seven hours and forty-three minutes Snape worked on locking away parts of his mind and feelings, not only from view but also from himself, all the while bringing other, darker, sides out. He would usually never go so deep, delving so far into his old persona as he did for tonight.

Normally such a complete transformation wasn't needed, he could keep his emotions reigned in and his act perfected anyway, but there could be no acting tonight. For one he wasn't certain that he could fake the proper reactions for what was to become of his childhood enemy, for the other he was certain that the Dark Lords would be watching even more closely for signs of traitors tonight. As Severus was ordered to live amongst the light side he could count on being scrutinised more thoroughly than the rest, and no act was ever flawless.

It was a huge risk to take, going back so completely to his old self, and that was what had made Severus hesitate. In many ways his old life had been easy, caring for no one but himself and serving a man idolised. He used to love the thrill of power when he vented his anger on the unfortunate, and even if it made him feel sick when he remembered it these days he was afraid of feeling like that again. He was afraid that when he tasted the simplicity he might not be able to go back to the harsh and complicated mess his life had become.

.oOo.

When the eagerly awaited burn set in Severus Snape felt almost giddy. This was it, if he ever were to get revenge for his near-death experience with the werewolf this was when it happened. Feverishly hoping that Potter and Black would be watching tonight the Death Eater grabbed his mask and set out for the apparation point.

The night turned out to be everything Snape had wished for and then some. It felt great to have got rid of the weakness that had ruled his life for over fifteen years, once more he felt alive. Seeing the man, just before moonrise, begging to be chained and pleading for forgiveness from the four year old mudblood in his cage was greatly amusing, hilarious even.

The transformation was obviously painful, and Severus revelled in the fact that such torment befell on his enemy each month. Even better was the terrified looks on the small boy's parents that were standing immobilised a few feet from the bars, it served them right. Severus recognised the female as a lowlife from a muggle family that had graduated some ten years ago, her husband was apparently a filthy muggle boy from her old neighbourhood. None of them deserved the great honour of living a magical life, they were all part of the defilement that had plagued and weakened the magical community for decades.

Last to be thrown into the cage and released from her bonds was the mudblood witch, and in a matter of minutes her dead body was in the same torn up state as the rest of her family. It was really a marvellous sight to see the werewolf rip her disgusting body apart, the red blood pooling on the floor and staining the bars.

Providing new victims for the irate werewolf was getting old though, and it was time to move on to the part that Severus had anticipated for hours. Finally he would be getting his payback, punishing the half-man for all the wrong he had done him, both during and after their schooldays.

.oOo.

One look on the rough stonewall in front of him told Remus that he had been moved back to the same dank dungeon cell he had already spent over a week getting familiar with. Hour after hour he had spent staring on this uneven surface, running his fingers along it. At first it was to try and find a weakness in the walls, but as time wore on it became more of a search for support, an attempt to lend some strength from the unyielding stones.

He had no idea how long after the transformation he had been unconscious but he wished he could have remained that way. His body were aching like never before and a short glance down told him that he had seemed to have several big wounds that someone had sloppily tied up with pieces of filthy cloth. He wondered why they had made the effort to keep him alive and for a second, as the image of the small boy and his petrified parents flashed before his eyes, he wished they hadn't.

Carefully sitting up with the intention to check on his injuries Remus glanced around the familiar room, something he instantly regretted. Just a few feet behind him lay the mangled body of someone whom he barely could identify as the boy's father, his flesh bearing distinct teeth marks. If he had had anything to eat Remus would have thrown up but as it was he just closed his eyes and turned away, the picture burned into the back of his eyelids.

There where no point in screaming or begging, he knew that, and he would not give them the pleasure of crying. Instead he took a shuddering breath and laid back down, once more facing the wall, curling in on himself despite the pain it caused as he aggravated his injuries. He would have his breakdown over this, sooner or later, but he figured he could postpone it until he got out of here, not that he really had any hope to manage that. When he passed out again a while later he welcomed the darkness like a long lost friend.

.oOo.

The next time Remus came to he felt as if someone had run his blood through one of those muggle soda-streamers that a colleague of his once had been so fond of. Apart from the earlier aches his whole body was prickling in a way that could only mean fever and in a way he was grateful. The worse he felt the easier it was to focus on himself and forget about the torn up corpse that lay behind him.

Fever dreams haunted Remus with their twisted realities and several times he thought there were dark robed people in the room with him, but he couldn't be sure if they were real or imagined. The few times he was lucid enough to notice his surrounding he could feel the smell of stale blood getting worse and worse with the passing time. He was quite happy that he was to weak to turn away from the wall, and at the same time surprised that no one had taken advantage of his state and changed his position for him.

When he finally forced his way back to consciousness to find Severus Snape hovering over him, a look of disgust marring his features, he felt relief streaming through his exhausted body.

"Se… Severus" he managed "please…" he trailed of not knowing what he was going to ask for, saving or a quick end. Or maybe just for the other man to be careful and not risk his cover.

As the world floated away again Remus could feel his upper body being lifted of the floor and a potion being forced down his throat. He thought he might also feel the jerk of a portkey, but he was to far gone to investigate it more closely.