Thank you to everybody sticking with this story. Just to let you know I'm sticking with this until its completion. Once again a big thank you to the people who have taken the time to beta. If anybody else is interested in sharing ideas or helping me improve this story feel free to contact me. Feedback is always appreciated! Tell me what you want to see and I'll see what I can do – if you're reluctant to leave it in a review just drop me a PM.
Dark Truth
Chapter 5: The Hat
Luffy watched blandly as the sun dipped closer towards the horizon. The corners of his lips mimicked the orbs motion as they settled into a troubled frown as it slipped slowly behind the distant horizon. The brilliant blue of the sea faded to a murky grey as the sky shifted its colour to a bright orange, soft pink and then deep blood red. It made him feel sick and he swallowed back the wet feeling in his mouth. He wasn't sure how long he had been standing there when they called him. They'd been discussing the events to occur that night and he didn't want to hear about it. Brook had seemed compliant with most of their ideas and had been the one participating least in the conversation. Luffy was grateful for it as the skeleton had noticed his discomfort and invited him onto the deck. The quiet, melancholy melody that vibrated from his violin strings almost made him feel comfortable but with each pause between one song to the next he couldn't help but tense. He didn't dare turn around for fear there may actually be something there... those people from that night.
"Luffy?"
Luffy turned his head slightly to acknowledge the call. It was Chopper.
"Are you alright?" Chopper asked as his hooves clicked loudly against the wood of the Sunny in his approach. Luffy resisted the urge to snort. Was he alright? What a funny question...
"You've been out here a long time... do you need any more pain medicine?" the small reindeer pressed.
Luffy blinked and turned to face Chopper fully, only now seeming to come back to himself. The thick bandages stood stark against his naturally tan body. Even pale, Luffy was darker than most of the crew and the gauze seemed to glow under the light of the moon in contrast to his skin. Chopper fidgeted uncomfortably and Luffy realised he was waiting for an answer. He shook his head, answering no. Pain medication would make him drowsy and that was the last thing he wanted away from the familiarity of the ship.
"Luffy-san, you must be getting hungry," Brook spoke, softly. The soothing melodies came to a halt as the skeleton stood up and stretched. "Ah~! I can play to you more after we eat, if you'd like?"
Luffy released tired sigh and reluctantly nodded. His eyes dragged along the length of the ship and back again with that dull, haunted look that the crew would never grow accustomed to seeing. It was as though the frail hope that had ignited within Luffy had dispersed with the sunset and under the blackness of night all of the torment and terror returned.
Chopper and Brook both followed Luffy's gaze silently. It was almost as if he could see something lingering within the ship's shadows that they couldn't. Brook couldn't help but feel sorry for his new captain. A captain's ship was his pride and until all of this happened it was obvious how true that rang with Luffy. Now though the brave captain he knew that resided in the small, battered body before him looked apprehensive, even fearful of what nightmares could lurk behind the doors of his Thousand Sunny, the ship that was to complete all of their dreams. It tugged at his heart... if he had one... yohoho.
"Sanji's made us a nice meal before we head inland," Chopper piped up suddenly, then softly, almost timidly he added "A-And when we get back maybe... maybe we could sing our song for you..."
Luffy's attention lifted slightly at the mention of music and he turned to Chopper curiously. Though tired, his eyes shone with a soft curiosity.
"That's right, Luffy-san – I'd almost forgotten!" Brook added. "It's something we've been working on all day!"
"Could we... I mean, do you want to hear it?" Chopper asked, hopefully. "When we get back?"
Luffy's interest seemed peaked at the idea of a song in his honour and a glimmer of the hyperactive captain they were all used to, bubbled to the surface as he offered up a smile and a firm nod. It was dim in comparison to his usual confident grin, but it was a thousand times more than Chopper had hoped for. He had to resist the urge to rush to Luffy for a hug. Luffy though seemed to understand his doctor's feelings as he walked towards the galley and hesitantly gave his friend a gentle pat on top of his hat before he made his way inside. Brook watched silently with his expressionless bones before he too rose. He followed Luffy's path and stopped beside Chopper. The reindeer's body shuddered with sobs as tears flowed freely down his furry cheeks. Whether they were happy or sad tears, brook waited patiently for them to dry before he spoke softly: "Let's go inside, ne?" Chopper nodded and with a final sniff he followed Brook's lead into the galley.
The atmosphere as they entered the galley was tense and heavy. Luffy sat at the table and fidgeted uncomfortably as he felt the concerned eyes of the crew boring into him. He hated those looks and they made him nervous. He startled as suddenly a plate was placed in front of him; he hadn't heard Sanji approach. Luffy dared to brave a quick glance up at the chef and immediately regretted it as he returned his stare to the specially prepared food in front of him. He didn't like seeing the hurt in his crew's eyes as he flinched away from them.
"Ah... sorry Luffy." Sanji spoke, softly. Luffy's reaction had surprised him. After all the progress they'd made over the past couple of days a part of him had hoped they were passed the point where Luffy seemed afraid of them.
