The sun was still very weak for a day March, but Severide was happy it was hot enough to leave his jacket in the car. He walked through the hall of the rehabilitation centre, to the small garden in the back, seeing Casey sitting in the grass against Hallie. He hesitated for a moment, didn't want to disturb their moment together. Hallie laid back with her eyes closed agains a tree, Casey leaning against her, his eyes opened. He smiled when his eyes met Kelly's and he waved him to come.
"nice day for a march day. " he sighed, sitting down next to them in the grass. He had just finished his shift which had lasted the whole night but he had promised to come by today.
Matthew smiled, squinting his eyes when while looking at the sun. "how was your shift?" Severide shrugged. "just the usual. Not very busy, small fire, luckily nobody turned out to be hurt. " Matthew nodded while Hallie stepped up, forcing him to grab Severide shoulder before he could lose his balance. "sorry, still haven't got the power to sit up without support. "
"I will get us something to drink. " Hallie walked away from the two men.
''Can you help me?'' Matthey said. The wheelchair was a few feet away and Severide walked to it, put it behind Casey. Matthew had finally accepted that he needed help sometimes, even he didn't want to ask. He also knew that Severide would always help him if he asked him to and that he didn't need to feel bad about it. Overall, he felt less helpless now he could move himself around. Fast he controlled the brakes and grabbed the frame, pulling himself in.
"why does she still hate me?" Severide said, looking as Matthew moving to his wheelchair, knowing he shouldn't help him
"she doesn't. She just had a rough week at work. She is even like that to me at this moment. We might have a found an apartment, but we can't afford it. Makes her even more stressed. " Matthew said, still looking up to the sun as he was seated.
"so you are actually going to move in with her again?"
"do you mind?" Severide was surprised by how is eyebrows were bow, as if he was actually worried about what he thought about it. "why would I? It is your life. I am glad you and Hallie are happy together again."
Matthew nodded. "thank you. "
"about the apartment, there is one free in out building. The rent shouldn't be to high, as it has only one floor.''
''Thank you, but Hallie and I are moving away from Chicago.'' Matthew turned his eyes away, afraid for Severide's reaction.
''Where are you going? Why are you leaving Chicago, I though you loved the city?'' Severide's voice was trembling.
''We are moving to Arizona.''
Severide didn't know what to say, looked at the table.
''Why Arizona?'' He suddenly said, looking up.
Casey still didn't look him in the eyes. ''I want to go away from Chicago. I want to live somewhere where it doesn't snow, so I won't have to relive that shooting every time the snow falls. Hallie called the hospital in Phoenix and she can probably get a job there.''
Severide mouth opened, not knowing what he could and should say, he closed his mouth again, just frowning while staring at the table.
After a few minutes he finally could speak up the words out loud; ''Just…why do you leave all of us behind?''
Casey finally looked up. ''I am sorry, but what is left here for me?''
Severide frowned. ''I am, house 51 is still there for you.''
Casey rolled back, moved his hands over his knees, tears in his eyes. ''I am sorry, Kelly, But I am not a firefighter anymore. Do you think I can still come to house 51 everyday?''
''yes, you are welcome in firehouse 51 every day you want to come.''
''It hurts. It hurts to see the life I left behind without a choice.''
Hallie came walking outside, tray with bottles in her hand. ''Are you guys okay?''
''Fine, just…can you please give us a few more minutes?'' Matthew muttered, looking up to her.
Hallie shrugged, handed him the glass of water and Severide the cup of coffee, walked back inside.
''I am sorry Kelly, I just want to start over.''
''I don't understand. You don't have to be in firehouse 51, but you can't just leave everything behind.''
Casey put the glass down, looking to the table.
''Would you want me to come firehouse 51 everyday, doing nothing? I would just be looking around, doing nothing.''
''If that is what it takes to keep you here. I can speak for whole firehouse 51 when I say we would miss you too much when you left for Arizona, especially because you don't belong there. You have Hallie, but we are your family as well.''
Casey looked sad, tapping with his fingers against the glass. Instead of looking at Severide, he seemed to look far away over his shoulder, as if he was staring at something there.
''Are you okay?''
Casey shook his head. ''yeah, yeah, I was just thinking for a second. I'd miss you, but again, I want to start over with Hallie. I can't do that here in Chicago. I mean, the decision hasn't been made completely yet, but I just can't imagine myself staying in Chicago.''
''I will take you to firehouse 51 tomorrow, if that is what it takes you to keep you here.''
…..
''Casey!'' Cruz jumped out of the truck, slamming him on the shoulder in a friendly manner.
''It is good to see you here!'' he smiled at Casey.
''Good to be here as well.''
Together they went to the common room. The other guys of truck 81 greeted him while Casey went to the table they were all sitting, having lunch. One unfamiliar face looked at him, puzzled face.
''This is our new candidate, Danny Westerfield.'' Otis said, introducing him to Casey.
''Hi Danny, Matthew Casey.'' He shook his hand, smiling at the still really young boy.
''Great to meet you, heard things about you from the others.''
''Good things I hope.'' Casey joked, looking the boy in his boyish face.
''All good things.'' Danny reassured him, as if he was serious.
Matthew guessed he was younger than Mills. He looked around for Mills, not sure if Mills had lift. Suddenly he saw Mills was standing in the kitchen. ''I moved to squad.'' He smiled, proud.
''Good job, I knew you could do it.''
''Thank you, good to see you here. We are having lunch, do you also want a plate?''
