The whole way home it played back in my head. I had just taken it for granted that he was okay when he left. Hadn't bothered to check. Left the city, went out to the Hamptons to do the hob knob and suck up for the family. But not once did I worry about what he made of it all. It was a tense few days, he was in bad shape. Such bad shape I took him home, with me. I worried over him and hovered and kept watch. Then a few hours I what? Thought I cured him? Slamming my fist into the steering wheel I feel little of the stings but feel the rock in my gut.

He always said I was to in my head, to on the ball, to robotic to really notice life. I tried, tried hard when reminded. Some how I always slipped back into my ways.

"Fuck you Jason, you fucking gave up!" I know it is stupid, I am screaming at a dead man in the middle of the night on a highway. But I can't hold back the anger. I am so messed in the head. I feel more anger towards myself then anyone or anything and need to get it out. I never had this about my own husband, I never had this about myself, I never got angry over my parents 'It's a new cause" attitude towards everything. But now, now I am upset. No pissed the fuck off! At myself, I pulled another one. I was there for a minute and then gone. There was no drama so I thought arrogantly it's all fine.

"My god I am an ass!" after a hunt for my phone in every pocket and coming up short I finally realize it is playing the music and already plugged in the dash. The flashing blue light should have clued me in but there is no accounting for my brain function tonight. I hit the voice commands and go through all the normal crap on the phone and finally a voice message comes through that has me right to where I need to be.

"Hello sir, Um this is Angela. I um, work with Edward and ah, well I just..." there was a long pause and my fingers started to drum the steering wheel and then twist and white knuckle it.

"Speak woman speak!" the five or ten seconds of her silent stretched out far to long.

"well we are kind of friends and though he doesn't think I know I um, well I do. And um he is kind of on edge about well crap, just, bloody hell, Ang get a thought together." she is obviously nervous. "Well he has had a good week but um it kind of fell to shit. I didn't mean it to and well ahh, crap I shouldn't be doing this." there is a little under the breath swearing and some punching of buttons. Then her voice is a bit louder again. Someone needs to teach this girl about technology. "forget this. Oh god I wish I could erase this..." her babbling ends in a click.

Panic is now full on. I try to remember any function at all. I try to remember how to work my phone hands free. Try to remember who to call to get the info I need. I don't have his number, I have no idea where he lives. Nothing, tomorrow is Saturday he won't be in the office. My brain can't process who to call. I stare at the highway moving into the city. It's all I can do, I can't let my freak out now. I can't do any good if I am in a crash. Then it hits me.

The ring is already calming me. Once, twice, three, four... Okay not so calming. I go under a bridge and my phone cuts out. I hear nothing but the low sound of my playlist, I flash back and redial. Again it rings and rings. Four... five...

"Please not voice, please please please..." well not really calm.

"llo?" oh sweet groggy gloriousness.

"Angela, this is Mr. McCarty, I need a number."

"Who? Huh" oh bless her groggy tired self but I have no time for this.

"This is your boss and I need his number, adress, whatever you can give me and I need it now!"

"Oh shit, I mean..." she is fully awake now thank the gods.