The entire crew seemed to think along the same lines as they settled into an uncomfortable silence. Nobody knew what to say to fracture the tension pulped around them. Nami decided to bite the bullet and fill Luffy in on their plans. Even if he wasn't a part in deciding them right now he was still their captain.
"We were thinking..." she started, and trailed off as everybody bar Luffy (who found great interest in his pureed dinner) turned their attention toward her. With a frown, she cleared her throat and cemented her resolve. "Luffy," she started again, and made sure to let him know it was he she was talking to. "We were thinking you could wear a robe."
Luffy didn't offer any response and so Nami continued.
"We don't want to attract any unwanted attention or let on to anybody that you're vulnerable right now." She continued. "We've no doubt we can protect you from anything out there... but avoidance would be better."
All eyes turned to Luffy as he pushed the food about his plate with disinterest. Really, how could they expect him to eat when his stomach flopped about inside his skin like a grounded fish. He felt sick. He didn't want to hear their plans or ideas because he didn't want to do what they wanted – what they expected him to do.
"Are you not hungry, Luffy?" Chopper asked softly as he noted Luffy's skin pallor and strained expression.
Luffy swallowed thickly and shook his head firmly before he pushed the plate away. He could feel Sanji's eyes burning in the back of his neck and he was sorry he couldn't eat his cook's food. Sanji was the best cook in the world who cooked the best food in the world and it only made his insides clench harder at the thought he was letting him down. He was letting them all down. He was their captain – he was supposed to lead them, not the other way around! The stress mounted and along with their expectant looks mingled with disappointment and that sickening blend of worry and fear. With a violent lurch his stomach expelled the undigested remnants of the protein drink Sanji had prepared him after his bath.
Luffy's panting breath wheezed loudly in the otherwise silent room as he coughed weakly and let out a soft groan as his wounds ached. He could practically feel the vibes of disappointment oozing from his crew. Robin was the first to speak as she stood from her seat.
"I don't think our captain is quite ready for this yet," she said. Her tone was pleasant but laced with a dangerous warning. "Nevertheless since we still must go inland I think perhaps we should begin preparations."
"C'mon chopper," Usopp said as he too stood and grabbed the small reindeer's hoof. "Let's go get dressed and make sure you have all the supplies you'll need."
"Uh... right..." Chopper answered as he was tugged up from his seat reluctantly. He didn't want to get ready; he wanted to stay by Luffy – what if he had a fever again? "But..."
"We can work on Luffy's song, ne?" Usopp urged. "I mean, it's not quite perfect yet, is it?"
"I... I guess..." Chopper answered as the pair made their way from the galley.
Franky was the next to make a move as he pushed away from the wall he's been leaning on and stretched out his muscles. "I'm gonna go prepare the ship for sail." He explained. "You wanna help, Skeleton-bro?"
"I'd be glad to – yohoho!" Brook answered as he followed Franky out.
Nobody else made a move to leave and Robin glanced from Nami to Zoro to Sanji and a back again. Her eyes settled on Sanji. The chef stared at the untouched puree discarded on the table with obvious disappointment. His arms hung loosely at his sides and his lips pursed in a tight white line. She had no doubt the disappointment was not directed at Luffy was at himself for not preparing something so utterly appetizing that Luffy wouldn't be able to resist, no matter how ill.
"Sanji?" Robin called softly and smiled at the chef. "Could I have a coffee?"
Sanji seemed adequately baffled by the sudden request but quickly shook himself from his stupor and nodded. "Of course, Robin-chan." He answered and turned to begin preparation of the coffee. The room settled into a soft silence again save from the quiet clinking of Sanji. Zoro wordlessly made his way to the cupboard and grabbed an old cleaning rag. He walked over to Luffy, mindful to keep in his line of sight before he knelt down and began to clean up the small puddle of vomit.
Luffy watched the top of Zoro's head tiredly. His whole body thrummed with a symphony of aches and pains. Today had been exhausting and he'd like nothing more than to sleep, but they would be heading inland soon and things would only be worse if he had a nightmare (if he could sleep at all).
"I'm sorry, Luffy." Nami whispered suddenly. She cradled her head in her hands, elbows leaning heavily on the table. "But you know there's no other way, right? Things... don't seem so bad in the day. You don't seem so bad in the day but we need to get information if we're going to beat this... whatever this is."
"We know you don't want to go." Zoro added as he lifted his head to look into Luffy's eyes. He didn't flinch when Luffy broke the eye contact. "I don't know what scared you so bad, but I want to. I want to cut them into a thousand pieces-"
"And I'd cook them up for lunch." Sanji interrupted.
Zoro smirked before he continued. "We won't think any less of you if you want to run away from this one, but we need to know what you want us to do. You're our captain – future pirate King, remember?"