Casey wheeled to the kitchen, grabbing a plate; ''Sure.'' Mills filled the plate with Chicken and rice and Casey moved the table, settling between Hermann and Otis.
Severide and the rest of the squad walked into the room, grabbing a plate and walked to the table, settling down.
''So, when you go home to life with Hallie?'' Hermann asked.
Casey swallowed his food. ''We are still looking for an apartment so we are reassured to have a house, but the rehabilitation will still take weeks. '' He was avoiding Severides eyes, which were surely looking at him from the other side of the table.
''My house has been sold-'' he wanted to say to keep Severide from saying anything, but he was intermitted by another sound.
''ENGINE 51, TRUCK 81, SQUAD 3, AMBULANCE 61''
The whole table jumped up, running out. While he looked after the men running out of the room, he felt empty. Alone, he moved his plate to the counter, going back to the rehabilitation centre. It felt awful, not being able to go with them, not being the guy to jump in in the front while they raced to the drama where they needed to help. Therapy was working, but he still felt awful at times. It took him a long time before he was back in the centre, going ot his room and dragged himself in the bed, to fall asleep crying.
…
As always, he entered Molly's through the back. It was one week since he had seen the guys. His arms were exhausted from PT, although he was starting to build even more muscles in his arms than he already had as he was still working as a firefighter. He was just glad to be out of the centre for a while. They didn't like him going out on his own, but he kept reassuring he would be back the centre around a decent time and a save, and for all the times he left, he had kept hat promise.
''Mr Casey!'' Danny was smiling at him from behind the faucet.
''Just say Matt, or Matthew.'' He smiled at Danny, ordering a coke.
He wheeled to the table where Shay and Severide were sitting, joining them.
''Hallie has a shift?'' Kelly asked, surprised to see him there. On Friday nights, Matthew usually spent the evening with Hallie, joining them on Saturday.
''She is at the airport.'' Matthew shrugged.
''Is she going to Cancun with her sister already? I thought that was next month.' Kelly said, surprised. Casey shook his head.
''No, she is Phoenix.''
''Oh, she is looking for a house already?'' Severide said, irritated as well as surprised.
Casey nodded. ''We found a pretty beautiful house, which doesn't need any adjusting as the bathroom and all are already – well you understand.''
''Wait. What?''' Shay suddenly said in the middle of the two guys. ''Hallie left you to go live in Phoenix?''
Severide looked to the ground, he didn't want Matthew to move all the way to Phoenix and with Hallie already looking for a house there, it seemed to have become unavoidable.
''She didn't leave me. The house is going to be for both of us.''
Shay frowned. ''You are joking. Really? What would you do in Arizona, hump a cactus?'' she muttered, seemingly annoyed.
''No, I want to build a life there.'' Matthew answered really serious.
''Oh. Okay.'' Shay said, not really knowing how to say. Matthew would never joke about something like this. He was serious, they were moving to Arizona.
Matthew took a sip of his coke, hoping the uncomfortable silence would be broken soon by somebody, that it not needed to him. He had no idea what he should say in this situation.
Luckily it was Severide. ''I am going home, tired from my shift. Do you want me to drive you to the centre? It is on the route, would be happy to know for sure that you arrived safe and sound.''
Matthew shrugged. ''I just arrived.''
''I insist.'' Severide looked at him and by the way he was looking, Casey knew he should go with Severide.
''Fine, just let me finish this.'' Matthew drank the glass in one go and wheeled to the counter.
''Will have to take the back.'' He waved everyone goodbye, Severide following him through the narrow stock rooms and the small kitchen.
''So…what do you want me to say,. I know you want to say something and you couldn't say it in there.''
''I have something to ask, what can I do to keep you here and to not let you move to Arizona?''
Matthew sighed. ''Nothing. I have decided and it is my call to make. If you can make Chicago a sunny place where it doesn't snow every winter and where nobody knows who I am and nobody pities me, I might stay.''
Severide kneeled down a little bit, so they were on eye level.
''I would change the weather if I could and change everybody's twisted view. But I can't. But do you think that will be any different in Phoenix? It can still snow there and people are the same.''
Matthew frowned. ''Why won't you just let me go where I want. It is also about starting over, so I won't have to your burden anymore.''
''Matt, you aren't a burden. Please stop thinking you are a burden since you aren't. you belong here with your family of firehouse 51. Together with Hallie, but also with us. Please stay. ''
Matthew looked away again, rubbing his hands of his knees. Only now Severide realized how thin his legs had become.
''I don't know, Kelly. Sorry.''
''Please just think about it twice, Matthew. You are leaving a lot behind, even if you want to start over.''
Matthew looked up again, biting his lip, trying to contain his tears.
''Don't you think I already thought about?''
''I think you did more than twice. But please think again, even if it is the fifth time.''
Matthew shook his head.
''I am sorry, I can't stay here.''
…..
NOTE: I am back in the Netherlands, pretty tired of the trip but happy I can finally write on my keyboard again, although it is not my original one, since my PC is off for fixing since it crashed when I wanted to upload my holiday pictures. Karma hates me.
So, what do you think of Casey's moving plans? Sorry for the people who live in Arizona with Shay's remark…it just seemed to me it would be something Shay could say. I have nothing against Arizona, I actually want to go Arizona one day!
Anyway, I hope you are not like Karma and like the chapter….and you will leave a review! I know the last chapter was pretty weak but it was the best I could do before I left and was in England….and maybe there will be some bromance in Vegas later, maybe because Casey moves and it is his way of saying goodbye…or some other occasion….review and you might know sooner! J