Those words caused Luffy to physically flinch as if burned. Shanks' face ghosted in his vision and Luffy reached up absently to feel for his hat that wasn't there. He'd barely noticed whether its comforting weight had been on his head or not these past weeks and a sudden surge of panic made him want it. He wanted something physical to cling to – a reminder of the promise he made and the feelings he felt before all of this started. He stood suddenly, knocking over the chair he'd sat on. The remaining crew watched apprehensively as he looked around the galley before he headed for the door. His hat was in the cabin.
"Oi, oi!" Zoro muttered softly, but urgently. He jogged quickly to catch up with his suddenly very agile captain as Luffy made his way out onto the deck. He didn't want Luffy out there alone. Quietly though he was pleased at Luffy's action. His distraction had worried them all and to be distraction to the point where he hadn't even realised the absence of his precious 'Boshi' had disturbed them all. It may have been only a moment of panic that surged Luffy to go outside alone to retrieve his hat but in Zoro's eyes it was just one tiny step closer to the confident soul buried deep inside Luffy's battered body.
By the time Usopp and Chopper had finished dressing, Luffy and Zoro had retrieved Luffy's hat and returned to the galley. An apprehensive silence had settled amongst the crew present and Usopp could feel it as soon as he walked in the room. It was suffocating. Silently his eyes darted from Nami to Zoro to Sanji and then finally Robin, searching for answers. When nobody offered him any he tentatively pulled out a chair to sit, careful not to make too much noise. The air felt electric, as if any wrong move could set off an explosion. It made his heart race though he didn't know whether it was from excitement or fear. Something felt different around Luffy suddenly. Chopper sensed it just as well as Usopp and crawled onto the liar's lap.
Luffy didn't pay notice to his crewmates' entrance. His head was bowed which caused his dishevelled hair to shadow his eyes. Bandaged fingers crunched softly against the battered straw of his hat – his treasure – that he held in his hand, caressing the rim in deep contemplation. Luffy stood; the action was so sudden that each crew member reacted physically. Usopp too lurched to his feet, clutching Chopper to his chest like an oversized teddy bear and knocking over the chair he'd sat on. Zoro, who had been leaning against wall with folded arm pushed away to stand straight and took a subtle step closer to his captain. Nami's head which had rested against her hand clasped together as if in prayer, snapped up, eyes wide and glassy with tears. Sanji paused mid-movement in passing a washed dish for Robin to dry and the pair half turned to see what would happen next.
Luffy stared hard at the hat in his hands. It bore scars and looked as battered as Luffy was himself... yet here it was. It had been put back together a hundred times by Nami – protected a thousand times by his crew. Once again it bounced back; it had been crushed that night, he remembered. This little hat was so strong Luffy felt he didn't deserve to wear it. Shanks had entrusted it to him and in that trust Luffy had returned a promise and built a dream. Now he was watching that dream crumble from the inside out as his crew desperately tried to rebuild it and lift him back onto the pedestal he'd fallen from. Up there he had been untouchable. People could destroy his body but his dream still shone unwavering. It was time he started to climb back up to that point on his own instead of relying on the backs of his crew to carry him. Luffy had no delusions that it would be easy or that he could go back to how he had been overnight. He felt the cold hand of fear squeeze around his throat every time somebody wandered too close but until now he'd let it take hold and tighten. The Pirate King was the man with the most freedom in all the seas... a Pirate King wouldn't let fear hold him back. Luffy released a heavy sigh. He glanced around at his crew's apprehensive faces and knowing what it would mean to them, he placed the hat on his head.
For a moment that lingered long enough to feel awkward, nobody spoke or moved. Finally Zoro broke the tension as he stepped forward a fresh hope shining in his eyes, though his face remained passive.
"You sure this is what you want?" he asked. Luffy nodded resolutely, though the faint tremble of his body gave away the magnitude of the inner battle waging inside Luffy.
"You should eat something..." Sanji pressed, though he wouldn't force Luffy if he didn't want to. To Sanji's surprise Luffy once again nodded, though he didn't turn to face the cook.
"W-We'll get you some clothes from the cabin...!" Usopp enthused, suddenly very animated as the tiny flicker of hope that had almost been snuffed out roared to life once more.
"I'll inform Franky and Brook that tonight will be going as planned." Robin said as she walked to the table and sipped the last of her coffee. As she finished she moved behind Nami and paused before she placed a hand on her shoulder. "Would you come with me?"
"I could use a bit of fresh air." Nami replied and flashed a tired smile at Robin.
Sanji delivered Luffy's food to the table and Luffy sat down again. He struggled to eat even the small portion Sanji had packed full of nutrients that would help him recover, but stubbornly persisted in pushing one mouthful after another past his lips. Zoro sat opposite Luffy and to Sanji's surprise, when he moved to sit down, Luffy shifted on the bench to give him room to sit beside him. Though Sanji couldn't see Luffy's face under rim of his hat as he sat down, he was close enough to feel his captain's tremble. He'd never felt more pride in the rubber idiot.
As he finished the food Luffy pushed the plate away from him and willed his stomach not to reject it. He would need the strength to get through tonight – each day would be taken one and a time from here on out. There was one thing he was certain of though. His journey wasn't going to end here.
